ME IN THE CORNER

Can you imagine the fallout from the wedding? Somehow
I managed to offend people that didn't even attend-so this
must be something of a record for me.
Patrick-well I bet he wished he'd been shooting blanks in
the 70's.
Alan-so handshakingly angry with me-he can't even
look at me.
Angela-well hello dole queue!
Justine-watchout for voodoo curses
Ruth-she thinks it's funny (well she would-wouldn't she?)
Alex-not at all surprised, seems to think this is normal
behaviour for me.
Mickey-he's actually the only one who asked if I was
feeling ok. He said I was a nutter and pinched my nipple-hard.
Mal-said he's glad he's my friend and now too scared to
consider the alternative.
Max-gave me his teenage-anx stare (oh give me a break
kid! It's not my fault your Mother is a lesbian and a
power-crazed cow)
Skinner-who gives a damn what he thinks?
Sister-thing Raine-More angry then a roomful of
hornets, furious that I could be so stupid.
D-well if he spoke he'd probably be pissed off with me.
Ma-narked that I showed myself up in front of Pa-
because of course she brought me up so bloody well
like a laydee, yeah right, take all the credit Ma!

So I feel wretched now, haven't been to work all
week and nobody has phoned to see if I'm ok.
Well Mal did pop over and say that I could work
at his shop, if I'd accept minimum wage.
And Raine brought me over some Baskin Robbins
ice-cream, chocolate nut fudge, yum. (But she
did shake her finger at me)
So my birthday wasn't exactly favoured in a good
light, bad timing. God that should be the name
for this blog. Maybe.
Ruth sent me a card with a photo of Prince Harry
dressed as a nazi-boy and a crude picture doodled of
me with a bare arse. Nice. Oh and a voucher for a
tattoo at a local parlour. Maybe. But most importantly
an I.O.U A NOSEJOB written on a used condom
wrapper. Sweet touch.
Alex sent me a bottle of Vera Wong perfume. Lovely,
not really me though-I'm more flowery (whatever anyone
thinks!)
Alan got me a box of Godiva choccies and a small
silver bracelet from Tiffany's. Gorgeous but last
year he bought me a Vespa (wonder what happened
to that bike? Oh how it gleamed) I'll be using a
mobility scooter before long. I think maybe Alan's
going off me bigtime.
Mickey brought round the biggest erection I have ever
seen. But I sent them both away.
Sister-thing,D and Aidan also took me out for a
dinner in our local Italian. Aidan through a mussel
from Raine's pasta at me and it twanged off my
nose. Does everything have to hurt me? Apparently
so.
Skinner turned up late last night, with piercing blue
contacts and a thumb claw.
"What do you want fuckface?"
"When are you going to learn to call me Master, my
dear?" He said pleasantly.
"When hell freezes over?"
"Pretty chilly out here and South London is hellish."
He grinned to reveal his vampire teeth, I shivered.
Ok he has a small dick, but he's very good at other
things.
"Make me say Master." I challenged.

Oh and he did. And Mummy and crumbs.

Becka M