MEN AND MOTORMOUTHS

It's that morning feeling, you know, furtive
glances, shame, embarrassment, did I shag that?
I know it all too well, alas for Alan, eye contact today
was hard work for him and as for Mal! Sweet Jesus,
he looked all Bambi after his Ma had been shot.
Hmmm bet you are wondering if they had hot boy
action together? No? No actually, meaning yes,
oh fuck I've lost my thread. Mal gave Alan a blow
and Alan did enjoy it. Then he freaked out big time
and called us both a pair of cunts, how could we do
that to him? Then Mal gets all offended and accused
Alan of leading him on. Then Alan had a frenzy
so loud Patrick and Catherine shouted from their
bedroom for him to hush up. Then Alan and Mal are
shocked that Patrick is talking and demand to know
when he recovered.
Then I burst into tears and got completely ignored.
I felt like Jodie Marsh.
And now it is morning and Patrick is making everyone
French Toast (eggy bread for you dullards).
Dullards, I've been with Alan too long.
I wanted Sister-thing Raine, Ruthie, Alex and
Mickey Straw.
Not Eggy bread!
Everyone sat around the breakfast bar like The Last
Supper, I sipped my coffee and looked at Patrick's
face.
Boy was he pissed with me still!
Catherine looked like she had been sleeping with
the entire cast of Bumfights.
Alan looked like a candidate for Ritalin.
Mal looked like a Scottish Tranny, so manly was he
that he made Grayson Perry look convincing (though
still more convincing then Camilla).
"Well this is comfortable." I said.
Nobody replied.
"I hate you all." I said with feeling.
Then I told each in turn what I thought of them.
Not pretty.
Or clever.
But boy did it clear the air.


Becka M xxxxx