Wednesday, June 30, 2004


That's it for me-no more Jeff, I thought long and hard
about it, but I have decided not to have sex with him
anymore. Such self-restraint. He's married now, it's
different-same way as I won't sleep with DC Straw even
though he has the sweetest dick in the world. I am not a
home-wrecker (whatever people say!) So apart from Alan,
(who doesn't want me) and Max (too young and dangerous
lezzie mother)I am left without anybody!
I have decided to phone Ruthie up (yeah-yeah) not for hoochie-coo)but because I am exhausting my friend supply
and living with Mother again is driving me nuts.
Especially since she hooked up with letchy Jasper (the elderly snatcher). I am almost reduced (but not quite)
into phoning up my no-good Sister-Thing Raine, but that
would really be scraping the barrel. I'll let you know
how I get on.
Becka Martin X

Monday, June 28, 2004


"You could have stopped me!" Said the hysterical male
voice. Jeffrey-ho-hum.
"Stopped you doing what exactly?" I asked, god knows how
he had gotten my work number.
"I got married to Estelle on saturday! I kept looking for
you, expecting at any moment for you to burst in and
declare your love for me." He was laughing, so I assumed
he was not being serious.
"Get real Jeff! Do you think this is 'Four Weddings and a
Funeral?' I might have come to throw confetti (still in the
box he-he) but to be honest I forgot all about your wedding.
Sorry-are you deliriously happy? Is it everything you hoped
it would be?" I smirked, who could imagine a stud like
him married to an air-head barbie doll? You would say the
marriage was fresh, on account that it didn't have much of
a shelf life.
"It's great, everyday I wake up to a big pair of titties
in my face and a hand on my dick. Isn't that what every man
wants?" His voice grated on me, the twit.
"I'll go with that, yeah most men want what you've got
"I don't! They can keep it! She is the most brainless,
pointless person I've ever met. She make's you look like
Einstein, or at least Carol Vorderman." He said excitedly.
"You made your bed Jeff." My, wasn't it great to always
be right? "I suggest you buy her a dictionary and get her
name on a waiting list for a brain transplant."
"Oh Becka, can we meet sometimes? I hate shagging her,
she just lies there saying 'Prada, Prada, Prada!' when
she comes she screams 'Versace!' Estelle is one scary
bitch!" He was laughing, I had to laugh too.
"I don't believe you! You pig!"
"Well, maybe it's not all true, but it's a bad deal
for me Becks, she's so boring! She doesn't talk about
anything other then clothes and make-hair, broken up by
the occasional interjection of hair! I'll go nuts and
you probably need some corrective therapy by now. How about
a little spankie?" He wheedled, my bum remembered it's
last meeting with Jeff and tingled.
"We'll see, oops the Boss has just come in, better go."
I hung up and smiled at Angela Grade.
"Are you arranging your sordid sex life on my time Ms Martin?" She snarled.
"No, that was a telecom service offering discounted
calls, it was really hard to get rid of him, you know
what they're like." I can lie quickly, can I not?
"Mmm." Said Angela and sat down at her desk (heavily).
"I've decided to send you back to the shop floor, for
part of the week at least, I think that would give both of
us some space." She said firmly, with her eyes flashing
madly. The dizzy tart.
"Do you mean back to my make-up counter?" I asked.
"Yes, I think for perhaps two days a week." She looked
hard at me waiting to see if I would cry.
"Whatever you think is best. Your the boss." I said
and left the room with my head hanging. But when I got
outside I punched the air in joy, yippee! I began to
feel the blood pulsing in my veins again, I might even
phone that Jeff straight back!

Saturday, June 26, 2004


I talk up trouble don't I? In my last entry I told you
about Sister-Thing Raine being caught on the loo by one of
Mother's pervy ex-boyfriends.
Well it happened to me last night, I had nowhere to go as I am still barred from The Twisted Gut by Big Shirley. So I went to bed instead (or rather-the sofa). I was rudely awoken by the sound of Ma and Jasper going at it like hammer and
tongs (what the fuck does that mean anyway?)ugh, not nice. Fifty-something mother's doing it with sixty-something duffers. I decided to get up and run myself a nice hot
bath. I brushed my teeth and plucked my eyebrows whilst I
was waiting , just standing there in my vest and panties,
as you do when you are getting ready to bathe. I became
aware that someone was watching me, turning I saw Jasper
grinning at me from the doorway.
"What are you doing?" I whispered, scared to wake Mother.
"Well I had come for a slash, but now I've other ideas."
He grinned like a cadaver (if they grin).
"Well just sod off-you!" I glared at him, aware how
exposed I looked in my tight vest.
"Just give me a little a little peek, go on it won't
kill you." He smiled encouragingly.
"No way!" I blushed.
"Go on, just pull your knickers to the side for me."
Jasper urged. I felt odd, already I could feel my
genitals throb. What was I like? I felt quite ashamed
of myself.
"Go on, show me a little hair." I could see a bead of
sweat on his top lip, he licked it off and smirked.
That was the wake up call, angrily I pulled my vest over
my head and threw it in his face.
"Fuck you!" I slammed the door and locked it, my heart
pounding heavily. What a prick! Then I blushed, he had
seen my breasts (what there are of them). I felt quite
shaky and I could hear him laughing outside the door.
How could I be so intimidated by such an old man?
He just just creeps me and out any more of this and I'll
tell Ma.

Friday, June 25, 2004


I did a brief phone survey regarding Alan: These
are the results.
Sister-Thing Raine said:"For heaven's sake Becks, go
and get the tosser and tell him you love him!"
Alex said:"Honey there are plenty of men out there, get
over him!"
Mickey Straw said:"Ha ha, shall I come over and give
you the 'long arm of the law'?"
The 'Shit'Jeff said:"I never liked him, he was nerd.
Good riddance."
Hmm-What shall I do next? Strangle my boss? Chuck Ma
out of the window? Plead with Ruthie to grow the fuck up?
Working with Angela is turning into a farce-she come's
across all dippy-hippy motherearth, when in fact she is
a hard core nazi task master. I don't even get a smile
out of her now let alone a dinner. I wonder if I should
seduce her again (just to ensure good working relations)
but I think not. It would just make matters just that
little bit worse. Mother is seeing a man called Jasper. Jasper! He is the kind of elderly gent you see
with the orange perma-tan and jet black hair. Blinding
white teeth and a belly borrowed from Buddha complete
the picture. He wears mad clothes too, baggy trousers,
scary shirts and he smells of whiskey. He leered at me
when Mother left the room to fix her face.
"You are such an attractive young lady, just like your Mum!"
He smiled at me to reveal gold teeth at the side, I smiled
back until he said:
"Make's me think I might have chosen the wrong girl.
I hear that you are between beaus at the moment?"
Beaus? What century did he come from?
"That's right, but you've definitely made the right choice
in Mother, she's so elegant."
"Don't know what's wrong with all the young men nowadays,
a sexy girl like you-what I would have done with you if
I'd been younger." There was a roguish twinkle in his
eye which was not in the least appealing to me. Then
suddenly he was standing very close to me. I was pinned
up against the wall by his stomach. "Very sexy." He
murmured and he had a kind of dazed look in his eyes.
"Get off me you old cunt, or I'll tell Ma!" I hissed
and ground my stiletto into his loafer, he winced, good
you old git and I hope it really hurts! Jasper's face
clouded with blood and murderous intentions, he lunged
for me just as Mother entered the room.
"You will keep." He whispered and beamed at Ma:"You
look splendid my dear! Let's paint the town red."
Yeah with your spleen you pervert, I thought angrily.
Mother's men are all like this, they've always tried
it on with Raine and myself, one even caught her on the
loo (she was not best pleased).
Later in the evening Ma said;"Nice isn't he?"
"Jasper! No Ma he's frightful and nasty, you could
do a lot better." I assured her. The look on Mother's
face showed I should have kept my big trap shut.
"You evil little cow Rebecca Martin! He is a very nice
man and more to the point, he is very rich. You keep
away from him." She snarled like a predatory dog. I
raised my hands.
"Only looking out for you." God did she think I wanted
him? Was I that sad?
"I bet." She gave me another daggers look before
turning on her favorite soap opera. Blast as always
she had the wrong end of the stick. Don't get me wrong,
I don't like Mother much, but I don't want her to end up
with an old snake like Jasper.
Look at me-friday night and no-where to go! What can
a nearly middle-aged girl do?

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


I felt brilliant it's funny how little things can make
your heart soar. Alan phoned back, I had to take the call
in the toilet away from Mother's prying ears.
"How are you then?" He said and his voice was pure magic,
working it's wonders on my intestine's down to my pubic
bone. What could I say? I'm so lonely-I'm indulging in the
oddest fuck-fest this side of Pervert City. No I said:
"I'm fine! How's Pru?" As if I gave a shit about the evil skanking bitch!
"Yeah, she's ok. Hmm, been missing you." His voice was
so quiet.
"Excuse me can you repeat that?"
"I've been missing you." He said.
"Wait a moment let me get this clear, whom exactly have
you been missing?"
"You! You daft bitch!" He laughed aloud, such a happy
"Well that's alright then!" I was thrilled, really I was.
"Have you missed me?" He asked hopefully.
No-I've only thought about you every moment of everyday.
"A bit." Playing it coy, see?
"I'll bet you've not exactly been a nun though have you?"
Alan asked.
"Not exactly. Mind you it depends on what kind of nun
you are thinking about." Lesbo rampant nun? Fuck
the priest nun etc.
"Hmm, well I didn't expect you to remain celibate."
His voice sounded warm though, he did not seem at all
angry with me.
"Well you have been with Pru-I mean are you getting
back together properly?" I bit my lip, very Ruth like-
but apt in this circumstance. I just waited for the body
"No, she's lovely, far too good for me. But I keep thinking
of you."
How am I supposed to take this? Pru was too good for him
so what did that make me?
"That's not a bouquet Alan-you make me feel like second
best." My lip was in danger of being chewed off.
"Never. You will always be my number one."
"So what are we going to do about it?" I asked.
"Well I think I should come over, don't you?"
"I think that would be a good idea." My heart was soaring,
I did a little dance, then was amazed to find I was floating
from the floor up to the ceiling.
"Alan! I'm flying!" I trilled.
"That's because your dreaming, you big moose." He said
most ungallantly.
"NO! Wake the fuck up Becka!"
It was a dream, it was a shitty, bloody dream! Angela
stood glaring at me.
"You are on very thin ice lady." She warned.
But Alan did phone up later, although the content was
not the same at all.
"Becks it's Alan, have you a moment to talk?" He asked.
Once again to escape Mother, I took the phone to the loo.
It was like an action replay, I was so excited.
"How have you been?" I asked quickly.
"Fine, I hope you've been looking after yourself,
eating a few vegetables maybe?" His voice was pleasant,
but not intimate.
"A few." I felt the balloon in my chest slowly deflate.
"Look I'm phoning because I want you to hear this from me,
nobody else. Becka, I'm getting married to Pru-soon."
I sat down on the toilet seat.
"No!" I said loudly.
"Excuse me?" He asked.
"I said 'Oh'. If that's what you want, are you happy
"Very happy, look I must go, but I just want you to
know I enjoyed being with you for the short time we
had together." I would never be 'together' again.
"Me too." I murmured. So that was that.

Monday, June 21, 2004


I awoke this morning to the smell of stale cigarettes,
not unusual in my household.
"Get up you lazy little tart!" Said the sharp maternal
voice. Oh gawd, Mother is back again! Just kill me won't you?
Be a damn sight quicker.
"I've come back on account that this is my flat and
Lorraine, her silent horrible husband and screeching child
have driven me out. They've been making me smoke outside
in all weathers! And me at my age too."
I pointed out that she was not all that old and that the
weather had been unusually mild and lovely. She told me to
piss off to work. Mothers-bless them eh?
At work, which should have been my escape and haven, I
found an increasingly irritated Angela waiting for me.
"Your late again."
"Sorry-traffic!" I shrugged, I've forgotten how much that
pisses people off.
"Max told me he saw you in the pub." Her voice was as clipped
as a parrot's wing.
"Yeah-poor kid." I shrugged again.
"Will you stop doing that?" Angela snapped.
"Doing what?" Just call me stupid.
"Shrugging like some village idiot! For heavensake's
Becka get a grip! Your work is lousy, I really am thinking
that I made a big mistake taking you on as my P.A."
She stood up and flicked her long blonde hair.
"My feelings for you have changed. This is to be purely
a professional relationship from now onwards. So I
can only suggest that you buckle down and get your work
in order, that is unless you would like to go back to the shop floor?" She grinned at me and for a fleeting second
I saw her for what she was, a fat, lonely spiteful bitch.
At least I didn't have to pretend I liked shagging her
"I'll do my best, I promise you." I felt the weight of
the world lift from my shoulders. Even having Mother back
to live with me did not deflate my good mood.
As I left work later I noticed 'The Shit' sitting in
his car grinning at me like a demon. A handsome one though.
"Hello sexy drawers!" He smiled showing newly bleached teeth.
"Hello yourself. How's the wedding plans going?"
I sat down next to him, it felt so familar and still so
"Next saturday! Will you miss me?"
"Well I would-but I expect you will be back." I shrugged
again. On a roll I guess.
"I will be too you saucy cow! I've been missing our spanking
sessions, fancy a bum-burner?"
"Maybe. When I get back with Alan all this will stop
you know?" I traced the outline of his zip on his trousers,
he arched his back like a cat.
"Just the spot-wished I was marrying you."
"Don't even say it you bastard! We were together for years
and not a sniff of an engagement ring and you are with
Candy-floss hair for 2 seconds and it's all bells and
doves." I am bitter about it and why not?
"Look she has everything I need. But you have everything
I want, look we both are a couple of kinky sods, come
back to mine and lets get busy with it."
"I'll meet you there, I'll drive my Vespa."
I nearly turned off and drove home like any sensible
person would. But I didn't and soon I was being tied with
silk scarves to Jeff's lovely bed, he blindfolded me this
time-the shitbag! He had me spread-eagled with just my
g-string on, he spanked me hard, perhaps a little too
hard then he started to ease down my panties. I felt
something being shoved where it was not wanted.
"Bloody hell! What are you doing to me?" I snapped.
"I knew I should have gagged you! It's a butt-plug, honey,
trust me it will be fine."
It didn't feel fine, it felt ruddy uncomfortable!
I felt odd, almost sickly and really embarrassed. Then
he entered me, it was too much, I felt like I was full up,
no where to go. But panic was replaced by wave after wave
of lovely feelings and when I came my bum gripped the
plug hard and I quivered around it.
"Jeff!" I moaned.
"Great isn't it? Estelle loves it." He said smugly.
"Please tell me that this hasn't been up her arse, I'll
kill you if it has." I warned.
"Don't be stupid, it's a fresh one-bought this morning for
my own little hell-cat." He stroked my face. "Oh Becks,
what am I doing? What a mess!"
"If you don't want dirty then you shouldn't play with
bums!" I said-most offended!
"I didn't mean that! I meant 'me' you daft tart!" he laughed.
"Oh." I said.
"You love this Alan fella right?"
"Right! I have more chance jumping to the moon then
getting him back though." I smiled at jeff, he wasn't a bad
man-for a bastard.
"Go get him tiger." He looked so sad. I stroked his evil
"You and me, what a pair of fuck-ups!" I said truthfully.
"You said it babe." I left him alone then, he was after
all being married to a blonde bimbo with plastic tits.
What more could a man want?
My good mood was only deflated by a message on my
answerphone from Sister-Thing Raine.
"Becks I have only one thing to say to you, hahahahaha!"
I could have thrown the phone out of the window. Mother
sat glaring at it.
"I've played that 10 times and I still can't work out
what she means."
"She's just a sad bitch." I quipped, but obviously a
lucky one as she didn't have to put up with Mother
"Oh a man called Alan phoned, he said that he will
phone back tonight."
Oooh-err-my legs felt all wobbly, but I suppose it
could have been the anal probing.
"He sounds a bit of a posh bastard, has he any money?"
Said Mother, I raced across the room and kissed her on
the forhead.
"Get off me Rebecca, what's come over you?"
"Ah Ma, you wouldn't understand."

Saturday, June 19, 2004


Strange days indeed, being intimate with Ruth, having
fun with Mickey. What am I going to do with that man?
(That I haven't done already!)
I finally told Alex (as she is going back to Sean)all that had happened. She could not believe the stalking part. Who could-I hadn't got my head around it!
"What's wrong with that girl's head? I'll smack her in
the mouth!" Said my hero.
"No Ruth's got problems, but we're working them out." I
then told her about the sex.
"Fuck off! No really?" Alex's eyes were like gobstoppers.
"Yeah-I have a feeling that it was probably a bad move.
Never shag your friends, but it happened." I felt all shy
and silly.
"You do complicate things! Bloody hell, it's like incest!
You don't fancy me do you? Don't be getting any ideas!"
She warned me.
"No Alex, your not my type." I admitted.
"Oh yeah? What's wrong with me then?" She demanded.
"Nothing! Your lovely, but I don't fancy you."
"I'm better looking then Ruth, I'm a model after all,
what's not to like?" She grumbled away.
"Anyone would think you wanted me to like you! Do
you?" I scanned her face.
"No I don't, cheeky cow! But all I'm saying is, I'm
a looker, if your going to be gay now, then surely I would
be your first choice?"
How do I get out of this one?
"Darling I am not gay! Not even a little bit, it's just
sex, really nothing at all. I don't want Angela, Ruth,
Jeff, Mickey or Max. Just Alan and when I get him back
he is going to be my only one."
"That's not going to happen! I think you've scared
Alan off for good. Sean says that he's really happy now
with Pru."
"Did you have to tell me that?" I snapped:"Anyway I'm
going to do my best to get him back, I'm sure he loves
me really. He did buy me a Vespa." I imagined Alan
curled up reading sloppy love poetry to Pru and my
stomach lurched. "I feel quite ill, he can't love her,
he just can't!" Not when he had me!
"Easy babe! Anything is possible, look it's my last night,
let's go and see Shirl at The Twisted Gut and maybe
take on LilacLace, wind up old Grady-chops!" She smirked
and looked at her wedding ring:"I'd like to shove this up
his arse!"
"Well put like that how can I refuse?"
We glammed up in Stella MCartney rip-offs, looking
sharp and lovely as ever. (Ok maybe Alex did look the
best but I can dream can I not?)
In The Twisted Gut, aptly named as my stomach was
buckling under the strain, I could see Max sitting all
alone in the corner and Ruth laughing and joking with
Shirl at the bar. Two shags in the same bar, not a good
idea at all.
"Oh shit! Alex, look Ruth and Max! What shall I do?"
"Be cool, buy me a drink you cheapskate and a fucking
bag of crisps!" Trust Alex to get her priororities
Ruth's face split into a sunny smile when she saw us,
especially Alex and hugged her tightly. Perhaps she
was already pissed as she did not seem to notice how
cold Alex's reception was.
"My best girls! Lets drink to The Fuckwits!" And
ordered us some brandies with Babycham.
Max shuffled over in his goth-turn-the-lights-out
way. I smiled at him. I regretted sleeping with him, but
he was a pretty little thing.
"Hello Max." I said lightly.
"My Mother? How could you! I hate you!"
He picked up a drink from the bar and promptly poured it over my head! I licked my top lip, everyone seemed transfixed. Shirley roared first:"Max you little
wanker! Get the fuck out of my pub!" He legged it (as you would if a Goddess came at you with her hooves).
"What the fuck was all that about?" Asked Ruth and
patted my hair dry with a teatowel.
"Oh that's Max, Becka's toyboy, she's also shagging
his mother." Said Alex most unhelpfully, Shirley
glared at me. Oh dear.
"I warned you to stay away from that kid! You pervert!"
"He is 20! I'm not a prevert, really." I wailed.
"I don't want to do this Becka, but you are barred! I
told you to steer clear and you went and did it anyway.
Now out!" Shirley's nose practically had plumes of
smoke coming from her nostrils.
"You slept with him and his mother at the same time?"
Squeaked Ruth. She was backing away from me with a
horrified look on her face.
"No! Separately, I didn't know they were related!"
(Unlike Ruth who had taken on a whole family, although
she was so discreet, nobody ever knew).
"You are a monster!" Said Ruth quietly. "God know's
what I've caught from you!"
"Who the fuck are you calling 'monster'? At least she's
not some crazy postie bitch!" Snapped Alex. Happy days
"You told her?" Ruth looked hurt and shock.
"Well maybe a little." I admitted.
"Becka?" Said Shirl.
"Your still here! Now move it!"
Needless to say it was just Alex and myself who went
on to LilacLace. Ruth left in tears. So much for a
rekindled friendship. Ruddy Max! I'm sure he's ruined
my jacket. I'm getting far too old for this shit.
p.s Hello cheeky girls.

Thursday, June 17, 2004


"Keep still you silly bint!" Said Mickey as I squirmed
away from his probing fingers. Sadly we were not up to
monkey business, he was putting a wire on me 'borrowed'
from the police station. It was time to confront Ruth
and Mickey would not let me go unless he could hear what
was going on. I think he thought she would go for me with
a knife or something. Strangely, this had not occurred to
me, she was still my friend, nutter or not.
"I'll wait out here in the car." He said grimly:"I'm not
loving this you know."
I was. I felt exhilarated, I was also dressed in diesel
shorts, Ugg boots (liberated from Alex's wardrobe) and
a baggy checked shirt (to hide the wire).I felt pretty
damn fine I can tell you. Told you I was mad-must have a
death wish.
I knocked on Ruth's door whilst Mickey parked out of sight
around the corner. When she saw me she tried to slam
the door, but quicker then a double-glazing salesman, I
already had a foot hold.
"Not so fast! I have to talk to you." I pushed past
her, her flat was a slag heap, she made Tracey Emin's
art look tidy.
"What can you possibly want?" She glared at me with
her baby bottom lip trembling.
"I miss you. Also, what the fuck are you on girl, putting
shit through my letterbox and breaking my window? Anyone
would think you didn't like me."
Ruth's eyes widened in shock, then she gasped and fell
to the floor, very dramatic it was too.
Shit have I killed her?
"I'm not getting up." She said firmly.
"What? That's it? 'I'm not getting up?' What the fuck
does that mean? You owe me a reason why." I crouched
down beside her. "Look I know you had a 'thing' for
Alan, but well he's gone now, left me too. But I thought
we were better friends then that, to let a man come
between us."
She sat up and ruffled her feathered crop, coming over
all Winona and fragile.
"It's complicated." Ruth said.
"I'll bet. Come on, give it up. I won't bite you, or
post you old socks or something! What out! Your smiling!"
Ruth grinned at me.
"Sorry Becks, I think I'm trying to out-mad you and
it went too far. To begin with it was all about Alan,
I was besotted, he was everything I ever wanted in a man
and you were not the slightest bit interested in him."
"Yeah, I was careless." I grimaced, I had treated him
pretty shittily.
"I began to dream he was mine, then I started to hate you!
Really, really despise you." Ruth's face was screwed up
into a nasty scowl, she reminded me now more of Chuckie.
"Ruth! Really? That makes me sad."
"Yeah? Well think how I felt! Alex had Sean, you had
Alan and I had nothing!" Tears glinted in her eyes.
"You have your odd assortment of lovers." Why that
sounded like me!
"Not odd enough, I haven't been with anyone for a very longtime." She shook her head."I did practically force
Alan to have sex with me though. I'm sorry for that,
I'm not ugly am I? Not a heffer, but he wanted you
and your everything that I could not be."
"Silly cow! The Fuckwits compliment eachother because
we are all so different, we're like Charlie's Angels
without Bosely!"
"Hmm, I bet I'm the plain studious one."
"Nah, your much to thick for that!" I laughed and
she kicked me in the leg. Hard.
"I'll stop the post. Is it too late? Am I in trouble?"
She looked scared bless her.
"I won't press charges, how bad can it be?"
"Come here!" The next minute she was holding me and
we were crying into eachother's hair.
"Who cut this? You look like a dyke." She grumbled.
"Oh don't even go there! Too near the truth!" I giggled.
Have you ever said something that changes everything?
"Oh Becks I am so sorry!" She kissed my cheeks, nose,
lips, hair, lips, neck, lips, nose, lips-tongues. Oh
shit-here we go again.
"Ruth!" I pushed her off in shock.
"Ssh. Just kiss me like you do."
Like on auto-pilot I began to kiss her until it
felt good.
"You have no idea how long I have wanted this."
Murmured Ruth, desperately trying to pull my shirt
open. I was wired so I pushed her hands between my legs
instead. "Since we were kids I've thought about you,
getting close like this."
"Yeah-who would have thought it would nearly take a
restraining order to get this far." I joked.
"Please touch me."
So I did, her shaved haven was so bare and innocent,
I just had to kiss it. Her small un-formed breasts
like creamy cones, her soft mouth. I fingered her
roughly then drove my tongue home. Mmm.
"Oh Becks!" She wailed. I was not unmoved myself,
she began to force my shorts over my hips, I had on
my very best panties, pink with a picture of a cat
on them. They were already soaking.
"Oh Ruth!" I groaned, blast this was good! Then I
remembered the wire and thought of Mickey in the car
hearing everything. Oh that turned me on! When we had
finished Ruth said:
"Where do we go now?"
So I started to sing Guns and Roses, Sweet child o'mine.
"Where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do we go?"
Until she hit me again. Also quite hard.
"No really? What is this?"
What indeed? As always in these situations I make a
run for it, flanked by a few soothing words.
"I'll be back." Very Arnie.
My getaway car contained a very hot, steamy policeman.
"What are you like?" He yelped, his grin was awesome,
like the happiest man in the world.
"Shut up you." I snapped.
"I heard you!" He was very excited, unfortunately he was
wearing pale jeans and the evidence was already seeping
"Why do you think I got so turned on dummy? I knew
you could hear me!" I laughed at his face, the fool.
"I love my wife Becks, but for old times sake can you
just give it a little shake?" So I gave him a hand-job.
Why not?
For the first time in ages I felt at peace. If I had
Alan then everything would be perfect. Weird but perfect.
At least Ruth was ok. She was more then ok-she was great!

Tuesday, June 15, 2004


As soon as Mickey Straw entered my flat he dropped his
trousers (as they do).
"What are you playing at Strawman?" I was faintly irritated,
what did he think I was?
"I'll tell you what I saw on the CCTV camera, show you
even as I have the video with me. But first you have to
suck-it-and-see!" He beamed at me, absolutely delighted
with himself.
"Bloody hell!" I grumbled and knelt like some five pound
whore in my hallway, when he was finished he patted me on
the head.
"Good girl." He said patronizingly.
"I sound like a ruddy police dog! Now Mickey, show
me the video before I stick it up your arse!"
"You won't like it." He warned and funny enough, I
didn't. I'm always moaning about my heart being broken,
well now it is. Officially.
I watched a small and beloved person walk nonchalantly
to my door, look furtively and then try to post something.
But as it happened Julie in pajamas, the nurse downstairs
was just coming in as well, she pulled up in her little
Mini. The slight figure hustled away like a pantomine
"Fuck me." I mumbled.
"Exactly." Said Mickey.
"Have I gone mad?"
"Nope. I saw it too and I'm a policeman, we have to
be sane, it's the law."
"Really Mickey-I'm shocked."
"I am too babe. It's a stinker alright." He placed
his arm around me (and down my top).
"What will we do next? I don't know what to do."
"We will have to make an arrest and press charges of
harassment with intent , although we have no idea
what the intent actually is."
"No Mick! I don't want to press charges! She's my
"Fine friend."
"I'll deal with it, honestly it'll be ok."
"It might have gone too far. Who would have thought
it? Ruth eh?"
Yes it was Ruth, but why, who knows? I just know it
hurts like hell.

Sunday, June 13, 2004


So you can imagine the icy atmosphere at work, Angela
has been blanking me and rather then talking to me she
just sends emails stating what she wants me to do. Namely-
die. I lost it in the end.
"Ok Angela, lets clear this up shall we? Firstly I never
knew that Max was your son, I didn't know you had a son!
Secondly, I would never, ever have gone near him if I had
known." This was kind of the truth.
"You are without doubt a slimy, scheming, using, scumbag
bitch of a whore! Even if you didn't know he was my boy,
he is far too young for you and your meant to be with me
anyway! What goes on in your perverted head? Do you just
see people as a whole line of shags do you?" Her eyes
were flashing in a most alarming way.
"I'm sorry-really I am." I mumbled, well sorry I was
caught anyway!
"I think I could hate you." She said quietly.
"So I'm not your 'spiky haired love-muffin' anymore
then?" I said stupidly. Instantly her attitude changed.
"Do you want to be?" Angela's lip quivered, bloody hell
what was I to do?
"Of course! But you know everything will stop when
Alan comes back?" I don't think she heard the last
part, next minute tears were streaming down her face
and she was in my arms.
"Oh Becka! Max is so upset, he really liked you, you
know?" I winced, Max was definitely more my cup of
tea then Angela.
"I liked him too, but he is too young." I admitted.
"Show me you love me-take your clothes off now, here
in the office." She sat back in her black leather seat
and watched me earnestly. "Do me a lap-dance!"
Shit-how rude, without music and with the blinds open
and the door unlocked I began to unbutton my shirt, then
I let my trousers drop to the floor. I felt silly, but
it had a mad quality to it that I liked. I unhooked my
bra and sat straddling her, when Angela tried to touch me,
I moved her hands away.
"Uh-uh, keep your hands to yourself, that is the rule."
I arched my back and let a nipple gently graze against
her cheek. I wished I had my long hair, most strippers
have that to flick and torment people. Or just hide
"Oh Becka, I love you so much!"
I peeled my g-string down and wiggled my bum in her face.
That was too much for her and the next moment her fingers
were in side me working furiously and pinching my
clitoris. So I guess I was forgiven. The things I have to
do jeez. Not bad though.
Have had a quiet weekend on account Mother has decided
to visit Sister-thing, much to Raine's consternation,
much to my relief. Got a phone call from Mickey Straw.
"Hey babe, might be interested, we have caught someone
on the CCTV."
"Oh? I haven't had any post?"
"They were loitering with intent, it's only because
they got disturbed that they didn't post anything.
I think you should see it-on my way round. Oh and Becks?"
"Wear something hot."
"Up your bum!"I laughed, but I was worried, what would
be on the tape? And what should I wear?
Answers please!
Becka Martin

Friday, June 11, 2004


Sorry I have not written for the last couple of days,
I have been feeling slightly depressed about everything.
Max, my lovely (hate to say it) toy-boy is already over,
that is I finished it. Firstly because I was starting to
feel the wrath of Big Shirl and secondly because he took
me home to his Mum's place and I saw his little bedroom.
It was all ok at first, I knew his Mum was out for
the evening, she had a super house in Dulwich and we
were chilling in the living room with a bottle of vodka
and a bowl of chunky chips. We started kissing and Max
led me upstairs to his mother's bedroom.
"No way Max! I'd feel awful!" I would too, it's not nice
to shag on other people's beds, you have to have some
manners after all. The bed was good though, kingsize and
oval in shape, covered with a deep red satin cover.
"Blast! None of my other girlfriend's mind!" He grumbled.
"Well tough! I'm different, for starter's I'm older."
"Age is a real issue with you isn't it?" He stupidly
asked me.
"Like duh? I'm a woman aren't I? We have this youth thing
rammed down our throats at every opportunity. Of course
we are going to worry about aging!"
Then we reached his room. Oh dear. A poster of Slipknot,
Korn, Cradle of Filth and finally something I understood,
PJ Harvey (but only 'cos I look a bit like her).
Pinned up were pictures of girls, real girls not stars,
obviously ex-girlfriends. The real killer though was the single bed, with the Star Trek duvet cover and Farscape
lampshade. He sat on the end of the bed grinning at me,
already I could see his erection straining the denim
of his jeans. Guess what? Suddenly I felt, nasty, old,
cheap and definitely not in the mood for sex.
"Mmm, Max, I feel terrible, really bad!" I lied, that's
what I do, lie when I'm in tight spots. His young
face creased with concern.
"I'll get you a couple of aspirins-be right back!"
As young and hopeful as a gazelle, he was off. I sat
there chewing my nails and wondering how I was going
to let him down gently. He was lovely and gorgeous,
but he was too young and he was ultimately not Alan.
Suddenly I heard the door open downstairs and two
pairs of foot steps sounded on the stairs.
Shit! I was going to get busted by his Mum! At my age
too! Oh the humiliation. Max opened the door beaming
and ushered in his mother.
"Becka, this is my Mum, Mum this is Becka my new
My mouth nearly hit the floor, it was only bloody
Angela Grade!
Shit! She glared at me, I goggled at her and beat a
hasty retreat-would I still have a job to go back to?

Tuesday, June 08, 2004


First and foremost, to make myself feel better, prettier
and desirable-I decided to seduce Max. He was the Gothy,
sexy, Depp-ite who was nearly young enough to be my son.
I dragged Alex with me too (as a prop) and waited with
Shirley at the bar until my intended prey showed up.
"Saw your old Ma, looks very well." Said my bosomy
"You can have her if you want! Stinking the flat out
with fags and generally acting like a complete control
freak." I puffed deeply on my own cigarette to make a
"What's she back for anyway?"
"Dunno! I guess she's split up with that Italian
geezer, Gianni. Mind you he was a wicked old ponce!"
My eyes caught sight of Max as he entered with a
dazzlingly lovely girl of about 18. Oh. So that was
that then. When he saw me his face lit up into a
gorgeous smile.
That was it, I was entranced and so was he. Alex
and Shirley sat dourly at the bar (like book-ends)
giving me old-fashioned looks. Who cares?
When I got him up and running so to speak, I realized
where were we going to go? Mother was at mine and
Max lived with his folks.
"It's no good-it'll have to be in the car!" Said Max
enthusiastically. Balls. It was all right for him,
he was 20, I'm 34, it's a bit saddo really. In for
a penny in for a pound. I'd forgotten what it is
like to sleep with a really young guy. He was so
smooth and soft and hard in all the right places. I
began to realize the absurdity of the situation,
here I was sitting in a parked car by Clapham Common
with my arse in the air. Could life be more perfect?
Tomorrow Mission Alan.

Monday, June 07, 2004


Rather then deal with the whole sorry Ruth episode,
I, queen of denial decided not to tell Alex. At least
not last night. I was happy, I had my bezzie mate back
who had brought me a darling red top from LA which said
'SKA' on the front. I gelled my hair into little peaks and
put enough glitter eyeshadow on to shame a drag queen.
We went to LilacLace and was pleased to see the proprietor,
the human Easter-egg was absent. Neck, the deadly henchman
was though. His black eyes glittered when he saw Alex (I'm
sure she had shagged him at one point)and he smiled
at her.
"No Grady?" She enquired loftily.
"He's on holiday in Ibiza, would you like some cocktails
girls?" Neck was in charge and we didn't have to pay for a single drink. However the night was not without incident,
turning I saw Alan talking with Pru in one of the booths.
"Shit no!" I practically gagged on my White Russian.
"Alan? Oh so that's Pru, pretty isn't she for an old
girl." Said Alex observantly.
"What shall I do?" I felt like wringing my hands
(and Pru's neck) in frustration.
"Do nothing, dance, have a good time, show him what
your made of."
So although I wanted to rush over and grab him, make him
notice me, I just danced quietly with Alex and
tried not to look at him.
"Is Alan looking at me?" I asked.
I wiggled my hips:"Is he looking now?"
"No! I'll tell you when he looks, shut up!"
We danced somemore, I felt like I was auditioning
for Flashdance, so much effort was I putting into it.
"Ok he's seen you, they both have."
"And?" I went low and felt my back groan at the indignity.
"He looks fazed, she looks angry. I would say you've
got yourself a result. Uh-uh he's coming over!"
"Hello Becka, Alex." Said the quiet, familiar voice.
I turned slowly and felt my heart melt like soft wax,
whatever Alan said, I knew that we were meant to be
together. He still looked thin and his hair had grown
a little, but he was in better shape then last time I
had seen him.
"Alan!" I kissed his cheek, aware that Pru was glaring
from her booth like Medusa.
"It's really good to see you again." Something
flashed through his eyes, regret maybe? Then Pru
walked across the room like a legendary British actress.
"Becka my dear!" She boomed in her husky voice.
"How charming you look!" She was wearing Prada I think
in deep ruby, a shapless dress that enhanced all the
right places.
I felt like a tramp on a day out- before I had
felt so good-so boss. She had a knack of making me
feel cheap and tawdry.
"Likewise." I said shortly and introduced her to
"Have I seen you on the catwalk?" Asked Pru.
Alex laughed:"No, but if you buy your clothes from
catalogues there is a very good chance you would have
seen me!"
"Maybe not then." Said Pru frostily.
"Well." Said Alan, he looked helpless:"I think we
should go Pru." Before he could say goodbye Pru
stopped him.
"Alan! You haven't told them our news? Oh dear!
Men! Look at this:" She showed a square cut diamond
the size of a thumbnail. "Isn't it exquisite? This is
out, 'try-again' ring."
"Excuse me, I feel a bit sick." I swayed and Alex
caught me.
"Oh? I hope it wasn't something I said?" Said Pru
grinning evilly like a wicked queen step-mother.
"No, just too many White Russians, all that cream."
My good friend said as an explanation-even though it
was obvious I was upset.
Alex ushered me to the toilet and true enough I
really was sick. At least she did not have to hold
my hair this time.
"Are you ok Becks?"
"No I'm not! Well this time I'm going to get mean!
No more 'Mrs Nice-Girl!"
And I meant it-no fucking around-this was

Sunday, June 06, 2004


Unbelievable! Mother actually left the flat for a change,
instantly the air was fresher and more breathable. So I
decided to stay in and fantasize what it would be like when she was gone for good! Evil cow that I am.
However 7.30pm last night there was knock on the door.
Alex! What a shocker!
"Bloody hell babe! What are you doing here?" I screamed
happily giving her a bear-hug.
"I'm sooo bored Becks! Really, really bored. All I ever
do is hang around waiting for Sean. I thought I'd come
back for a couple of days and see what happens. Try to
resurrect my failing career." She looked well though,
toned, golden and hair curly and natural like Macey Gray,
except it was tinted auburn.
"You haven't split up with Sean have you?"
"No way! He's great, but he could see I was suffering.
I'll just stay a week or so, nothing major. Anyways,
how's it been with you?" (Her couple of days had already
turned into a week or so. Ho-hum.)
"That's too sad a song for tonight! Fancy going to
Luckily she did, later as I was dancing my socks off
I remembered Max, the babychange hottie. He'd keep.

Saturday, June 05, 2004


Awoke this morning firstly to the sound of Mother
snoring, she had the bedroom-I was reduced to the sofa.
Then I became aware of a drilling sound, it seemed to be coming from my wall. I opened the window and was surprised
to see an old guy fitting brackets just below my bathroom
"What's going on?" I demanded, he looked at me, very
fetching I looked too in my WonderWoman T-shirt and
matching pants.
"I'm fitting CCTV, the Copper down there requested it."
I looked down and saw Mickey Straw sitting in his
battered Megane drinking a huge coffee. I came down and
got into the car with him.
"Like the pants, legs eleven!" He leered.
"Actually I've only got two. You could have told
me about that guy-it could have been embarrassing."
"Nah, your shameless!" I hit him hard in the leg.
"Becka I think this might do the trick, the camera
should catch everything." He placed a warming hand
on my thigh, I removed it quickly.
"I don't like it! All the houses with CCTV around here
are the first to get burgled."
"You haven't got anything worth taking!" Sneered Mickey.
"Fuck you! What about my telly, computer, sound
"To be honest they are all shit, if you left the
door open I'm sure nothing would go missing. Might
even take pity on you and fetch you some stuff!"
This time I punched him in the arm, enough of his
I left him to it, I'd best get Mother up and start
the day. I don't know what I'm going to do yet
for this evening. Half tempted to see if the Sexyboy
is at the pub.

Friday, June 04, 2004


I'm not good at this office stuff, cutting and
pasting does not come easily for me. Angela has the
patients of a saint, however her morals are far darker.
She keeps touching me, leaning against me, playing with
what's left of my hair. I ask for it I guess as I'm that
gorgeous (yeah right!). I feel like I've pushed myself
into a corner now, no escaping. Mother is still at home
stinking out the flat with nicotine, at least it's put
me off the fags, I might even quit!
To cheer myself up I went to The Twisted Gut last night
to have a bevy with Shirl. She so comforting-must be
the breasts-motherly.
"Tell me all about it love." She says and slaps those
big whoppers on the counter. You don't know where to
look. I told her everything (well an edited version)
skimming of course over the Angela episode as she
just wouldn't understand.
"Seems to me Becks, none of your men are right for you.
Jeff is a shit, Mickey is married and Alan, well he
was never going to handle you dear."
"Really? I thought he handled me just fine-and in
all the right places! Oh god Shirl what am I going
do?" I placed my hot face on the smooth counter.
"Get your sweaty mush off my paneling! I've just
polished that!" She scolded. "If you want Alan you
are just going to have to get him and stop shagging
other people for a start!"
"I don't shag just anyone." I grumbled:"Jeff and
Mickey are ex-boyfriends!"
"So that makes it ok?" She shook her head, very
Diana Dors tonight with freshly bleached hair.
"No, but I've 'done' them already, it's not like
I'm picking up men in bars!" I surveyed the talent,
non existent, 2 old men with flat caps, a yob with
a Burberry baseball hat and a punky young man who
looked like Edward Scissorhands. I did a double
take, he really did look like Johnny Depp but he
was about 20. Babychange. Couldn't help but look
though. He caught my eye and pulled out his tongue.
What? I stuck two fingers up in a Kes salute, he
laughed and I could see a tongue stud.
"Whose the young blood?" I asked Shirl, very interested
"You are old enough to be his mother!" Roared Shirley,
very disapprovingly:" That's Max, he's a friend of
my oldest boy Jordan."
The next minute he was at my side.
"Buy you a drink? Love your hair by the way."
What could I do?
"Thanks, I'll have a brandy and coke."
I might have slept with him (in another reality)but
but then he started to count out his change on the bar
and I realized my error. He was too young, everything was wrong-we were not a match.
"Honey I'll have to go, sorry." I smiled my best smile.
Shirley smiled on approvingly.
"Another time then?" Said the boy:"My name is Max
by the way."
"Nice to meet you Max-by-the-way, I'm Becka."
We shook hands and there it was, attraction at it's
finest and most pure. The match might not be perfect
but it had firm foundations. Namely in my crotch.
"I'll see you another time then Becka."
"I hope." I said and left while I still could. He was
a honey of the first order. Suddenly I felt old and
jaded, but he had liked me hadn't he? Can't be that
bad can I? Not too shoddy!

Thursday, June 03, 2004


Justine was furious when she saw me walking around
the shop floor with my PA badge, snazzy suit and
killer smile.
I ran a finger across her counter and checked it for
dust. I know, I know-but I could not resist it.
"Piss off you!" She snapped, I think I like this girl,
so easy to push all her buttons-must be the short fuse.
"What a way to talk to your superior!" I laughed.
"Just go Becka." She said pleadingly:"What are you here
for anyway? I thought you worked in Head office as
Angela's lackey.
"Well-yeah. But I do get out sometimes and Angela seems
to think that this area:" I pointed to Justine's
counter and my make-up stand."This could do with
revitalising, a bit like your brain cells really."
"Bitch. What have you got in mind?" Her vapid eyes
honed in on me. Eeeww!
"I don't know yet, but really it all looks a bit
'Grace Brothers' and dated. Oh look who is my place! I
walked across to see little Zoey running the counter
all on her own!
"Hey Zoey! I thought you were at college, what happened?"
We hugged and her smile slipped.
"You could say it was a clash of personalities, they
didn't like mine, so I got booted. You left just in
time for me to get your job."
I frowned, it had been bloody hard getting the job
when I was younger. I had to study hard and get all
the right qualifications. Zoey just walked into it.
Sods law. I put aside my jealousy.
"I'm happy for you, really." I smiled:"But get
those exams eh? Then you won't get stuck here and
maybe you can work with real models or stars."
"Maybe, but I'm doing well at the moment." And so she was.
Which leaves me to sort out, obviously I will need
allies if I have to evict Mother. Hmm started to think
of Jeff in a whole new light. Especially after that

Wednesday, June 02, 2004


Oh the indignity! Mother and DC Straw are sitting,
drinking and smoking like old friends! It was another
story when I used to date him as a youngster.
Mum used to call him 'That Trash kid!' But maybe she's
mellowed with age and he is kind of sexy. They are
laughing and I sorely feel that they are laughing at me.
Which aint nice.
"Well Becks my sweetheart at least you have your Ma
to stay and what good timing too!" He smiled cherubically,
I felt like flattening his face with my fist but I
contained myself. Like you do.
"Mickey when are you going to find this bastard?" I
"Working on it. Must leave now-goodbye Mrs Martin.
Mother smiled at him and patted her hair.
"Come and see us soon." He winked at her and she had the
audacity to blush! Huh!
I growled at Mickey in the hall.
"What are you playing at you prick? Smooshing my
Mother when you know she hates your guts!"
DC Straw looked abashed, then he put his hand up my
top and squeezed a stray nipple.
"Always had a lot of time for your Ma, don't be
jealous! I really am glad she is staying with you."
"I'm not!" I protested and removed his hand, the dirty
"See? What a nice young man! Lovely looking, so polite!
You should have got your claws into him years ago.
A Detective, now that's a real-man's job." She
said approvingly.
"As opposed to what?" I argued but as ever she was off
with the fairies.
"Ooh if I was only 10 years younger." She said wistfully.
Blast wish she would go, I don't seem to have any
sanctity or sanity in my life anymore.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004


So Mother is back and here ends my freedom until
she sees fit to go again! One thing you should know
about my Mum, she's not nice. No really, she makes
Joan Crawford look like Nigella Lawson! When we were
children, Sister-thing and myself would often be left to
our own diversions whilst Mother went out to look for men.
She said that she was far too young to be tied down with
a couple of snot-nosed brats. This was after Dad had died,
so she must have been about 28/29, quite young.I
must have been about 7 or 8 and sister thing, 9 or 10.
Sorry I can't pin it down, but it was a long time
"Look at this fucking flat!" She stormed as she blew
smoke from her nose that the dragon that she was.
"It's ok, only pick-up stuff!"
"Then pick it up! It's my flat after all!"
This was true, I don't ever think of it as her's though,
I live in it so it's mine. So I tidied, with Mother
behind you-you can do anything. This is because it
is preferable to do what she wants then for her to actually
talk to you. Rant at you I should say.
"What's going on with the hair? You look like a
freaking dyke!" (Mother spends far too much time in
New York).
The phone rang, before I could reach it the answerphone,
cut in and Sister-thing made a sharp mistake:
"Becka! It's Raine, a little bird told me that Mother
is back in town!"
Before she could say anything else Mother had snatched
the phone up:"Yes I am Lorraine! When am I going to
see my fucking Grandson?" I faintly heard poor Raine
squeak 'shit!' But at least the heat was off of me for
a few moments.
"Anything to drink in this disgusting hovel?"
"Ah, tea?"
"Don't be so soft! Scotch." Already I could feel my
self reverting into a snivelly little kid.
So she drunk my booze and raved at me with the zeal
of a lunatic.
"I heard that Jeffrey left you? What a shame, but
a man like that will always go for the best he can!"
This was from my own Mother, man! But she was never
on my side, or Sister-thing's come to that. She used
and manipulated us to her own effect.
"The girl he's gone for is a model-type air-head.
She might look better but she doesn't think better
then me." I was already 15 and sulking.
"Mmm, well the proof of the cake is in the eating
isn't it?"
I told her about my fab new job, omitting details
about Angela Grade's 'special' relationship with me.
"Well that's something I suppose." She grumpily
conceded:"But": there always was a 'but' with Mum
"Lorraine is still stuck in that no-hope office job,
what a disappointment!"
I glared at her, after all, she had made us what we
were. It was a joy to go to work today to escape
from her.
When I returned home I practically needed a gas-mask
to enter the flat because of the haze of fag smoke.
"Christ Ma! Can't you open a window?"
"Don't you window me! I found this on the mat this
morning, what is going on Rebecca?"
Of all the times to strike, Postie had to make a return
when Mother was here. I felt quite ill.
Postie had posted a photograph of myself, sitting
on my Vespa looking grim and moody. It was the words
written in lipstick that did it though.
"Can you explain to me what is going on?"