THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO POO

When I am an old lady I will have to have a
bag or something similar as I will be paying for
all the shocks I've had lately.
Don't even know if my bowel is going to last
until my 40's at this rate, the wedding has
turned my innards to jam.
We arrived at the Thistle hotel where the
wedding was taking place and I was ok at
this stage then Alan said: "What are you going
to say?" "Excuse me?" I frowned at him.
"What are you going to say in your speech,
you are Best man after all." He grinned at
me, the evil sod.
Mal gasped.
"Ah hin! Have 'ye not prepared anything?"
"Shit on a stick." I said.
Ruth burst out laughing.
"Queeeen of the fuckwits! What a stupid bitch!"
And cackled away merrily like an old gal sitting
knitting at the gallows.
"Becka! Think fast then." Alan's eyes sparkled
darkly, not that I could actually look him in the
eye, not after the way I had behaved with Mr
Mickey.
I kept having flash backs, Mickey kissing and
probing every inch of me with his tongue and
putting me on his enormous boing. When he fucked
you-you stayed fucked, no return.
I kept feeling his breath on my neck, his dick in
my snatch, up my arse and in my mouth. It was
torture. Now this shit.
Speechs.
"Help me Alan, you are a writer, can't you write
something for me?" I rubbed his arm, it didn't
work.
"Oh no, you can sort this one out yourself!" He
sniggered. Mal seemed to be the only one not
laughing at me, no instead he was ogling my
father.
"Ah Becka! He's fantastic! Now I see why you
are so pretty! What a fabulous man!"
"Hands off!" I hissed:"Mal can you write?"
Mal laughed:"Nay, I canae just about read!"
I looked over at Patrick standing there looking
like Harrison Ford at his best, all
dark and dangerous. His wife Catherine stood
by his side. Oh dear, she reminded me of a
sheep. Something to do with the eyes. And the
hair. And the bovineness. Could see where Justine
got her transparency from. Ick. These people
needed blood. Patrick caught my eye and winked,
then looked away. I felt myself warm inside.
Our secret. Nobody could take it away.
Sean dragged Alex in like she was a piece of
body art so closely attached was she.
A few power lezzies, then I caught site of Max,
Angela's son standing there looking like a
lost Edward Scissorhands all Deppish and
awkward.
"Hey!" I said and kissed his cheek.
"God you're nose looks ugly." He said spitefully,
I could see that he was nervous though, the
chewed fingernails and tick in his temple were
proof of that. I decided to let him live.
"Look no hard feelings Maxi, this is your Mum's
day right?" I stroked his cheek.
"This is fucked." He snapped and walked off
leaving me standing there all embarrassed
like you are when someone walks off mid
conversation.
"Penny for them!" Said a simpering voice.
I turned and looked into the wolf-stylie
pupils of Skinner.
Whoah! That was change of knickers number
One.
Becka M