CRUMBS!!!!!


I am dogged (some would say a dog).
I'd come for a sandwich and I was having a sandwich.
No alternatives.
However the kind of sandwich I wanted, 2 slices of white bread,
peanut butter and a big glass of chocolate milk was going to be
replaced by 2 hot boys, buttery sex and a glass of er....well
you don't really want to know that do you?!
"Please." I said.
"Please me." Said Quinn.
"Please you." said Jude.
I was so naked within seconds and I only thought of my empty
Annie being filled with twins doing the lurve thing!
Roasted? Well not exactly as it was far too frantic for that. It was
a scrabble of sex, kisses on my clitty, breasts, bum, my mouth finding
smooth male flesh and beautiful throbbing dicks.
It was so fast, all I could hear was panting, moaning, breath on my neck,
someone kissing my eyes and stroking my hair.
My mouth filled with Jude's cock, Quinn licking my cunt and filling me
up with one smooth thrust.
"My turn!" Said Jude and he entered me as soon as he had pushed his still
hard brother away.
I grinned it was good.
Gooooood!
But I'm a generous soul, to finish I put both their dicks in my mouth at
once.
Neither was the smallest of fellows.
And yes I have a big mouth!!!
But nobodies mouth is that big and as soon as they had rasped against
eachother and filled me with er.....Christmas joy, my mouth gaped
open like the mouth of Jacob Marley.
Aaah.
Oh yeah dislocation time baby!
"Shit." Said Quinn.
"Crumbs!" Said Jude.


Becka M XXXXX

THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY


Good golly, crumbs and festive greetings!


Good Golly is the place to start:
A rather outdated expression which would have the PC brigade
wetting their cacks with it's racial connotations. I wasn't thinking
about any of that, I wasn't thinking at all.
Merely I was making myself a late night peanut butter sandwich
and a chocolate milkshake (as you do).
"Hey." Said a low voice, jumping up in shock. (oh there is a perfume
called Jump up and kiss me-I am not making that up! Go google it
if you don't believe moi!)
Curled up looking like the most gorgeous hunka hunka sex was the
lovely Jude. He was sitting in a leather armchair just wearing boxer
shorts. He was reading a copy of Mayfair (the articles are soooo good!)
He even had on the cutest Matrixy style glasses you ever saw, I
wanted to lick his eyebrows!
"OH!" I sez, standing their in my Betty Boop nightie.
Then I smiled.
He smiled back:"How busted am I?" He smirked.
"Jude you are a man, you are not busted if you want to have a wa....ah
personal time, you can do that." I sounded like a lady virgin.
"Maybe I would like to have some personal time with you." He pushed
aside his mag to reveal a rather promising tent in his shorts.
I grinned, shallow I know!
"Where's Quinn?" I asked.
"He's behind you!" Said Jude straight out of a pantomime.
"Yeah right!" I turned:"Oh shit Quinn! You made me jump you little
bugger!"
I felt all silly, shaky and vunerable, either of these boys would
turn heads, together they were dynamite!
"Didn't mean to make you jump." Said Quinn, he really meant:
But I wanted to make you come!
"Um I should get my sandwich and go back to bed."
"You should." Said Quinn.
"She won't." Said Jude.
"No I don't think you are going to make it as far as the door without
your legs shaking." Said Quinn, he looked at my nightie, my nipples
were sticking out like pepperpots!
I tried to go.
I did.
Jude stood up and placed his arms around me."Stay." He said.
"Stay." Said Quinn.
I could feel big spasms doing the judder thing.
I was acutely aware that I didn't have any knickers on.

Christmas was coming early.
And my goose wasn't even cooked yet!


Becka Mmmmm

I NEED MONEY NOW

Shriek!!!!
Christmas is just around the corner!
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA
HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously I won't last at this rate!

So if there is a kindly publicist who wants to make a grotty
girl happy-please apply!!
Quick we are waiting for your call!


Rainex & Becka M (but mainly Rainex-she the needy one!)XXXXXXX

MONKEY'S UNCLE

"Why is it with you I always find myself wanting to hit my
head off a wall closely followed with yours?" Panted Alan, he
was striding along the road in the style of Darth Vader. I felt
very miffed, namely because I was trying to light a fag and
it had started to rain.
"I have that effect on most men." I shrugged, stopped, lit my
ciggie and inhaled the cool green menthol flavour. I don't care
what Raine says I'm never bloody well giving up!
"Even Mickey Bastard Straw?" He stopped and turned, not
a trace of sweat on his face and I was dripping like sweaty
Helga the Goatherd.
"Especially Mickey, I could really really wind that fucker up."
I said with some satisfaction and blew the smoke threw
my nose in the style of The Soup Dragon warming my winter
hooter up. N.B Americans hooter is British for 'nose' not titties.
"I'm crazy in love with you." Said Alan and kissed me on the forehead.
Very Priestly, all that black and repressed sexuality.
Bless me Father for I have sinned, now put your hands down my
draws haw haw! This is why I never made it as a Catholic girl,
oh and being slightly Jewish didn't help.
Come to Mummy!
Next minute we had fallen over one of those dwarf hedges and were
rolling around someone's garden, snatching eachothers clothes
like old women at a jumble sale.
Alan really liked sex in public, I just liked sex so it was a good match.
My head hit something hard (no not that) it was somebody's shoe.
Looking upwards I saw the most lemon sucking face I'd ever seen.
He was about 50, his glasses were very thick, he had something in his
hand, long, very long.
Shwing!
Nope it was a hosepipe!
No he did not do that!
He turned it on full pelt drenching us.
"Oh sorry!" He said, not looking a bit sorry.
"I thought you were cats or foxes fighting!"
"How bloody astute of you!" Said Alan lifting me up, giving
spec-man a good glimpse of my hairy annie!
His mouth dropped open.
I squealed.
Alan rolled his eyes and stood infront of me.
"Everyone's seen your snatch by now!" He grumbled.
"I hadn't." Admitted the man.
"Well we will be off then." I offered.
"Yeah sorry." Said Alan and we stepped over the small hedge.
"Oh and thank you." Said the man, this time he definitely had
something in his hand.
I giggled all the way home.
Perverts everywhere man! I always find them glory be!

Becka Mmmmm ushrooms

NURSE BITCHY AND PRICKY MICK

"Whoah Mister!" I grabbed Mickey's arm, that didn't stop him, I
hung on like toffee on a dog's tooth.
"This is my job girl, do you want me to arrest you?" He stopped
abruptly and I fell onto his chest which winded me in the process.
Ooof!
"You are getting old and you want to lay off them fags." Said Mickey
sagely but perhaps inappropriately as at that second Alan appeared
and his already sullen face fell into dark and angry lines.
Mickey laughed and peeled me off him:"Keep her, but if I was
you mate I'd consider an upgrade, she's getting old and puffy
now!"
"Bloody cheek!" I wheezed like a kettle. I punched his arm.
Bastard.
Alan looked furious but said nothing, which was scary, he's
so tall and dark, I had visions of him flying at Mickey like
a psychopath.
Not that he didn't deserve it.
Not that I would have cared.
"Mick, will Ruth be alright? Is she going down?" I said earnestly.
Mickey leered.
"Saucy! Ruth's victim, namely Justine has dropped charges,
I assume you will too?" I nodded. "Then it's just a fire arm
charge and being the uber-nut she is I shouldn't worry that
she won't end up in a funny farm instead of clink."
"Oh she'll like that, she always like farms." I smiled.
"Because she's an animal." Muttered Mickey;"Don't forget I've
got lots of hold on you girly what with knocking me out and helping
your Dad escape."He grinned:"That can wait until I'm bored,
you owe me about a zillion favours bitch!" He went in to
give Ruth the 3 degrees chuckling wildly.
Alan glowered and paced like one of those scary Mullahs,
I expected him to punch himself in the head at any moment.
"I wish to hell that bastard get's his come uppance!" From
this Alan decided to kick a basket containing used paper cups
high in the air.
"Oi!" Screeched a nurse:"Stop that! I'll call security!"
"Great another fool with a badge! Why don't I start a frigging
fire then we can have a whole collection of arseholes!" He
was getting mental.
The little Nurse was livid and humourless.
"Sounds like a straight Village People, who will you be?
Teacher?" I grinned imagining Alan singing YMCA, Mal
could wear the feathers, he'd like that.
"I mean it." Warned the nurse and Alan deflated just like
that. The Nurse straightened proudly aware of herself
and her own powers.
"Sorry." He picked up the cups:"I just have a girlfriend
who can't keep her knickers on for longer then five minutes
and her friends and lovers are the kind of people you cross
the street to avoid." He placed the last cup in the basket."Are
you single, you look nice, young, pretty."
The Nurse suddenly went all silly-stupid. I forget sometimes
that Alan is a good looking man and he's imposing.
I scowled at her, what a little bitch in her starchy dress.
"Why? You asking?" She simpered, yuk get me that basket I
need to vomit!
"I'm asking." Said Alan.
"Well as it happens, I am." She smiled.
"Stay that way, less complicated." Alan turned on his heel
grabbing my arm in the process. "Come on dopey."
I allowed myself the luxury of looking at the nurse over my
shoulder and pulling out my tongue.
"Security!" Screamed the Nurse down the phone.
Alan and myself decided to run.
At our ages exercise is very important.



Becka M XXXXX

Hallowfuckineen


Happy all Hallows Eve-
I'm sucking something with a big purpe head...........
it's a lolly you perves!

I give up really I do!


Mad Becka and Loopy Raine XXXXXXX

I WAS FEELING BLUE HAH-HA



Could I live without Ruth? Small destructive person, human
dynamite, jelly doughnut.
She was so bad for me, she reminded me of a Venus Fly-Trap,
exotic, dangerous, intoxicating and ultimately very bad for
your health. Not to mention your sanity.
I stood by the chocolate machine in the hospital foyer and made
the life defining choice of having a Snickers or a Lion Bar.
Had to be Snickers, still better then Reese's whatnots!
I started to cry, I could not blame it on the chocolate.
I felt so tired, older, grottier and certainly more confused.
I wanted to phone Mal but I just couldn't face him.
A hand touched my arm, looking up I saw a big bald head and
a square jaw.
Yep.
Mickey Straw!
I pulled back like he had leprosy.
Fucker!
"I hate you!" I hissed.
"That's disappointing." He said in a voice so scathing it should
carry a health warning.
"You! Don't you start with me! I mean it Mick, my life is so
low, I just can't take anymore of this shit!"
"I've come to talk to Ruth, not you, ok? Is that alright
sweetheart?"
He made Ray Winstone look right cuddly.
Bastard.
I bit my chocolate and a little caramel slipped over my lip
like a veil (non political, just descriptive!) Mickey's eyes
dropped and I could almost feel his heart beating faster.
"These trousers were not made for stiffies." He grumbled
and walked towards Ruth's room.
I had to stop him, Ruth, a Copper, an erection and a bed
was far too scary to think about.
And it wasn't even Halloween yet.
"Stop right there!" I said in a voice worthy of Helen Mirren.
He didn't stop.
I threw my chocolate at him.
It stuck to his shirt.
Shit.
No chocolate.
Bloody waste too.
Whoops, Mickey looked at me in the way a bull does in the
ring with Bugs Bunny.
I think a cheesy smile might just work but................


Becka M xxxx

DOOLALLY

One shaved pussy later and I was sitting next to Ruth's
hospital bed squirming. Fucking shaving, I could practically
feel the ingrowing. Bastard.
Ruth lay like a small battered china doll, her rough bottom
lip at last still from her chewing. I wondered whether I should
put some salve or Vaseline on it. I decided against it. It was too
intimate.
She opened a bleary eye.
"Sit still can't you?" She said in a quiet, breathy little voice.
"Um one shaved snatch later and that's the last thing I can
do. I'll try." I said.
"Shaved?" She managed a small smile."My favourite."
"Big mistake though, looks like a Christmas turkey
with pox." I mumbled and held her thin hand.
"Well we all make mistakes, even I do sometimes." She
said.
"No really?" Humouring her was the key.
"Yeah, kidnapping is not what it's cracked up to be."
"What do you mean?"
"No kids and no crack." Ruth said, I guess the morphine
was doing it's bit.
"Does Justine count as a kidnapee? She's hardly sentient."
I laughed, Justine always made me so happy in a
superior sort of way.
"Sentient? Not in the bedroom anyway, I've had better
head off hairdressing dummies." Snorted Ruth and winced
in pain.
"Hurts?"
"Only my pride and losing you." A pirate grin.
I pulled a face:"Let's not talk about that now, let's talk
about Nurses, the black haired one with the tits is
rather pretty."
"I liked the young African one with the scar."
Said Ruth.
"Doctor's?"
"Bastards!" Said Ruth.
"Even the women?"
"Especially the women." assured Ruth.
"Then that leaves?"
"The Health Care Assistants! I like it dirty." Ruth
smiled and giggled:"MRSA get's me hot."
I laughed aloud:"You bloody twit!"
"Yeah but you love me." This was not a question,
I turned away and brushed away a small tear.
Bothersome thing.
Angela stood in the doorway with Justine, talk of
the devil! I wished I had some salt to throw.
Preferably still in a mill.
"What are you doing here?" I snapped.
Angela shrugged:"You ask me-I didn't want to
come but Justine was adamant."
"Don't you ever." Said Ruth.
"Tell them that your handsome." I finished.
"You shut the fuck up!" This was Justine to me,
I stood up to face her.
"Remind me never to save you again." I said.
"Ditto."Snarled Justine, I could see the whites
of her eyes, but that did not count.
Ruth pissed herself laughing in bed, no really we had
to buzz someone to sort her out.
"I didn't think you would be incontinent until you
were a bit older." I said.
Angela and Justine looked at me shocked that I
could put words to such a thing.
"How old?" Said Ruth.
" 'Bout 40, when the alcohol had done it's bit."
"Haven't shit myself yet." Said Ruth proudly.
"That's something to look forwards to."
"Yeah nice to have goals!" She said approvingly.
"I don't understand!" Wailed Justine.
"I don't think we are meant to honey." Angela said.
Ruth looked at Justine:"Come here." She said.
Justine crouched over her like a Woodcut of
Death. All that Donna Karan.
"Closer." Said Ruth.
Justine sat on the bed:"Is this close enough?"
"Yeah!" Ruth's eyes looked like Jake's out of
the Scissors. Shinybright.
Nothing happened.
"Oh shit I was gonna headbutt you but I
can't lift my head! Becka can you help?"
"I'd like to but it sort of ruins the spontaneity
doesn't it?"
"Somewhat!" Said Ruth.
"Well really!" Shrieked Justine:"I've come all the way to
see you, even after everything, you are such a nasty
little bitch!" She jumped up.
"Cute though." I winked.
"Yeah." Said Angela:"Like a Rapter. Are we
finished Justine? Shall I take you home? Or do you
want more humiliation? She doesn't wan't you and as
from now, neither do I." Angela stood up proudly.
"Bravo! That's a girl!" I clapped.
"I hate all of you!" Scowled Justine and fled the room
bawling. I felt bad. Then I didn't.
"Sorry Ange." I said.
"Why should you be sorry? You the instigator of everything
fucked warped and whack?"
"Hey whack! I like that, very cool." I said approvingly.
"Can't you just stop? Really, act like an adult it's not too
late." Ange pleaded. There was an edge to her that I'd never
seen before.
"Sorry." I said.
"I should think so." Said Angie.
"What I want to know is what time does the bar open?"
Said Ruth. We both ignored her.
"Can you give me a lift home?" I asked Angie. Cheekiness
used to always work with her.
She shook her head:"I don't think I want to know
you anymore." She left the room.
"Oooh." Said Ruth.
Oooh indeed. And ouch. Angie was fine.
Shit.


Becka M
xxxx

RAMBLING RUTH AND MAD BECKA

"I should see Ruth." I said exhaling a delightful plume
of smoke from my right nostril.
"Mmm." Said Alan.
"What do you mean Mmmm?" I did not like that voice
one little bit. Ok maybe the moist bit of me did, the bit
which was enjoying the hand service he was administering.
"The girl is bad news."
"She's my best friend!" I defended her honour.
"She tried to kill you, shagged me, slept with your boss's
girlfriend, tried to shag your Dad. That one was beyond
me actually, how anyone could go near that terrible old
bastard is a mystery." He pulled one of those faces.
"Hey!" Bloody hell he was assassinating my friend and Pa!
(Not literally with a gun-just enough to irritate me.)
"I just think Ruth is a catalyst, the kind of bitch who
sparks the fire in others, easily led fools to do her bidding."
He grinned at me:"Sorry, but gullible is your middle
name."
"Well it's better then Hortence!" I said hotly.
"What? Never mind, Ruth's probably got her family with
her." Said Alan.
"I am her family."
"Jesus."
"Becka." I corrected.
"I'm getting old."
"Getting?" I laughed.
"Don't be cheeky, Miss Grey in the fuzz."
"Eh? Oh, bastard!"


Becka M XXXXXX

GROUND RULES (Not to be confused with
Groundforce with Charlie Dimmock and her
wobbly titties)


"Don't you ever say that again you little bastards!"
I snapped at the twins. Ma indeed Ma my arse!
"Chill Becka, we think it's great, we always have, you
know we like you don't you?" Said Jude and sidled
up to me in a snaky way, he managed to get his hand
under my dressing gown and onto my bare arse very
quickly. I moved away as rapidly as if he had been
John Prescott. Ehhh!
"Enough of that already! What is wrong with you both?
You've always known Alan was your Dad and you....."
I got nearer to them and whispered:"And you've
always tried to get me into....Positions, compromising
positions!"
Quinn laughed:"If it's good enough for the old man then
we thought it would be good enough for us!"
"What a terrible thing to say! I'm disappointed in you
Quinn." I said in a school Mistressy voice.
"Yeah I've been bad, do I get a spanking? Please."
His eyes twinkled, he was special this one, but then so was
Jude and Jude was a very dirty boy indeed.
"Look don't mess this up for me guys!" I tried as hard as
I could to look stern and menacing:"I've let Alan down again
and again, he's giving me a chance and I aim to take it.
You know I think you are both perfect and I'm weak
willed, I can't help it, perhaps I have a hormonal imbalance!
But I'm asking you, no I'm begging you. Don't screw this up
up please?"
I fluttered my eyelashes. The twins looked at eachother in
that old telepathic creepy way twins have.
"Ok." Said Quinn finally.
"Yeah alright." Said Jude.
Then they both burst out laughing.
They were laughing at me!
Little shits.
I pushed past Jude and grabbed a carton of Um Bongo.
"Pricks." I hissed.
Just outside the door I heard Quinn say:"Don't worry."
"She'll be..." Said Jude.
"Begging for it!" In unison.
Help me!

Becka M

My name is Becka Martin and I'm a sexholic-live with it.

SHEET

"So the twins are your sons?" It hung in the air like a cartoon
bubble- sons, jeez, I put up with a lot of crap or what?!
"I wondered how you would react." Said Alan mildly.
He might just as well said 'immature bitch queen'.
"I bet you did! How did you expect me to react? Alan those
boys, well they are men! You must have been a kid, you dirty
little bastard! Oh God I'm speaking in bold look what you've
done to me!" I gripped my throat dramatically.
"Have you quite finished?" He said with as much humour as
my Ma-in-law at a gay club.
"Just tell me they are not Pru's." Of course I couldn't change
anything if they were, I would just feel better, imagine, Sons
of Pru, oooh!!!
"No most definitely not." His eyes flickered like polished onyx
I have no idea what that means or what it looks like but it
sounds cool!
"So who is their Mummy and where is she?" Did I really
want to know?
"Their Mother was called Helena and she died many years
ago when the boys were just tots. Her kidneys failed, she
waited ages for a transplant, it never happened, that was
back in the dark ages before people carried Donor cards.
She just never got her match." His eyes looked misty.
"Did you love her?"
"Yeah as only a teenage boy can, passionately, wildly,
do you know that we actually planned the pregnancy?
We were crazy, our parents went ballistic!" He laughed
and I could see he was looking back in time to his youth.
"We worked it out that we could marry and bring the
boys up when I had finished school, we were helped
enormously by our parents, especially when they saw
what a good job we were doing with the boys. It was
hard, but work is light when you are happy! And I was
happy, never more so with my girl and the babies. I
went to school by day and because I looked older I got
a bar job, I was so tired! Then Helena got sick, we
couldn't cope and the parents had to help more.
Eventually and sadly Helena's older sister Janet had
the boys to stay with her. Then Hel died. She was just
18, the boys were 3. Everyone thought it was for the best
if Janet had the boys for keeps. I became a sort of uncle
I guess or older cousin. They know who I am of course,
I'm their father but not their Dad. That's Steven Jan's
husband's job. I love them of course, they are my boys."
He smiled simply and I think I'd never loved him more.
I kissed his face.
"OK." I said:"I'll get a drink and see what they are up to
in the kitchen."
Alan nodded:"Does it change how you feel about me?"
"Yeah." I said and left it hanging in the air, but I did
wink.
In the kitchen Jude and Quinn sat on the counters drinking
milk straight from the carton like an advert for aftershave.
Jude grinned:"Did he tell you?"
I nodded.
Quinn smiled:"Then I guess that makes you..."
"Our Ma!" Finished Jude.

I was less then impressed.


Becka Mmmmaaaaa

WHAT THE?!

Alan did that hunchy thing with his shoulders, kind
of between a cringe and and shrug, Americans would
say he looked adorable. I however knew him that much
better, he looked decidedly shifty.
"Go on then." I said as encouragingly as a Northern Woman
from an Alan Silletoe novel.
He smirked, grimaced and finally smiled.
"Those Twins." He started.
Go on go on go on go arn! I thought in the style of Mrs Doyle
(Father Ted).
"They are not my cousins." A ravishing smile:"They are my
sons." He said simply.
2 hours later when I had finished screaming, we discussed
this.

Becka Mmartini xxx

DOT-CUM

"Will you love me when I'm old and grey?" I said
fluttering my eyelashes and squeezing my vagina
which was tightly clamped around Alan's doopy-doo.
"You will never be old, as for grey, well I think I
spied your first grey already." Said my lover as he
pushed me up and down like a kid on a see-saw,
(ooh that sounded eeewww but you know what I
mean!)
"I've been going grey for years." I said and tucked a lock
behind my ears.
Alan shook his head:"No I mean a grey on your fairy-ann
my dear."
Hmmph!
Hollywood here I come.
He bit my neck like Vlad (or Gary Oldman) and ran
his fingers through my damp hair (on my head!)
and traced strange patterns into my sweaty skin.
Lush.
"Let's not talk about love, see Ruth tomorrow and
see how you feel." Alan said quietly.
Suddenly we heard a smash from the kitchen.
I clung to Alan my heart racing.
"Calm down. It's only the twins staying for a few days."
"Oh." I said, oh my gosh!
I grinned.
"Not sure if I like that smile much, anyway perhaps the
time is right to tell you a little secret."
"I don't know if I want to know any more secrets!" I gripped
his thin face. "Not more shit huh?"
"Past shit, shit that shouldn't change anything, shit a lighter
shade of shit." He grinned.
Bastard.


Becka MMMMMmmmmm

IN LUST WE TRUST

We were so excited we couldn't get our clothes off.
They flopped around us like fallen petals,
lumpy,
bumpy and completely in the way.
We were kissing with big! Open-mouthed kisses
like we were trying to inhale eachother.
My hands shook as I stroked his thin hard buttocks.
I begged him to fill me up.
Alan was too busy eating my nipples like they were
M&M's.
I swear I screamed.
My clit was so hard it chaffed against my g-string madly,
I had to finger myself.
Just had to do it.
Alan slapped my hand away.
"Don't be so greedy!" He kissed and breathed into my ear
making my toes curl and the hairs on my snatch stand on
end.
Then he awkwardly began to pull down his boxers to
reveal quite a tasty banana boiinng!
"Let's see what you can do with this." He muttered.
What would you have done with it?
Answers in the dustbin please!

Becka MMMmmmmmm!

MONSTA


I awoke in Alan's silky dark bed which smelled of
sandalwood, it was the kind of feeling you don't want
to end.
He lay next to me, his shrewd eyes watching me
regain consciousness.
I was dressed in one of his dark shirts, very modest
and demure for me.
He was fully clothed, he hadn't slept with me, giving
me space and sleeping on the couch.
Last night had been good, he'd brought me back, run
me a lovely bath. Kept his distance whilst I bathed.
Then fed me chicken strips and pizza, by hand, with
my head resting on his shoulder.
Then he had solemnly given me a spare toothbrush
and bade me goodnight.
But Alan was here now.
" 'Lo, how long have you been there?" I asked stretching
and yawning, aware my breath was a shade pepperoni
and hoping he wouldn't kiss me until I'd brushed my teeth.
"Awhile." He said ambiguously and tweaked my nose.
Then the realization of what had happened last night
floored me like 3 fat guys doing the cha-cha.
Shit.
Ruth!
Beads of sweat burst from my brow and I began to
shake.
Alan frowned, pulled me to him and said:"Sssh, it's
alright."
That was what I wanted to hear, not:
1./Marry me
2./Have my baby
3./Do you fancy a menage a trois?
4./I have issues
5./Who let the dogs out?
Just It's alright.
Ok it was not earth shattering, but it did the trick.
I kissed him demandingly, forcing my tongue
between his clamped teeth.
One eyebrow raised with amusement.
"Stop acting all Anne Diamond and kiss me properly,
like this." He kissed me gently, like soft velvet, somewhere
deep in my groin, something went pop, something that
had never popped before.
He grinned:"You little Monster!"

Becka M

SUBLIMEY


So blind me?

Bastard men.
Women too.
I'm going to be celibate...........
..........see, I lasted!

My lovely sister Raine was waiting at the copshop for me,
she had that tight lemon sucking look to her mouth.
She wore that a lot when she was with me. Her husband
D looked at me with his usual confusion, he was still trying
to work out what I was.

My own mouth was doing lots of pully downey motions
like it was wired to a string.
I had a strong feeling I was going top cry.
"Don't say anything!" Warned Raine, she had my lovely
old Adidas cardie which she wrapped around my shoulders.
Raine turned me around and in a blur of Cops, felons
and complete strangers, I was face to face with Alan.
For once he was not scowling.
He looked good.
He wasn't wearing black.
His hair was cut short.
Fuck-he was smiling!
"Ruth..."I Mumbled.
"...Will survive!" Finished Raine:"You however Madam
need to take it easy."
"I should see her." I was trying.
"Tomorrow." Said Alan and I'd forgot how deep and rich
his voice is. Mmmm.
Tomorrow was a day ripe with possibilities.
Tonight was a jaded old hag that needed to be put to bed.
Cool.
"Alan, what next?" I whispered, scared to touch him,
scared of everything my life had become.
"What do you want to happen next?" He asked me,
his head to one side. crowlike and lovable.
"I want to rest." Yeah a silky bed, a cool drink,
something to eat, what's that stuff called? Oh yeah food!
"Then so mote it be."
Said Alan.
At least that's what I heard.
I left the copshop with a blissed out smile on my lips,
made all the sweeter by the murderous look Mickey
Straw gave me.
When I slipped into Alan's crapola car, I swear to God it
turned into a Pumpkin!
Alan laughed as I rested my weary head on his shoulder and
let him feed me stale wine gums from the glove compartment.

Tee!

Becka M XXXX

TROLLEYED

"Easy Becka, EASY!" Said Mickey Straw (for it was he) as
I threw myself at him, a bundle of grief, anger and disbelief.
He restrained me, that terrible screaming would not stop,
would someone shut that bitch up? Oh ok it was me.
I stopped.
I really mean stopped.
I stopped screaming,
thinking,
being,
I crashed heavily to the pavement and even my skinned
knees didn't make me start again.
Next minute CopGirl Kate sat down next to me and covered
my body with a blanket.
I was still naked, but oblivious to the cold or anything.
"Listen Becka, you have to listen. Oh Mick I think she's
going into shock!"
I don't remember the next 20 minutes or so.
Later Angie would tell me that my head flopped terribly
like a broken marionette.
Apparently Mickey slapped me, twice sharply across the cheeks
and Angie swore at him.
CopGirl Kate made him wait by the car.
I weed myself.
How undignified!
Justine did nothing. The dead don't.
The dead.
"Earth to Becks!" This was Angie, she twisted my nipples
very hard!
"Aaaah!"
"Houston we have contact!" Angie kissed me:"Ruth is alive,
ok, alive, she lives! "
I was shaky on my feet but Angie and believe it or not Justine
helped me to dress.
I had not heard the ambulance arrive and take Ruth away.
I missed the:"She's got a pulse!" Moment.
But I did not care, it was as if someone had robbed me of all
my strength away in one go.
I was whacked.
I wanted Alan.......
and strangely enough........


Becka M

RUBBING THE SORE BITS

I edged nearer feeling too nude, too exposed and
painfully aware how nuts Ruth was getting.
Hey I was looking at Justine for clues, how low
can you go? Lower!
Angela had wound down her window, she was
shaking.
Or maybe she was just looking at my arse.
Justine was practically blacking out, the gun was
making ugly marks on her neck.
Time to make some moves.
"Ruth, you don't want her sweetheart, I'm your
girl, let her go. I'll come with you now, anywhere,
whatever you want to do." All the time I was advancing,
I was really glad I was not a man as my willy would
have looked ridiculous bouncing about. I had enough
trouble with my titties and they are really small.
"Stand still! Stop talking! Let me think! What is
it with the crackpot psychology? I'm already up to
my ears with shrinks, you don't have to start!"
Ruth had broken out in a sweat, her small face
glistened feverishly.
"Becka just back off!" This was from Angie,
she had crept out of the car and stood very near, too
near for Ruth's liking.
"My head's hurting!" She shrieked and the little
gun lifted momentarily away from Justine.
I was going to rush Ruth, chuck the gun away,
give her a good pummelling and tell her what a
bad, mad girl she was. Angie would look after Justine,
years down the line we would laugh at this-
this moment..........
in time.
A gunshot.
Women screaming.
I was howling like a banshee.
Ruth lay, covered in blood!
Too much blood.
Dying.
I held her to me, her eyes sparkled and she smiled,
that same pirate smile I'd fallen for as a kid.
As a woman.
Somehow in this last minute her craziness had gone,
she laughed.
"Kiss me dummy!" She whispered.
I was kissing her and then it was over.


Becka M xxx

I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY

So I'm standing there in my panties, bra and aura
of embarrassment with 3 dykes, a gun and hair that
badly needs a trim.
"The music has stopped, what next, charades? I-spy?
Hmm?" I was irked, that was an irked voice.
"Wait a fucking minute!:" Ruth fumbled with her cds
again (oo-eerr missus!) "This will do it, some say it's
a classic."
Kylie Minogue.
I Should Be So Lucky.
Oh what the hell.
It was classic alrighty.
I pranced around like one of those posh show jumping horses.
Except I didn't have a small fat girl on my back.
Don't ask me what I was doing with my rosette.
But my petite audience seemed impressed.
Lucky lucky lucky!
My bra sprang off like Spiderman jumping off a building.
I wiggled my arse coquettishly.
'Cept I didn't have a coq.
I eased my panties down to the ground.
How low can she go?
"See no wires, appliances or any Mickey Straw influences,
I'm as bare and pink as a prawn sarnie." I smiled at
Ruth. "What next? Mutual masturbation and a chorus
of Rule Brittania? Trip to McDonald's? "
I was talking complete gibber.
But I don't think anyone noticed on account they were
looking at my twat.
"Come here." Said Ruth, in a misty Brokeback Mountain
voice.
Hey that film did my head in, Gay Cowboys with sheep-
will I ever sleep again?
So I walked over, carefully avoiding dog poo and such.
Upclose Ruth looked rough.
Rough Ruth.
Justine looked terrified and transparent, I could see her
brain cell.
"This is going to be smooth, very smooth, trust me,
everything will be ok." Said Ruthie.
I hate it when people say that.
What happens in films when people say that?
Shit happens.
"I trust you." I lied.
"No you don't." Said Ruth.
"Course not, but I do hope you are not going to muck all
our lives up on a whim." I said.
Justine tried to shake her head.
"What's wrong with her?" I asked.
"Apart from being the world's most insular person
and a lousey shag you mean?" Said Ruth deadly serious
now.
"Mmm." I said.
"Could be she know what is going to happen next maybe."
Ruth smiled. Not a nice smile. A shitty smile really.
I really wanted to pee.


Becka M

RAINEX TAGGING INTERLUDE


ML has tagged me-so here goes, 6 things about me!

1./ When I'm drunk I think I'm really really funny,
however I'm pretty sure I'm not. At all.

2./ My hair is from hell, no, scrap that, my hair is from
McDonald's.

3./ Alan Rickman is God. At least in my universe.

4./ I don't go big on china dolls, it's the eyes man.

5./ Having kids has really made me grow up-but I'm
having a childish revival. My oldest son is deeply ashamed
of me. That is how it should be.

6./ Queues-can't do it. Sweaty, nasty, shaky and that's just
D having to deal with me! Seriously I need to move into a
country that either has a quicker system or I can just push in.


Mad Becka will continue when I can be arsed.

RHYTHM OF THE NIGHTY

"I need music." I said truculently.
"Get you Prima Donna!" Scoffed Ruth, but she was
on to it, dragging Justine with her, she turned her
CD player in her car on at full whack.
Wow.
The dulcet tones of Mudd, Tigerfeet, filled the air.
"Ah, that was not really what I had in mind." Really
how could I dance to that and keep my self respect?
"For FUCKSAKE!" Shouted Ruth, removing the Cd
she lobbed into the night, whilst still clamping her
petrified girlfriend tightly.
"Yep best place for that, what was it? Hits from the
70's?" I asked.
"No! The best of Glam Rock, shit I loved that disc!
Bolan was on there and Bowie and Wizard!"
She fumbled in her glove compartment for a replacement
song, could I rush her while she was preoccupied? No,
I was rather looking forwards to taking off my clothes
actually.
"This is the one." She said with a warning tone in her
voice.
It was Kate Bush.
Wuthering Heights.
"Make it good, do that wobbly dancing." Said Ruth.
"Ah I think that was special effects and I haven't
got the hair you know?" I felt really silly.
Heathcliff, it's me, it's Cathy I've come home.
Silly mare.
Should have run away.
And here I was dancing like Kate Bush on a traffic
island in the middle of the night with 3 women
with varying degrees of mental illness.
Sweet.
Could have been worse.
Could have been Babushka.
Ya ya.
Why couldn't she have played The PussyCat Dolls.
But soon I was grooving away, my clothes melting
away.
So co ho ho ho hold, let me in a ya window!
Sometimes I wished I could always be naked.
This was not one of them.
"Oh Becks you dance so beautifully!" Said Ruth and I could
see a tear in her eye.
The song finished and I was still clad in panties and bra.

Becka M

xxxx

AMAZING GRACE


I pulled lots of encouraging faces much like a chimp
in a zoo. Ruthie wasn't buying it.
I wasn't buying it.
"Stop wiv the faces!" She screeched out in her dulcet
South London tones.
I stopped, but funny enough my face wouldn't.
My lips pulled into ridiculous shapes and I had an
urge to wink and leer like a pirate.
I was very close, close enough to see that the usually
immaculate Ruth looked much like she had been
through a hedge backwards.
Justine was marginally better off, that's embalming
for you. Her eyes rolled like a cow in a slaughterhouse
(hey how dramatic was that?!)
"Becka, I really don't know what to do." Said Ruth in
an eerily soft voice.
"Don't do anything baby, let me look after you." I said.
Ruth snorted.
"You? Sorry I think I might have pissed my pants,
you, who can't cook, clean, keep a job or a man, will
look after Me?" Her head was cocked on the side in
disbelief.
"Well I could try." I slurred:"Gotta be better then
spending your life behind bars for murder." Oooh
big mistake.
"WHAT? WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT PRISON
OR MURDER?" Screamed Ruth and pressed the
little gun into the thin flesh of Justine's neck.
Angela made a shrill little sound from inside our car
and opened the door.
"Stay in the car Lardarse!" Ruth yelled.
"Angie! STAY PUT!" I ordered, this was getting
out of control. "Look." I said and sat down on the ground
crossed legged and with my arms raised. "I'm unarmed,
please just calm down eh?" I did the old Ren and Stimpy
big eyed thing.
Works everytime with the ladies.
"Stop with the Stimpy eyes." Snapped Ruth.
Or apparently not.
Ruth looked at me shrewdly.
"Mickey Straw." She breathed.
"Huh?"
"Has that Copper wired you? Take off your clothes
bitch." Ruth snarled. Oh God she was really gone!
"I though you would never ask." I said coyly.
"Don't flatter yourself sweetheart, but you might as
well make a good show of it eh?"


Becka M xxxxx

30 SICKS


I'm a birthday girl, what am I doing? I'm sitting in a layby
with Angie spying on my Ex best friend and her cadaverous
girlfriend-hostage.
I feel very Cagney and Lacey, although I am far too slim to
be Lacey, I'm not blonde enough to be Cags. Who am I
kidding? Myself as usual but it keep s me happy and
off the street.
Angie is looking good. Oh my word does she. Still heavy,
but a diet of worry and lack of sleep have trimmed those
stubborn pounds.
"Look at that bitch!" Hissed Angela Grade.
I peered at the two fair heads held tight together in
the Ford Ka and shrugged.
"Which bitch?"
"Your bitch!"
"Oh Ruthie, yeah, not classy like Justine but a real trooper."
I nodded approvingly.
"God almighty!" Angela laughed strangely.
"What?" I enquired as I lit a small cafe cigar as it made
me feel Stacey Keach.
"You still after everything like her, don't you?" Her voice
was heavy with accusation. Trouble with Angie heaviness,
food, words, sex, all calorie laden and triple thick goodness.
I winced. Yeah I did like her.
I liked alcohol, cigars, cigarettes, anonymous sex.
All bad for me though.
Why not a complete psycho?
"Ruth is my heart. Anything else is just going through
the motions." I said finally.
"I hate you sometimes." Said Angela darkly. I had hurt her
too the quick. She had loved me and I had rejected her
for a guy, now here I was flaunting hot girl action in front
of her.
"Whoops." I said.
"Indeed." She said sourly.
"Look, all can be salvaged, I'll grab Ruthie, you get Justine,
just don't grab her too tightly, she'll snap. Everyone a winner
and we both get the girl." I half shut my eyes:"Life is good."
Then Ruthie stepped out of the car with Justine, she held
a menacing little gun to her head.
"Becka! This is your birthday present, I'll blow out her
brains for you." Screamed Ruth. Yeah what every girls
wants, not diamonds, holidays in the sun, no just body
matter hitting the kerb. Groovy.
"Um chocolates work better actually." But I was shaking.
"Think fast you cunt!" Said Angie (this was to me in
case you were wondering.)
I got out of the car slowly, like a professional wuss I held
my hands above my head.
"Tell Meatfeast to stay in the car!" Shrieked Ruth.
"Charming!" Muttered Angie.
Justine's eyes were rolling like a cow on a Ferris Wheel
(no I don't get that either).
I grinned #sharply, winked, could my magic work for me
now? Did anyone care? Are you reading!?
"Baby!" I said and walked forwards.


Becka M

HAPPY EASTER-CHICKS!



Hope you all get stuffed (with chocolate)
and Mad Becka will resume after the
holiday!

Love ever Rainex and Becka M

DUVET VOU?

I was stuck to Mickey, literally, sweat, cum and desperation
had made a firm bandage. He wasn't going to let me go.
I tried to peel my skin away from his a little and felt that
cool chill that goosebumped my arms and hardened my
nipples.
I pulled the quilt around myself and looked at Mickey
sprawled like the big horny copper he was.
"What are you thinking about tatty-head?" He said
making me frown. It was the tattyhead part which did
it, I ran a hand through my matted hair.
"I'm thinking about Ruth, she really needs to do my hair."
"I think she really needs to see a psychiatrist, that would
serve her better." He sparked up a cigarette.
"I'm going to have to see her, she wouldn't really do
anything to Justine, at least I don't think she would.
Would she?" I pulled a face, 'course she would, the crazy
little fool!
"I think Ruth is going to end up somewhere nice and secure,
I also think that you deserve a bloody butt paddling
after cracking me over the head like that! I couldn't
believe it really, not you of all people." He leaned over and
let his tongue flick my nipple.
"Well bloods thicker then water." I said weakly and felt
my quim thrum with anticipation.
"Really? You're Dad is the kind of man we have always
hated Becks, posh arrogant and seedy."
"He has good points." I shifted uneasily.
"Yeah? Name one ." Mickey blew smoke in a perfect 'o',
it broke up on my belly.
"He's a nice guy." Even I knew that was a lie.
"Piss off!" Scoffed Mickey.
"Ok! He loves me right? Loves me without wanting to
fuck me, or manipulate me, or anything really. Just
plain old fashioned dad-daughter love." (Yeah I know
he did try to manipulate me but I wasn't going to admit that
to Mickey.)
"I don't believe that. Even the Pope would want to
fuck you!" Mickey laughed.
"That's blaspthemy! And filthy! Patrick is just about the
most interesting guy I've ever met. I'm sorry I hurt
you, really I am." I kissed him.
"Mmm, still thinking of lezzing out on me?"
"Let's just say I need some persuading!"

I lay back warm, sticky and in no way aware of what
was going to happen, now, later or ever.

Which was just as bloody well.

Considering.

Becka M xxxx

KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS SLONG


Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink.
Hell no.
I drank plenty.
"Had enough?" Said Mickey as he pulled back my
hair.
"Nah, put me under again why don't ya?" I swear
my mouth..........
Icy water and the sound of my blood pumping in my
eardrums.
He pulled me up, I winked at him and smiled.
He roared and drove my head under again.
When Mickey pulled me up this time I allowed a
jet of water to arc from my mouth.
"Wanker!" I said as the moisture trickled down his face.
"Oh fuck this! I can't do this!" He shouted, the next moment I
was lying on the floor with him on top of me.
"God I've missed you." Mickey sighed.
"Have ya? I've been too busy fucking other men and having
sex in the street to think much about you." It was a lie alright!
But he had just attempted to torture me and after all that
LilacLace and Exit stuff he really should have known better.
"Cow." He said and rightly so.
"Make it up to me." I said generously.
"How about I fuck you to death?"
"Sounds pretty groovy apart from the death bit, how
about you just fuck me deaf so I haven't got to listen to any of
you stupid fuckers anymore? I'm definitely becoming
a lesbian after this, for sure!"
His hand was tracing through my pubic hairs making me
tingle and twitch. I moved it away.
"Stop with the foreplay and get fucking!"
And you know what, he did.



Becka Martin xxxxxxx

WISH YOU WERE HERE?

"Which part of fuck off don't you understand Mick?"
I said yet again to the foolish uber-cop who was
plumping (literally) for answers about my Father.
"You think you're pretty funny, what you don't realize
love is that the jokes on you. You are a slapper,
your the one now with her arse in the air getting reamed
out with the curtains open." This was punctuated with a
violent thrust of his hips.
"Look honey I've done it in the street with an audience!
You have nothing new to throw at me, so hurry up and
finished, I'm bored and more likely to come if you just
leave!"
"Bitch!" Snarled Mickey and lifted me (still attached) to
the bathroom.
"Boring!" I said with a yawn.
He swore under his breath and filled the sink with cold
water.
I raised my eyebrows:"Bit small for splash and tickle."
"I was thinking more on the lines of splash and interrogate."
His eyes sparkled then he drove my head under the
water.

Becka M

MAD BECKA'S 2ND ANNIVERSARY
14TH MARCH


Big thanks to you guys who have stayed with
me from the beginning and all the new friends
I have collected on route!


Becka M xxxxx

REWIND


The rest of the journey back to London was in the
silence that only comes with a total lack of respect
for the people you are with. It stunk big time. Still,
we managed to stop off for food in Little Chef which
is always good for social anthropology. Those Waitresses
are getting younger, wet behind the ears? Nah meconium
baby!
Alan is the only guy I know who can eat a sausage with
the same threat and menace as a pack of hyenas with
a gazelle.
Mal, well he was marginally better I guess, he stuck
to poached eggs on toast. Not much menace there, unless
he coughed I guess.
Me? What do you think, steak and chips and one of those
really disgusting banana splits.
Yeah and my banana had split, it was the black thread
of rot that went through it and my whole life really.
When Alan dropped off Mal it got even tenser, I really
wished I had an inhaler or something. His shoulders
were knotted, his eyebrows knitted, eyes slitted, I guess
his dick must have retracted in horror.
Fuck I love you, you stupid mad English Teacher.
I sighed.
"Ok." I said when we stopped outside mine.
Alan said nothing as I got out and then he took off at warp
speed narrowly missing an old lady and a Yorkshire
terrier.
Mmm. Better get in.
My flat smelt very stale and musty. Yuck.
But still fresher then when Ma and Jasper sat
smoking umpteen ciggies every second.
I slumped onto the sofa.
I heard a sharp intake of breath.
"Becks you are a naughty girl." Came the harsh and
sexy Mickey Straw drawl.
Fuck.
"Mickey....!"
"Don't say a word!" He snapped:"Anyway, I'm more
of a man of action, get on the floor girlie and spread'
em. Fucking strip search time!"

Strangely this relaxed me.

Becka Martin xxxxxxxxxxxx

LAZY ROTTEN RAINEX


She is still milking this flu thingy.


Becka M

RUTHIE'S RAMPAGE

"Ruth has flipped out and taken Justine hostage! What's
worse is she's nicked Angela's car and that is a fucking
nice piece of work, Chrysler very sexy, oh God my life!"
I held my head in my hands, I felt a nose bleed coming on.
Any blood and Alan was going to be wearing it. Bastard.
"What are you going to do?" He asked.
"Me?" I glared at him:"Nothing. Everything. First I have
to see Mickey, then we'll see."
"But why has she flipped? What would make a perfectly
nice girl like Ruth turn nasty?" Said Alan, his voice
dripped sarcasm like Pete Burns at a Baywatch reunion.
"That's Cute!" Laughed Mal.
I sighed, it was hard being gorgeous.
"Ruth has realized Justine is a poor substitute for me."
Alan laughed hysterically:"Oh God women! You are
all crazy!"
"No just the ones you screw." Said Mal.
"Don't I know it!" Barked Alan :"It's your ego Becka,
it will get you one day. One day you will be all alone."
I smiled:"I'll have a mirror."

Becka Martin XXX

MEN ARE FROM PENIS WOMEN EAT MARS

"We could stay ye'know." Said Mal:"At mine,
not face the music, talk, chill and shag like
bunnies!" His large handsome face devoid
of make up was like a movie star only bigger
and less shiny.
I gave him what Miss Pollard would call an
evil.
Being a bloke he was oblivious to this.
Alan being a prick, was not.
"Well you two can do what you want, I'm
going back to London." He managed to
curl his lip just so, in that way that made us
feel like extras from Goldie Looking Chain.
"Yes I want to go back." I turned to face Alan:
"I doubt that we will see eachother again, this
is way too messy." This was the end, really
really!
His eyes flashed angrily:"How dare you? I make the
rules now! You've led me by the dick for
nearly two years and in this time you have been
a foul and damaging influence. You Becka Martin
are a very dangerous person!"
"Get yew Prince Charming! Why don't ye jus'
marry the hin? Get on with it!"
Mal gave me his dazzling smile full of shit
and sincerity. "If aye liked pussy, yew would
be the one hin."
"Well thanks a fucking bunch." I lit a cigarette.
"I feel sooo much better now."I glared at him:"You
liked my pussy just fine."
"Sometimes I really think I hate you." Said Alan,
either to me or Mal but who cared as neither
was listening. We were eyeballing eachother like
Crystal meth-heads.
But as usual one of us weakened and grinned
like an ape. That would be me.
All I could think about was Mickey Straw, God
he would kill me this time.
I phoned Angela for some gentle clarity.
"Stop shrieking." Was the first thing I said to
her. "Shit." Was the next.
"Problems?" Asked Alan with all the warmth
and charisma of Jack Dee.
"No, just lesbian stuff, no biggie." I lit another
menthol.
"Just Ruthie is off the wall again and this time
she has taken Justine for the ride. Literally."
"What?" Said Alan.
"Just wait to you hear this!"

Becka M

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY GIRLIES
AND GEEZERS!


HOPE YOUR WOBBLY BITS ARE WOBBLED
AND YOUR WET BITS WETTER!

LUSH!

HARD WOMAN

That's me that is-hard. Cruel. Backcombed hair
and a cigarette. Is it fuck. I'm a soft sooky wuss
with as much fibre as a Wotsit.
"Bye." I said without looking up. Patrick and Catherine
The Geek got out of the car.
"That's it?" Said Alan:"No fulsome goodbyes or retributions?"
He had his sarcastic t-shirt on. I ignored him.
I tried not to watch my elderly Father and his drunken
witch wife totter off towards the airport.
"Yew are harsh!" Said Mal and he sounded shocked,
approving mind, but still shocked.
Patrick didn't look back.
"Oh crap!" I jumped out of the car and legged it after
them, aware of how ridiculous I looked and how
bad I felt inside.
"Pa!" I grabbed his arm, his ice-blue eyes sparkled:You
are still a filthy murdering arsehole, but....I love you!
Don't be a stranger huh?"
"Come with me." He said quietly:"New start for all
of us."
"Nah. Can't. Commitments and all." I smiled.
"Well I think.." Said Catherine, but we both shushed her.
"I'll be in touch. Such a pretty girl." Said Patrick and
stroked my face. I felt this awful glug in my chest
that threatened to have me weeping, snotty like a five
year old. I kissed him, wetly, hopelessly, I'd only had
him five minutes!
After awhile Catherine pulled him away.
I felt better.
Then I got in the car with the Fuckwit guys, oh
lordy.
Fucking handbags at dawn.
"Whatever you say, whatever you do, nothing will
fix this mess." Said Alan.
"Know what Al? I don't care, let it ride, let it be.
Whatever." Alan Hmmphed, I gave him icy
shoulders.
I texted Angie. 'WHAT'S UP IN LESBOLAND?'

I grinned, Mal laughed as he drove singing (badly)
Angels by Robbie Williams in the style of Billy
Connelly.
Alan made Charles Manson look right friendly.
A hitchhiker would piss his pants to be picked
up by us!

Becka M

TALLY 'HO!!

"Where exactly did you tell him to put his
dick?" Asked Mal.
I groaned, I'd only told him about 4 times already
but it was definitely tickling his fancy.
"I told him to stick it in a plug socket as he is such
a wet willy. Ok? Enough now, I need to think."
"Get yew!!" Mal chuckled happily to himself like
some giant ginger hen. Alan was not laughing.
He was tinder.
One spark and he would go off like a rocket
and not in a nice way.
I had called Mal a scheming, heartless she-he
who got off from getting between couples and
fucking them up (truly). But he had laughed
and agreed, what a good judge of character I
was! Which was not the effect I was after.
Patrick got the worst, I had said that with
every fibre in my being I was a Martin and if
I could vacuum the Beamish DNA out of my
body I'd happily do it now. I was repulsed by
him and hey, you know how tolerant I am of
odd folk. He said he was sad I felt that way, he'd
offered to help me and I had thrown it back
in his face like the guttersnipe I was.
Good, I said, better to be scum then to live
off scum. I called him a leech.
He warned me to be careful.
I mooned him.
No mean feat in a leotard I can tell you!
Catherine I had called a festering vapid vampire
(like all of her family really), but this did not
register on account of her being pissed.
So now we are on route to the airport in Edinburgh,
there, hopefully we can off load the old cargo to
S Africa where they can rot.
Alan Alan Alan.
If a body was anymore rigid the embalmers would
be there.
I'd charged my mobile.
11 missed calls from Angela.
1 message from Raine.
I'd phone Angie in a bit.
Sister-thing's message left me cold.

WHERE THE FUCK R U? M STRAW VISITED
NOT HAPPY!

Shit.

Becka Martin xxx

MEN AND MOTORMOUTHS

It's that morning feeling, you know, furtive
glances, shame, embarrassment, did I shag that?
I know it all too well, alas for Alan, eye contact today
was hard work for him and as for Mal! Sweet Jesus,
he looked all Bambi after his Ma had been shot.
Hmmm bet you are wondering if they had hot boy
action together? No? No actually, meaning yes,
oh fuck I've lost my thread. Mal gave Alan a blow
and Alan did enjoy it. Then he freaked out big time
and called us both a pair of cunts, how could we do
that to him? Then Mal gets all offended and accused
Alan of leading him on. Then Alan had a frenzy
so loud Patrick and Catherine shouted from their
bedroom for him to hush up. Then Alan and Mal are
shocked that Patrick is talking and demand to know
when he recovered.
Then I burst into tears and got completely ignored.
I felt like Jodie Marsh.
And now it is morning and Patrick is making everyone
French Toast (eggy bread for you dullards).
Dullards, I've been with Alan too long.
I wanted Sister-thing Raine, Ruthie, Alex and
Mickey Straw.
Not Eggy bread!
Everyone sat around the breakfast bar like The Last
Supper, I sipped my coffee and looked at Patrick's
face.
Boy was he pissed with me still!
Catherine looked like she had been sleeping with
the entire cast of Bumfights.
Alan looked like a candidate for Ritalin.
Mal looked like a Scottish Tranny, so manly was he
that he made Grayson Perry look convincing (though
still more convincing then Camilla).
"Well this is comfortable." I said.
Nobody replied.
"I hate you all." I said with feeling.
Then I told each in turn what I thought of them.
Not pretty.
Or clever.
But boy did it clear the air.


Becka M xxxxx

DELIRIOUS

Wipeout! The one thing I love about sex is the fact
you can lose yourself to your body's own needs and
impulses. I felt like a shucked shrimp laying there
with two men catering to my every need, every
twitch and jerk. Cool! Ok ok I'm a dirty 'ho, so what?
I just melted into a frenzy of tongues and fingers
exploring every inch and every taste of me.
If I was the Queen I would have that kind of treatment
everyday, I mean what's the point of a crown if
you can't make people do things to you? I don't know,
maybe she does, that's why old people walk so slow-
all the sex when they were young finally get's to them.
And their dicks.............mmmmmm
What a way to go, Alan gorgeous, mine, tolerant soppy
bastard. Mal, also mine in a girlie way, but he seemed
to also get a kick out of watching Alan.
All that thrusting.
Suits you Sir!
One moment I was sandwiched between two hot men,
next I'm riding on Mal's back whilst giving Alan a BJ.
Unreal.
Call me lucky.
Now if Ruth was here I would be in Fuck-Heaven UK.
Maybe even Mickey Straw.
Or the twins. Mmmm twins, now that would be a dainty
dish to set before the Queen.
I felt Mal and Alan both start to tense and strain, oh
come on! Not now!
But yes they came.
In me.
And that made me come too.
We lay sodden and sticky, just our breathing heavily to
show that we were still alive.
Mal's sexy eyes were watching Alan intently, next moment
he began to stroke Alan's firm chest.
"Don't." Said Alan, with his eyes shut.
Mal grinned and his hand slipped lower.
I held my breath.
"Don't." affirmed Alan, but his dick started to slowly rise.
Mal held the semi hard member in his hand and stroked
it's moist head.
"D..dd." Mumbled Alan, his face reddened and his eyes
opened. "Becka." He said.
"Go with it." I said assuringly.
Mal bent and kissed and sucked.
"Oh fuckedy fuck!" Said Alan.

Yep that said it all really.


Becka M

FUN WITH DICK AND BECKS

I remembered Ruth yanking down my knickers
and examining me like the consummate professional
she would be.
"Very nice, be prettier when you get a bit
of fluff." She commented.
"I suppose you are already covered in hair?"
I said, Ruth grinned and pulled down her pants
to show her hairless slit.
"Nah, no hair yet, I'm not sure if I want it." (Ruth
would later become one of the first women in
the UK to go for the Hollywood wax). She always
liked her lines clearly defined, even then.
We all thought she was odd, square even, who
would know she would be a trend setter
and a damn good shag?

I sat back on the lodge step grinning broadly
to myself like a nutter. Fucking Ruth! She
had me all hot and bothered. I decided to find
Alan. He shared the bed with Mal, the space in
the middle (for me) empty. Carefully so that
I didn't wake Mal, I sneaked in between them.
I began to stroke Alan's belly, enjoying the
smoothness and the crispy hair as I moved my
hand lower.
Mmmm.
He moaned and turned in the bed, seeing me he
smiled sleepily.
"Keep your hands to yourself." He whispered:"Though
it would be nice." The exibitionist in Alan could not
be quelled.
I pulled my top off and wriggled out of my panties
waking Mal accidently. He looked at me questionly.
I gave my head a tiny shake, he caught on and
pretended to be asleep, the bloody pervert!
"We will have to be quiet." I hissed and got on
top of Alan, stark naked with Mal watching me
through slitted eyes I straddled my prey and
gently moved my hips.
Mal was good, really good, but he could not hide
the sheet infront of him rising like a sail!
Good job Alan didn't see it, would have scared him
half to death! It was scaring me!
Alan grinned and fingered my clit as I rode him,
I reached behind me and massaged his balls.
He stopped grinning and reached up to suck
on my titties frantically. Mal's fingers snaked
out and began to stroke my bottom, that tore
it, I came to juddering halt. Alan bucked
and shortly came.
"Sorry." He mumbled, embarrassed he had come
so quickly.
Next thing I knew Mal was slipping through the
sheets and going down on me!
I was disgusted (yet strangely turned on) as he
lapped up my come and Alan's.
"What's going on? Oh I say!" Yelped Alan, he
began to pant like a man torn between doing
'the right thing' or just enjoying what was
happening. He chose the latter.
"I don't know what to say!" He said.
"Then shut up!" Said Mal throatily:"Ye taste
good hinny." Mal winked at Alan:" Don't ye
worry Pal, Aye will save ye some!" What he
meant by that I did not know, either Alan
was getting seconds of me, or Mal was going
to do the same to Alan. Whatever, I lay back
and thought of Daddy.
"This is depraved!" Said Alan.
I nodded, but what was a girl to do?

Becka Martin XXXXXXX

I PREDICT A RIOT

"You bloody little fool!" Shouted Patrick:"I thought
you had sense girl!"
Tears ran down my face, not only was my father a
murdering bastard, corrupt entrepreneur and
a Conservative MP, he was also very pissed with
me! I fought the urge to say sorry.
"I'm so disappointed in you, but then what did I
expect really? You came from the gutter!" Patrick
threw down his lit cigar butt which fizzled out in the
snow.
I sat shocked and trembling, bastard! I loved him
so much. I needed to get away now this second,
even another moment would be too slow! However
I was fully aware that I was miles from nowhere
and everyone one was asleep. The only thing I could
do was to travel inwards-to hide in a pleasant
memory from the past.
Strangely enough I chose Ruth.
"Whatcha doing?" Said the strange young girl with
the worst bowl haircut I had ever seen.
"What's it look like?" I snapped, she was scrawny
younger then me and obviously a loser.
"Dunno, that's why I asked!" She sat next to me
on the bench near the green on our estate.
"If you must know I'm writing a list of what I want
to get for my birthday."
"But the page is blank."
"That's because.....well never mind. Clear off anyway
I don't like you." I turned away from her:"And you
smell." I added for good measure.
"Charming! Well I think you and I will be good friends
when you stop being a cow .." She smiled:"Here
have a spangle." She passed me a sweet, grudgingly I
accepted it as I was a kid and that's what they do.
"Thanks." I said. I was aware she was staring at me.
"Pretty aint ya?"
"Prettier then you." I said.
She laughed:"I'm Ruthie, I know you, you're Becka
Martin."
"I don't want to know you, you are a funny kid."
I turned away from her.
"Look who's talking! Fuck it let's have a fag."
And there I began a relationship with nicotine
that has lasted many moons. Later that day she
would put her hand down my knickers, for a dare
that is.

Becka M