CRINGE-WORTHY

I am a good friend to Ruth, too good, she doesn't
deserve me, or I her. Yes Becks fixed it for her,
total humiliation hook-up with Pater-lovely!
Arse.
It was the first time I had spoken to dear Patrick
since the wedding from the Black Lagoon.
"Hey." I said unsure and embarrassed.
"Oh I wondered if you would phone, such bad
behaviour!" Then he laughed and I knew that
it was going to be ok.
"Sorry, I can't handle my drink."
"Funny I have a wife like that!" Oh so Catherine
drinks. "Still it was entertaining, you were a big
hit with that bald policeman."
"Oh?" I said my face flushing, damn that Straw!
"Yes, he said that you were his kind of woman,
whatever that may mean. Probably not your
type though, judging from the man you arrived
with."
Alan.
"Oh that was Alan, he's my boyfriend. He's
great, but not very happy with me at this
time."
"Hmm, he seems a bit too mature for you on
many levels. Still he seems a gentleman, a
lesser man might have abandoned you for
that girl without the knickers after your
little speech." He laughed again.
"No Alan hates Ruthie, talking of which."
I explained that Ruthie was a big fan of
the Conservative party (ha ha) and that
she had a special interest in politics and
wanted to have his autograph so that she
could show her fellow ladies at the WI.
I could practically see his eyebrows rise.
"Hardly-you are telling porkies aren't you?
What a lousy liar you are especially being the
daughter of a politician! Now tell me what you
want and no more embellishments. WI please!"
I groaned.
"Ruth has the hots for you, could you
meet us for a drink or something?"
I felt like a pimp and a really bad one at
that! My own Father and he was a stranger
I felt like the lowest heel ever. Practically
an espadrille.
Total silence.
"Are you there?" I asked gritting my teeth
in agony, say I lost him now because of Bitch-
face Ruth?
"Yes I was just shaking my head as I seem
to have developed galloping senile dymensia.
I could have sworn that you wanted to set
me up with that little blonde strumpet."
"I do." I whimpered.
"I don't know what to say."
"Just a drink I promise, if you like her
then you can make your own arrangements."
"My, you sound like your Mother!" He laughed:
"Oh what the hell, why not? You set it up and I
will be there. Better get some Viagra."
"Oh don't!" That was too gross.
"I'm an old guy, what is this Ruth expecting?
I'm not the most romantic of fellows."
He sounded sad.
"It will be ok, call me when you want to
go out."
So that was how we ended it.
How cringe-worthy!
Becka M