Alex (Acting like an arse)

Alex phoned me up in floods of tears, her gorgeous
boyfriend, Sean had got a small part in an American
soap. He was going Stateside! And Alex was in a state.

"But I love him! He's the best! I've never, ever, come
so hard and so often. Oh what shall I do? I can't go
with him, I need to work." She was hysterical.
"How long will he be gone?"
"How longs a piece of string! Ages, weeks, months,
oh Becks I really thought he was The One."
The Mythical 'One' like the One Ring, or the the Last
Crouton.
"Look I'm sure it will be alright, look how quickly time
goes at our age."
"Oh thanks a fucking bunch! Now I feel like a pensioner!
He's younger then me, remember? Whats he going to
do when he sees all those sexy babes out there?"
"You are totally over-reacting, I'm sure Sean won't look
at anyone else (as much as I could be sure) your hot
yourself you know?"
"Don't you dare patronize me Becka Martin! Ruth told me
about your Jeff episode."
Shit.
"Oh she did, did she? Well it's sad and all, but really
nothing to do with you and Sean, so I can patronize
with impunity." But I will kill Ruth when I see her, Alex
will never let me live this down.
"Hmm." She murmured:"Happened to you before Becka?
I mean a man getting soft about you?"
"Sod you!" At least she was cheering up a bit.
"Oh Mr Soft!" She sang to me, I hung up on her.
My friends are evil bitch-queens with backcombed hair
and I hate them. Especially Ruth.
I dialled Alan's number and quickly hung up, what a
pussy! (Me not him).
Looked at myself hard in the mirror-did'nt like what I saw
there. A skinny, minging girl with a hatchet face and hair
like a witch. I would have to sort myself out and soon.
I need a life change and sex (I'd be going through 'The
Change'if I was not careful) Time was a ticking, phoned up
sister-thing Raine for some advice.
"I'm a mess."
"Tell me something I don't know."
"Why can't I have a nice, decent boyfriend whose
hung like a horse?"
"Because your a skank! Next question please!"
"Do you love me?"
"With all my heart!" Awww.
"You Lezza!"
"Screw you!"
"Up yours!"
There ended another sisterly chat, not epic but
certainly profound.
I shall phone Alan tonight, but it's friday, he's probably
out with normal people.
Becka (I'm alright now) MartinXXXX