Wednesday, June 21, 2006


So blind me?

Bastard men.
Women too.
I'm going to be celibate...........
..........see, I lasted!

My lovely sister Raine was waiting at the copshop for me,
she had that tight lemon sucking look to her mouth.
She wore that a lot when she was with me. Her husband
D looked at me with his usual confusion, he was still trying
to work out what I was.

My own mouth was doing lots of pully downey motions
like it was wired to a string.
I had a strong feeling I was going top cry.
"Don't say anything!" Warned Raine, she had my lovely
old Adidas cardie which she wrapped around my shoulders.
Raine turned me around and in a blur of Cops, felons
and complete strangers, I was face to face with Alan.
For once he was not scowling.
He looked good.
He wasn't wearing black.
His hair was cut short.
Fuck-he was smiling!
"Ruth..."I Mumbled.
"...Will survive!" Finished Raine:"You however Madam
need to take it easy."
"I should see her." I was trying.
"Tomorrow." Said Alan and I'd forgot how deep and rich
his voice is. Mmmm.
Tomorrow was a day ripe with possibilities.
Tonight was a jaded old hag that needed to be put to bed.
"Alan, what next?" I whispered, scared to touch him,
scared of everything my life had become.
"What do you want to happen next?" He asked me,
his head to one side. crowlike and lovable.
"I want to rest." Yeah a silky bed, a cool drink,
something to eat, what's that stuff called? Oh yeah food!
"Then so mote it be."
Said Alan.
At least that's what I heard.
I left the copshop with a blissed out smile on my lips,
made all the sweeter by the murderous look Mickey
Straw gave me.
When I slipped into Alan's crapola car, I swear to God it
turned into a Pumpkin!
Alan laughed as I rested my weary head on his shoulder and
let him feed me stale wine gums from the glove compartment.


Becka M XXXX

Friday, June 09, 2006


"Easy Becka, EASY!" Said Mickey Straw (for it was he) as
I threw myself at him, a bundle of grief, anger and disbelief.
He restrained me, that terrible screaming would not stop,
would someone shut that bitch up? Oh ok it was me.
I stopped.
I really mean stopped.
I stopped screaming,
I crashed heavily to the pavement and even my skinned
knees didn't make me start again.
Next minute CopGirl Kate sat down next to me and covered
my body with a blanket.
I was still naked, but oblivious to the cold or anything.
"Listen Becka, you have to listen. Oh Mick I think she's
going into shock!"
I don't remember the next 20 minutes or so.
Later Angie would tell me that my head flopped terribly
like a broken marionette.
Apparently Mickey slapped me, twice sharply across the cheeks
and Angie swore at him.
CopGirl Kate made him wait by the car.
I weed myself.
How undignified!
Justine did nothing. The dead don't.
The dead.
"Earth to Becks!" This was Angie, she twisted my nipples
very hard!
"Houston we have contact!" Angie kissed me:"Ruth is alive,
ok, alive, she lives! "
I was shaky on my feet but Angie and believe it or not Justine
helped me to dress.
I had not heard the ambulance arrive and take Ruth away.
I missed the:"She's got a pulse!" Moment.
But I did not care, it was as if someone had robbed me of all
my strength away in one go.
I was whacked.
I wanted Alan.......
and strangely enough........

Becka M