MONKEY'S UNCLE

"Why is it with you I always find myself wanting to hit my
head off a wall closely followed with yours?" Panted Alan, he
was striding along the road in the style of Darth Vader. I felt
very miffed, namely because I was trying to light a fag and
it had started to rain.
"I have that effect on most men." I shrugged, stopped, lit my
ciggie and inhaled the cool green menthol flavour. I don't care
what Raine says I'm never bloody well giving up!
"Even Mickey Bastard Straw?" He stopped and turned, not
a trace of sweat on his face and I was dripping like sweaty
Helga the Goatherd.
"Especially Mickey, I could really really wind that fucker up."
I said with some satisfaction and blew the smoke threw
my nose in the style of The Soup Dragon warming my winter
hooter up. N.B Americans hooter is British for 'nose' not titties.
"I'm crazy in love with you." Said Alan and kissed me on the forehead.
Very Priestly, all that black and repressed sexuality.
Bless me Father for I have sinned, now put your hands down my
draws haw haw! This is why I never made it as a Catholic girl,
oh and being slightly Jewish didn't help.
Come to Mummy!
Next minute we had fallen over one of those dwarf hedges and were
rolling around someone's garden, snatching eachothers clothes
like old women at a jumble sale.
Alan really liked sex in public, I just liked sex so it was a good match.
My head hit something hard (no not that) it was somebody's shoe.
Looking upwards I saw the most lemon sucking face I'd ever seen.
He was about 50, his glasses were very thick, he had something in his
hand, long, very long.
Shwing!
Nope it was a hosepipe!
No he did not do that!
He turned it on full pelt drenching us.
"Oh sorry!" He said, not looking a bit sorry.
"I thought you were cats or foxes fighting!"
"How bloody astute of you!" Said Alan lifting me up, giving
spec-man a good glimpse of my hairy annie!
His mouth dropped open.
I squealed.
Alan rolled his eyes and stood infront of me.
"Everyone's seen your snatch by now!" He grumbled.
"I hadn't." Admitted the man.
"Well we will be off then." I offered.
"Yeah sorry." Said Alan and we stepped over the small hedge.
"Oh and thank you." Said the man, this time he definitely had
something in his hand.
I giggled all the way home.
Perverts everywhere man! I always find them glory be!

Becka Mmmmm ushrooms

NURSE BITCHY AND PRICKY MICK

"Whoah Mister!" I grabbed Mickey's arm, that didn't stop him, I
hung on like toffee on a dog's tooth.
"This is my job girl, do you want me to arrest you?" He stopped
abruptly and I fell onto his chest which winded me in the process.
Ooof!
"You are getting old and you want to lay off them fags." Said Mickey
sagely but perhaps inappropriately as at that second Alan appeared
and his already sullen face fell into dark and angry lines.
Mickey laughed and peeled me off him:"Keep her, but if I was
you mate I'd consider an upgrade, she's getting old and puffy
now!"
"Bloody cheek!" I wheezed like a kettle. I punched his arm.
Bastard.
Alan looked furious but said nothing, which was scary, he's
so tall and dark, I had visions of him flying at Mickey like
a psychopath.
Not that he didn't deserve it.
Not that I would have cared.
"Mick, will Ruth be alright? Is she going down?" I said earnestly.
Mickey leered.
"Saucy! Ruth's victim, namely Justine has dropped charges,
I assume you will too?" I nodded. "Then it's just a fire arm
charge and being the uber-nut she is I shouldn't worry that
she won't end up in a funny farm instead of clink."
"Oh she'll like that, she always like farms." I smiled.
"Because she's an animal." Muttered Mickey;"Don't forget I've
got lots of hold on you girly what with knocking me out and helping
your Dad escape."He grinned:"That can wait until I'm bored,
you owe me about a zillion favours bitch!" He went in to
give Ruth the 3 degrees chuckling wildly.
Alan glowered and paced like one of those scary Mullahs,
I expected him to punch himself in the head at any moment.
"I wish to hell that bastard get's his come uppance!" From
this Alan decided to kick a basket containing used paper cups
high in the air.
"Oi!" Screeched a nurse:"Stop that! I'll call security!"
"Great another fool with a badge! Why don't I start a frigging
fire then we can have a whole collection of arseholes!" He
was getting mental.
The little Nurse was livid and humourless.
"Sounds like a straight Village People, who will you be?
Teacher?" I grinned imagining Alan singing YMCA, Mal
could wear the feathers, he'd like that.
"I mean it." Warned the nurse and Alan deflated just like
that. The Nurse straightened proudly aware of herself
and her own powers.
"Sorry." He picked up the cups:"I just have a girlfriend
who can't keep her knickers on for longer then five minutes
and her friends and lovers are the kind of people you cross
the street to avoid." He placed the last cup in the basket."Are
you single, you look nice, young, pretty."
The Nurse suddenly went all silly-stupid. I forget sometimes
that Alan is a good looking man and he's imposing.
I scowled at her, what a little bitch in her starchy dress.
"Why? You asking?" She simpered, yuk get me that basket I
need to vomit!
"I'm asking." Said Alan.
"Well as it happens, I am." She smiled.
"Stay that way, less complicated." Alan turned on his heel
grabbing my arm in the process. "Come on dopey."
I allowed myself the luxury of looking at the nurse over my
shoulder and pulling out my tongue.
"Security!" Screamed the Nurse down the phone.
Alan and myself decided to run.
At our ages exercise is very important.



Becka M XXXXX

Hallowfuckineen


Happy all Hallows Eve-
I'm sucking something with a big purpe head...........
it's a lolly you perves!

I give up really I do!


Mad Becka and Loopy Raine XXXXXXX

I WAS FEELING BLUE HAH-HA



Could I live without Ruth? Small destructive person, human
dynamite, jelly doughnut.
She was so bad for me, she reminded me of a Venus Fly-Trap,
exotic, dangerous, intoxicating and ultimately very bad for
your health. Not to mention your sanity.
I stood by the chocolate machine in the hospital foyer and made
the life defining choice of having a Snickers or a Lion Bar.
Had to be Snickers, still better then Reese's whatnots!
I started to cry, I could not blame it on the chocolate.
I felt so tired, older, grottier and certainly more confused.
I wanted to phone Mal but I just couldn't face him.
A hand touched my arm, looking up I saw a big bald head and
a square jaw.
Yep.
Mickey Straw!
I pulled back like he had leprosy.
Fucker!
"I hate you!" I hissed.
"That's disappointing." He said in a voice so scathing it should
carry a health warning.
"You! Don't you start with me! I mean it Mick, my life is so
low, I just can't take anymore of this shit!"
"I've come to talk to Ruth, not you, ok? Is that alright
sweetheart?"
He made Ray Winstone look right cuddly.
Bastard.
I bit my chocolate and a little caramel slipped over my lip
like a veil (non political, just descriptive!) Mickey's eyes
dropped and I could almost feel his heart beating faster.
"These trousers were not made for stiffies." He grumbled
and walked towards Ruth's room.
I had to stop him, Ruth, a Copper, an erection and a bed
was far too scary to think about.
And it wasn't even Halloween yet.
"Stop right there!" I said in a voice worthy of Helen Mirren.
He didn't stop.
I threw my chocolate at him.
It stuck to his shirt.
Shit.
No chocolate.
Bloody waste too.
Whoops, Mickey looked at me in the way a bull does in the
ring with Bugs Bunny.
I think a cheesy smile might just work but................


Becka M xxxx

DOOLALLY

One shaved pussy later and I was sitting next to Ruth's
hospital bed squirming. Fucking shaving, I could practically
feel the ingrowing. Bastard.
Ruth lay like a small battered china doll, her rough bottom
lip at last still from her chewing. I wondered whether I should
put some salve or Vaseline on it. I decided against it. It was too
intimate.
She opened a bleary eye.
"Sit still can't you?" She said in a quiet, breathy little voice.
"Um one shaved snatch later and that's the last thing I can
do. I'll try." I said.
"Shaved?" She managed a small smile."My favourite."
"Big mistake though, looks like a Christmas turkey
with pox." I mumbled and held her thin hand.
"Well we all make mistakes, even I do sometimes." She
said.
"No really?" Humouring her was the key.
"Yeah, kidnapping is not what it's cracked up to be."
"What do you mean?"
"No kids and no crack." Ruth said, I guess the morphine
was doing it's bit.
"Does Justine count as a kidnapee? She's hardly sentient."
I laughed, Justine always made me so happy in a
superior sort of way.
"Sentient? Not in the bedroom anyway, I've had better
head off hairdressing dummies." Snorted Ruth and winced
in pain.
"Hurts?"
"Only my pride and losing you." A pirate grin.
I pulled a face:"Let's not talk about that now, let's talk
about Nurses, the black haired one with the tits is
rather pretty."
"I liked the young African one with the scar."
Said Ruth.
"Doctor's?"
"Bastards!" Said Ruth.
"Even the women?"
"Especially the women." assured Ruth.
"Then that leaves?"
"The Health Care Assistants! I like it dirty." Ruth
smiled and giggled:"MRSA get's me hot."
I laughed aloud:"You bloody twit!"
"Yeah but you love me." This was not a question,
I turned away and brushed away a small tear.
Bothersome thing.
Angela stood in the doorway with Justine, talk of
the devil! I wished I had some salt to throw.
Preferably still in a mill.
"What are you doing here?" I snapped.
Angela shrugged:"You ask me-I didn't want to
come but Justine was adamant."
"Don't you ever." Said Ruth.
"Tell them that your handsome." I finished.
"You shut the fuck up!" This was Justine to me,
I stood up to face her.
"Remind me never to save you again." I said.
"Ditto."Snarled Justine, I could see the whites
of her eyes, but that did not count.
Ruth pissed herself laughing in bed, no really we had
to buzz someone to sort her out.
"I didn't think you would be incontinent until you
were a bit older." I said.
Angela and Justine looked at me shocked that I
could put words to such a thing.
"How old?" Said Ruth.
" 'Bout 40, when the alcohol had done it's bit."
"Haven't shit myself yet." Said Ruth proudly.
"That's something to look forwards to."
"Yeah nice to have goals!" She said approvingly.
"I don't understand!" Wailed Justine.
"I don't think we are meant to honey." Angela said.
Ruth looked at Justine:"Come here." She said.
Justine crouched over her like a Woodcut of
Death. All that Donna Karan.
"Closer." Said Ruth.
Justine sat on the bed:"Is this close enough?"
"Yeah!" Ruth's eyes looked like Jake's out of
the Scissors. Shinybright.
Nothing happened.
"Oh shit I was gonna headbutt you but I
can't lift my head! Becka can you help?"
"I'd like to but it sort of ruins the spontaneity
doesn't it?"
"Somewhat!" Said Ruth.
"Well really!" Shrieked Justine:"I've come all the way to
see you, even after everything, you are such a nasty
little bitch!" She jumped up.
"Cute though." I winked.
"Yeah." Said Angela:"Like a Rapter. Are we
finished Justine? Shall I take you home? Or do you
want more humiliation? She doesn't wan't you and as
from now, neither do I." Angela stood up proudly.
"Bravo! That's a girl!" I clapped.
"I hate all of you!" Scowled Justine and fled the room
bawling. I felt bad. Then I didn't.
"Sorry Ange." I said.
"Why should you be sorry? You the instigator of everything
fucked warped and whack?"
"Hey whack! I like that, very cool." I said approvingly.
"Can't you just stop? Really, act like an adult it's not too
late." Ange pleaded. There was an edge to her that I'd never
seen before.
"Sorry." I said.
"I should think so." Said Angie.
"What I want to know is what time does the bar open?"
Said Ruth. We both ignored her.
"Can you give me a lift home?" I asked Angie. Cheekiness
used to always work with her.
She shook her head:"I don't think I want to know
you anymore." She left the room.
"Oooh." Said Ruth.
Oooh indeed. And ouch. Angie was fine.
Shit.


Becka M
xxxx

RAMBLING RUTH AND MAD BECKA

"I should see Ruth." I said exhaling a delightful plume
of smoke from my right nostril.
"Mmm." Said Alan.
"What do you mean Mmmm?" I did not like that voice
one little bit. Ok maybe the moist bit of me did, the bit
which was enjoying the hand service he was administering.
"The girl is bad news."
"She's my best friend!" I defended her honour.
"She tried to kill you, shagged me, slept with your boss's
girlfriend, tried to shag your Dad. That one was beyond
me actually, how anyone could go near that terrible old
bastard is a mystery." He pulled one of those faces.
"Hey!" Bloody hell he was assassinating my friend and Pa!
(Not literally with a gun-just enough to irritate me.)
"I just think Ruth is a catalyst, the kind of bitch who
sparks the fire in others, easily led fools to do her bidding."
He grinned at me:"Sorry, but gullible is your middle
name."
"Well it's better then Hortence!" I said hotly.
"What? Never mind, Ruth's probably got her family with
her." Said Alan.
"I am her family."
"Jesus."
"Becka." I corrected.
"I'm getting old."
"Getting?" I laughed.
"Don't be cheeky, Miss Grey in the fuzz."
"Eh? Oh, bastard!"


Becka M XXXXXX

GROUND RULES (Not to be confused with
Groundforce with Charlie Dimmock and her
wobbly titties)


"Don't you ever say that again you little bastards!"
I snapped at the twins. Ma indeed Ma my arse!
"Chill Becka, we think it's great, we always have, you
know we like you don't you?" Said Jude and sidled
up to me in a snaky way, he managed to get his hand
under my dressing gown and onto my bare arse very
quickly. I moved away as rapidly as if he had been
John Prescott. Ehhh!
"Enough of that already! What is wrong with you both?
You've always known Alan was your Dad and you....."
I got nearer to them and whispered:"And you've
always tried to get me into....Positions, compromising
positions!"
Quinn laughed:"If it's good enough for the old man then
we thought it would be good enough for us!"
"What a terrible thing to say! I'm disappointed in you
Quinn." I said in a school Mistressy voice.
"Yeah I've been bad, do I get a spanking? Please."
His eyes twinkled, he was special this one, but then so was
Jude and Jude was a very dirty boy indeed.
"Look don't mess this up for me guys!" I tried as hard as
I could to look stern and menacing:"I've let Alan down again
and again, he's giving me a chance and I aim to take it.
You know I think you are both perfect and I'm weak
willed, I can't help it, perhaps I have a hormonal imbalance!
But I'm asking you, no I'm begging you. Don't screw this up
up please?"
I fluttered my eyelashes. The twins looked at eachother in
that old telepathic creepy way twins have.
"Ok." Said Quinn finally.
"Yeah alright." Said Jude.
Then they both burst out laughing.
They were laughing at me!
Little shits.
I pushed past Jude and grabbed a carton of Um Bongo.
"Pricks." I hissed.
Just outside the door I heard Quinn say:"Don't worry."
"She'll be..." Said Jude.
"Begging for it!" In unison.
Help me!

Becka M

My name is Becka Martin and I'm a sexholic-live with it.

SHEET

"So the twins are your sons?" It hung in the air like a cartoon
bubble- sons, jeez, I put up with a lot of crap or what?!
"I wondered how you would react." Said Alan mildly.
He might just as well said 'immature bitch queen'.
"I bet you did! How did you expect me to react? Alan those
boys, well they are men! You must have been a kid, you dirty
little bastard! Oh God I'm speaking in bold look what you've
done to me!" I gripped my throat dramatically.
"Have you quite finished?" He said with as much humour as
my Ma-in-law at a gay club.
"Just tell me they are not Pru's." Of course I couldn't change
anything if they were, I would just feel better, imagine, Sons
of Pru, oooh!!!
"No most definitely not." His eyes flickered like polished onyx
I have no idea what that means or what it looks like but it
sounds cool!
"So who is their Mummy and where is she?" Did I really
want to know?
"Their Mother was called Helena and she died many years
ago when the boys were just tots. Her kidneys failed, she
waited ages for a transplant, it never happened, that was
back in the dark ages before people carried Donor cards.
She just never got her match." His eyes looked misty.
"Did you love her?"
"Yeah as only a teenage boy can, passionately, wildly,
do you know that we actually planned the pregnancy?
We were crazy, our parents went ballistic!" He laughed
and I could see he was looking back in time to his youth.
"We worked it out that we could marry and bring the
boys up when I had finished school, we were helped
enormously by our parents, especially when they saw
what a good job we were doing with the boys. It was
hard, but work is light when you are happy! And I was
happy, never more so with my girl and the babies. I
went to school by day and because I looked older I got
a bar job, I was so tired! Then Helena got sick, we
couldn't cope and the parents had to help more.
Eventually and sadly Helena's older sister Janet had
the boys to stay with her. Then Hel died. She was just
18, the boys were 3. Everyone thought it was for the best
if Janet had the boys for keeps. I became a sort of uncle
I guess or older cousin. They know who I am of course,
I'm their father but not their Dad. That's Steven Jan's
husband's job. I love them of course, they are my boys."
He smiled simply and I think I'd never loved him more.
I kissed his face.
"OK." I said:"I'll get a drink and see what they are up to
in the kitchen."
Alan nodded:"Does it change how you feel about me?"
"Yeah." I said and left it hanging in the air, but I did
wink.
In the kitchen Jude and Quinn sat on the counters drinking
milk straight from the carton like an advert for aftershave.
Jude grinned:"Did he tell you?"
I nodded.
Quinn smiled:"Then I guess that makes you..."
"Our Ma!" Finished Jude.

I was less then impressed.


Becka Mmmmaaaaa

WHAT THE?!

Alan did that hunchy thing with his shoulders, kind
of between a cringe and and shrug, Americans would
say he looked adorable. I however knew him that much
better, he looked decidedly shifty.
"Go on then." I said as encouragingly as a Northern Woman
from an Alan Silletoe novel.
He smirked, grimaced and finally smiled.
"Those Twins." He started.
Go on go on go on go arn! I thought in the style of Mrs Doyle
(Father Ted).
"They are not my cousins." A ravishing smile:"They are my
sons." He said simply.
2 hours later when I had finished screaming, we discussed
this.

Becka Mmartini xxx

DOT-CUM

"Will you love me when I'm old and grey?" I said
fluttering my eyelashes and squeezing my vagina
which was tightly clamped around Alan's doopy-doo.
"You will never be old, as for grey, well I think I
spied your first grey already." Said my lover as he
pushed me up and down like a kid on a see-saw,
(ooh that sounded eeewww but you know what I
mean!)
"I've been going grey for years." I said and tucked a lock
behind my ears.
Alan shook his head:"No I mean a grey on your fairy-ann
my dear."
Hmmph!
Hollywood here I come.
He bit my neck like Vlad (or Gary Oldman) and ran
his fingers through my damp hair (on my head!)
and traced strange patterns into my sweaty skin.
Lush.
"Let's not talk about love, see Ruth tomorrow and
see how you feel." Alan said quietly.
Suddenly we heard a smash from the kitchen.
I clung to Alan my heart racing.
"Calm down. It's only the twins staying for a few days."
"Oh." I said, oh my gosh!
I grinned.
"Not sure if I like that smile much, anyway perhaps the
time is right to tell you a little secret."
"I don't know if I want to know any more secrets!" I gripped
his thin face. "Not more shit huh?"
"Past shit, shit that shouldn't change anything, shit a lighter
shade of shit." He grinned.
Bastard.


Becka MMMMMmmmmm

IN LUST WE TRUST

We were so excited we couldn't get our clothes off.
They flopped around us like fallen petals,
lumpy,
bumpy and completely in the way.
We were kissing with big! Open-mouthed kisses
like we were trying to inhale eachother.
My hands shook as I stroked his thin hard buttocks.
I begged him to fill me up.
Alan was too busy eating my nipples like they were
M&M's.
I swear I screamed.
My clit was so hard it chaffed against my g-string madly,
I had to finger myself.
Just had to do it.
Alan slapped my hand away.
"Don't be so greedy!" He kissed and breathed into my ear
making my toes curl and the hairs on my snatch stand on
end.
Then he awkwardly began to pull down his boxers to
reveal quite a tasty banana boiinng!
"Let's see what you can do with this." He muttered.
What would you have done with it?
Answers in the dustbin please!

Becka MMMmmmmmm!

MONSTA


I awoke in Alan's silky dark bed which smelled of
sandalwood, it was the kind of feeling you don't want
to end.
He lay next to me, his shrewd eyes watching me
regain consciousness.
I was dressed in one of his dark shirts, very modest
and demure for me.
He was fully clothed, he hadn't slept with me, giving
me space and sleeping on the couch.
Last night had been good, he'd brought me back, run
me a lovely bath. Kept his distance whilst I bathed.
Then fed me chicken strips and pizza, by hand, with
my head resting on his shoulder.
Then he had solemnly given me a spare toothbrush
and bade me goodnight.
But Alan was here now.
" 'Lo, how long have you been there?" I asked stretching
and yawning, aware my breath was a shade pepperoni
and hoping he wouldn't kiss me until I'd brushed my teeth.
"Awhile." He said ambiguously and tweaked my nose.
Then the realization of what had happened last night
floored me like 3 fat guys doing the cha-cha.
Shit.
Ruth!
Beads of sweat burst from my brow and I began to
shake.
Alan frowned, pulled me to him and said:"Sssh, it's
alright."
That was what I wanted to hear, not:
1./Marry me
2./Have my baby
3./Do you fancy a menage a trois?
4./I have issues
5./Who let the dogs out?
Just It's alright.
Ok it was not earth shattering, but it did the trick.
I kissed him demandingly, forcing my tongue
between his clamped teeth.
One eyebrow raised with amusement.
"Stop acting all Anne Diamond and kiss me properly,
like this." He kissed me gently, like soft velvet, somewhere
deep in my groin, something went pop, something that
had never popped before.
He grinned:"You little Monster!"

Becka M

SUBLIMEY


So blind me?

Bastard men.
Women too.
I'm going to be celibate...........
..........see, I lasted!

My lovely sister Raine was waiting at the copshop for me,
she had that tight lemon sucking look to her mouth.
She wore that a lot when she was with me. Her husband
D looked at me with his usual confusion, he was still trying
to work out what I was.

My own mouth was doing lots of pully downey motions
like it was wired to a string.
I had a strong feeling I was going top cry.
"Don't say anything!" Warned Raine, she had my lovely
old Adidas cardie which she wrapped around my shoulders.
Raine turned me around and in a blur of Cops, felons
and complete strangers, I was face to face with Alan.
For once he was not scowling.
He looked good.
He wasn't wearing black.
His hair was cut short.
Fuck-he was smiling!
"Ruth..."I Mumbled.
"...Will survive!" Finished Raine:"You however Madam
need to take it easy."
"I should see her." I was trying.
"Tomorrow." Said Alan and I'd forgot how deep and rich
his voice is. Mmmm.
Tomorrow was a day ripe with possibilities.
Tonight was a jaded old hag that needed to be put to bed.
Cool.
"Alan, what next?" I whispered, scared to touch him,
scared of everything my life had become.
"What do you want to happen next?" He asked me,
his head to one side. crowlike and lovable.
"I want to rest." Yeah a silky bed, a cool drink,
something to eat, what's that stuff called? Oh yeah food!
"Then so mote it be."
Said Alan.
At least that's what I heard.
I left the copshop with a blissed out smile on my lips,
made all the sweeter by the murderous look Mickey
Straw gave me.
When I slipped into Alan's crapola car, I swear to God it
turned into a Pumpkin!
Alan laughed as I rested my weary head on his shoulder and
let him feed me stale wine gums from the glove compartment.

Tee!

Becka M XXXX

TROLLEYED

"Easy Becka, EASY!" Said Mickey Straw (for it was he) as
I threw myself at him, a bundle of grief, anger and disbelief.
He restrained me, that terrible screaming would not stop,
would someone shut that bitch up? Oh ok it was me.
I stopped.
I really mean stopped.
I stopped screaming,
thinking,
being,
I crashed heavily to the pavement and even my skinned
knees didn't make me start again.
Next minute CopGirl Kate sat down next to me and covered
my body with a blanket.
I was still naked, but oblivious to the cold or anything.
"Listen Becka, you have to listen. Oh Mick I think she's
going into shock!"
I don't remember the next 20 minutes or so.
Later Angie would tell me that my head flopped terribly
like a broken marionette.
Apparently Mickey slapped me, twice sharply across the cheeks
and Angie swore at him.
CopGirl Kate made him wait by the car.
I weed myself.
How undignified!
Justine did nothing. The dead don't.
The dead.
"Earth to Becks!" This was Angie, she twisted my nipples
very hard!
"Aaaah!"
"Houston we have contact!" Angie kissed me:"Ruth is alive,
ok, alive, she lives! "
I was shaky on my feet but Angie and believe it or not Justine
helped me to dress.
I had not heard the ambulance arrive and take Ruth away.
I missed the:"She's got a pulse!" Moment.
But I did not care, it was as if someone had robbed me of all
my strength away in one go.
I was whacked.
I wanted Alan.......
and strangely enough........


Becka M

RUBBING THE SORE BITS

I edged nearer feeling too nude, too exposed and
painfully aware how nuts Ruth was getting.
Hey I was looking at Justine for clues, how low
can you go? Lower!
Angela had wound down her window, she was
shaking.
Or maybe she was just looking at my arse.
Justine was practically blacking out, the gun was
making ugly marks on her neck.
Time to make some moves.
"Ruth, you don't want her sweetheart, I'm your
girl, let her go. I'll come with you now, anywhere,
whatever you want to do." All the time I was advancing,
I was really glad I was not a man as my willy would
have looked ridiculous bouncing about. I had enough
trouble with my titties and they are really small.
"Stand still! Stop talking! Let me think! What is
it with the crackpot psychology? I'm already up to
my ears with shrinks, you don't have to start!"
Ruth had broken out in a sweat, her small face
glistened feverishly.
"Becka just back off!" This was from Angie,
she had crept out of the car and stood very near, too
near for Ruth's liking.
"My head's hurting!" She shrieked and the little
gun lifted momentarily away from Justine.
I was going to rush Ruth, chuck the gun away,
give her a good pummelling and tell her what a
bad, mad girl she was. Angie would look after Justine,
years down the line we would laugh at this-
this moment..........
in time.
A gunshot.
Women screaming.
I was howling like a banshee.
Ruth lay, covered in blood!
Too much blood.
Dying.
I held her to me, her eyes sparkled and she smiled,
that same pirate smile I'd fallen for as a kid.
As a woman.
Somehow in this last minute her craziness had gone,
she laughed.
"Kiss me dummy!" She whispered.
I was kissing her and then it was over.


Becka M xxx

I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY

So I'm standing there in my panties, bra and aura
of embarrassment with 3 dykes, a gun and hair that
badly needs a trim.
"The music has stopped, what next, charades? I-spy?
Hmm?" I was irked, that was an irked voice.
"Wait a fucking minute!:" Ruth fumbled with her cds
again (oo-eerr missus!) "This will do it, some say it's
a classic."
Kylie Minogue.
I Should Be So Lucky.
Oh what the hell.
It was classic alrighty.
I pranced around like one of those posh show jumping horses.
Except I didn't have a small fat girl on my back.
Don't ask me what I was doing with my rosette.
But my petite audience seemed impressed.
Lucky lucky lucky!
My bra sprang off like Spiderman jumping off a building.
I wiggled my arse coquettishly.
'Cept I didn't have a coq.
I eased my panties down to the ground.
How low can she go?
"See no wires, appliances or any Mickey Straw influences,
I'm as bare and pink as a prawn sarnie." I smiled at
Ruth. "What next? Mutual masturbation and a chorus
of Rule Brittania? Trip to McDonald's? "
I was talking complete gibber.
But I don't think anyone noticed on account they were
looking at my twat.
"Come here." Said Ruth, in a misty Brokeback Mountain
voice.
Hey that film did my head in, Gay Cowboys with sheep-
will I ever sleep again?
So I walked over, carefully avoiding dog poo and such.
Upclose Ruth looked rough.
Rough Ruth.
Justine looked terrified and transparent, I could see her
brain cell.
"This is going to be smooth, very smooth, trust me,
everything will be ok." Said Ruthie.
I hate it when people say that.
What happens in films when people say that?
Shit happens.
"I trust you." I lied.
"No you don't." Said Ruth.
"Course not, but I do hope you are not going to muck all
our lives up on a whim." I said.
Justine tried to shake her head.
"What's wrong with her?" I asked.
"Apart from being the world's most insular person
and a lousey shag you mean?" Said Ruth deadly serious
now.
"Mmm." I said.
"Could be she know what is going to happen next maybe."
Ruth smiled. Not a nice smile. A shitty smile really.
I really wanted to pee.


Becka M

RAINEX TAGGING INTERLUDE


ML has tagged me-so here goes, 6 things about me!

1./ When I'm drunk I think I'm really really funny,
however I'm pretty sure I'm not. At all.

2./ My hair is from hell, no, scrap that, my hair is from
McDonald's.

3./ Alan Rickman is God. At least in my universe.

4./ I don't go big on china dolls, it's the eyes man.

5./ Having kids has really made me grow up-but I'm
having a childish revival. My oldest son is deeply ashamed
of me. That is how it should be.

6./ Queues-can't do it. Sweaty, nasty, shaky and that's just
D having to deal with me! Seriously I need to move into a
country that either has a quicker system or I can just push in.


Mad Becka will continue when I can be arsed.

RHYTHM OF THE NIGHTY

"I need music." I said truculently.
"Get you Prima Donna!" Scoffed Ruth, but she was
on to it, dragging Justine with her, she turned her
CD player in her car on at full whack.
Wow.
The dulcet tones of Mudd, Tigerfeet, filled the air.
"Ah, that was not really what I had in mind." Really
how could I dance to that and keep my self respect?
"For FUCKSAKE!" Shouted Ruth, removing the Cd
she lobbed into the night, whilst still clamping her
petrified girlfriend tightly.
"Yep best place for that, what was it? Hits from the
70's?" I asked.
"No! The best of Glam Rock, shit I loved that disc!
Bolan was on there and Bowie and Wizard!"
She fumbled in her glove compartment for a replacement
song, could I rush her while she was preoccupied? No,
I was rather looking forwards to taking off my clothes
actually.
"This is the one." She said with a warning tone in her
voice.
It was Kate Bush.
Wuthering Heights.
"Make it good, do that wobbly dancing." Said Ruth.
"Ah I think that was special effects and I haven't
got the hair you know?" I felt really silly.
Heathcliff, it's me, it's Cathy I've come home.
Silly mare.
Should have run away.
And here I was dancing like Kate Bush on a traffic
island in the middle of the night with 3 women
with varying degrees of mental illness.
Sweet.
Could have been worse.
Could have been Babushka.
Ya ya.
Why couldn't she have played The PussyCat Dolls.
But soon I was grooving away, my clothes melting
away.
So co ho ho ho hold, let me in a ya window!
Sometimes I wished I could always be naked.
This was not one of them.
"Oh Becks you dance so beautifully!" Said Ruth and I could
see a tear in her eye.
The song finished and I was still clad in panties and bra.

Becka M

xxxx

AMAZING GRACE


I pulled lots of encouraging faces much like a chimp
in a zoo. Ruthie wasn't buying it.
I wasn't buying it.
"Stop wiv the faces!" She screeched out in her dulcet
South London tones.
I stopped, but funny enough my face wouldn't.
My lips pulled into ridiculous shapes and I had an
urge to wink and leer like a pirate.
I was very close, close enough to see that the usually
immaculate Ruth looked much like she had been
through a hedge backwards.
Justine was marginally better off, that's embalming
for you. Her eyes rolled like a cow in a slaughterhouse
(hey how dramatic was that?!)
"Becka, I really don't know what to do." Said Ruth in
an eerily soft voice.
"Don't do anything baby, let me look after you." I said.
Ruth snorted.
"You? Sorry I think I might have pissed my pants,
you, who can't cook, clean, keep a job or a man, will
look after Me?" Her head was cocked on the side in
disbelief.
"Well I could try." I slurred:"Gotta be better then
spending your life behind bars for murder." Oooh
big mistake.
"WHAT? WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT PRISON
OR MURDER?" Screamed Ruth and pressed the
little gun into the thin flesh of Justine's neck.
Angela made a shrill little sound from inside our car
and opened the door.
"Stay in the car Lardarse!" Ruth yelled.
"Angie! STAY PUT!" I ordered, this was getting
out of control. "Look." I said and sat down on the ground
crossed legged and with my arms raised. "I'm unarmed,
please just calm down eh?" I did the old Ren and Stimpy
big eyed thing.
Works everytime with the ladies.
"Stop with the Stimpy eyes." Snapped Ruth.
Or apparently not.
Ruth looked at me shrewdly.
"Mickey Straw." She breathed.
"Huh?"
"Has that Copper wired you? Take off your clothes
bitch." Ruth snarled. Oh God she was really gone!
"I though you would never ask." I said coyly.
"Don't flatter yourself sweetheart, but you might as
well make a good show of it eh?"


Becka M xxxxx

30 SICKS


I'm a birthday girl, what am I doing? I'm sitting in a layby
with Angie spying on my Ex best friend and her cadaverous
girlfriend-hostage.
I feel very Cagney and Lacey, although I am far too slim to
be Lacey, I'm not blonde enough to be Cags. Who am I
kidding? Myself as usual but it keep s me happy and
off the street.
Angie is looking good. Oh my word does she. Still heavy,
but a diet of worry and lack of sleep have trimmed those
stubborn pounds.
"Look at that bitch!" Hissed Angela Grade.
I peered at the two fair heads held tight together in
the Ford Ka and shrugged.
"Which bitch?"
"Your bitch!"
"Oh Ruthie, yeah, not classy like Justine but a real trooper."
I nodded approvingly.
"God almighty!" Angela laughed strangely.
"What?" I enquired as I lit a small cafe cigar as it made
me feel Stacey Keach.
"You still after everything like her, don't you?" Her voice
was heavy with accusation. Trouble with Angie heaviness,
food, words, sex, all calorie laden and triple thick goodness.
I winced. Yeah I did like her.
I liked alcohol, cigars, cigarettes, anonymous sex.
All bad for me though.
Why not a complete psycho?
"Ruth is my heart. Anything else is just going through
the motions." I said finally.
"I hate you sometimes." Said Angela darkly. I had hurt her
too the quick. She had loved me and I had rejected her
for a guy, now here I was flaunting hot girl action in front
of her.
"Whoops." I said.
"Indeed." She said sourly.
"Look, all can be salvaged, I'll grab Ruthie, you get Justine,
just don't grab her too tightly, she'll snap. Everyone a winner
and we both get the girl." I half shut my eyes:"Life is good."
Then Ruthie stepped out of the car with Justine, she held
a menacing little gun to her head.
"Becka! This is your birthday present, I'll blow out her
brains for you." Screamed Ruth. Yeah what every girls
wants, not diamonds, holidays in the sun, no just body
matter hitting the kerb. Groovy.
"Um chocolates work better actually." But I was shaking.
"Think fast you cunt!" Said Angie (this was to me in
case you were wondering.)
I got out of the car slowly, like a professional wuss I held
my hands above my head.
"Tell Meatfeast to stay in the car!" Shrieked Ruth.
"Charming!" Muttered Angie.
Justine's eyes were rolling like a cow on a Ferris Wheel
(no I don't get that either).
I grinned #sharply, winked, could my magic work for me
now? Did anyone care? Are you reading!?
"Baby!" I said and walked forwards.


Becka M