MEN AND MOTORMOUTHS

It's that morning feeling, you know, furtive
glances, shame, embarrassment, did I shag that?
I know it all too well, alas for Alan, eye contact today
was hard work for him and as for Mal! Sweet Jesus,
he looked all Bambi after his Ma had been shot.
Hmmm bet you are wondering if they had hot boy
action together? No? No actually, meaning yes,
oh fuck I've lost my thread. Mal gave Alan a blow
and Alan did enjoy it. Then he freaked out big time
and called us both a pair of cunts, how could we do
that to him? Then Mal gets all offended and accused
Alan of leading him on. Then Alan had a frenzy
so loud Patrick and Catherine shouted from their
bedroom for him to hush up. Then Alan and Mal are
shocked that Patrick is talking and demand to know
when he recovered.
Then I burst into tears and got completely ignored.
I felt like Jodie Marsh.
And now it is morning and Patrick is making everyone
French Toast (eggy bread for you dullards).
Dullards, I've been with Alan too long.
I wanted Sister-thing Raine, Ruthie, Alex and
Mickey Straw.
Not Eggy bread!
Everyone sat around the breakfast bar like The Last
Supper, I sipped my coffee and looked at Patrick's
face.
Boy was he pissed with me still!
Catherine looked like she had been sleeping with
the entire cast of Bumfights.
Alan looked like a candidate for Ritalin.
Mal looked like a Scottish Tranny, so manly was he
that he made Grayson Perry look convincing (though
still more convincing then Camilla).
"Well this is comfortable." I said.
Nobody replied.
"I hate you all." I said with feeling.
Then I told each in turn what I thought of them.
Not pretty.
Or clever.
But boy did it clear the air.


Becka M xxxxx

DELIRIOUS

Wipeout! The one thing I love about sex is the fact
you can lose yourself to your body's own needs and
impulses. I felt like a shucked shrimp laying there
with two men catering to my every need, every
twitch and jerk. Cool! Ok ok I'm a dirty 'ho, so what?
I just melted into a frenzy of tongues and fingers
exploring every inch and every taste of me.
If I was the Queen I would have that kind of treatment
everyday, I mean what's the point of a crown if
you can't make people do things to you? I don't know,
maybe she does, that's why old people walk so slow-
all the sex when they were young finally get's to them.
And their dicks.............mmmmmm
What a way to go, Alan gorgeous, mine, tolerant soppy
bastard. Mal, also mine in a girlie way, but he seemed
to also get a kick out of watching Alan.
All that thrusting.
Suits you Sir!
One moment I was sandwiched between two hot men,
next I'm riding on Mal's back whilst giving Alan a BJ.
Unreal.
Call me lucky.
Now if Ruth was here I would be in Fuck-Heaven UK.
Maybe even Mickey Straw.
Or the twins. Mmmm twins, now that would be a dainty
dish to set before the Queen.
I felt Mal and Alan both start to tense and strain, oh
come on! Not now!
But yes they came.
In me.
And that made me come too.
We lay sodden and sticky, just our breathing heavily to
show that we were still alive.
Mal's sexy eyes were watching Alan intently, next moment
he began to stroke Alan's firm chest.
"Don't." Said Alan, with his eyes shut.
Mal grinned and his hand slipped lower.
I held my breath.
"Don't." affirmed Alan, but his dick started to slowly rise.
Mal held the semi hard member in his hand and stroked
it's moist head.
"D..dd." Mumbled Alan, his face reddened and his eyes
opened. "Becka." He said.
"Go with it." I said assuringly.
Mal bent and kissed and sucked.
"Oh fuckedy fuck!" Said Alan.

Yep that said it all really.


Becka M

FUN WITH DICK AND BECKS

I remembered Ruth yanking down my knickers
and examining me like the consummate professional
she would be.
"Very nice, be prettier when you get a bit
of fluff." She commented.
"I suppose you are already covered in hair?"
I said, Ruth grinned and pulled down her pants
to show her hairless slit.
"Nah, no hair yet, I'm not sure if I want it." (Ruth
would later become one of the first women in
the UK to go for the Hollywood wax). She always
liked her lines clearly defined, even then.
We all thought she was odd, square even, who
would know she would be a trend setter
and a damn good shag?

I sat back on the lodge step grinning broadly
to myself like a nutter. Fucking Ruth! She
had me all hot and bothered. I decided to find
Alan. He shared the bed with Mal, the space in
the middle (for me) empty. Carefully so that
I didn't wake Mal, I sneaked in between them.
I began to stroke Alan's belly, enjoying the
smoothness and the crispy hair as I moved my
hand lower.
Mmmm.
He moaned and turned in the bed, seeing me he
smiled sleepily.
"Keep your hands to yourself." He whispered:"Though
it would be nice." The exibitionist in Alan could not
be quelled.
I pulled my top off and wriggled out of my panties
waking Mal accidently. He looked at me questionly.
I gave my head a tiny shake, he caught on and
pretended to be asleep, the bloody pervert!
"We will have to be quiet." I hissed and got on
top of Alan, stark naked with Mal watching me
through slitted eyes I straddled my prey and
gently moved my hips.
Mal was good, really good, but he could not hide
the sheet infront of him rising like a sail!
Good job Alan didn't see it, would have scared him
half to death! It was scaring me!
Alan grinned and fingered my clit as I rode him,
I reached behind me and massaged his balls.
He stopped grinning and reached up to suck
on my titties frantically. Mal's fingers snaked
out and began to stroke my bottom, that tore
it, I came to juddering halt. Alan bucked
and shortly came.
"Sorry." He mumbled, embarrassed he had come
so quickly.
Next thing I knew Mal was slipping through the
sheets and going down on me!
I was disgusted (yet strangely turned on) as he
lapped up my come and Alan's.
"What's going on? Oh I say!" Yelped Alan, he
began to pant like a man torn between doing
'the right thing' or just enjoying what was
happening. He chose the latter.
"I don't know what to say!" He said.
"Then shut up!" Said Mal throatily:"Ye taste
good hinny." Mal winked at Alan:" Don't ye
worry Pal, Aye will save ye some!" What he
meant by that I did not know, either Alan
was getting seconds of me, or Mal was going
to do the same to Alan. Whatever, I lay back
and thought of Daddy.
"This is depraved!" Said Alan.
I nodded, but what was a girl to do?

Becka Martin XXXXXXX

I PREDICT A RIOT

"You bloody little fool!" Shouted Patrick:"I thought
you had sense girl!"
Tears ran down my face, not only was my father a
murdering bastard, corrupt entrepreneur and
a Conservative MP, he was also very pissed with
me! I fought the urge to say sorry.
"I'm so disappointed in you, but then what did I
expect really? You came from the gutter!" Patrick
threw down his lit cigar butt which fizzled out in the
snow.
I sat shocked and trembling, bastard! I loved him
so much. I needed to get away now this second,
even another moment would be too slow! However
I was fully aware that I was miles from nowhere
and everyone one was asleep. The only thing I could
do was to travel inwards-to hide in a pleasant
memory from the past.
Strangely enough I chose Ruth.
"Whatcha doing?" Said the strange young girl with
the worst bowl haircut I had ever seen.
"What's it look like?" I snapped, she was scrawny
younger then me and obviously a loser.
"Dunno, that's why I asked!" She sat next to me
on the bench near the green on our estate.
"If you must know I'm writing a list of what I want
to get for my birthday."
"But the page is blank."
"That's because.....well never mind. Clear off anyway
I don't like you." I turned away from her:"And you
smell." I added for good measure.
"Charming! Well I think you and I will be good friends
when you stop being a cow .." She smiled:"Here
have a spangle." She passed me a sweet, grudgingly I
accepted it as I was a kid and that's what they do.
"Thanks." I said. I was aware she was staring at me.
"Pretty aint ya?"
"Prettier then you." I said.
She laughed:"I'm Ruthie, I know you, you're Becka
Martin."
"I don't want to know you, you are a funny kid."
I turned away from her.
"Look who's talking! Fuck it let's have a fag."
And there I began a relationship with nicotine
that has lasted many moons. Later that day she
would put her hand down my knickers, for a dare
that is.

Becka M

HAPPY NEW YEAR SHEET-KICKERS!

FALL FROM GRACE

"The Corpse root from the Corpse tree is very
much innate until activated. To make the spell a
special ceremony has to be undertaken and it is
as dark and terrible as you can imagine." Patrick
said dourly. "Like all Hoodoo or Voodoo as the
cinema people would let you believe, it is very
much a ritual formed on belief that the dead walk
among us and the Gods use us as their playthings.
Dada So had marked out a circle of fire and his
congregation danced wildly around it, drunk and
drugged on hashish and the whiskey I had supplied.
I stood naked but for a loincloth, tied to a stake
and I too was high and delirious."
Oh that was where I got the bondage bug from!
"Dada So began to screech strange and eerie commands
in a voice that was not his own, soon a young girl of
about 16 or 17 was brought through the crowd to
kneel before me. She was sweating profusely but
seemed calm and controlled as she gently loosened
the cloth that covered my manhood."
"No no no! I don't want to hear this! Eeew!" I
squealed repelled at the idea of my father naked
and bound.
"Sssh! Her fingers traced patterns over my chest
and she stood up and kissed me hard on the mouth.
The crowd began to hum and buzz with excitement
as an older woman dressed in red robes danced
with Dada So. By older I mean then the girl,
this woman was about 30 I guess. Live hens were
placed in her hands and she swung them around her
head by their legs. Suddenly and without warning she
bit a chicken's head straight off and placed the still
kicking and flapping body against my chest.
The blood coursed down me, the girl at my feet
began to retrace those patterns again this time in
blood. A second bird was decapitated and this blood
was soon streaming over the girl's hot bare breasts.
I felt very aroused and feverish, the girl mumbled
sweet nothings and mounted me. Someone cut the
cord that bound my hands so I could hold her to me.
She moaned and screamed with her passion.
I was soon rutting as hard and as wildly as any animal
in the jungle. The crowd encouraged me me
with catcalls of approval. Not before or since have I
ever felt that much a man. Male, totally male and
voracious! Whatever was happening kept me hard
without release, if circumstances hadn't changed I
would have gone on all night."
I shuddered, what picture for my tender head to
get around.
"Cut to the chase Pa, no more sex stuff." I said.
"I'm telling you the only way I know how."
He breathed deeply, trying to compose himself:
"Then Dada So stood behind her and I saw a flash-
it was his blade as he cut the girl's throat! No
I screamed! But it was too late, as we crashed
to the ground together and her life blood enveloped
me I knew she was already gone."
"Fucking hell." I said.
"There's more." Patrick said and stared directly
into my eyes. "I withdrew myself from her body
and was shocked to see blood on my penis, the
girl had been a virgin. Dada So became very
animated and he produced something that looked
like a wooden corkscrew."
"Did he stick it up your arse?" I asked hopefully.
"Rebecca this is hard enough, be sensible! He
placed this within the girl, then he rubbed it on my
chest which was covered with her blood and that
of the chicken's. Then he said that for now it
was over, the root would be buried with the girl
and on the 12th night after her funeral I
would have to dig it up at midnight using my
bare hands!"
"This sounds like a really bad movie! You
didn't did you?" But of course I knew he had,
he had done everything required to keep
himself alive, even at the expense of the
innocent. In my eyes he had fallen from grace
bigtime. Drugs, smuggling, whatever, but this
was too much.
"Damn right I dug it up! It was bound to her waist.
Was it worth it? Yes I've had a wonderful life. And
here it is now, look!" He placed a gnarled wood shard
in my hand. "It has been well used that is why there
is not much left. But what there is I give to you,
my beloved daughter. Use it wisely."
I looked at him and his eyes were twinkling, he looked
very much like a Gandalf sort person. If Gandalf was
a murdering bastard that is.
"I can do what I like with this?" I asked.
"Of course." He smiled serenely.
"Then this is my choice." I threw the evil twist straight
into Loch Ness.
I watched his face turn white like the snow and
I laughed at him.
"You are pathetic! If I had known I would have
let you rot in hospital!"

Becka M

MERRY XMAS TO ALL MY BLOGGIE
PALS-HAVE A SAFE AND LOVELY
FESTIVE TIME!!!!!!!!


Becka M & Rainex

WHITE DEVILS

"The Corpse Root is fantastic! If you take enough
you literally 'die', that is until you have the antidote.
I took enough to have a heart attack and then
still my vital functions." Patrick said proudly.
I glared at him.
"You scared the shit out of us all and then you crow
about it like Peter Pan! You are an old guy for fucks
sake! Have you no responsibility? What about Catherine?
What about me?"
Patrick laughed:"Needs must when the devil drives." He
purred.
"Don't you cliche me! Don't you dare, when we have been
running around after you and I had to wear scrubs
and a leotard and I looked stupid." I shook so much my
fag as fell down my top." Shit!" I snapped wiping away
the ash.
"Catherine is beyond caring at what I do as long as I include
her, as for you, well let us just say I might have an
interesting offer to put to you." He handed me a fresh ciggie.
"Tell me about Dada So, how did this all happen?"
"As I said before me and So were like brothers when
I left Haiti for South Africa he came with me. He was very
much in his element there, he said the place had a certain
wildness to it that attuned the spirits, his magic was
potent and he soon had a small but discreet trade in
spells and potions. Mostly a white clientele, does that
surprise you?"
"No." I said as I hadn't got the connection.
"The White's had the heavy duty money, the were the
ones who safaried, the hunters of big game, the drug
dealers, the pimps."
"Men like you you mean?" I scanned his face but as
ever it was cool, detachedly smug.
"If you like, a certain kind of man, aging, afraid of his
own mortality, his impotence, his power leaving him.
These guys would pay anything for a hard dick and
remember this was before Viagra. White Devils the
blacks called us, not completely incorrect.
So became comfortable with his life just as mine started
to break down. I was too attached to my opium,
fantasy and dreams, I hadn't done a days work for years,
there was always someone I could pay to do it for me.
Life caught me and I was in a bad way, So devised a spell
that would be my wild card, my way out and my salvation."
Patrick leaned against me. "Please do not hold this
against me Rebecca, remember I was desperate."
"I'll try not to."I looked across the loch and wondered
if spells and magic were true then perhaps Nessie swam
beneath it's satin waters. Yeah right!
I was still waiting for the sex and chickens bit!

Becka M

DADA SOLEILA AND THE WAY OF THE CORPSE


"Just tell me." I said. To be honest I was a bit pissed
off, all this running around hoo-ha and there he was
large as life!
"Firstly I want to thank you my dear, you have done
very well for me and I am so proud of you." He squeezed
my arm.
"Yes yes!" I said impatiently:"I'm great, I know, get
on with it."
Patrick grinned and puffed his smoke into the chill
air where it made ribbons and swirls.
"I've traveled extensively in my life Rebecca and one
of the most interesting places I have ever visited
was Haiti." Another puff:"A place where life is cheap
and women are wicked!" A deep chuckle:"That is
where I met Dada So."
"So?" I was getting irritable and no pun was intended
even though I had made one.
"Dada Soleila, a great man, we were if you like, brothers
under the skin. For all our cultural differences, he was
the person I could most relate to." He frowned.
"Ok, he was your lover." I nodded, sex, I could understand
that.
"Rebecca!" Patrick laughed and cuffed my ear:"No! He was
my best friend, my confidante and to think he was once
my servant. No matter, what I need to tell you will
explain everything, everything that is about being near to
death."
"Oh I'm not sure I want to know about death!"
"Rebecca, it might save your life one day!
Listen closely, Dada So was a Hoodoo Priest,
every day was spent in some way atoning to his gods
and acting out their will. Of course I thought it was rubbish
at first, you would with my upbringing. I just thought it
was a chance to tear up a few chickens and have
wild sex, so I was happy.
It turned out that Dada So's Real World was very
real indeed.
The dead can rise and the living can act as dead.
Anything is possible."
"If you start on about Zombies I shall scream." I warned.
"You are such a girl, it was a ritual, The Way of the Corpse
that allowed me to have a heart attack."
"I don't want to hear this but, go on." I hoped it would
be all sex and chickens.

Becka 'Freak-out' M

PLAYED

I was a fool, the worst kind, a fool that thought she
was clever, a real player, when in fact I was the one
being taken for a ride!
How could I not see that Mal had the hots for Alan?
Was I that blind? Apparently so.
Yeah sure Mal flirted, but he flirted with everyone,
even D! And he'd fucked me!
I felt very bad about this though, it was like the
stories you read in Bella, 'Gay Best Friend Stole
My Man!' and now lives next door etc.
I couldn't stand it.
Not Alan.
I was sitting on the lodge's verandah, very much a
suffering Southern Belle (if you could account for
the cold, the snow, the fact I was in Scotland and
a Cockney!) But you get the picture, I puffed away
on my ciggie like it was a lifeline-bastards!
How could they do this to me?
If Alan turned gay on me now, that really would
be it.
End of.
End of life as I know it at any rate.
Those small hours in the night, why is it that you
always have to think about deep shit at that time?
I thought about Angela, hey she could marry Justine
for real now, oh if Justine wasn't already doing the
rug munch on Ruthie that was.
Ruthie.
What was it about the girl that sent shivers down my
spine?
The insanity, the violence, or just the sweet tongue
sending me wild.
If I was truly gay then she really would be my girl.
And she gave a good haircut.
I thought of Alex happy with Sean, but oblivious to
the rest of us buggers, no change there then!
I thought of Mickey Straw and how pissed off he must
be with me and how much I would miss shagging him
as that door had well and truly closed.
I thought of Jeff so sexy, such a bastard and how
happy we had been, correction, how happy I had
thought we were before Estelle.
I thought of the twins Jude and Quinn and as always
felt a cheesy grin spread over my face like Pluto
or something! Those boys, made for love and 100%
Alphas.
I thought of Skinner and giggled, he was my moment
of madness bless his heart!
Mal, dirty dirty bastard! I chuckled and puffed again.
I thought of Raine, D and Aidan, shit I would have
to phone her as she would be worried.
And extremely angry!
I watched my plume of smoke trail into the icy air
and was surprised to see it joined by another.
I turned and nearly pissed my pants in shock!
Patrick stood there smoking a cafe cigar.
He looked good.
He should have looked like shit.
He looked as hale and whole as though he had just
returned from a cruise in the Caribbean.
What was going on?
He sat down next to me and smiled:"I'd better
explain."
"Well, yeah!" I pinched his arm, sure he was real
enough.
Patrick kissed my hair and sniggered.
"Becka, do you believe in the supernatural?"


Becka M

WOOD-WET, DRY, ETC CONT...(U)

"Mal are you sure your gay?"
For he was doing a pretty fine impression of a
heterosexual and a darned alpha one at that!
"No, give it up." He said and began to slam me ragged
against the side of his sofa. Anal was fun, not my fav,
but pretty cool as far as fucks go.
"We had better be quick, Alan could come back at
any second." I warned. How would I explain that one?
"Bloody hell!" Said Mal and came spontaneously,
bastard.
"I didn't mean that quickly!" I said through gritted
teeth, I was nowhere near coming and left high and
dry!
"It's just Alan, when Aye think of him Aye get
goosebumps." He grinned;"You must have noticed,
he's smashing."
I was the one shivering now.
"What? You like Alan? My Alan?" I must have looked
as thick as Jade Goody, my mouth was hanging open.
Mal grinned.
"Ye are not the only fishee in the sea!"
"But!" I exploded:"Alan is straight and he's mine, you
ginger bastard, hands off!"
As if on cue Alan shuffled in, covered in flecks of snow
and a shit kicking grin on his face.
"You never will believe me but I think I saw something
move in the Loch!" He smiled like a school boy.
"Isn't he adorable?" Whispered Mal.
"Yeah and nuts, hey Al, ever take it up the arse?" I said
nastily.
Alan's eyebrow did a Spock rise.
"What a thing to ask!"
"Oh of course he did, he went to public school." Said Mal
knowingly.
Alan shuffled again.
"Well that's not strictly true Mal, but some people
experimented."
"And you?" I asked, big hypocrite queen that I am!
A further shuffle:"Any one for tea?"
Mal exploded with laughter.

Becka M

WOOD-WET AND DRY PART ONE

Have you ever driven to Scotland with a Drag Queen,
a Witch, a Cadaver and a pissed off boyfriend? No,
neither had I until recently.
I'd call it brisk.
Yes definitely brisk.
Like cold water chucked in your face.
Alan was certifiable by the time we had reached Mal's
lodge in Inverness.
He fell out of that car and crawled pathetically along
the rough shale path.
"Get up!" I shouted.
"I'll have you know that I'll never be able to do the
Rumba again!" He groaned bitterly.
"I'd love to see you Rumba." Purred Mal and helped
Alan to his feet. He had car-legs, you know when
they don't work properly after a long drive.
Cars, don't make them for long legged folk, I guess
they think we can walk everywhere. Short arses,
hate them. Oh sorry Raine!
I helped Catherine get Patrick into his wheelchair,
he still wasn't quite back yet, his mouth was open
but he seemed to be breathing better.
"We look like a careparty!" Laughed Mal, he had a
point, Alan held onto his arm glaring like a male
Medusa with his unruly hair blowing every which
way.
Very heroic.
Unruly hair, should be in a Harlequin book really.
Alan would fit.
Mal wouldn't, mind you Mal wouldn't fit in Sex and
the City, the dirty boy!
I could still feel him inside me, wooden and slick,
my own personal Maypole.
"C'mon pur-leaze! Let's see what the Auld shed is
like now! Hopefully it is still dry."
Shed was not the word, it was lush, thick sheepskins
on the floor, leather sofas, spotlights, a stainless steel
kitchen and an outdoor hot tub!
"It'll do." Conceded Catherine.
"Oh Aye am pleased!" Said Mal with deep sarcasm.
I think we were all happy that it was in such good
condition, it was more then I had hoped for.
Trouble was there was only one bedroom which
Catherine and Patrick bedded themselves down in
faster then the speed of light.
We would have to sleep in the lounge-cum-diner
as luckily the sofa could turn into a bed.
I'm going to have a look at the water." Said Alan and
strode off with the torch towards the loch. I just
nodded foolishly, truth was I could hardly look at him,
he was the best, my main man, my boo and my honey,
but I still needed more.
He was not enough.
For me.
I was alone with Mal for the first time since
our encounter. He beamed like a naughty schoolboy.
"Mal, you know what we did was bad, you are
gay, well at least I thought you were!"
"Aye am gay! Did you think your slick little
pussy, silky breasts and firm arse would
change the direction of my cock?" He looked at
me challengingly. I gulped, what could I say.
"Well, yeah ."
Mal threw back his head and laughed.
"Oh Becka what are we going to do with you
hinny?" His warm hands reached for me and
were soon inside my jacket.
"What do you want to do with me?"
"Turn around." He commanded.
I was about to take it like a man.

Becka M

WHO ATE ALL THE PIES? WHO ATE ALL THE
PIES? YOU FAT BASTARD, YOU FAT BASTARD
YOU ATE ALL THE PIES!

"I am never going to eat a pie again even if it's cooked
by Gordon fucking Ramsey." Groaned Alan as he hunched
over the steering wheel like someone on the brink of
dysentery (which he was!)
"Well aye thought it was mildly pleasant." Said Mal.
"You are Scottish, you eat deep fried Mars bars and
sheep stomachs!" I retorted as I felt like I had some
hot curry sauce of my own going on in the boiler!
"Well Mr Ramsey himself is a Scot!"
"Have you heard the fucker speak? I've never heard a
Scot speak like that!" Said Alan.
"Stop ganging up on me!" Mal squeezed tighter between
Catherine who was asleep with her mouth open (good
teeth, no fillings!) and Patrick who looked ever closer
to easing himself out of his mortal coil!
I was dressed like Madonna (I kid you not) in tights,
a fucked out leotard and a bomber jacket that made
me look like Huggy Bear with tits. Red and pink and
even, gulp, leg warmers (drag queens always have
to tinker with a look).
"Mal!" I screamed when I saw what he had packed for
me:"You Goddamned fucking freak! Don't you realize
real women like to wear proper clothes, not drag!"
"If it's good enough for Maddy......."He laughed,
But he wasn't the one getting the evils from, like,
everyone! We stopped at a petrol station as not only
did I need to take a dump, but we did need petrol!
I stagger across the tarmac like some 70's nightmare,
Madge is Madge, but I'm Becks, I'm meant to
be skinny and slinky and dressed beautifully.
I cannot always do high fashion. I'm as thin as a model
but it hangs wrong. I look, well, soppy.
"Hey look at that! She forgot her trews!" Laughed some
toothless fucker standing next to a hairy goon
with a baseball cap that said NEW COCK CITY.
"Oi love do ya think I'm sexy? Do ya want to touch
me? Come on sugar let me know!" Screamed the
idiot with the hair.
I let him know alright:"Kiss my arse!"
"See? She does fancy me!"
"Yeah and you can see most of it anyway!" Laughed
Toothless.
I hate my life.
I returned to the car to see Mal and Alan laughing
together (at me who else?) like a couple of fairies.
"Cunts!" I hissed.
"Aye am so jealous! What truly lovely men, Becks
you always pull the best." Twinkled Mal.
I looked at him coolly:"No always." I said like an
ice chip, his mouth looked hurt, good, lucky I
hadn't punched him in it.
So we were set now heading towards Inverness
and more mayhem.
But all I could think about was Mal's huge dick
slipping in like that, oh dear maybe I need a
pussy lift or something?
The guilt certainly gives me an edge, oh and
not smoking, the car is too packed to smoke and
Alan drives like a nut so we should soon be there.
Then I will smoke 101 menthols in a row and
breathe like a dragon.

Becka M

MAD WET AND BLOODY LUCKY!

It was silly but such fun! Me and Mal
splashed eachother in the tub like children,
although we were very aware of our bodies
so close and intimate.
He was beautiful, truly lovely, like a stone
Adonis brought to life, but put it this way a
fig leaf would have been far too small!
Mal's dick was like a rolling pin against my
back and his hands delved every now and
then into my pubic hair much as a child would
raid a sweet jar, furtive and cute.
We soaped eachother all over and suddenly found
that we had grown silent, this was serious.
I was very aware of his breath warm against
my cooling skin.
"Mal." I whispered confused.
"Sssh." He gently turned me so that his dick rested
between my buttocks.
"We are not going to do this." I said as much to
convince myself.
"Aye have never be'en with a hin as beautiful as
you."
"Can't do it." I shook my head violently:"You heard
Al, not good, friend's and all."
"Let me just rest inside you a moment."
Like silk he slid into me, filling me up and rising me
in the water like a mermaid! Everything with Mal
was big and dramatic, why not the sex?
For a second I shivered against him, feeling his back
arch lovingly and my pussy swell and ache with
him. So full, pizza, gateau and beer full.
I grinned like Noodle in Gorillaz.
Then I heard the swipe card in the door and Alan
walked in. We had been so turned on that we had
not notice time ticking a whole 20 minutes had past!
Time froze now. Mal stopped breathing and I felt
myself hovering on the edge of orgasm, I longed
to move.
Anything could happen in this stretched out
reality.
Alan shook his head:"I knew you two would be in the
bath, hurry up and get out, I've got some of those
God awful pies from a service station. They must
taste better hot then cold although that is not
saying much. Oh that Catherine is a bitch by the
way, she didn't even say thank you for the vodka!
Patrick seems a bit more awake, I'd go and see
him if I was you." He shook his head again. "You guys!"
He bustled off as only Alan can bustle.
He hadn't noticed at all.
I clamped my hand over my mouth and came hard
against my lovely Mal, whose eyes were shining
proudly.
He withdrew still erect and unspent.
"Am Aye not the butch one?"
I laughed shook up and flame legged, one day Alan
would boot me from his life for my shenanigans.
But not tonight.

Becka M

SEX ON A SHTICK


I walked across to Mal, naked, unashamed and
horny as hell, I sat firmly on his lap and pulled
his knee between my thighs and squeezed
tightly.
"What are you doing?" Asked Mal.
Alan groaned.
"Becka I am tired." He said flatly.
"C'mon here then." I held my arm out invitingly.
Mal shifted uncomfortably.
"No I'm tired of all this bullshit."
How many times had I heard that from him?
Countless and he always came back for more.
Always would.
"Don't be that way! Come here I want to taste
you."
But Alan for once wasn't having any.
"No I shall attempt to find a shop to buy that
old harriden some booze, if I don't come back
it means that I have finally realized all of this
is senseless." He reached over and kissed my
cheek.
"You will come back though?" I was worried.
Alan shrugged:"Yeah of course. Look, don't
fuck Mal eh? There's a love, he's our friend,
it's stupid."
"Aye agree!" Said Mal, though his hands were
stroking my arse lovingly.
"Spoilsports!" I stuck my bottom lip out childishly.
Once Alan had gone Mal suddenly stood up and
pulled me to him.
"You are gorgeous! Let's bathe together!" He
carried me effortlessly into the bathroom and began
to top up the bath water I had left.
He was soon naked and he had the biggest cock I had
ever seen in my life!
"Bloody hell!" I squealed delightedly.
"Hands off Missus! This is for the boys!"
Whilst the bath filled I did my best to contain my
excitement .
It was already dribbling between my legs!
In the bath I sat with my back against his
chest, I could feel his dick hard and long bobbing
lusciously against me.
"Oooh Mal!" I laughed.
"Who would have thought it?" He mused.
Not me, but I was feeling it now and it was dead
firm and sexy.
Pity he was gay.

Beck MMMMMMMMMMM

TWITCH TO YOU

The receptionist looked at us wearily, in a Travel Inn
with a high turn over of clients, she must have seen
everything in her time.
We looked good though, me in filthy green scrubs, Alan,
well Alan always looks odd in his all black clothes.
Mal supa-dupa bling-chav fairy , Pa comatose in
a wheelchair, Catherine dried out corpse fairy.
We probably made her night.
Mal paid and we were given swipe cards for our rooms.
Pa and Catherine had a disabled room, but me and the
guys had to share a family room as that was all they had
left. I looked at Alan ouch!
"Great." Muttered Alan in a distinctly un-great way.
"Young Lady can you direct me to the nearest bar."
Said Catherine The Geek in her rude superior way.
"Sorry, the bar is closed." The girl smiled slightly, like
someone who had come to the end of their shift and
did not give a shit. I liked her.
"Well that's just not good enough!" Shrilled Catherine.
"Easy Tiger." I said and patted her arm:"I'll get washed
up and then I'm sure I can find an all night garage or
shop." Truth was I could do with a drink myself.
Catherine looked tired and reluctantly agreed to go
and wait for her booze.
After tucking the oldies into their room, we began to
make ourselves at home in ours.
I ran a bath quickly and stripped off, it had a shower
but all that driving had made my back ache like a
motherfucker. Only a bath would do for that deep
down clean.
I had left the door open and Alan stared in at me,
disapprovingly of course!
"Shut the ruddy door!" He commanded.
Mal peered at me and his eyes widened.
"You have a nice set of tittie hin."
He really stared, Alan shut the door irritably,
I just heard Mal say:"Aye must be coming down
with something, Aye could swear , my dick
just twitched!"
"For fucksake!" Shouted Alan:"Now even the
gayest bastards want you! What are you-
The Second Coming?"
I laughed in my bathtub:"Second? What about third
or fourth?"
"Bitch!" Scowled Alan.
Sadly I was turned on to think Mal of all people would
find me attractive.
I rubbed myself pathetically under the water, gosh
wouldn't it be nice to masturbate in front of Mal?
Or to get caught doing it! Jeez I was sixteen all over
again!
"Alan hon, I need you, now." I said in a weedy whiny
voice.
"No." Said Alan. "We have a guest with us, have some
manners."
I felt pissed off, the cunt! Why he had had me shagging
in public plenty of times, I wasn't going to do it in
front of Mal, I just needed it now!
"Manners!" I roared and jumping out of the tub walked
stark naked into the bedroom. "You should treat
me with some respect-I asked for you, you should
bloody come!"
Mal started to laugh.
"This is like Dynasty, only nastier!" He clapped his
hands together with joy.
Alan looked shocked that I would do this.
"Becka have you lost all of senses? You are acting like
a slut."
Slut? Boy he hadn't been born!

Becka 'Messiah' M

MAL, MADNESS AND ME

We picked Mal up near the northern exit on
the London Orbital, the good old M1!
"Where 'ave ye been? It's freezin'!"
He moaned and nagged, he was dressed boy-wise
in a chavtastic tracksuit with bling style necklaces.
I noticed a particularly cute one that said Bugger.
"Oh look at yew!" He laughed at my filthy scrubs.
"Ya look like a used tampon!"
"That's enough of that!" Said Catherine:"She might be
a filthy little baggage, but please don't talk so rough!"
"Oh mai god! It's Bette Davis!" Teased Mal.
Alan snorted in the front and Patrick slept on,
blissfully unaware of any kerfuffle.
"Did you phone Raine? What did she say?" I cringed and
waited for the answer.
Mal pulled a wry face:"Nothing to worry about hin, forget
it, she's ok, well when she discovers her powers of speech
and loses the Tourettes."
I pulled a face at Alan, god it was turning into rent-a-mime.
"Look do you really think I am going to drive all the way
to Scotland, then you are sorely mistaken." Grumbled Alan.
"Well you will be pleased to know Aye have booked us
into a Travel Lodge just outside Nottingham!" Said Mal
thrilled with himself.
"What a ghastly place!" Snarled Catherine.
"I'm not driving all that way! You can take over Mal."
"Nooo way!" Said the camp Hebridean.
"I'll drive." I said firmly.
"Oh for fucksake!" Said Alan.
"No I shall drive." Said Catherine firmly.
"Over my dead body!" Said Alan:"I can smell the alcohol
on you!"
"What are you implying young man?" Catherine sharply
yanked Al's hair making him swerve wildly.
"Leave the hair alone! Becka drive, please, as long
as I don't have to sit next to her."
"Aye hate this journey." Whined Mal. Jesus he had been
in the car for all of ten minutes! He was right though, it
was crap.
We pulled in a layby, Mal sat next to me, in the back
Patrick was propped up like a corpse between Catherine
and Alan, like the Berlin wall only British and still standing.
"Right." I said and gingerly turned the key:"Been a long
time since I've driven a car, but hey it's like riding a
bike isn't it?"
In the back I could see Alan reflected in my mirror
silently screaming.

Becka M

LOW DOWN ON THE HIGH ROAD

"Talk sense!" Said Alan:"You people are driving me
crazy! How the hell are we going to get him to South
Africa? Do you lot not even think for a second that
Airports and the like are the first place the police
will look for you?"
I patted his back:"Calm down sweetie, we are just
talking things through, nothings set in stone." I said
soothingly, it didn't work as he gave me a look from
hell.
Catherine spoke up, in the quavering tones of somebody
in the throes of a hangover.
"If Patrick wants to go to South Africa then that is where
he shall go! Obviously not tonight, we have connections,
maybe something could be arranged........" She looked at
me glassily:"Young woman can you please get this man
to pull over as I am going to be sick..."
"Shit!" I yelped and before I could relay anything to
Alan, she was promptly sick on the back of his head.
"What the fuck!" He bellowed:"Oh no!"
Patrick slept on, Catherine moaned and held her stomach,
I laughed insanely and Alan swore.
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck!"
Then my mobile sounded to the fab sound of Goldfrapp-
Ooh La La.
It was Mal.
"Ye dead?" He said.
"Um no, just a bit preoccupied."
"Well why have'n Aye heard from you for forty four years
or there abouts?" He sounded most put out.
"Listen Mal I am in a heap of smelly shit getting smellier
by the second." I glanced at Catherine:"I'll tell you what
happened."
As I told him he kept saying:"You don't say!"
Or
"No!"
Again and again.
Quite tiresome.
"Yes Mal I am saying and implicitly-yes!"
"Well you are up the swannie! Listen hinnie, maybe
I might be able to help. Aye have a holiday lodge in Inverness,
small place, quite quaint, near Loch Ness-it's yours."
"Mal if you were not fucking gay I would fuck you!"
The man was a marvel a bloody marvel.
"Charming." Said Catherine.
Alan rolled his eyes, Patrick stirred and chucked.
"Better then that Aye shall meet ye somewhere........."
We began to arrange details.
"Oh and Mal, bring me some clothes I'm filthy!"
"Will do."
"And phone Raine."
"On to it."
"And." I was rudely interrupted.
"Becka get off the fecking phone, I'm trying to pack!"
Becka (Fugitive) M

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE HOO-HA

"Where to hot Mama?" Said Alan in a faux
Hispanic accent (just why he said it quite like
that was beyond me). Mind you I could have
been hallucinating again, don't call me mad for
nothing you know!
"I don't know, I'm just so pleased we got out
of there! What do you think Catherine?"
"I think my husband is waking up." She stroked
his cheek and yes Patrick's eyelids were fluttering
like butterflies.
"Patrick!" I bellowed into his ear.
"He is not deaf you know!" Hissed Catherine.
"I am now." Mumbled Patrick.
Alan nearly crashed the car, we swerved perilously
like the fugitives we were.
"Alan! Chill pill!" I snapped.
"Fuck off!" He shouted back cheerily, love this man's
bones I do.
"What is going on? I'm not dead yet am I?" Said Patrick.
"No, you are in hell with me and your lunatic bastard
daughter, she duffed up that Copper you know, Straw."
When she said Straw I'm sure I could see her eyes
glisten, dirty old cow.
"Did she?! Well done, don't worry I was on to him
all the while." Patrick yawned and I was impressed
to see that he had nearly all his own teeth, rich bastards
good teeth, no morals.
"I love you Pa, I really thought you would die and you
are in sooo much trouble." I realized I was crying
when tears dripped onto Patrick's pale face, Catherine
watched us like a sphinx (only she was smaller and
not Egyptian).
"Sorry to break up the hearts and flowers!
This is not going to last long if we don't have a plan,
tell me where I'm going! Mickey Straw will wake
soon, shit will hit the fan and the Cops will be crawling,
not to mention the Press." Said Alan in his usual
dramatic way.
"Take me home." Said Patrick.
"Home? Are you crazy, that's the first place the Police
will look!" Hissed Witch Wife from hell.
"I mean South Africa." Said Patrick and you could see
he was already there, glass in hand looking like the
Man from Delmonte and smuggling something
naughty down his trousers.
"I don't have enough petrol for that!" Laughed Alan.
But Patrick was serious.
This was not going to be easy!
Becka M

ALAN'S IN

It was going well, I'd probably lost a couple of
pounds because of acute stress but everything
seemed to be going swimmingly.
My heart was dancing in my chest like Ricky Martin
(Hey another Martin!)
Nursie had checked Patrick who said that he
was fine, I'd managed to pull Mickey out of
the wheelchair and prop him up against the side
of the bed (he looked cute-like a gorilla) and
we had maneuvered Patrick into the wheelchair.
He did not look good, but he was breathing.
"Right." I said and running a hand through my
hair was surprised that it was wet with sweat.
With my yucky scrubs and sweaty hair, I looked
like I had just finished a long shift.
Catherine however looked blonde and icy cool,
she did not sweat, instead small particles of talcum
powder oozed from her skin, or maybe it was just
dust.
"Right indeed, we are all going to prison you
know?"
"Yeah I know." I smiled:"But look at it this way,
if Patrick's secret makes the paper, this is going
to make us notorious! This Morning, Paul Grady,
Richard and Judy are going to be begging us for
interviews!"
"Shallow bitch." Said a familiar voice, turning I saw
Alan standing in the corner like Death, he just needed
a scythe.
"Oh!" I said.
Alan's eyes flickered across to Mickey and he scowled.
"That fucking cunt!" He hissed and punched the
slumbering policeman in the side of his head.
"Hey!" I protested.
"Just making sure he stays that way, can't we push
him out the window?"
"No!" Said Catherine and me in unison.
"Will you explain to me what you are doing, or is
that going to be too hard for you both?" He crossed
his arms and looked completely pissed off with
me.
"Everything will be explained, but later, just now we
need you to go get the car."
"You are killing my brain." He nagged. But being Alan,
shuffled off, sexy and compliant.
I tucked Mickey into the bed and looked into his
slack unconscious face, still a smashing geezer.
Catherine stared at him:"If I was only twenty years
younger." She said sadly.
"Oh I don't think Mickey is ageist. Come on we are
on the home stretch." Was this wishful thinking or
what!
In my head I could see Patrick on a beach somewhere
nice laughing about all this.
In my head I also could see me and Alan fucking
like dogs in an alley (but that was just too distracting).
"Come on, we are good to go. Oh and Catherine, thanks."
She said nothing, but her small pursed lips flexed
slightly so I assumed she was smiling.

Becka M