CHILLED

After work yesterday, returned to Alan's to bag
up my stuff. This felt like failure-but rather then
be beaten I kept my face stony and my buttocks tight.
Whoever's fault this was, it sure wasn't mine. Ok,if
you've read this blog you will know that I'm not whiter
then white. But what Alan has done with Ruth is
sacriledge, you do not force yourself between friends.
Well, not unless they want you to, for a weird three-
some thingy!
Alan sat with me when I had finished packing, as he had
said before, sometimes all the words are used up.
I could not get over the change in him, he seemed so
worn and dare I say it, old. Without his hair and
goatee, he seemed almost invisible.
"Becka." He said barely above a whisper and his
hand tried to cover mine.
"Just leave it won't you?" I still had that cold
feeling inside like somone had turned my intestines
into ice.
"I won't leave it, never. Look speak to Ruth then
phone me." He kissed my cheek and a tear dripped onto
my face.
"Alan you are such a sissy!" I said and handed him
back the keys to the new Vespa.
"What is this? I don't want it back, it's for
you whatever happens."
"Just hold onto them for now, I'll see."
So that was how I had left him sobbing like a big
girl and acting like he was the victim. Men, they
always turn it around!
What I did not need was a visit from the postie,
however that was just what I got. As I opened my
door my feet crunched on something, gingerly I
looked down. Ugh-not nice, it looked like the contents
of someone's gut! Ugh! It was someone's gut,
someone had decided to treat me to the butcher's offal
collection, tripe, liver, guts yuk! I really
hoped that this was animal and not some sick offering
from a psychopath. Then I remembered what Mickey Straw
had said about my heart on the satellite dish.
I phoned DC Straw, but he was on voicemail so I
left a message.
Then I phoned Sister-Thing. She freaked.
"Get the hell out of there now! Come here!"
So that was what I did, later Mickey had obviously
got his message, he turned up at Raine's.
"It's been sent to the lab, it looked like your
average run of the mill tripe and innards though."
"I am relieved." I said sourly.
"Look, you will not be able to go back to your flat
until this business is finished alright? Raine will
put you up won't you?"
"Yeah 'course." She said, however I hated to impose
as she had herself, hubby, child and stupidog all
in a one bedroomed flat. I could handle one night on
the sofa, but not much more. Besides, I would get
bored with BigCook LittleCook.
I would have to find something more semi-permanent.
I almost (though not quite) felt like phoning Alan
up. After Mickey had left I told Sister-thing what
had alledgedly happened between Alan and Ruth.
"The fucking whore!" Spat Raine.
"Whoah sister! I think it was Alan's fault."
She blew a loud raspberry:"I'm not saying that he
is blameless, but I'm sure that Ruth is the one
who started all of this with him. She probably
launched herself all, Sharon Stone style at him."
"You really think that?"
"I don't like her, what do I know?" Raine began
to bustle in the kitchen like a dynamo, time to
retreat to the lounge and have a fag.
"No smoking you bitch! Go outside."
So now I am homeless and have to smoke outside
facing the elements.
Spent all of sunday in the park, did not even
go home for dinner. I wished this was all over,
the stalky thing was beginning to really scare
me and the Alan thing was too painful to think
about.
Becka