A WORD FROM THE WISE


Well guys I guess we owe you a mini explanation-I mean we disappear
for weeks on end, then write crap!
There is a very good reason for this-
1./We have been overcome with Snape lust because of the new Harry Potter
film.
2./A new job which includes being chastised by the general public.
3./A bit part in Transformers as a wheel.
4./A nasty caffeine withdrawal-I got a Starbucks stool stuck up my bum.
5./A visiting relative who cries all night, drools and generally screams the
house down. You can tell which side of the family he's off of can't you D?
6./I dreamt that I was married to George Roper off of George & Mildred and
he was a pimp daddy.
7./I had a haircut that very nearly made me look like Chrissie Hynde-I was
not amused.
8./I got chatted up by some carrot crunching yoik with space for dental items like
teeth. Yep I've got a way with the men folk.
9./I give up!
10./There is no 10

p.s a 1 of these is not true.
Haheha

Right and just to add the piece la resistanceI am off on hols for a couple of weeks!!!!
Must do better when I return.
Lindy, ML, Etoile, Butterfly, HB love u babies!


Rainexxx

Becka mmm

I'M NOT BITTER JUST VERY VERY SOUR


I think this is it.
I mean it.
Lesbo valley is the way to go.
No more men.
Men are evil.
Men are bad.
Bad for me.
If I could draw- you would see a big upside down face.
Mine!

Sol watched me crying like a teenage girl down the phone to my
dear sister-thing. He was rather amused.
I was bawling.
I expect Raine was holding the phone at arms length.
(I was!)
When I had finished my little rant I made Sol drive me back to
his hotel room.
Yes I was ever the optimist.
Sol staunchly ignored me and ordered an evening meal of lobster (yuk!)
Oysters (gag!) Mussels (I'm sick now) and something which could only be
described as (Eeeewww!)
And a fruit platter.
And a bottle of Cristal for me.
I phoned Mal.
He made all the right noises and sounded very sympathetic.
But he obviously wasn't going to get off his fat arse for me tonight in the
rain.
Until...........
"Oooh you should see him Mal, he looks like the perfect man, really beautiful
and his eyes so sparkly light in his face!"
"Mmm." Mal.
"Did I tell you...........he.............never.............goes.......down?"
"On yew?" Mal giggled.
"Yes sadly on me!! But himself, he's perpetually hard. He should be called
The Rock, oh no someones already called that!!!! He's so magnificent!"
I sighed.
Mal sighed.
"On mai way!" Mal hung up.
I grinned.
What could I do with a South African guru, a bisexual Scotsman and a platter
shellfish?
Please don't answer that!!!!!


Becka MartinXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ALAN'S NOT A HAPPY GUY





Which is perhaps the understatement of the year!

I smiled at him encouragingly (although it was hard to smile

with all those tubes coming out out all over the shop)

He was too pale but his eyes burned like hot black coals.

"Bitch!" He hissed.

The twins sat either side of him, like sexy cats really, so

louche, they could lick my cream any day of the week!

They smiled at me.

Sol came in and grinned rather too widely.

"You can send him out for starters!" Shuddered Alan, the boys patted

him down.

"You'd better go mate." Said Jude apologetically.

"I knew I should have brought some grapes." Grumbled Sol, he

winked at me. "I shall wait in the foyer, lobby, whatever. I take it that

you will come for me later?"

I'd come for you anytime baby. I thought and nodded.

Sol's eerie eyes blazed, was this guy hot or what? Sexy, scary,

perpetually hard and probably a mind reader!

I turned my attention back to Alan.

"Baby." I said and kissed him, he edged away from me.

"I want you out Becka, out of my life, my head and my bed, now

this minute take your shit out of my home and just fuck off! You

nearly killed me this time, no more now. Just go."

"Alan." Said Quinn and tried to get him to remain calm.

"And you little buggers! Don't think that I wasn't aware what you

have been up to with Becka! You all treat me like a fool, but I only

give you enough rope to hang yourselves with see? You still here?"

This was to me.

"Well yeah! I'm not going anywhere you will have to have me dragged

out before I go anywhere! I love you Alan, I know I'm not the best girlfriend

in the world, but I'm funny, cute and damn good in bed." I smiled.

2 minutes later Sol watched a burly Security man (or woman) I could not tell

as they had breasts, carry me out and dump my arse on the pavement outside the

Hospital.

An Orderly laughed. "Hey love they are normally carried into here!"

"Fuck off!" I said and Sol winced.

"Sorry."He said to the Orderly:"She failed the audition for Big Brother

and it's gone to her head!"

"Shut up!" I said and started to cry, was this the end for me and Alan?


Becka M

p.s Sorry about delay and all Raine going crazy at new job etc

BOOGA booga


I sat at the back of the cab and looked at Sol, his crisp trousers
looking for the world like a veil over a snake.
"Becka cut it out." He said coolly and nodded to the cabbie who
was also intently watching me in his mirror.
Pervs everywhere!
The cabbie grinned and winked at Sol, Sol swore under his breath.
In a weird way it was the same disapproving action that Alan might
have made.
Alan!
Here was I scrutinizing a man's crotch whilst my beloved could be
dying!
Did that make me bad?
Was I evil?
Am I going to hell?
I could not resist another sneaky peek.
"Becka you are doing it again." Sol's voice was deeply irritated.
"I'm just fascinated, do you have to strap it down? Have you
ever got into trouble with it? Have you been arrested for lewd
behaviour?" I licked my top lip.
I caught the cabbie's eye in the mirror.
Poor guy he had beads of sweat on his forehead as big as peas.
"I won't tell you again, cut it out." Snapped Sol his eyes narrowed
and his forehead lined like a loaf of Mother's Pride.
Cool.
I'd pissed him off.
I love it when that happens.
"When was the last time you...." I lowered my voice (but still
loud enough for my audience to hear) ...came?"
"If you continue with this line of questioning I won't be responsible
for my actions!" Sol was livid!
Hee hee!
"Uncomfortable?" I said and squeezed his knee:"Quick BJ help yer?"
The cab driver swerved slightly.
"Hey!" Shouted Sol and hit the Driver's headrest:"Watch the bloody
road! And you... (This was to me) behave yourself or I might have to
punish your frail little frame!"
I grinned Chesire Cat styley a spank in the back of a cab was definitely
the way to go! I shivered in anticipation.
Sol looked at me in disgust.
"Tell me you are not getting off on that?" He almost pleaded.
"Uh huh." I nodded.
"Me too." Said the Driver.
"I'm going to need this Hospital at this rate!" Said Sol and turned
away to look out of the window.
My labia deflated sadly like a punctured balloon.
Boo hoo.
I looked at the cabbie, young, not bad, bit Eastern European 80's
kitch about the collar but even so:"Don't suppose you'd be up for
a bit of mutual masturbation eh mate?"
I swear we nearly went into a bus!
And no Sol didn't let me.
With him or the cabbie.
The cabbie didn't get a tip.
And we didn't buy the grapes.


With love and kisses Becka Mmmmmm

ACHY BREAKY HEART


My mobile sounded like Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars, which was odd as
it was meant to sound like San Saens Danse Macabre.
"Yus?"
"Becks it's Jude, listen Alan's in hospital, heart attack, oh Quinn wants a
word." The phone was passed, I could imagine their fingers touching
lightly, the warmth and slight roughness of their skin.
"Becka, c'mon girl we need you here." A gasp, then the phone hung up.
Shit!
I ran around the room swearing and flapping like an albatross with ADHD.
Sol caught me, held me to his chest, I could feel his smooth skin and his
erection.
"Tell me what was said." His voice was commanding. I told him viciously.
I glared at him.
It was all his fault.
"If Alan dies." I warned.
"Then he dies. With life comes death. Sometimes." His eerie eyes burned
into me with their smoke effect.
I imagines Master Skinner would have sold his soul (and his best set of ropes)
for eyes such as this. He had to resort to coloured contacts.
Sol was the real deal, though just what he was hadn't filtered through yet.
He was bona fide odd.
And it was his fault.
"Alan's had a heart attack, take me to the hospital." I commanded.
"Please?" I asked.
"I'll be your best friend." I wheedled.
"Please?" I whined.
"I'll dress." Said Sol and let his gown fall to the floor.
Something else fell to the floor as well.
My jaw.
He was absolutely perfect.
I gawped.
His eyebrows raised. "Had a good look? Want me to do a twirl or something?"
Sol teased.
"Yeah." My tongue felt thick and dry as a kebab shop's salad.
And he was still erect.
I frowned.
"Don't you ever go down?"
"No." He said and gingerly pulled on a pair of trousers, Italian and
luscious by the cut.
"Not even to pee?"
"Shut up." He grabbed his car keys. He smiled:"Do you think we
should bring grapes?"

Becka M XXXXXXXX

HELLO MY LOVERS


Well it's that time again, my birthday 20th (old- damn it) Raine's on
28th (older hehh hehh).
Do I care that I'm older?
Broadly speaking yes.
But.
Always a but.
I'm still in great nick and can go forever (if you know what I mean!)
Who gives a shit?!

Back to.....................
Waking to the smell of fresh coffee and realising I'm laying on a
bed laid with crisp Egyptian sheets (I know this as I worked in a
departments store-cheap they were not).
Sol had been insistent that I return to his hotel with him.
It was like a compulsion, a man that I didn't know taking me
to his bed, how could I resist?
No it didn't happen like that.
Alan had a bit of a funny turn and whilst the twins tried to help
their old man, Sol took this opportunity to lead me away (astray?)
He passed me the cup of Espresso.
"Take it black, good for the head." He said with a twinkle in his eye.
"I bet you say that to all the girls." I sipped the bitter brew. Yeuch,
if coffee was like men I liked mine sweet, milky and insipidly warm.
I checked him out.
He was wearing a dressing robe of a taupe colour, it went well with
his dark skin and light eyes. He looked like a shaman, (Guru-off!)
Even in my complete mind fucked state I could see an impressive
erection tent pegging his gown.
He smiled.
"It's not for you. Actually it's not for anyone, that's one thing I don't
do." He sat next to me on the bed.
"What are you one of those Tantra people?"
"I won't warrant that with an answer. You fool. Sex is for mortals ."
I looked at him:"Are there any other kind?" Sexy but damned crazy.
My luck.
"Becka just accept it, the world has an army of stiff dicks all for you,
but this one is a civilian."
"You don't half talk a lot of shit." I said.
I glared at his bulge.
Could this be a new challenge?
"Don't even think about it! Besides everything else, I'm old enough
to be your Father, so a bit for respect eh? I've travelled a long way to
see you and you are everything and more then Patrick said you would
be."
"Do you find me attractive?" I tossed my hair.
He looked me up and down, he grinned, fab teeth.
"No." He says.
Then with an irritating twinkle:"Not yet anyway."


Becka M XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREAK


Right I'll start then alrighty, this is going to be fine this is
going to be good.
Yeah, that would be a first.
I won't fill you in or start from where we left off I'll start from........
....................................................................................................................
My doorbell ringing like a drag queen screaming for make-up.
It didn't stop.
Nor was I obliged to open it when it was being rung so rudely.
It was rape of a small electric appliance.
It was a headfuck.
It was bloody loud.
And I had a hangover.
A bitch one.
Bloody Smirnoff.
Fucker.
The Lancet have said it.
Alcohol bad.
E's are good.
Or words to that effect.
Oh that bitching bloody muddy doorbell!
I dragged myself from where I had fallen unconscious on the
sofa.
Half my hair was stuck to my face.
Half was stuck up with...I smelt it, yuck BBQ sauce.
I had on my Twisted Sister T shirt!
Dee Snyder was heavy on the blue eyeshadow, but hey it was the
1980's.
Not now, I mean when I got the shirt.
Oh and a pair of faded pink pants.
Nice.
I opened the door and the guy standing there stood back, it must
have been the noxious fumes emanating from me.
Vodka and bile.
Mmmm
Just like Mother used to make.
Then it was my turn to stare.
He was black, very black and tall, taller then Alan or even that big
lox Mal.
He was dressed in a suit, very nice very P Diddy.
But older.
And stranger.
His eyes were the colour of smoke, grey and light and totally alien
in his dark face.
Beautiful.
But eerie.
If he had been younger I would have put them down as contacts.
No they twinkled with humour and recognition.
I looked at my bare legs and saw in horrible detail that they had
stubby hairs growing out like spikes on a cactus.
"Can I help you?" My voice wrecked from a night smoking my guts
out and laughing like a loon had bestowed me with Olive from ON
THE BUSES tones.
What a little star I was.
Wanker.
Me not him.
"No but I can help you."
He said in a voice so posh and cultured it took a Butler and a Maid
to get it to my eardrums.
Jehovah.
"You ain't got to save my soul, I ain't got one." I made to slam the
door in his handsome face.
His foot had managed to get in the door along with the rest of him.
"What the fuck?"
He laughed, richly, chocolate coffee and smooth rum.
"Patrick said you would be like this!"
"Dad?"
"Yes he told me to look you up."
"Who are you?"
"Soloman." He grinned and had a thrilling gap between his teeth,
nearly as cute as mine.
"And you are a friend of Patrick?"
"That and more, of course he knew me by the name of Dada So."
Fudge. Reality went out of the window, Voodoo, Hoodoo.
Crap.
My stomach lurched badly and I had to run to the loo.
Soloman followed me in and held my hair (how embarrassing!)
whilst I brought up ..............well you don't want to know really!
I was crouched there elegantly making sounds that would make
a bull hippo proud, with a strange S African holding my hair and
dressed in pants and a grubby tee (me not the African).
I chuckled deep in my chest, imagine if Alan was to see me now,
or the twins?
You know the drill!
"I guess there is a relevant explanation for this?" Said Alan, yep
he was standing there with the twins.
All looking at me like I was a Salem Witch.
Burn her!
Solomon smiled.
"I'll come back tomorrow." He moved so quickly, glided like one
of those yoga masters- yogis?
"Just who are you?" Demanded Alan.
Solomon looked him up and down and didn't even warrant him with
an answer. He just kept walking not even looking back at me.
"How fucking rude!"
The twins were laughing like drains.
"He's a friend of Patrick." I gasped dryly.
"Oh that explains everything!" Alan was fit to explode.
"Oh Rebecca, pack a bag, we are going on a journey."
"Who is this bastard?" Snarled Alan.
Solomon leaned right into his face. "I am your worse nightmare,
the man who will take Becka away forever."
He smiled.
I placed my face against the cold toilet and felt every pulse in my
body.
Alan looked bewildered.
The next second he joined me on the floor.


Becka We are back Martin xxxxx

BAH BOO BABY

Well times are a changing-who knew?

Which part of downward spiral do we not understand?


Becka Mxxxx

HEY GUYS-WHAT HAVE I DONE FOR ME LATELY?
or VALENTINE'S DIS-day

Yeah I'm back and I'm still pretty fuckable!
The twin escapade was really not worth the sense of impending doom
I seem to be left with.
Some eegit would call it guilt.
I just call it bad timing.
Valentines is here and I hope to hell Alan doesn't get all romantic on
me as I just might have to kill him.
I'm listening to The Gossip, Beth Ditto is my new fav gal. If I was a tru
gay gal I might be happier.
You tell me?
No don't-pleeze!
Just looking at that Rimmel ad with Mossy:"It's da London Look!"
Mmm be better with a black eye.
Or s copy of The Big Issue.
Alan Alan Alan, I've been faithful to you for nearly 2 months.
My pants are practically begging for teeth to take them off.
I'm going now to read some porn and eat some apple strudel.
Raine will no doubt be eating her body weight in chocolate by
now.
Missed all of u and so sorry for delay. Will try to blog at least
on a bi-weekly basis from now onwards!
Ho-hum.

Besty Becka M XXXXX

FESTIVE

Dr Hassan pulled on my jaw for all her worth, nope it
didn't click back.
The twins stood either side of me, trying to stifle their
giggles and failing miserably.
The good lady Doctor finally managed to put her hands
in my mouth and kind of re-hooked my jaw bone.
Yowch!
"Whatever were you doing?" She asked.
I shrugged and was stuffed into one of those surgical collars
that made me look like a sinister German geezer.
"Whatever you did, please don't do it again!" Said the Doctor.
"I can assure you I won't!" I snapped and glared at the twins.
Now all I had to do was go home, get back into the house
and try to explain to Alan why I was now in a neck brace.
I'll blame the peanut butter sandwich.
Easy!
HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS! Let's hope 2007 is a pretty
do-wop year!


Becka M & Rainex XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CRUMBS!!!!!


I am dogged (some would say a dog).
I'd come for a sandwich and I was having a sandwich.
No alternatives.
However the kind of sandwich I wanted, 2 slices of white bread,
peanut butter and a big glass of chocolate milk was going to be
replaced by 2 hot boys, buttery sex and a glass of er....well
you don't really want to know that do you?!
"Please." I said.
"Please me." Said Quinn.
"Please you." said Jude.
I was so naked within seconds and I only thought of my empty
Annie being filled with twins doing the lurve thing!
Roasted? Well not exactly as it was far too frantic for that. It was
a scrabble of sex, kisses on my clitty, breasts, bum, my mouth finding
smooth male flesh and beautiful throbbing dicks.
It was so fast, all I could hear was panting, moaning, breath on my neck,
someone kissing my eyes and stroking my hair.
My mouth filled with Jude's cock, Quinn licking my cunt and filling me
up with one smooth thrust.
"My turn!" Said Jude and he entered me as soon as he had pushed his still
hard brother away.
I grinned it was good.
Gooooood!
But I'm a generous soul, to finish I put both their dicks in my mouth at
once.
Neither was the smallest of fellows.
And yes I have a big mouth!!!
But nobodies mouth is that big and as soon as they had rasped against
eachother and filled me with er.....Christmas joy, my mouth gaped
open like the mouth of Jacob Marley.
Aaah.
Oh yeah dislocation time baby!
"Shit." Said Quinn.
"Crumbs!" Said Jude.


Becka M XXXXX

THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY


Good golly, crumbs and festive greetings!


Good Golly is the place to start:
A rather outdated expression which would have the PC brigade
wetting their cacks with it's racial connotations. I wasn't thinking
about any of that, I wasn't thinking at all.
Merely I was making myself a late night peanut butter sandwich
and a chocolate milkshake (as you do).
"Hey." Said a low voice, jumping up in shock. (oh there is a perfume
called Jump up and kiss me-I am not making that up! Go google it
if you don't believe moi!)
Curled up looking like the most gorgeous hunka hunka sex was the
lovely Jude. He was sitting in a leather armchair just wearing boxer
shorts. He was reading a copy of Mayfair (the articles are soooo good!)
He even had on the cutest Matrixy style glasses you ever saw, I
wanted to lick his eyebrows!
"OH!" I sez, standing their in my Betty Boop nightie.
Then I smiled.
He smiled back:"How busted am I?" He smirked.
"Jude you are a man, you are not busted if you want to have a wa....ah
personal time, you can do that." I sounded like a lady virgin.
"Maybe I would like to have some personal time with you." He pushed
aside his mag to reveal a rather promising tent in his shorts.
I grinned, shallow I know!
"Where's Quinn?" I asked.
"He's behind you!" Said Jude straight out of a pantomime.
"Yeah right!" I turned:"Oh shit Quinn! You made me jump you little
bugger!"
I felt all silly, shaky and vunerable, either of these boys would
turn heads, together they were dynamite!
"Didn't mean to make you jump." Said Quinn, he really meant:
But I wanted to make you come!
"Um I should get my sandwich and go back to bed."
"You should." Said Quinn.
"She won't." Said Jude.
"No I don't think you are going to make it as far as the door without
your legs shaking." Said Quinn, he looked at my nightie, my nipples
were sticking out like pepperpots!
I tried to go.
I did.
Jude stood up and placed his arms around me."Stay." He said.
"Stay." Said Quinn.
I could feel big spasms doing the judder thing.
I was acutely aware that I didn't have any knickers on.

Christmas was coming early.
And my goose wasn't even cooked yet!


Becka Mmmmm

I NEED MONEY NOW

Shriek!!!!
Christmas is just around the corner!
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA
HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously I won't last at this rate!

So if there is a kindly publicist who wants to make a grotty
girl happy-please apply!!
Quick we are waiting for your call!


Rainex & Becka M (but mainly Rainex-she the needy one!)XXXXXXX

MONKEY'S UNCLE

"Why is it with you I always find myself wanting to hit my
head off a wall closely followed with yours?" Panted Alan, he
was striding along the road in the style of Darth Vader. I felt
very miffed, namely because I was trying to light a fag and
it had started to rain.
"I have that effect on most men." I shrugged, stopped, lit my
ciggie and inhaled the cool green menthol flavour. I don't care
what Raine says I'm never bloody well giving up!
"Even Mickey Bastard Straw?" He stopped and turned, not
a trace of sweat on his face and I was dripping like sweaty
Helga the Goatherd.
"Especially Mickey, I could really really wind that fucker up."
I said with some satisfaction and blew the smoke threw
my nose in the style of The Soup Dragon warming my winter
hooter up. N.B Americans hooter is British for 'nose' not titties.
"I'm crazy in love with you." Said Alan and kissed me on the forehead.
Very Priestly, all that black and repressed sexuality.
Bless me Father for I have sinned, now put your hands down my
draws haw haw! This is why I never made it as a Catholic girl,
oh and being slightly Jewish didn't help.
Come to Mummy!
Next minute we had fallen over one of those dwarf hedges and were
rolling around someone's garden, snatching eachothers clothes
like old women at a jumble sale.
Alan really liked sex in public, I just liked sex so it was a good match.
My head hit something hard (no not that) it was somebody's shoe.
Looking upwards I saw the most lemon sucking face I'd ever seen.
He was about 50, his glasses were very thick, he had something in his
hand, long, very long.
Shwing!
Nope it was a hosepipe!
No he did not do that!
He turned it on full pelt drenching us.
"Oh sorry!" He said, not looking a bit sorry.
"I thought you were cats or foxes fighting!"
"How bloody astute of you!" Said Alan lifting me up, giving
spec-man a good glimpse of my hairy annie!
His mouth dropped open.
I squealed.
Alan rolled his eyes and stood infront of me.
"Everyone's seen your snatch by now!" He grumbled.
"I hadn't." Admitted the man.
"Well we will be off then." I offered.
"Yeah sorry." Said Alan and we stepped over the small hedge.
"Oh and thank you." Said the man, this time he definitely had
something in his hand.
I giggled all the way home.
Perverts everywhere man! I always find them glory be!

Becka Mmmmm ushrooms

NURSE BITCHY AND PRICKY MICK

"Whoah Mister!" I grabbed Mickey's arm, that didn't stop him, I
hung on like toffee on a dog's tooth.
"This is my job girl, do you want me to arrest you?" He stopped
abruptly and I fell onto his chest which winded me in the process.
Ooof!
"You are getting old and you want to lay off them fags." Said Mickey
sagely but perhaps inappropriately as at that second Alan appeared
and his already sullen face fell into dark and angry lines.
Mickey laughed and peeled me off him:"Keep her, but if I was
you mate I'd consider an upgrade, she's getting old and puffy
now!"
"Bloody cheek!" I wheezed like a kettle. I punched his arm.
Bastard.
Alan looked furious but said nothing, which was scary, he's
so tall and dark, I had visions of him flying at Mickey like
a psychopath.
Not that he didn't deserve it.
Not that I would have cared.
"Mick, will Ruth be alright? Is she going down?" I said earnestly.
Mickey leered.
"Saucy! Ruth's victim, namely Justine has dropped charges,
I assume you will too?" I nodded. "Then it's just a fire arm
charge and being the uber-nut she is I shouldn't worry that
she won't end up in a funny farm instead of clink."
"Oh she'll like that, she always like farms." I smiled.
"Because she's an animal." Muttered Mickey;"Don't forget I've
got lots of hold on you girly what with knocking me out and helping
your Dad escape."He grinned:"That can wait until I'm bored,
you owe me about a zillion favours bitch!" He went in to
give Ruth the 3 degrees chuckling wildly.
Alan glowered and paced like one of those scary Mullahs,
I expected him to punch himself in the head at any moment.
"I wish to hell that bastard get's his come uppance!" From
this Alan decided to kick a basket containing used paper cups
high in the air.
"Oi!" Screeched a nurse:"Stop that! I'll call security!"
"Great another fool with a badge! Why don't I start a frigging
fire then we can have a whole collection of arseholes!" He
was getting mental.
The little Nurse was livid and humourless.
"Sounds like a straight Village People, who will you be?
Teacher?" I grinned imagining Alan singing YMCA, Mal
could wear the feathers, he'd like that.
"I mean it." Warned the nurse and Alan deflated just like
that. The Nurse straightened proudly aware of herself
and her own powers.
"Sorry." He picked up the cups:"I just have a girlfriend
who can't keep her knickers on for longer then five minutes
and her friends and lovers are the kind of people you cross
the street to avoid." He placed the last cup in the basket."Are
you single, you look nice, young, pretty."
The Nurse suddenly went all silly-stupid. I forget sometimes
that Alan is a good looking man and he's imposing.
I scowled at her, what a little bitch in her starchy dress.
"Why? You asking?" She simpered, yuk get me that basket I
need to vomit!
"I'm asking." Said Alan.
"Well as it happens, I am." She smiled.
"Stay that way, less complicated." Alan turned on his heel
grabbing my arm in the process. "Come on dopey."
I allowed myself the luxury of looking at the nurse over my
shoulder and pulling out my tongue.
"Security!" Screamed the Nurse down the phone.
Alan and myself decided to run.
At our ages exercise is very important.



Becka M XXXXX

Hallowfuckineen


Happy all Hallows Eve-
I'm sucking something with a big purpe head...........
it's a lolly you perves!

I give up really I do!


Mad Becka and Loopy Raine XXXXXXX

I WAS FEELING BLUE HAH-HA



Could I live without Ruth? Small destructive person, human
dynamite, jelly doughnut.
She was so bad for me, she reminded me of a Venus Fly-Trap,
exotic, dangerous, intoxicating and ultimately very bad for
your health. Not to mention your sanity.
I stood by the chocolate machine in the hospital foyer and made
the life defining choice of having a Snickers or a Lion Bar.
Had to be Snickers, still better then Reese's whatnots!
I started to cry, I could not blame it on the chocolate.
I felt so tired, older, grottier and certainly more confused.
I wanted to phone Mal but I just couldn't face him.
A hand touched my arm, looking up I saw a big bald head and
a square jaw.
Yep.
Mickey Straw!
I pulled back like he had leprosy.
Fucker!
"I hate you!" I hissed.
"That's disappointing." He said in a voice so scathing it should
carry a health warning.
"You! Don't you start with me! I mean it Mick, my life is so
low, I just can't take anymore of this shit!"
"I've come to talk to Ruth, not you, ok? Is that alright
sweetheart?"
He made Ray Winstone look right cuddly.
Bastard.
I bit my chocolate and a little caramel slipped over my lip
like a veil (non political, just descriptive!) Mickey's eyes
dropped and I could almost feel his heart beating faster.
"These trousers were not made for stiffies." He grumbled
and walked towards Ruth's room.
I had to stop him, Ruth, a Copper, an erection and a bed
was far too scary to think about.
And it wasn't even Halloween yet.
"Stop right there!" I said in a voice worthy of Helen Mirren.
He didn't stop.
I threw my chocolate at him.
It stuck to his shirt.
Shit.
No chocolate.
Bloody waste too.
Whoops, Mickey looked at me in the way a bull does in the
ring with Bugs Bunny.
I think a cheesy smile might just work but................


Becka M xxxx

DOOLALLY

One shaved pussy later and I was sitting next to Ruth's
hospital bed squirming. Fucking shaving, I could practically
feel the ingrowing. Bastard.
Ruth lay like a small battered china doll, her rough bottom
lip at last still from her chewing. I wondered whether I should
put some salve or Vaseline on it. I decided against it. It was too
intimate.
She opened a bleary eye.
"Sit still can't you?" She said in a quiet, breathy little voice.
"Um one shaved snatch later and that's the last thing I can
do. I'll try." I said.
"Shaved?" She managed a small smile."My favourite."
"Big mistake though, looks like a Christmas turkey
with pox." I mumbled and held her thin hand.
"Well we all make mistakes, even I do sometimes." She
said.
"No really?" Humouring her was the key.
"Yeah, kidnapping is not what it's cracked up to be."
"What do you mean?"
"No kids and no crack." Ruth said, I guess the morphine
was doing it's bit.
"Does Justine count as a kidnapee? She's hardly sentient."
I laughed, Justine always made me so happy in a
superior sort of way.
"Sentient? Not in the bedroom anyway, I've had better
head off hairdressing dummies." Snorted Ruth and winced
in pain.
"Hurts?"
"Only my pride and losing you." A pirate grin.
I pulled a face:"Let's not talk about that now, let's talk
about Nurses, the black haired one with the tits is
rather pretty."
"I liked the young African one with the scar."
Said Ruth.
"Doctor's?"
"Bastards!" Said Ruth.
"Even the women?"
"Especially the women." assured Ruth.
"Then that leaves?"
"The Health Care Assistants! I like it dirty." Ruth
smiled and giggled:"MRSA get's me hot."
I laughed aloud:"You bloody twit!"
"Yeah but you love me." This was not a question,
I turned away and brushed away a small tear.
Bothersome thing.
Angela stood in the doorway with Justine, talk of
the devil! I wished I had some salt to throw.
Preferably still in a mill.
"What are you doing here?" I snapped.
Angela shrugged:"You ask me-I didn't want to
come but Justine was adamant."
"Don't you ever." Said Ruth.
"Tell them that your handsome." I finished.
"You shut the fuck up!" This was Justine to me,
I stood up to face her.
"Remind me never to save you again." I said.
"Ditto."Snarled Justine, I could see the whites
of her eyes, but that did not count.
Ruth pissed herself laughing in bed, no really we had
to buzz someone to sort her out.
"I didn't think you would be incontinent until you
were a bit older." I said.
Angela and Justine looked at me shocked that I
could put words to such a thing.
"How old?" Said Ruth.
" 'Bout 40, when the alcohol had done it's bit."
"Haven't shit myself yet." Said Ruth proudly.
"That's something to look forwards to."
"Yeah nice to have goals!" She said approvingly.
"I don't understand!" Wailed Justine.
"I don't think we are meant to honey." Angela said.
Ruth looked at Justine:"Come here." She said.
Justine crouched over her like a Woodcut of
Death. All that Donna Karan.
"Closer." Said Ruth.
Justine sat on the bed:"Is this close enough?"
"Yeah!" Ruth's eyes looked like Jake's out of
the Scissors. Shinybright.
Nothing happened.
"Oh shit I was gonna headbutt you but I
can't lift my head! Becka can you help?"
"I'd like to but it sort of ruins the spontaneity
doesn't it?"
"Somewhat!" Said Ruth.
"Well really!" Shrieked Justine:"I've come all the way to
see you, even after everything, you are such a nasty
little bitch!" She jumped up.
"Cute though." I winked.
"Yeah." Said Angela:"Like a Rapter. Are we
finished Justine? Shall I take you home? Or do you
want more humiliation? She doesn't wan't you and as
from now, neither do I." Angela stood up proudly.
"Bravo! That's a girl!" I clapped.
"I hate all of you!" Scowled Justine and fled the room
bawling. I felt bad. Then I didn't.
"Sorry Ange." I said.
"Why should you be sorry? You the instigator of everything
fucked warped and whack?"
"Hey whack! I like that, very cool." I said approvingly.
"Can't you just stop? Really, act like an adult it's not too
late." Ange pleaded. There was an edge to her that I'd never
seen before.
"Sorry." I said.
"I should think so." Said Angie.
"What I want to know is what time does the bar open?"
Said Ruth. We both ignored her.
"Can you give me a lift home?" I asked Angie. Cheekiness
used to always work with her.
She shook her head:"I don't think I want to know
you anymore." She left the room.
"Oooh." Said Ruth.
Oooh indeed. And ouch. Angie was fine.
Shit.


Becka M
xxxx

RAMBLING RUTH AND MAD BECKA

"I should see Ruth." I said exhaling a delightful plume
of smoke from my right nostril.
"Mmm." Said Alan.
"What do you mean Mmmm?" I did not like that voice
one little bit. Ok maybe the moist bit of me did, the bit
which was enjoying the hand service he was administering.
"The girl is bad news."
"She's my best friend!" I defended her honour.
"She tried to kill you, shagged me, slept with your boss's
girlfriend, tried to shag your Dad. That one was beyond
me actually, how anyone could go near that terrible old
bastard is a mystery." He pulled one of those faces.
"Hey!" Bloody hell he was assassinating my friend and Pa!
(Not literally with a gun-just enough to irritate me.)
"I just think Ruth is a catalyst, the kind of bitch who
sparks the fire in others, easily led fools to do her bidding."
He grinned at me:"Sorry, but gullible is your middle
name."
"Well it's better then Hortence!" I said hotly.
"What? Never mind, Ruth's probably got her family with
her." Said Alan.
"I am her family."
"Jesus."
"Becka." I corrected.
"I'm getting old."
"Getting?" I laughed.
"Don't be cheeky, Miss Grey in the fuzz."
"Eh? Oh, bastard!"


Becka M XXXXXX

GROUND RULES (Not to be confused with
Groundforce with Charlie Dimmock and her
wobbly titties)


"Don't you ever say that again you little bastards!"
I snapped at the twins. Ma indeed Ma my arse!
"Chill Becka, we think it's great, we always have, you
know we like you don't you?" Said Jude and sidled
up to me in a snaky way, he managed to get his hand
under my dressing gown and onto my bare arse very
quickly. I moved away as rapidly as if he had been
John Prescott. Ehhh!
"Enough of that already! What is wrong with you both?
You've always known Alan was your Dad and you....."
I got nearer to them and whispered:"And you've
always tried to get me into....Positions, compromising
positions!"
Quinn laughed:"If it's good enough for the old man then
we thought it would be good enough for us!"
"What a terrible thing to say! I'm disappointed in you
Quinn." I said in a school Mistressy voice.
"Yeah I've been bad, do I get a spanking? Please."
His eyes twinkled, he was special this one, but then so was
Jude and Jude was a very dirty boy indeed.
"Look don't mess this up for me guys!" I tried as hard as
I could to look stern and menacing:"I've let Alan down again
and again, he's giving me a chance and I aim to take it.
You know I think you are both perfect and I'm weak
willed, I can't help it, perhaps I have a hormonal imbalance!
But I'm asking you, no I'm begging you. Don't screw this up
up please?"
I fluttered my eyelashes. The twins looked at eachother in
that old telepathic creepy way twins have.
"Ok." Said Quinn finally.
"Yeah alright." Said Jude.
Then they both burst out laughing.
They were laughing at me!
Little shits.
I pushed past Jude and grabbed a carton of Um Bongo.
"Pricks." I hissed.
Just outside the door I heard Quinn say:"Don't worry."
"She'll be..." Said Jude.
"Begging for it!" In unison.
Help me!

Becka M

My name is Becka Martin and I'm a sexholic-live with it.