Wednesday, October 26, 2005

MAL, MADNESS AND ME

We picked Mal up near the northern exit on
the London Orbital, the good old M1!
"Where 'ave ye been? It's freezin'!"
He moaned and nagged, he was dressed boy-wise
in a chavtastic tracksuit with bling style necklaces.
I noticed a particularly cute one that said Bugger.
"Oh look at yew!" He laughed at my filthy scrubs.
"Ya look like a used tampon!"
"That's enough of that!" Said Catherine:"She might be
a filthy little baggage, but please don't talk so rough!"
"Oh mai god! It's Bette Davis!" Teased Mal.
Alan snorted in the front and Patrick slept on,
blissfully unaware of any kerfuffle.
"Did you phone Raine? What did she say?" I cringed and
waited for the answer.
Mal pulled a wry face:"Nothing to worry about hin, forget
it, she's ok, well when she discovers her powers of speech
and loses the Tourettes."
I pulled a face at Alan, god it was turning into rent-a-mime.
"Look do you really think I am going to drive all the way
to Scotland, then you are sorely mistaken." Grumbled Alan.
"Well you will be pleased to know Aye have booked us
into a Travel Lodge just outside Nottingham!" Said Mal
thrilled with himself.
"What a ghastly place!" Snarled Catherine.
"I'm not driving all that way! You can take over Mal."
"Nooo way!" Said the camp Hebridean.
"I'll drive." I said firmly.
"Oh for fucksake!" Said Alan.
"No I shall drive." Said Catherine firmly.
"Over my dead body!" Said Alan:"I can smell the alcohol
on you!"
"What are you implying young man?" Catherine sharply
yanked Al's hair making him swerve wildly.
"Leave the hair alone! Becka drive, please, as long
as I don't have to sit next to her."
"Aye hate this journey." Whined Mal. Jesus he had been
in the car for all of ten minutes! He was right though, it
was crap.
We pulled in a layby, Mal sat next to me, in the back
Patrick was propped up like a corpse between Catherine
and Alan, like the Berlin wall only British and still standing.
"Right." I said and gingerly turned the key:"Been a long
time since I've driven a car, but hey it's like riding a
bike isn't it?"
In the back I could see Alan reflected in my mirror
silently screaming.

Becka M

8 comments:

fatrobot said...

i gagged a bit at used tampon
very nice

Lindy said...

You have got to be the most fun to be around, never a dull minute. Drive Becca, Drive!!!!

butterflyuk said...

I'm staying off the M1.

Rainex said...

Fatrobot-yeah I was a
bit off!

Lindy-thanks always a
pleasure to have you
as a reader (duct tape aside!)

Butterfly-very wise,
as a London girl I
try to stay off the
M1 if at all possible!

wind walker said...

i have some reading to do....i have to get caught up to date!!

Rainex said...

Windwalker-Lol!

Etoile Tyler said...

Silent screaming... D and I do that to each other all the time... Mostly around people's parents.

My word verification was "mobfarbt" I thought it sounded like "mobfart"... That's all.

Rainex said...

Etoile-yeah me and my
D do that all the while,
but that comes of having
children!
My word verification is
qqogyfl-which must
be mobfart in Arabic!