FLAT

(And we're not talking boobs here!) Could not
settle at all in my place last night. The sounds
that had once sent me to sleep, drunks screaming,
glass breaking, dogs howling, now seemed too loud
and too near. Alan's posh flat had spoiled me, I am
now a wannabe middle class cow. It was not something
I aspired to, but it has happened. If I start to vote
Tory and wear fucking tweed, just shoot me.
DC Straw phoned me.
"You silly tart! I don't want you to go anywhere near
that flat! You could be at risk , it could be a psycho,
I don't want any calls telling me you are dead and your
heart is pinned on top of your satellite dish!"
"Please sod off Mickey! I have to live my life, I'll
call you if anything happens. I promise!" Satellite
dish? What a sick mind that's why I like him.
"If your dead how are you going to manage that?" He
demanded.
"Derek Acorah?"
"What?" Bless him I could almost see the confusion on his simian face.
"Oh never mind!" Derek Acorah is a spiritualist medium
off of a programme called Most Haunted which you can
watch on Living TV. Very good, very funny, trust Mick
not too get it. Might be cute , but he's never been the
sharpest tool in the box. His humour veers from sick
to slapstick, give him irony and he wants his mama.
"Will you go back to Alan's?"
"Yeah-I will. But not because you asked me,
I can't sleep here, it's much too noisy and rowdy."
"Oooh get you! Rowdy! Remind me where you were educated
again love?"
"Elephant and Castle same as yourself you cheeky git!" I laughed though, you had to really.
"Personally I think this Alan is far too posh for
you, you need a bit of rough."
"Like you Mick?"
"Hmm could be!" He said in a Hong Kong Phooey
voice.
"I've had enough of rough boys sweetheart, I like
a man with a more cultured facade now."
"Facade is about right! We all are the same in
the dark!"
"And your all full of shit! I'm going to work now,
will check for post when I get back and then on
to Al's."
"Keep me 'posted'."
"Ha bloody ha!"
Becka Martin (working class hero-not a snob)