I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY

So I'm standing there in my panties, bra and aura
of embarrassment with 3 dykes, a gun and hair that
badly needs a trim.
"The music has stopped, what next, charades? I-spy?
Hmm?" I was irked, that was an irked voice.
"Wait a fucking minute!:" Ruth fumbled with her cds
again (oo-eerr missus!) "This will do it, some say it's
a classic."
Kylie Minogue.
I Should Be So Lucky.
Oh what the hell.
It was classic alrighty.
I pranced around like one of those posh show jumping horses.
Except I didn't have a small fat girl on my back.
Don't ask me what I was doing with my rosette.
But my petite audience seemed impressed.
Lucky lucky lucky!
My bra sprang off like Spiderman jumping off a building.
I wiggled my arse coquettishly.
'Cept I didn't have a coq.
I eased my panties down to the ground.
How low can she go?
"See no wires, appliances or any Mickey Straw influences,
I'm as bare and pink as a prawn sarnie." I smiled at
Ruth. "What next? Mutual masturbation and a chorus
of Rule Brittania? Trip to McDonald's? "
I was talking complete gibber.
But I don't think anyone noticed on account they were
looking at my twat.
"Come here." Said Ruth, in a misty Brokeback Mountain
voice.
Hey that film did my head in, Gay Cowboys with sheep-
will I ever sleep again?
So I walked over, carefully avoiding dog poo and such.
Upclose Ruth looked rough.
Rough Ruth.
Justine looked terrified and transparent, I could see her
brain cell.
"This is going to be smooth, very smooth, trust me,
everything will be ok." Said Ruthie.
I hate it when people say that.
What happens in films when people say that?
Shit happens.
"I trust you." I lied.
"No you don't." Said Ruth.
"Course not, but I do hope you are not going to muck all
our lives up on a whim." I said.
Justine tried to shake her head.
"What's wrong with her?" I asked.
"Apart from being the world's most insular person
and a lousey shag you mean?" Said Ruth deadly serious
now.
"Mmm." I said.
"Could be she know what is going to happen next maybe."
Ruth smiled. Not a nice smile. A shitty smile really.
I really wanted to pee.


Becka M