Sunday, July 25, 2010


I spent the next couple of days moping. Alan thinks:

1./ I'm past it

2./ I have a fat arse (true)

3./ I am sad-tricky does he mean sad like teary or sad like

4./ He does not care because he hasn't text or phoned me

5./ There is no 5 just repetition of 1 to 4

Also Ruth hasn't contacted me this is because:

1./ She hates me

2./ Simon says no

3./ I called her a pussy

4./ Simon's killed her

5./ No 5 still worrying about 4

I spent this time productively. Jogging horrible,

eating salad yuk, doing crunches ouch.

Wondering if I should take up smoking, brandies driving my vespa

But the overwhelming need is to be shagged. Laid down hard
no funny stuff just hip action and plenty of it.

I wanna walk bowlegged like a teenager!

I want Alan to text me and I will not phone him or text
as I have some pride you know.

Best Becka xxxx

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Goo Goo Alan

"You are a sight for sore eyes!" I beamed at
Alan in the near empty pub we had found near the
tube station.
I was drinking vodka lemonade and lime and
drinking in Alan too. I was playing with my drink
really I hardly touch alcohol and I don't want to ride
that horse anymore.

"I have missed you, just never seemed right
contacting you after all this time. Still fate
intervened." He smiled and his greying black hair
fell into his face like a cool winters night.
Gotta love that man.

"Me too, all the shit we went through and the good
times too, kinda blocked me from casual contact
with you, know what I mean?" I said ruefully.

I had filled him in about Ruth, never his favourite
person but it made him laugh.

"I know she's dear to you but what an impossible woman!
Simon suits her to the ground." He smirked.

"No the way it's going, it's like she is disappearing.
Damn, I've lost too many people, you included! I'm
not going to lose her! It's like he's taken her fight
away. She's a er, pussy, for lack of a better word!"

"People change you have to get used to it Becks." He

"Do you think I've changed?" As soon as I said that
I could have cut my tongue out and thrown it across
the room! Eejit me!

"Um you've, ah. filled out a bit, you seem sadder
and a bit calmer. But essentially the same, it's not
been that long! Same old Becks eh?" He stroked my face.

"Sad old fat me yeah I get the picture! No worries I'm
jogging everyday eventually I will regain myself." I
wished he had said I was beautiful, sexy, but sad, fat?
A girl's bubble bursteth and then:

"You are not a girl anymore Becka, you are a mature woman,
changes are natural, look at my hair." He shook his icy
hair at me.

"Big sodding deal, I may be 100 years old but I will
always be a girl, to me! Yes you have great hair, so
do I but if I let my hair show it's greys then I'm
into old bagsville while you look distinguished. Not fair
and cruel." I sipped my drink, hateful really, bitter nasty,
not my old brandy and coke treat.

"You havent lost any of your looks Becka, please don't
get the wrong idea." The hand on my face again.

Hey bud unless you are prepared to put that mutha hand
between my legs take the fucker off me! I didnt say it though.

"I'm going to have to dash soon, will we stay in contact?"
He said it lightly as if it was no big deal.

"I'd like that." I admitted, trying not to sound too keen.

He smiled and he was a boy, happy go lucky. He grabbed my
mobile off the table and tapped in his number and took mine.
He remembered I was useless at all things textical. However
years had gone by. I was as savvy as the next middle years

"OK I will text you. Soon. Let me know anything that happens
with looney Ruth and the fantastic Simon." He kissed me
softly on the lips, winked and then swooshed out all dark
and glamour. Fuck it.

Best Becka XXXXX

p.s THanks Lindy for you everloving support xxxxx

Sunday, July 04, 2010


When I finally had it out with Ruth it was like a
kettle boiling over eeeeeeeeeeee!

"You don't like Simon do you?" Accused Ruth with her eyes
hot and flashing like Chucky.

" Yeah sure I like him just fine, this man who stole
my best friend and turned her into Stepford Wife without
the dress sense. This man that thinks every second that I
am going to jump his wife's bones and thinks that I am a
bad influence when in fact little Ruthie is the biggest
ho of them all, she put the Ho in Hobnobs and the knobs too.
Yes thrilled, absolutely delighted, ticketyboo oh joyous
union." I actually snarled, cool huh?

Ruth chewed her babyish lips.

"Is this because you could not be a bridesmaid?" She
asked amazingly.

"Well that was an issue, amongst a cast of thousand
others. Just what the hell are you doing with him?
Did this dude actually fuck your brains out? Cos you
are acting pretty well lobotomised from where I am

"You are so crude. You just don't want me to be happy
do you? Maybe you are jealous that I have a man that
actually wanted to marry me and you, look you have nothing!
Even your hot figure is going to pot." She glared at me
and I glared right back at her, we were a second from rolling
around on the floor with each other's hair in our hands.

"That will be it Ruth, I am a ugly fat arsed hag without a
man or shag and you are a fantastic worthy surrendered wife.
Whats not to covet?" I was leaving, the adrenalin was making
my hands sweat and I ached to put them around Ruth's throat.
How could she turn on me like this? When I had never ever
turned on her, not really not even when she was blackmailing Alan
and such. (Previous one hundred year ago entry)

I felt like leaving because I was gonna cry and I don't like
that very much.

I also began to think maybe I was a little jealous, but Simon
was a monster and I didn't want a husband like that, or come to
think of it a loco wife like Ruthie.

"I'm sorry Becks,maybe you don't understand it, but please
I am so happy it hurts, let this ride out and I am sure Simon
will forgive you in time." She put her hand on my arm and squeezed.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE kettle and boiling point reached.

"FORGIVE ME? FUCK SAKE RUTH! Whatever have I done that needs forgiveness
for from Simon? Everything we did was years ago, BEFORE Simon, he has no
right at all to be jealous or forgive me!" I was aghast, she had
fucking lost her mind to talk to me like that without a warning!

"Becka I love you, maybe if you came to our church to show willing?"
Ruth pleaded.

"Oh this is sooo good. Church! What next? C'mon just don the
sack cloth and ashes, they will go nice with your ugly clothes and
sad hair. Take the stick out of your arse whilst we're at it eh?"

Less then a minute later I was on the street. Fuck, what a mess. This
one not of my causing.

I headed straight down the tube station at Oxford circus, swiped my
oyster card and sat muttering to myself for the next 15 mins to I
changed to the Northern line.

There was a delay so I bought some chocolate to help with my fat arse
it was a Yorkie and I ate it 3 squares just trying to get the sugar and
fat into my heart broken bod. I sat there panting with my head in my hands,
next I lurched for the bin as chocolate and morning croissant did an encore.

"Disgusting!" Said a woman with a Sainsburys bag.

"Dibby skant." Said a teenage black kid.

" What happened to you?" Said Alan.


I gave him a big sickly chocolate coated smile.

Best Becka xxxxx

(C'mon guys I'm loney out here! Say something even if
it's fuck off loser, negative comments are
better then nada love Rainex)