HIS LAUGH


"Sir Patrick Beamish ex-chairman of 1922 club,
influential back bencher and grandee. Perhaps
one of the few old school Conservative MPs who is
untarnished by scandal." Said the quote from
the broadsheet I was reading in the British Library
archives.

A small picture showed a tall thin man, with piercing
blue eyes and black and white streaked hair. A younger
picture showed him at Oxford arsing about with his
friends. They looked very nice. He looked bored.
A wedding photo of Patrick marrying a young hopeful
looking girl called Catherine, she was all hunched up
in shock and bewilderment-he had serial killer eyes.
Nice touch. No children. Until now.

I phoned the mobile number:
"Patrick Beamish." Said his voice.
Shit-my tongue stuck to my mouth like cheese to
a pizza.
"Hello?" Curt now and inpatient.
I could feel the blood rushing in my ears.
"Hi, um it's Becka." I mumbled.
"I think you must have the wrong number."
"I don't think so, you posted me a letter." I
said quickly.
"I did? Could it be, Rebecca?" His voice caught
with emotion and hope.
"Yeah, Rebecca Martin, but I like to be called Becka."
"Where are you?" He asked.
"I'm not far from Kings Cross." I said.
"Kings Cross?" His voice sounded like he found it
quite offensive.
"I don't live there! I was in the library." I laughed.
"Can you come here? To The House of Commons?"
"Why not? I'll catch the tube."
"I feel quite nervous." He said and laughed (my
laugh, gravelly and deep).
"This feels so strange." I said.
"See you in moment then." He said suddenly and
coldly hanging up in the process.
Did I want this man in my life? I was intrigued-
this was quite new for me. Not knowing how to act
around a man.
Ma had a fucking lot to answer for!
I just could not get over his laugh.

Becka

GRRRR

I confronted Mother in (my) her flat:
"Take a look at this." I said and thrust the letter
into her impeccably manicured hands.
She squinted at it.
"Put on your glasses for fucksake!" I snapped.
"Do you mind?" She said and placed her Chanel
gold rimmed specs on. She looked like a librarian.
I saw the smallest line crease her forehead.
"What do you want me to say?" She said.
I exploded like a water filled balloon.
"Say! I want you to tell me that it's not true
and that this Tory Cunt is lying." I actually stamped
my feet.
"That Tory cunt is lying." She repeated.
"Really?" I said hopefully.
"It's none of your business! It's part of my
private life." I could see she was shaken though,
it was the way that she made for the drinks
cabinet even though it was only 10.30am.
"Of course it's my business! I thought I knew
who I was! Who I am! Should I meet him?
Do you care if I meet him?" I was hysterically
trying to get a reaction from her.
"Do what you want to do-you always do anyway.
Meet him. He's alright." She conceded.
"Just like that? 'You meet him' like it's a bloody
everyday event! So you are admitting that you knew
this 'Patrick Beamish'?" I squinted at her, but she
turned away and shrugged.
"I'll admit nothing." And she lit a cigarette. Bitch.
As I left I shouted:"You always liked Raine better
then me anyway!"
"Not at all-I just loved her father very much."
I looked at Ma and tears were in her eyes.
"Yeah?" I said angrily:"You had a funny fucking
way of showing it, shagging some politician behind
Dad's back." I sneered showing acres of gum, not
a pretty look at all. Mother laughed.
"Piss off Rebecca go see your MP."
I slammed the door and kicked it on the way out.
Julie the nurse who lived upstairs and in pajamas
opened the window.
"Long time no see Becks! Keep the noise down can't
you?"
I waved and walked down the road like Richard
Ashcroft in 'Bittersweet symphony' taking no
prisoners but not jumping over chav bitches cars.
I want my flat back, my man and my life. But do
I want this stranger, this conservative? We'll see-
oh yes.
Becka MARTIAN

LORDY!!!

So January ticks over like the boring month it is, then out
of the blue and smelling suspiciously expensive a letter
appears in the post. Was it a bill? Not scary enough. Was
it a love letter? Like I even want contact with anyone
anymore! Was it a letter saying I had won a holiday, a
million pounds or a villa in Spain? No it was a small cream
coloured envelope that said on the cover: HOUSE OF
COMMONS. For one wicked second I thought they had
caught up with me for not paying the poll tax in the '80s!
Then I thought it might be a jury service summons, but the
envelope was too small.
Gingerly I opened it like a tiger might jump out or a
deadly dose of bubonic plague might make for my nose.
It's headed paper said RIGHT HONOURABLE SIR
PATRICK BEAMISH MP. It was a short note, hand written
it what is termed as copper plate, it said:

My dear Rebecca,
upon information received recently I thought that
it would be fortuitous for us to meet. I understand
that you know nothing of me and this letter is the
very first contact between us.
I need you to know that firstly I only recently found
out about your birth and it has taken much soul-
searching to contact you. I am your father Rebecca.
I enclose my home telephone and mobile phone numbers
so that you can take the next step and arrange a time
and place for us to meet.
Yours sincerely Patrick Beamish

Oh Lordy! My dad's a Tory MP!!!

Becka Martin?

SLICES

After all the excitement reality is a bit of a bummer.
I spent an absolutely quiet Christmas with Sister-Thing
Raine, it was cool being with my nephew though (at least
I had someone to talk to on my level!) But Mother kept
popping over with the lecherous Jasper- groan! She is a
woman with something on her mind. I can feel it. Ma's
brewing away like an old teapot and I don't want any of
it! She keeps staring at me and Raine, pursing her lips
and drumming her fingers like a geriatric Keith Moon.
Time will tell I guess.

In hospital after the siege I decided to visit Justine.
I don't know what I wanted to say to her, ok I did-
(thanks) but it's hard to talk to someone like her
and especially hard to be humble. I found her in a
private room (get her!) sitting up in bed like a china
doll. She looked good, if you squinted really hard
you would swear that she was alive. She was reading
Glamour mag.
"Hello." She murmured, without even looking up.
"You ok?" I said and sat down on her bed, a small
frown creased her forehead. I stood up again. Blast!
What is it with this bitch? I began to pace up and down.
"I mean, you were a heroine! Thanks-ah-thanks a lot!"
Justine looked up.
"Ok." She said.
"Angela?" I asked:"She was fab wasn't she?"
Justine smiled (she actually looked happy!).
"Yeah she was! I've never known anyone so brave."
I nodded:"She's mad about you."
"I know, she's paid for this room, isn't it lovely?" Justine
grinned, ah, now I was back on familiar territory, the
boastful, bragging version of Justine.
"It's just fine, lucky you! I'm in my own room, but it's an
NHS job!" As soon as I said that, something shifted
between us.
"Really? You do surprise me, with all your lover's
and such I thought one of those could have footed the
bill." The small curt smile was enough to make me
want to smother her with a pillow and blow air into her
drip. But it was cool, this was the relationship that we
both understood and felt comfortable with.
Why? You didn't think we were going to be best
buddies did you?!
"You don't change do you girl?" I said with genuine
affection. Justine's frown was just begging for botox.
"Hmm, just before you go I want to tell you something."
I leaned forwards, intrigued. Justine's eyes had the
sheen of spite on them.
"It was about our kisses." She purred.
Oh please God no! I'd forgotten (repressed) all of that!
"Yeah?" I said shiftily.
"I've been thinking about it quite a lot."
"You have?" I felt sick, please no more declarations of
love!
"Well..... your breath stinks!" She snorted with laughter.
"Right, I'll remember to floss." I crept out of that
room shaking my head, un-fucking-believable!

New Year was cool, Ruthie and Alex always know how
to keep the party going. A man- free New Year too,
just us girlies dancing the light fantastic in The Twisted
Gut, it's small dance floor fair worn out with our efforts!
For the first time in a very long while I felt happy,
truly happy in my skin, not relying on anyone else, just
glad to be me.

Alan? Well let us say we are talking. Every night on
the phone at least an hour. Where will it go? Nobody
knows!

Back at work I've gone back to my counter Zoey wants
to be happy but it's a bit of a bummer for her really poor
kid. I decided that the PA's position was beyond me
and working with Justine is like working with Freddie
Kruger, every day a nightmare.

So that's some of what has happened and I'm still
here to tell the tale!

Love and Stuff
Becka (bestest)Martin XXX

THE SILLY COW BRIGADE

When I woke up sometime later in a small room, firstly
I was dismayed to see that I had a drip in my arm. I hate
needles. Secondly the 'silly cow brigade' namely Sister-thing
Raine, Alex and Ruthie were crowding around my bed
making noises like I was going to expire or something!
The worst though had to be MOTHER! Someone, or some
Raine had told her and I thought it was a low down dirty
thing to do when I had been battered and abused
and shot!
Talking of which:"Justine? Did she make it?" I said in
a crabby voice that would probably be my own if I
continued to smoke at the rate I was.
Everyone started to bustle and preen, fluffing my pillows
and kissing me profusely.
"Yes! Yes!" I said impatiently trying to wave them away,
not the best thing to do with only one arm.
"Justine's ok-one of her lungs was buggered but they
are confident enough to think she is going to be alright.
She's sitting up anyway." Said Raine.
Ruthie grinned at me in her impish way:"I saw the
dress you were wearing! Far fucking out! What a tart!"
She squealed with laughter.
Then Alex: "I don't think Grady knew the extent
of what Jeff was doing you know. But I dumped him
anyway! That dress was the worst." She kissed me.
"Not your colour at at."
"That's nice to know, you dumping Grady, not the dress.
What's happening with Jeff ?"
"Arrested, fire arms, attempted manslaughter, kidnapping,
drugs-they were well coked-up!" Said Alex.
"I see-Estelle?"I asked.
"The same, but they think she genuinely is a
bit loopy." Said Raine.
"Well I think this is a shocking way to behave!
The shame of it!" This was Mother, she must have
abstained from the ciggies for all of 10 minutes
and it showed.
"It wasn't Becks fault!" Said Raine angrily:"She
was helping the police."
"That's what I meant! Well, if you are ok then."
Mother kissed me with her pursed dry lips.
"I'll be off, Jasper is waiting in the car park."
I nodded well at least she came, motherly love
indeed from her.
"Skinner?" I said.
"Not much, soliciting, drugs running. I reckon
he will sing like a canary. Can you imagine the
time he would have in jail?" Said Ruth and did
an obscene gesture with her hands that suggested
butt-sex. I winced, he was not all bad.
I started to cry-it had caught up with me, the girl's
fussed and shushed me. It was over, was it worth it?
Pru was already dead, I was nearly there and
Justine escaped being the next Becka-sex-clone.
So maybe it was worth it. Sort of.
A nurse entered and started to shoo everyone away
saying I needed my rest. Couldn't argue there.
The all left noisily, I smiled, at least I had friends.
"Becka." Said a soft male voice.
I looked up into the concerned face of Alan, clutching
the worst bunch of garage flowers and a box of Milk
Tray. "The Nurse says I've got five minutes." He
explained.
"You can do a lot in five minutes." I said suggestively.
Alan raised an eye-brow.

Becka Martin

OVER

"Go Go Go!" Shouted Mickey, everyone was flailing
about, I heard CopGirl screaming at Estelle, people
were scrambling over me and I felt clumsy boots
hit my rib cage. I was more then aware that Justine
was at this stage (completely) dead and not in a jokey
dead-girl sort of way.
"Help me!" I screamed, but it only came out like a
whisper. One of the cops removed his helmet and
started to give Justine mouth-to-mouth, I felt her
weight lift from me and I felt so cold, so alone.
"It's ok Becka, it's finished." Said Mickey, he pulled
me up and cradled me to him, I was propped up
like a scarecrow. Jeff had a nasty cut to his eye-brow
(later I would find out that Mickey had hit him
with his rifle butt). Estelle was a spitting, screaming
dervish. Cop Girl had her hands full there.
Skinner woke up and groaned:
"Let me die!" He says, no one listens.
Angela had a flesh wound, but is ok, she is stroking
Justine's hair and saying:
"Ok my baby, it'll be ok."More to herself then Justine.
"I got her back!" Said the Cop with Justine:"She's
losing a lot of blood though."
"Ambulance's are on the way." Said Mickey:"Sorry
I was late." He whispers to me:"Sharon went into
labour, another girl." He kissed my forehead.
"Good." I said. And it was.
Alex and Grady suddenly arrived with Neck the
Bodyguard looking decidedably put-out.
"What is this mess?" Demanded Grady.
"Are you the proprietor?" Says CopGirl.
Grady looks shifty, he looks at the sex toys,
the blood, me.
"That depends." Then to Jeff:"What is this
nastiness you've brought to my crib?" And loftily
kicks him in the bollocks.
Alex is crying:"She'll be alright? Beck's honey!"
"Fine." I said and the swirly lights in my head take
me to peaceful oblivion.

Becka Martin
p.s check out my links (thanks Etoile and Kaz!)

HEY MICKEY!

Justine kicked Skinner out of the way (as you do to
the prone and perverted) it was that horrible,
panting, 'what's going on behind me' feeling that was
making my stomach lurch. Another gunshot did
not improve matters. Was Angela dead?
We were nearly there, nearly in the darkened
hallway that led back to Thrumz. Could we make it?
Could we fuck!
"Stop now or I'll shoot you in the legs!" Ordered Jeff.
We stopped, we're girlies, we need legs.
Just then Mickey Straw jumped in front of me in
full body armour and a gun. Cop girl was clad the same
and equally well armed, another couple of coppers
were stuck to the wall like those sticky toys you throw.
What a sight! I felt weak with relief but it wasn't over
yet.
"Drop the gun Jeffrey !" Shouted Mickey in a Pulp
Fiction kind of way.
"I can't-she's ruined my life! Becka! Becka! Don't you
see we are meant to be together even if you have
to be Justine to make it work."
He said in a voice that gave me the willies.
"Whose she? Who ruined your life?" Asked Cop Girl
Kate (well versed in counselling the lunatic chapter).
"Estelle, Becka, Pru, they are all the bloody same!
Women! Always wanting always needing, what haven't
I given them? They ask too much!"
Jeff sat down and began to sob, big straggly
snotty gulps.
Justine was breathing heavily, she was trying to
support my weight and I wasn't helping much.
"Let the women go-it's over Jeff." Said Mickey.
I watched a bead of sweat roll down his face
and rest on his top lip, he licked it away.
"I don't think so!" Said Jeff and the next second
I was thrown to the floor with Justine on top
of me. It hurt! Oh I was shot! Then I realized
the bullet must have passed through Justine!
And she wasn't moving.
Becka Martin

NIGHT NURSE

"Justine I'm disappointed in you! Why are you
helping this bitch?" Said the Nurse.
"This has all gone too far, it's not funny!" Said
the skinny Angel.
"Who is Justine? I whispered to her.
"I am you fool! Wake up Becka this is serious."
I looked at the colours spinning around the room,
at Justine shivering in her undies. Angela- for it
was her! Sitting on top of Jeff and glaring at
oh my god-Estelle with a gun! Then the true
horror set in, I was wearing a dress with my
arse hanging out the back like the world's
worse rice pudding. For shame!
"You! Fat bitch! Get off of him now!" Barked
Estelle.
"Becka we are going to have to make a run
for it." Whispered Justine.
"Forget it." I hissed back:"I can't feel my legs."
"I'm not moving." Said Angela stubbornly.
"You will!" Snarled Estelle and edged nearer
to Angela."Mr Gun says you will." She said in
a ridiculous child's voice. She was about six
inches from Angela's face, the gun was bristled
around threateningly. I winced.
"Fuck you girlie!" Said Angela and all those
years of yoga must have paid off because for
a large girl she moved suddenly and rapidly
lurching forwards and biting Estelle's wrist,
the one that was holding the gun! A shot was
fired! Next minute Justine was dragging me
along the floor like a ragdoll. Angela was still
not letting go of her prey, her good strong
teeth held Estelle captive who incidently was
shrieking at the top of her voice.
Jeff was using this chance of chaos to edge
out from beneath. He looked crushed and rumpled
-for some reason I found this very funny.
"Stop laughing!" Snapped Justine:"Keep on
moving!"
We made it as far as the door, how could we
leave Angela like this? But Angela now had
Estelle by the throat and was shaking her
like a Jack Russell with a rabbit. Where was
the gun?
"Going somewhere? Oh I don't think so-not yet."
Said Master Skinner who stood barring our
way.
"Fuck you baldy!" I kneed him as hard as I
could in his valuables, he sank to his knees.
"Prick!" Said Justine and drew back her tiny
fist and decked him. He looked puzzled and
hurt as he crashed to the floor.
I was impressed Justine was not bad.
Becka Martin

ANGELS

"Open your legs wider!" Snarled Jeff, his face hot
and sweaty against mine. The hell I would! This
dildo would make me wider then a turkey carcass
and if he turned it on to vibrate-then what?!
"Stop this Jeff." I pleaded, hell why not? Groveling
is what I do best-next to lying that is, oh and smoking.
"Becka, sweetness, open them NOW!" He hit me
with the back of his hand across my cheek, pop!
Oh yeah he had a ring on which had taken a nice
slice out of my face-the stars were twinkling again, I
could easily have slipped back into apathy and just
let it happen. Is that what Pru did? Just let it
happen, the hell I would! I could taste my own
blood, not unpleasant but rather salty. I wanted
to die with my menthol fags, a pizza and some
lovely hunk stroking my brow. Not like this.
This was so violent and ugly.
Then if God was watching indeed he sent me an
Angel (albeit a very fat one) who flew into the
room like a fury. Behind her was a pale, skinny
Angel without any clothes on....
"What the fuck are you doing to my girl?" Roared
the Angel and THWACK! Hit Jeff very hard in
the mouth with a handbag (did heavenly bodies
carry bags? Anyways....)
"Call the fucking police!" She commanded,
the skinny nude Angel, they both seemed familiar,
bloody odd though!
Jeff grunted, the Angel, for it was her sat down
heavily on his back. He was not going anywhere.
"Get off me you fat bitch!" He hissed, Angel pressed
down harder, I was sure I could hear a rib crack.
I felt the huge sex aid being pulled away, it was
a relief I can tell you even though it had only
entered me by a millimetre.
"Oh dear Becka you are bleeding." Said the nude
Angel:"Come on, we'rd better try to get dressed.
I've found my clothes, but the other's must have
taken yours." I heard her fumbling around.
"Put this on." I was handed an electric blue rubber
dress which had a gaping hole at the back.
Silently, with stars and the occasional muttering
from the fat Angel and Jeff. I pulled on the dress.
"I've called the Police, they put me through
to a Detective Straw-hold on Becka we can make
it."
I however was thoughrily engrossed with the
sudden arrival of a Benny Hill nurse.
"Anybody moves and I'll let you have it!" She
warned. What was it? Was it something I could
use?
"Oh God!" Groaned the skinny Angel who was
dressed in just a bra and pants.
The nurse had in her hand something that looked
like the world's biggest blur.
I tried to focus-impossible.
What is it?" I croaked.
"It's a gun Becka, a big fucked out gun." Said the
skinny one.
Becka Martin

STARS

I awoke to find myself strapped onto the surgical
bed which took centre stage in the eerie little room.
I could see stars, really, just like the cartoon
characters do when they've been thumped-little
sparkly twinkling lights. Cool.
I could see Justine sitting in the corner shaking like
a whipped dog (or a junkie) and Jeff hooning around
the room like King Mad from Insane Land. Shit. Estelle
was dressed in a plastic nurse's uniform which strangely
did not instill trust in me. Skinner was nearest to me
but because of his contact lenses, his eyes were
unreadable. I watched Jeff for a moment, he seemed
dreadfully excited in the way a 3 year old with ADHD
would. He was practically bouncing off the walls and
hugging himself with glee.
"Ah she's awake! Show time!" He said in a really bad
Jim Carey voice.
"Jeff you are perhaps the corniest and most annoying
man that I have ever met." I mumbled from lips
that had been split. He must have decked me on the
second punch (see Mum was right, never spit on
people). Because my hands were tied I could not feel
what damage had been done. I guessed a black eye,
a split lip, a bitten tongue (which I ran along my teeth-
they seemed ok) and maybe slight brain damage.
I meant that too-when I went to turn my head the
pain was unbearable and I started to dry retch.
"Lovely!" Said Nurse Nutter and wiped my mouth
with a Jeye cloth. Ugh.
"Look at this- Becka sweetheart, does it not make
your little heart sing?" Said Jeff in the voice of
the truly dangerous.
Turning a little I caught sight of perhaps the world's
largest vibrator. This guy was about 2ft long and
about 6inches thick, I stared at it.
"Oh Jeff you finally found something big enough
to put in your gob." Why am I so mad? Long story.
Jeff slapped my bare thigh sharply.
"Not the right answer!" His voice was high and brittle.
Skinner stood up, I could see sweat running down
his bare head and face. We all were sweating.
"Master? Is there no other way? I like the girl. Please,
I'll do anything to keep her, don't hurt her."
See this would have been very gallant if he hadn't
sounded like Uriah Heep that is.
"You like her! Who the fuck are you Skinner?"
Jeff was furious.
"No one! But Becka is so very special to me, maybe
we could make a trade of some sort?" The bald
guy was trying hard I'll give him that.
"Sit down Skinner! And shut the fuck up! I need to
think!" Jeff's shirt was clinging to his body, his very
lovely, very sexy body, what made him so crazy?
Really it could not be me.
"Right I've decided that I need a moment alone
with Becka ok? So all get the fuck out of here,
wait outside and I shall call for you understand?"
He snarled, Justine and Skinner were already
making for the door. Only Estelle stood her ground.
"You surely do not mean me? I'm your wife!" She
spat angrily, if her words had been acid Jeff would
be in intensive care by now.
He strode across to her in 3 angry strides and caught
her up by her hair, he shook her head angrily and
threw her down. Quite a lot of blonde fluff remained in
his hand.
"Understand now?" He menaced and pushed her
out of the room.
Jeff sat down at the end of the bed and stroked my
legs, hey I was naked! Still could see stars though.
"Oh Becka! I've fucked it up!"
Next moment he was on top of me and do you
know for a millisecond I felt pity for him.
Suddenly I felt something trying to enter me and it
was not Jeff. Oh it was the dildo from hell!
I could not even close my legs! This was really it,
death from a blunt instrument, what a way to go-
oh the shame of it!
Then all hell broke loose.

Becka Martin
p.s HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM RAINEX, BECKA,
D, ALEX, RUTH, ALAN , MICKEY AND EVERYONE
ELSE! MAKE IT A GOOD ONE!

I WANT TO BREAK FREE

I did not want to die like this-I did not want to die
at all, but especially not in a room with a credit
card swiper and two perverts.
"So? Now what? Don't you think I might be missed
eventually, Alex is out there somewhere (where was the
bitch?) and Skinner might be your boy, but he likes me.
I'm sure he wouldn't be too thrilled if you hurt me."
I said wildly.
"Skinner!" Estelle laughed the ice cold manic laugh of
a fruit-loop:"Skinner might like you honey, but he's no
knight in shining armour, he'll do as he's told, ah speak
of the devil." From her tone I could tell there was no
love lost between them. Skinner glared at her and
stared at me in shock. Ditto.
"Are you alright?" He whispered.
"Oh yes! What do you think?" I snarled showing back
molars and he gave me a miserable look. I noticed
Justine cowering behind him, she was nude and
completely stoned. So no help there then-Shit- now
I was in a room with a credit card swipe machine
and four perverts, my luck had to change didn't it?
With all of us crowded in the small space the
temperature began to rise and it was not at all sexy,
more like a breathless, sweaty, reckless feeling of
'something bad is going to happen to me'. Not at all
Christmassy.
I decided the best way to stay alive was to keep
talking (you speak to your enemy constantly and
they realize that you are human like them and
so they don't kill you. Well that is the theory, I
didn't invent it!) So that was what I did:
"Jeff, you know maybe it's not too late for us,
to ah, come to some agreement?" I gave him my
sharp smile, then to Estelle:
"You are lucky having Jeff, he's fab, but then you
are so pretty I can almost understand why he
left me for you ." I gushed.
Justine muttered something like:" Pretty pathetic."
Under her breath. Yep had to agree with that.
"Skinner! What a date this has turned out to be!
Remind me to date you again when I need excitement-
every date is a winner!" (Even though your willy is
like a chipolata) .I was beginning to make myself sick-
besides that everyone was ignoring me. Justine
watched me avidly though , I wished she wasn't naked.
Jeff suddenly and quite viciously punched me in
the stomach winding me, I slipped to the floor as
simply as that. I suppose I was going on a bit.
"Enough talk Becks! Don't you see-this is quality
time now?" Jeff's eyes bulged in his head.
"Jeff?" I whispered between gasps of pain.
He crouched down in front of me:"Yes?"
"You prick." I said and he smacked me across
the temple. I have to say there was nothing
sexy about this sort of pain. Definitely not a
smack on the buttocks with a paddle.
"Master?" Said Skinner with some concern.
"Shut it! Look as I see it, Becka Martin is now a
brand, this might be the original, but let's face it the
template is flawed, we can do better." Jeff shrugged
and pulled me up, my head really hurt and I was pretty
damn sure I had whip lash. I had to keep fighting.
Queen's 'I want to break free' was on repeat play in
my head. I hate that song.
"Tell me Jeff, when did your last brain cell finally die?"
I laughed and spat in his face. Bad move really.

Becka Martin

JUST A ROOM

"So welcome to Club Excite, what do you think?"
Said Jeff. He was acting like a child with ADHD and
my arms hurt terribly, he seemed to be bouncing
off the walls. If he wasn't 'on' something I'd eat
Mickey's pants (again).
It was just a room about as big as a standard lounge,
painted a weird matt red that looked like old blood.
The walls were bare, the floor was a cracked and aged
lino. A hospital bed took centre stage, it's sheets were
clean but my heart lurched with a sudden overwhelming
feeling of doom. Beside the bed stood a trolley with
instruments, medical and non-medical. That was it.
That was enough! Oh and there was a machine to take
credit card payments, nice touch, classy.
"Jeff what is this all about?" I asked.
"Well it's about you and me, isn't it? Hasn't it always
been?" Jeff grinned his bleached out smile.
"It was about us, until you went all blonde and bland
on me. You fucked it up." I reminded him, it's great
to be in the right.
"Not so bland now." Said a spiteful voice that dripped
with venom. Estelle. How lovely. "In fact you would
find me a girl after your own heart. Literally."
"What is this stuff with Justine? She is your friend,
what are you doing to her?" What a heroine I am!
"Justine is your replacement or she will be when
trained." Said Jeff and he stroked the back of my
neck. I shivered and not, I add, with desire.
"What do you mean replacement? I'm here buddy,
the one the only original Mad Becka!" I bragged,
well I call it stalling. Estelle snorted the said:
"You are quite a star Becka, all the guys love you!
Look at Pru, she admired you so much she wanted
to be you, that's how we found her actually, she
was already on the way to being a Becka clone. She
just needed some fine tuning."
"You killed her." I said (perhaps foolishly).
"Ah ah ah!" Said Jeff and wagged an admonishing
finger in my face:" We didn't kill her! We encouraged
her to kill herself, she was becoming a bore."
"Nice. What was that battery thing all about?" I had
to know.
"Oh you know about that? Nevermind I'm sure you
can be trusted, the battery was my idea of a joke.
It was all about 'power' and I had it and Pru didn't.
You see she loved the sex, a complete dirty old whore
she was really, but she never liked us charging people,
so I guess that would make her a slag rather then a
whore what do you think?" Jeff's voice was as pleasant as
if he was talking about grocery shopping.
"I think Jeffrey old thing, you need help mate! You
were always a very dirty boy, but never this depraved."
I tried to curl my lip in a Elvis-like sneer, but it
was more Billy Idol. I scared no-one.
"What are we going to do with her now?" Said Estelle.
"Ah my beautiful wife." Said Jeff and stroked her blonde
curls:"I don't know what to do, it's not something I
thought would happen though I hoped for it very much!"
Jeff smiled eerily at Estelle. "What would you suggest?"
"I think you should have your way with her, then
finish her. After all we have Justine as the new patsy,
eventually she can become 'Becka' too."
"You are crazy bastards!" I said and tried to back away.
"Yes, I suppose we are." Said Justine:"What are you
going to do about it?"

Becka Martin

p.s Happy Christmas!

THE PATSY

You can imagine my poor trembling little legs, I
half expected to see the ant-Christ himself. Instead
I saw The Shit.
"Jeff you bastard!" I laughed with relief and threw
my arms around his neck. I was aware everyone
in the crowd had fallen silent and Skinner and Justine
seemed in awe.
Jeff peeled me off of him and pushed me lightly away
from him.
"As you were. I'm enjoying the show." His voice was
strangely hollow.
Skinner gulped a couple of times and I could see
sweat standing out on his shiny scalp. To think I
had fancied him rotten before. I must have been
particularly sad and lonely at the time.
"Becka, use these." Said Skinner and passed me some
spiteful looking clip things.
"What are they?" I asked doubtfully.
"Clamps, not too painful. Justine's favourites."
He said sardonically. I looked at the jeering crowd,
Justine's scared face and my conscience.
"Oh crap! Fuck this for a game of soldiers!" I
began to try to untie Justine's ropes. Try being
the operative word-they were way too tight and
complicated for me to work out.
"What are you doing?" Hissed Skinner.
"What's it look like? Games over, I'm taking her
home." I bloody was too, she looked like crap
and I was sure that she needed medical attention-
not more pain and perversion. Serve-what bastard
had done that to her?
Suddenly I felt my arms grabbed from behind,
Jeff's strong grip nearly lifting me off my feet and
dislocating my shoulders at the same time.
"Oi!" I squawked in protest.
"Shut up Becka! You are going to learn a few
new tricks tonight my girl! Skinner play with
' Patsy' give your audience what they want."
Jeff began to half drag me through the crowd,
nobody tried to stop him not even Alex.
Hey where the fuck was she?
"Alex!" I screamed at the top of my voice.
"Alex has been escorted off the premises by
that lovely butterball, Grady. Good to have a
friend so sympathetic to my needs."
"You always were a sick cunt Jeffrey, but this
is ridiculous! Where are you taking me and where
is your bimboid wife?"
"I'm taking you to EXCITE, Club X-it the place
where all your fantasies come true. Estelle is
already there waiting for us." His eyes had a
mental cast to them.
"Estelle will be less then delighted to see me."
I muttered, we were at the back of the Thrumz
now and going towards the bar. A side door
to the left was opened and I was bundled through.

Becka Martin
p.s Sorry about all the delays in posting folks!
Christmas, Sister-thing's panic over Mother
arriving , cold etc enough excuses!!

MY DEAR

Being up close and personal to Justine did not
make me think all my Christmas dreams had
come true. I think I would have rather have
attempted DIY root-canal work then been in
such extreme proximity to the evil dead.
"Tighter." Said Skinner to Justine:"It has to be
much tighter to support your weight." Poor
girl was now standing there in her cami-knicks
and vest top, Skinner was tying her up in one
of his contraptions. Alex was rolling her eyes
in the most exaggerated example of boredom
I have ever seen.
"I just don't understand it at all, you perves
getting off on the rope shit. It's crap, why not
spend more time on hygiene and personal
grooming instead? That's attractive, not acres
of quivering flesh."
"Don't talk about Grady like that!" I teased and
before she could bite my head off, Skinner was
beckoning me to join in. Deep joy. Justine was
hovering pathetically, you know me, I like a bum
burner from time to time, but why make yourself
so vunerable for other people's enjoyment?
Skinner began to wrap red tinsel around the rope-
I suppose to be festive (or ironic).
"Kiss her." He ordered me.
"No!" I said in horror.
"Kiss her." He hissed under his breath.
Personally I'd rather kiss my arse but:
"Sorry." I mumbled and kissed Justine lightly
on her pursed lips. She looked like she had just
had a sip of bleach.
The crowd made a murmuring sound of approval.
I smirked at them, someone laughed. Skinner
glared.
"Keep it professional." He said.
"Right!" I laughed then suddenly, viciously,
Skinner tore off Justine's top to reveal
breasts of course. What were you expecting
the mark of the devil?! However she was boasting
some unusual markings, namely a tattoo that
said 'Serve' , a cigarette burn near her left nipple
and 3 dark bruises on her back.
"Eeee." I said aloud to no one in particular.
"All for you." Said Justine bitterly.
"Huh? I don't get ya?" I leaned forwards so
that she was whispering into my ear.
"It's all for you, all of it, how does it feel to
be so adored?" Again the bitter voice, I still
didn't understand.
Skinner brought forward a small whip which
he cracked making the crowd coo and catcall.
Why catcall? What does that mean? Anyway
you get the picture, shrill arse-holes getting
worked up. Skinner began to lightly slap
Justine's buttocks and back with the whip,
whenever it made contact with her bruises
she flinched.
"How can you do this in front of everyone?"
I said in horror, Justine was not this kind
of girl.
"I told you, it's for you." She smiled again.
"Kiss her." Commanded Skinner, I used this
opportunity for my own agenda.
"Look what shit are you involved in? Is it
drugs? Did you know Pru?"
I think the Pru bit got a reaction, I kissed her
roughly, after all I was acting. She tasted of
breath mints.
"Pru! I never met her, Estelle said that she
was a nice little hobby. I hate you Becka,
you've never done anything worthy of the
love you receive."
The whip cracked very hard against Justine's
back and she cried out in pain. Shit had Skinner
over heard? His hands began to probe around in
her pants, then deliberately he pulled them down.
Can you imagine the crowd? I gave Skinner a
puzzled look, I'd never seen this much nudity
in Thrumz before.
"What are you doing?" I said.
"I'm pleasing my Master." He smiled horribly at
someone standing behind me. I shut my eyes
tightly and turned.
"Hello my dear, enjoying the show?"
Becka Martin

TINSEL AND TONGUES

Sorry about the delay in writing, been busy and
such with Xmas and goings on! Right back to the
chase, Alex and myself attended Thrumz happy
in the knowledge that Grady (fat man die) owned
the joint!
Ruth had cut my hair and removed the last of the
extensions, my hair looked like it was in shock and
it was very mulletty. I only needed to scream
'Merry Christmasssss!" and I would be part of a 70's
glam band. Too bad-'cos my arse looking pretty darn
fine in my black jeans and I wore a sparkly green top
which left most of my shoulder's and back bare. Alex
was gorgeous in a simple ash coloured vest and
cropped black trousers. Hate her.
Skinner greeted us as soon as we entered.
I felt my heart doing it's mad dance but felt
reasonably safe at this time.
"I thought you would come alone." He whispered
in my ear.
"I never come alone." I said dead-pan.
"Remember you said your'd get involved in
the act." He warned.
"I trust you." I said, lying of course.
Alex was looking at people disdainfully, it looked
like she could smell something very very bad.
"Lighten up honey-I'm the cabaret." I said as
I passed her a Christmassy cranberry and vodka.
"Don't show me up." I think she was enjoying
being top'ho.
I drank deeply, then because I can, I did tiger-
breathing, letting the air fill my lungs and letting
it out with a whoosh.
"Stop that." Commanded Alex (you know she is
very stern, very S&M).
But it had worked, I felt filled with energy and
adrenalin. I my hip glanced against someone, I
turned to apologize.
"Justine!" I said (for it was she).
"Shit!" She grumbled, not my name but very
close. Actually she looked slightly better,
dressed in an understated black suit and
make-up applied to cover her lack of life.
Cool.
"Embarrassing huh?" I grinned, I would
have loved to have milked this.
"You could say that." She said miserably.
"Who are you with? I'm with Alex, not exactly
Angela's scene is it?" I teased.
"No but then we are history now." I saw something
flit across her face. Something different, emotion
even. Not bad for a revenant.
"You liked her a bit more then you let on?"
"No comment, anyway here's the man." She
nodded towards someone. Skinner.
"I'm glad you two ladies know eachother, it'll
make the act that much easier." He said.
My heart sunk faster then a toaster in a
swimming pool. Justine's eye's looked panicky
and overly-bright. Was she on something?
I couldn't be sure.
"Ah Master, it might not be appropriate-I
work with Becka." She said in a terrible
crawling little voice.
"Justine! Did I give you permission to talk?"
He snarled.
"No sorry!" She looked around for help, there
wasn't any.
"Your still doing it!" Skinner bellowed.
"Oh leave her alone-let's just get on with
it." Whatever 'it' is. Skinner gave me a look
of unbridled fury. Alex intervened.
"I need another drink." The barman hastily
filled her glass.
Skinner clapped his hands together twice,
the dry summoning sound stopped the
music and chatter.
"The performance will start!" He shouted and
a ragged yell lit the air.
"This scene is entitled 'Tinsel and Tongues'
enjoy it!"
Are you hooked? Well maybe not as much as
Justine!
Becka Martin

YO?

I phoned Skinner:"Yo skinner?" I said, yo? I know-
lamentable.
"Becka." His voice was cold and stilted, pissed off I'd
say.
"Sorry it's been awhile, busy with work, you know
how it gets." I gushed.
"Indeed but you ignored my calls and I even texted
you, I never do that." Still pissed off, I'd best try
wheedling.
"Ah honey don't be mad! I'm sorry-really I am! How
can I make it up to you? Anything! No nude stuff in
the street though." I warned (I'd been caught by
saying 'anything' like this before, not pretty!)
"Come with me to Thrumz tonight, be part of the
act." His voice was teasing now, although my initial
reaction was to say 'piss off!' he had me though.
"Look I don't want to be like Ruthie, stripped and
humiliated in public (and loving it) any other ideas?"
"I promise you that it will be fun and I really
don't want to share you with anyone. Come on
gorgeous, say yes and leave the rest to me."
See he talks a good game doesn't he? Unluckily
he does not have the equipment to follow through
though. Wanker.
"Alright! No nipples though." I warned as my final
word.
"No nipples. Oh I bumped into your pal Ruth
the other night-did she tell you? It was at
LilacLace." He asked.
Fuck, he'd been with Jeff, Estelle and Justine
that night. What could I say?
"Oh she did, said you were with our mutual
acquaintances."
I tried to have a light, carefree voice, it however
verged on hysteria.
"Umm. I had wondered if you were jealous seeing
as I was with another girl. You had no need to
worry-I was just 'breaking her in' for a friend."
His voice was silky and sweet but at that moment
I hated him like shit. Poor Justine (bet you thought
I'd never say that eh?)
"No Ruthie said it was cool, we're not exclusive
anyway are we Master? "
"We could be-if that's what you want." Skinner
said tantalizingly.
"It's great as it is, maybe when we know eachother
better." I said encouragingly, he seemed ok with
this and we spent another couple of minutes
talking complete bollocks (as you do).
So I'm meeting him tonight, lucky me eh?
Phoned Mickey (Top bird he called me).
Phoned Alan but hung up when Jude answered.
Couldn't be doing with twins at this delicate
time. Much too distracting.
Told Ruthie and Alex that I was going to Thrumz.
"Not that awful fucking place again!" Shrieked
Ruthie.
"Thrumz? Grady owns that, only found out
recently." She smiled at me proud I guess to
be top bitch of a club owner. Then it hit me
like a ton of rice pudding.
"What?! Grady owns Thrumz? Since when?"
I shouted into her face this was not good at
all and confusing!
"Back off! I don't know do I? He doesn't exactly
advertise the fact. It wouldn't do alot for his 'hood
credibility-I mean it's a fetish place."
I ran a hand through my sweating extensions.
"Ruthie cut these fuckers out of my head! Alex
dress up nicely we're going out." I was thinking
fast.
"What about me?" Said Ruth with her bottom
lip sticking sulkily.
"Not you this time-I have a feeling I'll be much
happier with Alex." I meant safer, but I did not
want to scare them.
"Thanks a bunch!" Snarled Ruth and grabbed
a lock of my hair. Made my eyes smart it did.
"You have no idea what I mean, so trust me
huh? Both of you?" I did the old 'pleading eye
thingy'. I'm too good really I am.
"Will you tell us what is going on?" Demanded
Alex.
"In a word-no." I said with a heavy heart.
"So we have to trust you?" Said Ruth.
"Be easier." I said (for me).
"Have we a choice?" Alex again.
"Nope." I held both of their hands tightly.
"Mad bitch." Said Ruth and set about my hair
briskly. Alex squinted at me then shrugged.
"Ignorance is bliss." She said.
Becka Martin.

NOT FOR TURNING

Mickey thought I'd be 'turned over' by the enhanced
picture grinning at me from the PC screen. No, I was
merely dismayed (disgusted and angry) but mostly
pissed off. The bastard.
The picture showed Pru naked skinny and elegant
like some sort of thorough-bred mare with her
'Becka hair' tossed wildly. She was pleasuring herself
with something that looked like a root vegetable,
namely a turnip or carrot. In the background you
could see Jeff 'The shit' laughing with his dick in
his hand. Nice.
"Got more." Said Mickey in a voice like a seedy
pimp.
"Do show!" I said sarcastically, there was no love
lost between Mickey and Jeff. But he didn't have
to look so gleeful about it.
The next picture showed Pru laying legs akimbo
(at crimbo! Sorry that was sick) and Estelle-(yes
Stella-face!) was eating away at her snatch like
some freaking vampire!
"I wished I hadn't seen that one! What next?" I asked.
"The nitty-gritty ones are still with the lab-boys.
But needless to say one very married and pervy couple
will find themselves under scrutiny before long!" He rubbed
his hands together, he was getting off on this the sick fuck!
"When? I mean they could be dangerous." And Pru
looked uncannily like me (in an elegant if older way).
That had to mean something. Like me next.
"Don't worry, we're nearly there. You must stay
close to Justine, got a vibe about that one."
"S'all right for you! What am I anyway? Cheap
fucking labour, I aint even a frigging Special Cop,
am I insured or not?"
"Your always be special to me! And you are
covered, if they bump you off Raine will be a
rich woman. Not much longer Becka, I promise
this will be resolved before Christmas."
"Don't tell Raine about it! She'd off me herself!"
(Would I do that? Tee-hee, Rainex)
He reached across and kissed me gently on my
throbbing temple. Then he slipped his hand
down my top. I had a choice here.
"Fuck off!" I sat up abruptly:"We are moving
away from any of that! So please stop touching
me for one bloody second." Jeez you have to
beat some guys off with a stick!
"Alright keep your hair on! Just being friendly-
like! Have another date with Skinner, be nice
to Justine, it's all running just the way I like it."
Mickey smiled a 'smug bastard' smile.
"I don't like the idea of dating Skinner anymore,
he's involved in this crap. It's dirty." I flinched
the guy made my skin crawl now. I've ignored
his texts and calls, Mickey would not be impressed.
Good job I wasn't going to tell him.
"Skinner is a pussycat, you've not got any worries
on that score." Mickey grinned broadly. I bit
my lip, best get it over with-this had been
bugging me for awhile.
"Mick, I should have told you this but Skinner
said that Jeff bats for the other side. That
they had been lovers for want of a better
word." I watched this register on the
Dectective's face.
"No." He shook his head:"Not Jeff. Skinner's
lying, don't know how or why, but he is." He
said firmly.
"You don't know that! Skinner told me!"
"Bullshit-whatever he's up to it aint Jeff's
arse." He said doggedly.
"Have it your own way (you always do)
but I'm worried sick. Every blasted person
I know seems involved in this mess."
"Honey you don't know the half of it!"
Said Mickey ambiguously.
"So tell me."
"Nope-get yourself to a pervert madam!
Go on, phone Skinner, be nice, look pretty."
"You know what Mickey? I worry about
you sometimes, are you sure you've cleared
this with your superiors? Because you are
acting more like a hood then a cop." I had
a point don't you think?
Mickey avoided my eyes.
"I'm a good cop, but I do things my way."
"Megalomaniac!" I hissed and left him to
it. So I shall phone Skinner.
Becka Martin

CHRISTMAS SLOPPING

'Here's the season to be jolly, tra-la-la-la whateva!'
You know I think if Scrooge was a current fella,
I'd date him, he wasn't half as bad as Dickens
said. I mean it's like Christmas! You must be happy,
it's the law! What's that? Have a mince pie, no room
for sadness, ill health or bereavement at Christmas.
But then I'm a misery after all.
Guilt issues aside (Sharon)I would feel happier.
But Christmas is not geared to single lonely folk,
involved in complicated murder cases.
Never see Alex now, she seems to have moved in
permanently with Grady-chops, a man singularly
suited to swimming the Channel. Lard would not be
an issue. Ruthie is walking around with a twinkle in
her eye, so I guess she's up to something. Not that
I care, silly cow.
Mother phoned the other day, I thought it was a
man at first. Nearly right.
Anyway, she is coming around to see us soon-
Raine is not happy, she's thinking of going
to a Kibbutz or something.
Saw Alan today and it was painful.
I was chatting to Zoey, who was very sad that snow
had to be white. When Alan walked past the counter,
he hadn't noticed me but: "Hey!" I said. He turned
sharply and seeing it was me, smiled.
"Becka. And how are you?"
I must admit he looked rough, hair unkept, a wispy
stubbly growth covering his chin and top lip.
But he was still my Boo and my Baby-boy.
"I'm great! What are you doing here?" I could feel
my bottom lip trembling.
He smiled and raised a couple of carrier bags.
"That time of year right? Got to do it."
"I haven't even started yet!" I laughed nervously.
"That's just like you." His eyes sparkled:"Anyway,
I must get on. Lots more to do."
My heart was doing a pitter-pat thing.
"Maybe we could have a drink or something?
Hasn't got to be today!" I said hastily.
Alan smiled sadly:"No, I don't think that would be
a good idea-do you?" He had such need in his voice,
but he was passing me the responsibility. You know
me.
"Maybe not." I said ruefully:"Then I kissed his
rough cheek which felt thinner then ever. "Take
good care of yourself and have a really good
Christmas if I don't see you before. Tell the twins
to cook for you , your getting skinny!"
He kissed me firmly on the lips:"Will do. I hope
you get everything you want, this Christmas
and forever, I mean that Becks, I've only ever
wanted the best for you."
"I know that!" I clutched the front of his frankly
dreadful old tweed coat and felt wretched. If
I wasn't such a slut, if he hadn't slept with Pru.
It was there, the love, really there, everything I had
ever wanted. Yet it was out of reach-pushed away
by other people, was it really too difficult to pull
it back? It was for now-perhaps later, I could make
it all stop but: "Love you." I said and
let him move away from me.
"Look after your little self." He said, his shoulders
seemed to sag, then he was lost in a tide of shoppers.
'Little self', who else but Alan would call a geezer bird
like me that? Who else would I let call me it?
"Fucking hell." Said Zoey, who was listening with tears
shining in her eyes. I couldn't deal with her as well.
"Coffee" I said and slouched off to Starbucks,
I would need a latte the size of my head to make
this feel better, oh and a really nice doughnut for
Justine-still hadn't given up on her entirely.
She was worse today, for all my Zombie jokes
aside, she looked like shit. And she smelt terrible-
like mildew. Justine looked like I felt- bah humbug!
Becka Martin

p.s Mickey Straw phoned.
"Oh sweetness and light? Your'd better get you
arse over to the Station. Wait to you
see this picture, it will turn you over!" He chuckled.
So something to look forward too.

NOT BROKEN JUST WRONG

Guilt does funny things to a person-like excess
chocolate consumption and an irrational urge to
kill an 'I told you so' sister.
Can't get my head around Detective Straw (yeah-
yeah you know what I mean!) We've known
eachother like forever! And we are still messing
eachother up.
"I always thought he was perfect for you." Said
Sister-thing Raine:"But you can't have him now,
Mick's got responsibilities, move on, get over it."
"It's easy for you!" I scoffed:"With your perfect
marriage and unruly hair! I should avoid Mickey
like the plague, but I'm drawn to him on account
he's the best shag I've ever had." This was the
truth, he was my first and I'll always have a soft
spot for him.
"Sex is not everything, well maybe it is for you but
that can be fixed with therapy. Leave the men
alone for awhile, concentrate on staying alive.
What did Mickey say to you after your little,
ah, blip?"
"He said he's mad in love with me and he's
going to leave Sharon and the kids and move
in round Ruthie's so we can shag day and night."
Raine's yap fell open.
"He didn't!" She squealed.
"No he didn't! 'Course not, he loves his wife and
kids. We just have history." I bit off a square
of Green and Black's Mint chocolate and let it
melt on my tongue.
"You know what they say about history."
"No?" Was I in for some Sister Creed?
"It's in the past, best to leave it there. Oh and
don't eat all the chocolate you greedy fat bitch."
Then Raine hit me on the head with the rest of
the bar. How rude.
I know that Mickey is just as screwed up as
I am about the situation. Somethings can't be
fixed, because their not broken just wrong.
So I've now got to work on Justine, I've tried
buying her coffee but she's in such a state I
doubt if she notices. Tomorrow I will try to
do something different.
Becka Martin