TALLY 'HO!!

"Where exactly did you tell him to put his
dick?" Asked Mal.
I groaned, I'd only told him about 4 times already
but it was definitely tickling his fancy.
"I told him to stick it in a plug socket as he is such
a wet willy. Ok? Enough now, I need to think."
"Get yew!!" Mal chuckled happily to himself like
some giant ginger hen. Alan was not laughing.
He was tinder.
One spark and he would go off like a rocket
and not in a nice way.
I had called Mal a scheming, heartless she-he
who got off from getting between couples and
fucking them up (truly). But he had laughed
and agreed, what a good judge of character I
was! Which was not the effect I was after.
Patrick got the worst, I had said that with
every fibre in my being I was a Martin and if
I could vacuum the Beamish DNA out of my
body I'd happily do it now. I was repulsed by
him and hey, you know how tolerant I am of
odd folk. He said he was sad I felt that way, he'd
offered to help me and I had thrown it back
in his face like the guttersnipe I was.
Good, I said, better to be scum then to live
off scum. I called him a leech.
He warned me to be careful.
I mooned him.
No mean feat in a leotard I can tell you!
Catherine I had called a festering vapid vampire
(like all of her family really), but this did not
register on account of her being pissed.
So now we are on route to the airport in Edinburgh,
there, hopefully we can off load the old cargo to
S Africa where they can rot.
Alan Alan Alan.
If a body was anymore rigid the embalmers would
be there.
I'd charged my mobile.
11 missed calls from Angela.
1 message from Raine.
I'd phone Angie in a bit.
Sister-thing's message left me cold.

WHERE THE FUCK R U? M STRAW VISITED
NOT HAPPY!

Shit.

Becka Martin xxx