CHOCCIE DUNKIES AND SUGAR DUMPLINGS

Mothering sunday was the worst, sitting el commando
in my Juicy Couture (not juicy or couture) .I felt like
time stood still, only punctuated by Ma's heavy breathing
and Raine's tooth grinding. Jasper of course was the
letch from hell, kissing me and feeling my butt at the
same time (why is is when you want gas you never have
any?) Little Aidan was bored rigid, but he was a good
excuse to leave early and dine on Maccy D's.
Ma mentioned Patrick briefly i.e "Handsome bugger
isn't he?" With a wistful look. I shuddered, sex, elderly
folk, nah not doing it for me, yeuch.
On returning I took the longest bath ever, with a
beautiful rose scented bubblebath Ruthie was saving
for best, but I used it anyway.
Afterwards I lay on the couch just wrapped in a
towel and a fine dusting of Yardleys lavender talc,
love it, love it! Alex say's I smell like an old ladies
crotch but then who would know? My little titties
looked like sugar dumplings mmmm!
Just on the off chance I phoned Alan:
"Come over here." I said just like that.
A pause.
"What for?" He said.
"Because I'm clean and naked and I want you to
lick off my body powder and make me grubby
again!" I felt my self moisten and I squeezed my
knees tightly together.
He growled and put the phone down. Time past.
Blast.
He's not coming.
I always piss him off.
Maybe he's on his way.
Maybe he's not.
Am I pushing him too much?
Who gives a fuck?
The door sounded after 15 minutes.
I dropped my towel and opened the door
dramatically.
"Whose a naughty boy then?" I said.
Damn Pools man.
"Whoops! Sorry, I thought you were, someone else."
I laughed, christ he had to be about 80!
"For you honey I could be anybody!" He laughed and
sold me a coupon.
How humiliating.
But he did show-10 more minutes and he was doing
all those things with your tongue they never teach
you in speech therapy. (I had that, I was a slurrer-
still am after enough brandy).
"Oh Becks!" He moaned as I tried to insert a probing
finger into his anus. That stopped him for a minute.
"What are you doing woman?" He demanded.
"Feeling the merchandise, very nice, very fuckable.
Come on, pull on the dunkie!"
He froze.
"Fuck." He said.
"You haven't?" I said.
"I bloody well have you know! Frig!" He hit
his forehead in frustration, already the magic
wood was drooping.
"Hold that thought!" I said and slapped his arse
roughly, I ran through the house like a mad
woman. Condom raid! Alex and Ruth's drawers
were raided (you know what I mean!) nothing!
Nada! Herpes infested harlots! Where were the
dunkies? Then I remembered the choccie ones,
bought as a laugh from the pub, we had put them
on bananas and made ourselves sick one night.
Very mature-very us.
There was one left, still in it's little brown packet
stuck onto a KFC packet of salt. Eureka!
"Here we go." I said and chucked it at his head.
"You know what that means?" He said glowering
at me. He held it like it was The Grail itself.
I shook my head.
"It means a blowjob first." He grinned happily
(ciggie stains creeping back-I am a bad influence).
"Ok, but don't you dare come ! We have but one
chance of happiness." I warned.
"I will do." He nibbled my clit:"My." He licked my
nipples:"Best." It wobbled there like the biggest,
sauciest dong in the world.
"It looks obscene!" I laughed, then I stopped talking.
It was nice, hardly Haagan Daz but ok in a synthetic
sort of way. Then he slipped into me and the overwhelming
smell of ovaltine hit the air.
"Move that arse soldier!" I said, I love Alan for a scrawny
sparrow he can give it some wellie! He lifted me easily
and had me up against the wall, all the while I could
smell the cocoa, bit off putting really, but I was so in
the mood.
"Love you! You crazy cow!" he said.
From that man that was poetry!

Becka M&Ms