5 MINUTE CHALLENGE

"What a fuckable man." Said Ruth and sighed.
"Yeah, he's a doll." Said Mal.
They were watching someone on the telly, I was
pottering in the kitchen, those life defining moments
of deciding whether to have Chicago Town or
Goodfella's pizza when both tasted of pap and had
the nutrition levels of a Maccy D wrapper.
No good I was going to have to speed dial Dominos
again, who cares that they support The Mob?
I dialled for a Hot One extra chillis and mushrooms.
Coming into the room I heard something that
made my blood go cold.
"He is fine! I'm asking Becka to sort me out with
a hook-up, it's the least she can do." This was Ruth
and she was talking about MY father Patrick!
Because of the Election the press were interviewing
a dead-already Tory, Pa was hovering in the
background talking to one of those women whose
hair never moves.
"We were just discussing your Da." Said Mal.
"Apparently!" I glared at Ruth.
"What's that face for? He's a man isn't he? What's
wrong with that?" Ruth looked very angry.
"He's married." I said, then remembered he was
married to Catherine, Dead-girl's aunt.
"I want you to introduce me to him properly."
Said Ruth, determined bitch aint she?
"He saw your snatch at the wedding and he
thought you were disgusting." I said nastily to
hurt her.
"Oooh, I'll make some drinkies shall I hens?" Said Mal
and disappeared sharpish, the big scaredy wuss.
"So he didn't like my twat? So what? Maybe he can
shove it up my arse, who cares! Ask him over
pronto." Ruth looked at me with her insane green
eyes.
"What are you doing? Trying to work your way
through the whole fucking family?" I snarled.
"Maybe. Not Raine though. Call him up, Patrick,
now."
"You spoilt brat!" I kicked the waste paper basket
over. "What do you think I am Dial- a- shag?"
"No, you are too much of the amateur for that."
Ruth grinned at me, she knew she had won the
saucy minx.
"You never had any complaints from me." I
stared at her cute face.
"Yeah, that's right, but I'm easily satisfied, had
to be with a lousy lay like you." She pulled out her
pink tongue. And wiggled it. I took that as a
challenge.
"Mal!" I shouted.
"Aye?"
"Stay in the kitchen for five minutes will you?"
"Why?"
"Just do it!" I turned my attention to Ruth:"I guarantee
you will come on my tongue here and now."
Ruth grinned. "And what if I don't?"
"I will call Patrick and arrange a meeting, if you
come, kiss it all goodbye." I looked at the clock.
5 minutes.
"Alright then!" She yanked down her Kylie-knickers
to reveal her perfectly pruned hoo-ha.
"Right." I said and licked my lips as I drove my
tongue home.
"That will never work!" Screamed Ruthie laughing
like a drain. "Tickles more then anything else!"
I poked a finger into her and I knew I'd nearly
I had blown it. For sure. Pardon the pun.
"Yowl! Do you ever cut your nails? Jeez!"
I pretended it was Uma Thurman and lost myself
in the taste and smell of her, I could feel muscles
tighten, everything was slippy wet, I could have
taken her pulse it was so near.
"Nearly." I said.
"Yes. Damn you." Said Ruth through gritted teeth.
The Mal dropped a whole teapot on the kitchen
floor, SMASH!!!
I sat up.
"Five minutes!" Laughed Ruth, then as and after
thought came on my finger the ho.

Becka M