Saturday, November 10, 2007


I am so sorry guys have been a miserable cow kneeling at the gates of
citalopram. No we were not washed away with the tidal surge, but on
the plus side did get a lot of exercise carrying possessions, objects and
general boy-tat upstairs.
Madbecka will resume shortly.
Thanks for caring guys, you mean the world to me.


Friday, August 03, 2007


Well guys I guess we owe you a mini explanation-I mean we disappear
for weeks on end, then write crap!
There is a very good reason for this-
1./We have been overcome with Snape lust because of the new Harry Potter
2./A new job which includes being chastised by the general public.
3./A bit part in Transformers as a wheel.
4./A nasty caffeine withdrawal-I got a Starbucks stool stuck up my bum.
5./A visiting relative who cries all night, drools and generally screams the
house down. You can tell which side of the family he's off of can't you D?
6./I dreamt that I was married to George Roper off of George & Mildred and
he was a pimp daddy.
7./I had a haircut that very nearly made me look like Chrissie Hynde-I was
not amused.
8./I got chatted up by some carrot crunching yoik with space for dental items like
teeth. Yep I've got a way with the men folk.
9./I give up!
10./There is no 10

p.s a 1 of these is not true.

Right and just to add the piece la resistanceI am off on hols for a couple of weeks!!!!
Must do better when I return.
Lindy, ML, Etoile, Butterfly, HB love u babies!


Becka mmm

Monday, June 25, 2007


I think this is it.
I mean it.
Lesbo valley is the way to go.
No more men.
Men are evil.
Men are bad.
Bad for me.
If I could draw- you would see a big upside down face.

Sol watched me crying like a teenage girl down the phone to my
dear sister-thing. He was rather amused.
I was bawling.
I expect Raine was holding the phone at arms length.
(I was!)
When I had finished my little rant I made Sol drive me back to
his hotel room.
Yes I was ever the optimist.
Sol staunchly ignored me and ordered an evening meal of lobster (yuk!)
Oysters (gag!) Mussels (I'm sick now) and something which could only be
described as (Eeeewww!)
And a fruit platter.
And a bottle of Cristal for me.
I phoned Mal.
He made all the right noises and sounded very sympathetic.
But he obviously wasn't going to get off his fat arse for me tonight in the
"Oooh you should see him Mal, he looks like the perfect man, really beautiful
and his eyes so sparkly light in his face!"
"Mmm." Mal.
"Did I tell you...........he.............never.............goes.......down?"
"On yew?" Mal giggled.
"Yes sadly on me!! But himself, he's perpetually hard. He should be called
The Rock, oh no someones already called that!!!! He's so magnificent!"
I sighed.
Mal sighed.
"On mai way!" Mal hung up.
I grinned.
What could I do with a South African guru, a bisexual Scotsman and a platter
Please don't answer that!!!!!


Tuesday, May 22, 2007


Which is perhaps the understatement of the year!

I smiled at him encouragingly (although it was hard to smile

with all those tubes coming out out all over the shop)

He was too pale but his eyes burned like hot black coals.

"Bitch!" He hissed.

The twins sat either side of him, like sexy cats really, so

louche, they could lick my cream any day of the week!

They smiled at me.

Sol came in and grinned rather too widely.

"You can send him out for starters!" Shuddered Alan, the boys patted

him down.

"You'd better go mate." Said Jude apologetically.

"I knew I should have brought some grapes." Grumbled Sol, he

winked at me. "I shall wait in the foyer, lobby, whatever. I take it that

you will come for me later?"

I'd come for you anytime baby. I thought and nodded.

Sol's eerie eyes blazed, was this guy hot or what? Sexy, scary,

perpetually hard and probably a mind reader!

I turned my attention back to Alan.

"Baby." I said and kissed him, he edged away from me.

"I want you out Becka, out of my life, my head and my bed, now

this minute take your shit out of my home and just fuck off! You

nearly killed me this time, no more now. Just go."

"Alan." Said Quinn and tried to get him to remain calm.

"And you little buggers! Don't think that I wasn't aware what you

have been up to with Becka! You all treat me like a fool, but I only

give you enough rope to hang yourselves with see? You still here?"

This was to me.

"Well yeah! I'm not going anywhere you will have to have me dragged

out before I go anywhere! I love you Alan, I know I'm not the best girlfriend

in the world, but I'm funny, cute and damn good in bed." I smiled.

2 minutes later Sol watched a burly Security man (or woman) I could not tell

as they had breasts, carry me out and dump my arse on the pavement outside the


An Orderly laughed. "Hey love they are normally carried into here!"

"Fuck off!" I said and Sol winced.

"Sorry."He said to the Orderly:"She failed the audition for Big Brother

and it's gone to her head!"

"Shut up!" I said and started to cry, was this the end for me and Alan?

Becka M

p.s Sorry about delay and all Raine going crazy at new job etc

Saturday, May 05, 2007

BOOGA booga

I sat at the back of the cab and looked at Sol, his crisp trousers
looking for the world like a veil over a snake.
"Becka cut it out." He said coolly and nodded to the cabbie who
was also intently watching me in his mirror.
Pervs everywhere!
The cabbie grinned and winked at Sol, Sol swore under his breath.
In a weird way it was the same disapproving action that Alan might
have made.
Here was I scrutinizing a man's crotch whilst my beloved could be
Did that make me bad?
Was I evil?
Am I going to hell?
I could not resist another sneaky peek.
"Becka you are doing it again." Sol's voice was deeply irritated.
"I'm just fascinated, do you have to strap it down? Have you
ever got into trouble with it? Have you been arrested for lewd
behaviour?" I licked my top lip.
I caught the cabbie's eye in the mirror.
Poor guy he had beads of sweat on his forehead as big as peas.
"I won't tell you again, cut it out." Snapped Sol his eyes narrowed
and his forehead lined like a loaf of Mother's Pride.
I'd pissed him off.
I love it when that happens.
"When was the last time you...." I lowered my voice (but still
loud enough for my audience to hear) ...came?"
"If you continue with this line of questioning I won't be responsible
for my actions!" Sol was livid!
Hee hee!
"Uncomfortable?" I said and squeezed his knee:"Quick BJ help yer?"
The cab driver swerved slightly.
"Hey!" Shouted Sol and hit the Driver's headrest:"Watch the bloody
road! And you... (This was to me) behave yourself or I might have to
punish your frail little frame!"
I grinned Chesire Cat styley a spank in the back of a cab was definitely
the way to go! I shivered in anticipation.
Sol looked at me in disgust.
"Tell me you are not getting off on that?" He almost pleaded.
"Uh huh." I nodded.
"Me too." Said the Driver.
"I'm going to need this Hospital at this rate!" Said Sol and turned
away to look out of the window.
My labia deflated sadly like a punctured balloon.
Boo hoo.
I looked at the cabbie, young, not bad, bit Eastern European 80's
kitch about the collar but even so:"Don't suppose you'd be up for
a bit of mutual masturbation eh mate?"
I swear we nearly went into a bus!
And no Sol didn't let me.
With him or the cabbie.
The cabbie didn't get a tip.
And we didn't buy the grapes.

With love and kisses Becka Mmmmmm

Saturday, April 21, 2007


My mobile sounded like Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars, which was odd as
it was meant to sound like San Saens Danse Macabre.
"Becks it's Jude, listen Alan's in hospital, heart attack, oh Quinn wants a
word." The phone was passed, I could imagine their fingers touching
lightly, the warmth and slight roughness of their skin.
"Becka, c'mon girl we need you here." A gasp, then the phone hung up.
I ran around the room swearing and flapping like an albatross with ADHD.
Sol caught me, held me to his chest, I could feel his smooth skin and his
"Tell me what was said." His voice was commanding. I told him viciously.
I glared at him.
It was all his fault.
"If Alan dies." I warned.
"Then he dies. With life comes death. Sometimes." His eerie eyes burned
into me with their smoke effect.
I imagines Master Skinner would have sold his soul (and his best set of ropes)
for eyes such as this. He had to resort to coloured contacts.
Sol was the real deal, though just what he was hadn't filtered through yet.
He was bona fide odd.
And it was his fault.
"Alan's had a heart attack, take me to the hospital." I commanded.
"Please?" I asked.
"I'll be your best friend." I wheedled.
"Please?" I whined.
"I'll dress." Said Sol and let his gown fall to the floor.
Something else fell to the floor as well.
My jaw.
He was absolutely perfect.
I gawped.
His eyebrows raised. "Had a good look? Want me to do a twirl or something?"
Sol teased.
"Yeah." My tongue felt thick and dry as a kebab shop's salad.
And he was still erect.
I frowned.
"Don't you ever go down?"
"No." He said and gingerly pulled on a pair of trousers, Italian and
luscious by the cut.
"Not even to pee?"
"Shut up." He grabbed his car keys. He smiled:"Do you think we
should bring grapes?"


Thursday, April 19, 2007


Well it's that time again, my birthday 20th (old- damn it) Raine's on
28th (older hehh hehh).
Do I care that I'm older?
Broadly speaking yes.
Always a but.
I'm still in great nick and can go forever (if you know what I mean!)
Who gives a shit?!

Back to.....................
Waking to the smell of fresh coffee and realising I'm laying on a
bed laid with crisp Egyptian sheets (I know this as I worked in a
departments store-cheap they were not).
Sol had been insistent that I return to his hotel with him.
It was like a compulsion, a man that I didn't know taking me
to his bed, how could I resist?
No it didn't happen like that.
Alan had a bit of a funny turn and whilst the twins tried to help
their old man, Sol took this opportunity to lead me away (astray?)
He passed me the cup of Espresso.
"Take it black, good for the head." He said with a twinkle in his eye.
"I bet you say that to all the girls." I sipped the bitter brew. Yeuch,
if coffee was like men I liked mine sweet, milky and insipidly warm.
I checked him out.
He was wearing a dressing robe of a taupe colour, it went well with
his dark skin and light eyes. He looked like a shaman, (Guru-off!)
Even in my complete mind fucked state I could see an impressive
erection tent pegging his gown.
He smiled.
"It's not for you. Actually it's not for anyone, that's one thing I don't
do." He sat next to me on the bed.
"What are you one of those Tantra people?"
"I won't warrant that with an answer. You fool. Sex is for mortals ."
I looked at him:"Are there any other kind?" Sexy but damned crazy.
My luck.
"Becka just accept it, the world has an army of stiff dicks all for you,
but this one is a civilian."
"You don't half talk a lot of shit." I said.
I glared at his bulge.
Could this be a new challenge?
"Don't even think about it! Besides everything else, I'm old enough
to be your Father, so a bit for respect eh? I've travelled a long way to
see you and you are everything and more then Patrick said you would
"Do you find me attractive?" I tossed my hair.
He looked me up and down, he grinned, fab teeth.
"No." He says.
Then with an irritating twinkle:"Not yet anyway."


Sunday, March 25, 2007


Right I'll start then alrighty, this is going to be fine this is
going to be good.
Yeah, that would be a first.
I won't fill you in or start from where we left off I'll start from........
My doorbell ringing like a drag queen screaming for make-up.
It didn't stop.
Nor was I obliged to open it when it was being rung so rudely.
It was rape of a small electric appliance.
It was a headfuck.
It was bloody loud.
And I had a hangover.
A bitch one.
Bloody Smirnoff.
The Lancet have said it.
Alcohol bad.
E's are good.
Or words to that effect.
Oh that bitching bloody muddy doorbell!
I dragged myself from where I had fallen unconscious on the
Half my hair was stuck to my face.
Half was stuck up with...I smelt it, yuck BBQ sauce.
I had on my Twisted Sister T shirt!
Dee Snyder was heavy on the blue eyeshadow, but hey it was the
Not now, I mean when I got the shirt.
Oh and a pair of faded pink pants.
I opened the door and the guy standing there stood back, it must
have been the noxious fumes emanating from me.
Vodka and bile.
Just like Mother used to make.
Then it was my turn to stare.
He was black, very black and tall, taller then Alan or even that big
lox Mal.
He was dressed in a suit, very nice very P Diddy.
But older.
And stranger.
His eyes were the colour of smoke, grey and light and totally alien
in his dark face.
But eerie.
If he had been younger I would have put them down as contacts.
No they twinkled with humour and recognition.
I looked at my bare legs and saw in horrible detail that they had
stubby hairs growing out like spikes on a cactus.
"Can I help you?" My voice wrecked from a night smoking my guts
out and laughing like a loon had bestowed me with Olive from ON
THE BUSES tones.
What a little star I was.
Me not him.
"No but I can help you."
He said in a voice so posh and cultured it took a Butler and a Maid
to get it to my eardrums.
"You ain't got to save my soul, I ain't got one." I made to slam the
door in his handsome face.
His foot had managed to get in the door along with the rest of him.
"What the fuck?"
He laughed, richly, chocolate coffee and smooth rum.
"Patrick said you would be like this!"
"Yes he told me to look you up."
"Who are you?"
"Soloman." He grinned and had a thrilling gap between his teeth,
nearly as cute as mine.
"And you are a friend of Patrick?"
"That and more, of course he knew me by the name of Dada So."
Fudge. Reality went out of the window, Voodoo, Hoodoo.
My stomach lurched badly and I had to run to the loo.
Soloman followed me in and held my hair (how embarrassing!)
whilst I brought up ..............well you don't want to know really!
I was crouched there elegantly making sounds that would make
a bull hippo proud, with a strange S African holding my hair and
dressed in pants and a grubby tee (me not the African).
I chuckled deep in my chest, imagine if Alan was to see me now,
or the twins?
You know the drill!
"I guess there is a relevant explanation for this?" Said Alan, yep
he was standing there with the twins.
All looking at me like I was a Salem Witch.
Burn her!
Solomon smiled.
"I'll come back tomorrow." He moved so quickly, glided like one
of those yoga masters- yogis?
"Just who are you?" Demanded Alan.
Solomon looked him up and down and didn't even warrant him with
an answer. He just kept walking not even looking back at me.
"How fucking rude!"
The twins were laughing like drains.
"He's a friend of Patrick." I gasped dryly.
"Oh that explains everything!" Alan was fit to explode.
"Oh Rebecca, pack a bag, we are going on a journey."
"Who is this bastard?" Snarled Alan.
Solomon leaned right into his face. "I am your worse nightmare,
the man who will take Becka away forever."
He smiled.
I placed my face against the cold toilet and felt every pulse in my
Alan looked bewildered.
The next second he joined me on the floor.

Becka We are back Martin xxxxx

Thursday, March 08, 2007


Well times are a changing-who knew?

Which part of downward spiral do we not understand?

Becka Mxxxx

Monday, February 12, 2007


Yeah I'm back and I'm still pretty fuckable!
The twin escapade was really not worth the sense of impending doom
I seem to be left with.
Some eegit would call it guilt.
I just call it bad timing.
Valentines is here and I hope to hell Alan doesn't get all romantic on
me as I just might have to kill him.
I'm listening to The Gossip, Beth Ditto is my new fav gal. If I was a tru
gay gal I might be happier.
You tell me?
No don't-pleeze!
Just looking at that Rimmel ad with Mossy:"It's da London Look!"
Mmm be better with a black eye.
Or s copy of The Big Issue.
Alan Alan Alan, I've been faithful to you for nearly 2 months.
My pants are practically begging for teeth to take them off.
I'm going now to read some porn and eat some apple strudel.
Raine will no doubt be eating her body weight in chocolate by
Missed all of u and so sorry for delay. Will try to blog at least
on a bi-weekly basis from now onwards!

Besty Becka M XXXXX

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


Dr Hassan pulled on my jaw for all her worth, nope it
didn't click back.
The twins stood either side of me, trying to stifle their
giggles and failing miserably.
The good lady Doctor finally managed to put her hands
in my mouth and kind of re-hooked my jaw bone.
"Whatever were you doing?" She asked.
I shrugged and was stuffed into one of those surgical collars
that made me look like a sinister German geezer.
"Whatever you did, please don't do it again!" Said the Doctor.
"I can assure you I won't!" I snapped and glared at the twins.
Now all I had to do was go home, get back into the house
and try to explain to Alan why I was now in a neck brace.
I'll blame the peanut butter sandwich.
HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS! Let's hope 2007 is a pretty
do-wop year!