Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Horror (Whora)

The full horror of what I'd done finally hit me, I
felt all weak around the knee area and my hands
itched as I wrung them like a comedy Fagin.
I was much too much of a coward to try to phone
Alan and he was too pissed off (I guess) to contact
me. So instead of telling you what a hot time I
could have had I shall take my mind off of it and
write about Justine.

Why I hate Justine
1./ Pretty and young
2./ Sarcastic
3./ Vapid
4./ She hates me

I'm sure there are other reasons but I want to
be charitable.

Reasons I can pity Justine
1./ She seems just as sad and lonely as myself
2./ She has no humour
3./ Apart from Estelle she seems not to have any
girlie friends
4./ Bugger, can't think of any more

I am so ashamed, not only did I fall asleep and
leave Alan outside, but I'd phoned The Shit up
for sex. You could not get much lower and baser
then that!

Jeff phoned me at work today.

"You are a one off original." He did'nt sound furious
at all.
"Ah sorry, I'm mad remember?"
"I remember. You caused me no end of trouble you
know? Estelle has burned my ears off! But still, would
you like me to come round?" He sounded so confident,
so arrogant. I wanted to say no, but:
He's on his way. What have I done?

Tuesday, March 30, 2004


I really woke up feeling like I had to have a
man and now! Ruth had'nt called me, I checked the ,
clock 5.30am, almost night still. After a moment of doubt,
conscience struggle (whatever) I phoned The Shit.
Yep, I had sunk that low, I was calling Ex's for Sex's.
The phone rang and rang, he must have been doing
what normal people do, sleep, then:
"Hello?" The voice was sexy and husky, the bad part
was it was female (fluffy blonde styley). I was shocked!
What could I do? The usual bullshit.
"May I speak to Mr Jeff Sanders please?" I said in a prim
and clipped voice.
"Can I ask why are you calling so early and who
are you?" Came Estelle's sharp reply.
"My name is Joanna, ah Jo . ah Joanna Smith, um
Joanna Smith-Perry. I'm calling because I've just had
a smear test and it turns out I have , um crabs."
This sounded gibberish even to my own ears.
"Whats that got to do with Jeff?" She demanded.
"Well um, I thought he might like some as he's
partial to seafood. Put him on I have'nt got all day!"
I let my voice slip into it's usual cockney scrawl.
"It's Becka, is'nt it? Justine said you were a vicious
mad cow and now I know it too! No you can't speak
to Jeff on account that he's asleep." Then she hung
up on me! Rightly so really, I'm a nutter.
Phoned Alan up.
"Thats not the way you answer the phone!" I boomed.
"Becka, why are you phoning me at this time? Are
you ok?" He sounded concerned. How Sweet.
"Are you dating Ruth?" Right it was brusque and
to the point, but I had to know. Now.
"Ah, I see, no, not really. Why?" He sounded interested
though, I could practically see him smiling.
"Because how quick can you get around here?"
" 10 minutes? You want me to?" He sounded excited
"Yeah, I've been a bad girl, I need some correction."
I simpered (yeah it sounded really silly, but I did feel
pretty horny). "Any good at spankies?"
"Bloody hell! I'm on my way!" He put down the reciever.
I sat waiting for him, then mysteriously it was 8.15! I'd
fallen asleep! Oh god, I did'nt even know if he'd come
around or what! Shit! Spanky? He'd probably hit me
with a shovel! Aw no!

Monday, March 29, 2004

Bloody, awful, stupid.

These are words. They are my life. Today (The Shit)
came into our shop with Lil Miss Braindonor hanging
off his arm like a bogey. She squealed when she saw
Justine and the two embraced and kissed like (I don't
know what like-but I did not like it) and they made
funny little squealing sounds like castrated mice.
The Shit saw me of course and as his girl was busy,
he sidled across to my counter.
"Interest you in some foundation Sir? Cover those
unsightly pockmarks a treat." I said nicely.
"Um I think not Becka, how have you been?" His
piercing blue eyes, Hugh Grant blue, still managed to
make me feel like I was a dirty girl (which I was).
"Oh fine, not too shoddy." I said briskly: "So that is
Estelle, nice-for a gerbil."
"Can I detect a tad of jealousy there?" He teased, he
looked so selfish and smug, I wanted to scratch his
face and spit on his shoes.
"Maybe a bit. But just a word of advice Jeff, people don't
say 'tad' anymore, because it's irritating and it's 80's."
I smiled at him. I noticed the two blonde harpies were
looking at me. "Hello ladies!" I said and winked at them.
"You are a bitch Becks." Said The Shit very loudly, he
leaned forwards and whispered:"But I still find you very
sexy, I'll call you."
I felt and unwanted throb in the knicker area, quickly
replaced by a sharp pain in the head. What an arsehole.
"Estelle, we have to go my lovely, catch you later
As they left The Shit gave me a smouldering look which
burnt holes in my Wonderbra. The look was not lost
on Justine.
"What are you up to?" Her face was scewed up as she
scrutinized me.
"Uh don't look like that Justine, you look like a foreskin!"
"Think your clever don't you?" She hissed furiously.
"No, not at all." I said with honesty:"But then compared
to you I'm Carol bloody Vordeman!"
"I'll complain about you." She turned on her kitten heel.
"Won't be the first time." I mumbled, but really she
was moaning about me to 'The Management' just a little
bit too much. At this rate they would notice I exist.

Phoned up Ruth when I got in, she said that she was
in a rush and would call me later. I might be paronoid,
but she sounded distinctly pissed off with me (not to
mention pissed) what had I done there I wonder?
I resisted the temptation to phone Alan. So will spend
another spinster even in, watching telly, masturbating,
eating chocolate, watching BigCook LittleCook (no that
bit was a joke). I thought of The Shit, he was a bad
boyfriend, but there were other things he could do pretty
well. Things that I had missed, things that I needed.
Uncomfortably BeckaX

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Goodbye Alan.

When the police came it gave us time to leave, as
the clubbers were milling around and dropping various
smokes, pills and packages on the floor. We hustled
Poor old Alan out and poured him into a cab.
"Don't you think that someone should go with him?"
Demanded Ruth.
"Well." I said :"Are you volunteering?"
Ruth squinted at me.
"I'll go with him, is that ok? You don't seem too
bothered with him?" This was Ruth hedging her
bets as to whether she could shag him or not.
"Permission to land Ruthie-girl." I waved them off,
do you know I got a funny sort of pang in my belly,
like I had done the wrong thing. I shook my head,
I did'nt fancy Alan, he was cool (in a really nerdy way)
but he was not boyfriend, or even one-night stand
material. Ruth was better for him. She was little and
cute, did'nt eat too much food and she was'nt mad.
Alex and Sean came back to my place where they
finished off a bottle of vodka and laughed at pictures
of Sister-thing and myself as children. Alex laughed
loudly, until I brought one of the hidden shots I
possessed of her 70's afro. Well she was a kid but it
was no excuse! She gave me a Medusa glare and went
to powder her nose (or something).
"Becka, you are so lucky to have friends from way
back, I don't have anyone." Said Sean then bless him,
started to cry, which was cute, then a bit disconcerting.
Alex came back into the room. Looked at us both in
disbelief, she'd only been gone a minute.
"What have you done to him?"
"Nothing, must have been the photo of your
hair, went to his head." She glared at me and
comforted her gorgeous (but cissy man). I
watched them kiss and Sean smile at her through
his tears. I was the loser here, I did'nt have
anyone! Even Sister-thing is married off.
I wondered how Alan and Ruth were fairing, I
was itching to phone her up.
"We're leaving now." said Alex and kissed me on
both cheeks." Good night huh?"
"Oh yeah, terrific." I said sarcastically.
"Well I think it's good. Sean has told me that
he loves me! What could be better then that?"
Her eyes sparkled with excitement.
"A tax return? No you win, what could be better!
I'm really happy for you Al, he's nice."

Later though I started sulking, if my bottom lip stuck
out any furthur I would have carp fishermen trying
to land me. I had to get a grip. So I ate a whole tub
of ice cream. Which really helped as I had such a
guts-ache that it took my mind off everything.

Spent all of sunday, just slobbing, bit of a waste
really but it was cold outside. I must find out what
occured with Ruth and Alan, just to get it straight
in my head. Sister-thing came around with Aidan,
my 3year old nephew, who likes to jump on my head.
He had brought with him a taped copy of BigCook, Little
Cook. I had just got those guys out of my head as
well. Blast, more "Go Small, Go Small!"
Becka (Saddest)
LilacLace-Not a nice place.

Last night turned out to be disastrous and
for once it was not anything to do with me.
We went to a nightclub called LilacLace, which
is owned by Alex's old squeeze Grady. Now
Grady is the scariest MF that you will ever meet,
in appearance he looks like humpty-dumpty,
rotund with spindly arms and legs. He has a big
thick neck and huge fat head which sits on top
like a toad on a lily-pad. His eyes are green and
reptilian and when he smiles he has way too many
teeth for a human mouth. He is also ginger (which
can be nice thinking Seth Green) but in this case
adds to the growing horror. Now Grady thinks he's
some sort of Pimp-Daddy, he calls women bitches
and has huge Aramani clad black bodyguards who
are not afraid of anything ( 'cept Grady himself).
Well we went to this new club (very nice too, very
lilac and lavender, at one point I thought I was in
Prince's house but of course he is just a symbol now
probably does'nt even like purple anymore) Alan was
not over joyed. I think he felt old and out of place.
Well hello,everyother girl was a blonde supermodel
pirelli pin-up. I did'nt exactly feel that I fitted in all too
well myself, but Alan was cringing and hunching up like
some giant bat. I felt like kicking him up the arse and
telling him to get a grip. Ruth liked him though, they
spent most of the time whispering things into eachother's
ears. Good I had off loaded him without being a bitch
and I could still be friends with him. Result! Alex and
Sean were dancing close when suddenly Grady appeared
next to them.
"What the fuck is going on bitch?" He screamed into
her petrified face. Sean and Alex clung to eachother
like children. Grady's enormous bodyguard Neck lurched
across (he's called Neck because he has'nt got one)
and stood there threatenly. Ruth hurtled across the
floor and squared up to Grady.
"Leave her alone you prick!" She shrilled into his face.
Grady and Neck laughed at this tiny girl and Neck
placed a hand on her shoulder almost tenderly, then
sent her flying with a push.
"Shit!" I raced across to Ruth who had hit the floor
with considerable force.
"I'm going to kill that bastard!" Mumbled a stunned
Ruth. Then Alan waded in. He started to do weird,
Kung-Fu posturing, which made eveyone laugh, then
Neck punched him so hard in the head he hit the
deck like a felled tree. Bloody hell! I would be my turn
next, I could'nt be a coward could I? I would have to
do something, luckily the police arrived. A quick call
by Alex (when everyone else was preoccupied) had
saved our bacon. We all smirked at Grady as we left,
except Alan who was making funny noises.
"You are all barred." Said the Big G.
"Thank fuck for that!" I laughed. He looked me up and
Down. "Watching you Becka, you look fine." Said
El Sleazeball.
"Wish I could say the same Grady."
"We all look the same in the dark." He said and I
shivered. Blast I hope he is not going to start hanging
Until next time MadBecka

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Justine-proof the undead-walk.

What a poxy morning I've had at work, don't
get me wrong the customers were lovely (for
a change) but that damned Justine! Jeez, swear
I will swing for her one day, I really will.

"I saw your ex-other half last night." She said
pleasantly enough.

"Not interested." I said, almost truthfully.

"His girlfriend Estelle is so cool! Do you know
she models, acts and is even writing a screen
play?" Justine smiled to show her pearlies, but
I could'nt help but be reminded of a crocodile.

"My, my, she must be so busy with all those
jobs. Wonder if she has time for blowjobs?"

"You are disgusting, no wonder Jeff left you!"
She screwed her mouth up into a small moue.

"Sod off Justine, anyway what do I care about
them for? I have a new boyfriend now." As soon
as I said it, I regretted it.

"Oh? Mental patient is he?"

"Yeah raving, but he's really goodlooking and he
has a big cock!" Thank God I was only working the
morning. Still I am meeting the guys tonight, hope
it's alright. Why did I say I had a boyfriend?

Friday, March 26, 2004


Well my pee is not like battery acid any
more (cranberry juice is great I take it all back)
and I was even sweet and contrite on the
phone to Alan. So contrite he actually turned up
on my doorstep with a bottle of Cava (good stuff
too). We sat talking about music, he was something
of an old hippy in his time (you don't say with that
hair) and used to listen to Hawkwind (probably still
does.) I liked The Stranglers and Motorhead, we
sounded like two old duffers, still it was fun and he
did'nt try to make any moves on me. He wants me
to double date again with Alex and Sean tomorrow
night. But I was supposed to go out with Ruthie,
Alan says to bring her too. I don't think it could
hurt as it's not exactly a romantic date (at least not
on my part). Told him about my dream (not the one
with the cook) but one with Johnny Depp as Captain
Jack Sparrow. I was licking apple sauce off his gold
teeth. Alan just looked at me and shook his head.
I've definately got a big mouth.
"Why were you licking sauce from his teeth?" He
asked with a frown.
"Oh. Because he asked me to."

Becka (not too shoddy).

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Bloody hell.

Today was not a good day, with a hangover
trying to apply mascara to a huffing and
puffing customer was not a good move. What
is my life about? Putting make-up on people
and getting drunk! Thats it ok it's not the end of
the world, I don't expect sympathy (not that I'd get
any) but still in the words of Bjork "Theres more to
life then this." Feel really guilty about Alan, bless
him. I think I shall phone him see if he's ok.
Thats the thing with booze, your up -then you
have to come down. Everything always feels worse
after drinking. Especially going to the loo. Burn baby
burn. Shall collect some cranberry juice on my way home.
Does'nt that stuff taste evil? It's good for you- so it's
Becka (Wincing)Martin

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

You know that feeling? Your head hurts,
you've slept with someone you should'nt?
Well-thats called MORNING.

I did'nt have sex though, not really, there
was a bit of mutal rubbing and sighing, but
we were both too drunk for that.
Alan. Oh god! He really is nice though, not the
handsomest man in the world-but definately
clever and funny. Least I thought so when I was
pissed. When I woke up with him in my bed I said:
"Please tell me that we have'nt have sex."

"Not really-you passed out." He said flatly.

"Thank fuck for that!" I laughed and fell back
on my pillows happily. He was'nt smiling though.

"Charmed I'm sure." Alan lit a cigerette. "Becka
you are a lovely woman. But someone's definately
turned off your tact button. Did someone hurt you

"Don't patronize me! Just get out." My head was
pounding like a herd of belly dancing rhinos.

"Really?" He frowned at me.

"Yeah! REALLY. I'll phone you-when I'm desperate."

"You say the sweetest things." He kissed my head.

After he had left , I kind of felt lonely. Then I ate a
biscuit, or three and started to feel better. Alan
found me desirable, maybe other men would. Men
that I would actually like to have sex with!

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Hair of the dog? No more like teeth of the
My tooth is back! Spent a lovely afternoon
smiling at everyone. My dentist is tops, he
rushed it through for me and now I feel like
my old self again. Even smiled at Justine at
work, but she just said:
"You know you look better when you don't
smile-less crows feet."
The skank! Oh well. I think I might phone
Alan later, see if he wants to have that drink
or what. No more dirty dreams about BigCook
Littlecook. But I realise that I am really hitting
rock bottom if I have to rely on someone like
Alan for a date. Smiled at all the men at work,
think I scared them.
Bigsmiler Becka

Monday, March 22, 2004

Freak like me

Ok I think it's been just a little too long since
I've had sex. I think this because last night I
had an erotic dream about BigCook Littlecook.
(This is a programme I sometimes watch with
my nephew Aidan it's on Cbeebies)It's about
two cooks Big cook Ben who is very enthusiastic
(but a bit slow) and Little Cook Small, who is
six inches tall and rides a magic wooden spoon.
They have adventures and then make really
gross kids food. Big Cook Ben is not bad looking,
Little Cook Small has Harry Potter glasses and
a really bad orange mullet that I pray is a wig.
Whenever Small goes off on his travels via his
spoon, big ole Ben shouts "Go Small! Go Small!"
Which always tickles myself and sister-thing Raine.
Well my dream involved both said Cooks and I'll
tell you this Small was definately going for it.
Spooky and odd. Alan has'nt phoned. But yay! New
tooth tomorrow!

Sunday, March 21, 2004

PMT-Potential Murder Subject

Finally watched the last Sex in the City (which
I taped) sad to say that I did feel the odd lump
in my throat (but it could have been the pizza).
Will really miss the series, was one of my favourites.
Ruthie had hired Pirates of the Caribbean, which was
very funny and we both dribbled a little after Depp and
Bloom. I wish I was a pirate.
Alan did phone me.
"Hello Becka, it's Alan."
"Um which Alan is that?"
"How many do you know?"
"Point taken, Sean's friend."
"Oh yeah I remember you."
"Should think so, you met me on friday
and it's sunday now."
"Well-what did you want?"
"Would you like to have dinner with me on
tuesday night?"
"I would 'cept in the afternoon I'm having
my broken tooth fixed, you know the one
you kept staring at."
Silence. Then.
"Will you be able to eat?"
"Don't know, maybe another day?"
"I'll call again."
"Bye then."
"We have have'nt got to eat you know."
(A bit tersely) "I meant we could go the cinema
or pub."
"Um, can I give you a rain-check?"
"Whats that?"
"Have'nt a clue. I mean can I phone you nearer
the time, it depends on what my mouth feels like."
"Alright then." He gave me his number.
So the ball is in my court, but do I want ball?
Becka (baddest)

Saturday, March 20, 2004

If they can put one man on the moon-why can't they
put all of them there? (old but apt)

Last night was ok. I did manage to have a good night
(inspite of the company) and managed not to get too
pissed (for a change).
Alex's bloke Sean was jaw droppingly lick the mirror
gorgeous. He made Brad Pitt look like a bloke you might
meet in a bookies. 28 lovely, really fit, bit dim (but what
guy is'nt?) My date was a complete contrast, what a freak!
Taller then myself, around six two, skinny tin ribs, wearing
all black and had long black hair. He looked like Professor
Snape in The Harry Potter films (not the lovely Alan Rickman
but the seedy character). Oh his name was Alan though.
I saw him looking at my tooth, but luckily his were heavily
stained with tobacco(so he could'nt say anything.) He was
polite of course, but just as heavily disappointed as myself.
(God knows what I was hoping for, but it was'nt him) he was
an Author, so I told him about this blogspot, his eyes glazed
over with incomprehension. Sod him.

Oh and sister-thing Raine is deadmeat, she pranged my
Vespa (bitch) better fix it smartish.
Alan did ask for my phone number, I gave it to him
which was surprizing really as that is something I never
do (on a first date). I hope he does'nt phone me, should'nt
think so as I laughed at his hair and said that he looked
like a Byron wannabe. Did'nt go down too well. Alex is
well happy though with Sean, they practically ate eachother's
faces off. Bastards.

Seeing Ruth tonight for pizza and a video (basically means
we watch the video I eat the pizza) although she might
be able to manage one bite. She worries me that girl, she
admits to not 'doing' food like it was a class A drug or
'Til later Mad bad Becks XXX

Friday, March 19, 2004

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder." (I
I am sooo scared! I have agreed to this bloody
date tonight, why? I must be nuts, tried to smile
at myself in the mirror. Look absolutely ghastly,
Zombie teeth. The rest is alright though, my hair is
shiny, straightened and skimming my shoulders. I am
wearing a gorgeous black Prada dress borrowed from
Ruth (Don't fuck up the dress on pain of death!) Also
a pair of shoes from Shelley's which are high and strappy
and look Chooish.
My legs are shaking, I have a very large brandy and
about fifty fags to calm my nerves. Definately not working,
Alex will call for me at around seven-thirty, we are going to
a West End bar and the men will meet us there. Men.
Why oh why did I have to break my tooth?
Wish me luck I know I am gorgeous, it's only one tooth,
theres more to me then that. (Convincingly).
Best Becka

Thursday, March 18, 2004

"Twinkle, twinkle little star, my broken
tooth is in a jar."

Well the pains gone now, but then the humiliation
started, I made the mistake of smiling at a lady
when I was applying her eyeshadow. She grimaced.
Really I should have said something like:" Well at least
I've still got some teeth!" But I let it pass. Unfortunately
she complained to the manager that I was not up to the
standards required for such an elite company (yeah right).
The old bag. Anyway luckily my Manager is quite a cool
guy and he laughed it off. I did offer to have the rest of the
days off from work until my crown was fitted, but strangely
enough he declined my careful offer. Oh well. The rest of the
day I spent with my top lip( which was starting to deflate
a little) covering my tooth. It was very hard to speak and
some of my customers did'nt really understand me at all.
Justine smirked at me again.
"You look like you've got Palsy." She said helpfully.
"You look like you've got herpes." I tarried. It was no good,
she had won of course. Still I had my date to look forward
too. Yes.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

By later I meant when I had submerged the stump
in vodka. Jeez you want to see the state of my mouth,
trout pout, more like plunger lips! The tooth was temporarily
crowned with this plastically stuff which was the right shape
but a nasty mat yellowish colour. Very attractive.
Not. I was so self-conscious that I did'nt go to work today
either, I mean would you? But I will have to soon, because
my replacement tooth won't be ready for about a week or
Alex came around to see me, peering in my mouth she
said:" What a fucking mess."
"Cheers! I feel heaps better now."
"Well you want honesty don't you? Oh I need you help."
Alex sat down and lit a benson and hedges.
"You need my help? Don't you think I might need
yours?" Talk about self-centred.
"I have a date on friday night, I need you to come
with me, a double date." She explained.
"How old are we? Twelve? No way! I can't go out
looking like this." I said firmly.
"We'll see Missus. You have to come, this guy an
actor who I have been dying to date forever is in
town with a friend. He thinks it's rude to leave him
alone in London, so I said I'd ask a friend to make
up the four. Please come." She pleaded and fluttered
her eyelashes at me.
"It's not working as I am not a man, or gay. Why
did'nt you ask Ruth?"
" Because sadly Ruth is even more unhinged then
yourself, I thought you would be happy, I did'nt
think your'd break your tooth. You fool."
"Hmm, that was not exactly my fault was it? Justine
was distracting me." I glared at Alex, sometimes I
really hated her attitude.
"You can't blame that one on Justine, how hard is it
to drink a cup of coffee? Cups would come with a health
warning, we would all be drinking through straws.
Anyway your coming, no arguments." She warned.
"I don't think so." I said.
"Well I can see it clearly." Said Alex.
"Well I can't" (Though I was already weakening under
Alex's furious gaze.)
The worst thing is I could really use a date, I need someone
to dance with, buy me a drink, shag me etc
But not like this, not with fat lips and a broken front
If God had meant for us to think son, then
he would have given us brains." Spike Milligan's

Oh my god! What have I done! This has to be without
a doubt one of the worst days of my life. I was sitting in
the rest room at work yesterday having a coffee and
trying to get over my hangover, when bitch-queen Justine
entered the room. (You could practically hear The Omen music).

She looked at me as though she had carried me in from
the street (on her shoe) and sniffed the air daintily.

"Well, well Becka, heavy night?" Her voice was sickly
and slappably sweet.

"Shut your fucking trap." I snapped and (this bit happened
in slow motion) I sort of jerked my cup towards my mouth.
Except my mouth was'nt expecting it, there was a sickening
'grrring' noise and a sharp pain . I yelped like a dog.

"What have you done? Bloody hell! I feel sick! I'll get a
first aider!" Justine scampered off.

Gingerly I felt my teeth, one felt jagged and broken,
looking in the mirror I was horrified to see my front
tooth had snapped in half and the closest incisor was
chipped, blood also pumped from my splitting lip.
Way to go, definately not pretty.
Still at least I got home early although I did spend the rest
of the day in the hospital getting five stiches for my lip
and at the dental surgery having my chipped tooth fixed
and a mould taken of the broken one to make a crown.
Not a good day. But it did improve later.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

"Why do fat people allways wear sportswear?"

Was the question that Alex posed to me after we had
eaten our pizza and killed the best part of a large bottle
of vodka.

" Elasticated waists?" I offered weakly.

"It just seems odd to me." Said Alex.

"Well I think that you are being very fattist and
not at all nice." said Ruth and blew smoke out through
her nose (I suppose to make a point).

"Says anorexic Annie!" Scoffed Alex, she was right
really of course as sometimes Ruth survived soley on
the white flecks you sometimes get in real ale.

"Just because I am thin does'nt mean I don't feel
for fat people." Ruth said tersely.

"But would you date a fat guy?" I asked, Alex sat
up and looked quite interested.

"Yeah, would you?" She challenged.

Ruth glared at us. "I would. If he was nice."

"But he might have bigger breasts then you!" I giggled
Ruth would have trouble filling an A cup.

"Give me something to play with them. Anyway I'm
off if you two are going to be nasty again." True to
her word she left. Ruth was cool, but she could be

The rest of the evening deteriorated into drunken
chaos, Alex crashing over and I having to leave for
work with a hangover (again). The worst thing was
I was too drunk (still) to drive my Vespa (circa 1969
from my Aunt Pat). Instead I took the tube with the
rest of the morning crew, you know the early train with
cleaners, catering assitants and perverts. I wondered
what the day would offer ( cause to tell the truth I did
not have a lot to give it.)
Becka (speak soon)

Monday, March 15, 2004

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and
chains excite me"

Oh what an absolutely cruddy day I've had!

First thing in the morning Ruth phones up cancelling
lunch and says that they (her and Alex) will be around
to see me this evening. So far so good, but of course
it only got better, at work on the very next counter,
evil eye itself decided to make an appearance.
Justine (her of the perfect figure) stood like the snidest
of people, as soon as she saw me her lip curled.
"What?" I snapped.

"Oh nothing, it's just how can you sell make-up to people
when you look like that?" She smiled showing excellent
teeth (or an excellent dentist) and turned away. Point
taken, I did look very gruff, almost minging too use an
expression far too young for my years. I looked like I scone
with currants for eyes. Quickly I did the business and brought
my skin colour back to 'alive'.

For the best part of the morning I was too busy to pay
her much attention. But she kept smiling at me and
shaking her head as if she was cherishing some precious
secret. I caught her in the ladies.

"What gives Justine? With all the smiles and things,
are you cracking on to me or what?" I had practically
pinned her up against the sink and being just a shade
under six foot, used my height to good effect. Her being
only five foot nothing (bully, moi?)

"You wish!" She spat. "Actually I've met your ex-other
half's new girlfriend. Very nice too, pretty.....young."
Her green almost souless eyes scanned my face for a

multiple choice
1./ I smashed her in the face
2./ I burst into tears
3./ I laughed manically and said piss off
4./ I coolly turned on my heel and said 'your not
worth it' with a casual toss of the hair

I am saddened to say it was option 3./ not cool
at all but not pathetic like 1 and 2.

She grinned at me like a bloody chesire cat (whatever
that is) I had to leave the building and have a fag to calm
down (which did'nt work as people kept giving me fithy looks
(for smoking I guess.)
For the rest of the day as I made up the faces of
unsuspecting women, I imagined death by make-up.
A kohl stick viciously pushed through the eye socket,
a mascara wand used as a spear, I know I'm delusional
but it was a pleasant pass time.
I brooded about 'The sh**s piece of totty) I had seen her
and she was gorgeous (in a blonde vapid way) her name
is Estelle Harison. I hated her even more then Justine.

Speaking of which (witch!) I decided to be cool (for once)
and ignore her . Did'nt help much, she saw me!

"You know I always thought Jeff was out of your
league, just goes to show what he can achieve with
the right woman. I hear he's being promoted again."

"What to, chief arse-hole? Please spare me the details
Justine." I growled.

She gave another of her infuriating little smiles and turned
to spray and elderly lady with parfum making her sneeze in
the process.

I squinted at her and imagined that I was voodoo queen
and could hex her or something! Nothing happened, so
I guess that I was'nt (although I did get a headache).

So that was my day, cannot wait to see my ladies tonight,
I need friends, pizza, booze and sympathy. So I will brood
a bit longer and see what happens next.
Will tell you what happens with Ruth and Alex tomorrow.
Mad bad BeckaXX

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Oh my gawd
just viewed my page which Raine (sister-thing)
is typing badly. She is the office worker folks,
she does'nt have to paint the faces of women
who can't draw, what a life.
'You are only young once, but you can be immature

Right, I suppose I should introduce myself, my name is
Becka Martin and I am turning 34 soon. Mentally I should think
I have stayed around the twenty mark. I definately dress far
too young as a bloody sales assistant whispered to her friend
"Who does she think she is? Avril Lavigne?" Well I don't really
want to dress at all like a teenage popstrell, but I am probably
stuck in a rut (which happens) jeans, t-shirts, killer boots. So passe, so what? There are worse ways to dress out there, look
at the tweed comeback, what is that all about? If I wanted to look like Princess Anne then I would ride a horse.
I decided to write this kind of diary as 1./ I have no life, 2./ I
thought it would be interesting 3./ see 1./
What do I look like, tall, skinny , I have the best hair though,
long and black (though unfortunately at school I was known as
Olive Oyl) which is probably better then being called Olive from
On The Buses. I have recently split from my boyfriend of eight
years Jeff (name changed to protect identity, lawsuits etc) but
if I refer to him in future writings , he shall be know
as 'The Sh**' Which does a great miservice to a underated
bodily function. He left me for (a younger woman may her
ovaries shrivel and collapse like my broken heart) who apart
from being prettier, richer, more sucessful etc Has nothing
to offer him. I am brooding sad and at this moment I am
utterly consumed by this. But no matter I shall get over it
(eventually) to make matters worse Sex In The City is ending
next week, what shall I do? I loved those girls! Seems like
there is not much out there for the more mature girl (woman)
except, food, losers and fags (the nicotine variety). I am in
the luckyish position that two of my closest friends, Ruth and
Alex are in a similar place to myself, I know that it's selfish,
but I can't but help be a little pleased. They are good girls
I should wish better for them (ok I do, but I want to be ok myself first). Friends should share everything (except men,
last fags or thrush) Ruth is a rather posh hairdresser that
looks like Mia Farrow but talks like Kathy Burke, Alex is a
model (mail order ,just clothes no glamour, don't get your get
your hopes up)She is beautiful and funny but thick as two short
planks, which proves you can't have everything. No I lie she
is clever as well (the bitch) .Will post more tomorrow as I
have a lunch date with said girls. Oh I should tell you I work
as a make-up artist, I try to get ladies to wear orange
foundation and scary lip-liner(Which is always a laugh).
Best BB