ALL THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT

Before I tell you what Ruth said, I just have to share
this experience with you. I awoke in the night to find
a warming hand on my belly, first of all I did not know
where the fuck I was, secondly it felt rather nice. Then
crystal clarity! I was at home, laying on my make-shift
bed on the couch, who was touching me? Jasper!
"Get off me you bastard!" I shrieked and gave him a
rabbit punch to the chest. His sickly grin was replaced
by a sickened expression and then he keeled over!
"What's going on?" Said Mother hurrying into the living
room (although she had found time to light a fag on the
way).
"This lump of shit just touched me up, bigtime!" I
screeched, Jasper sat groaning on the carpet, his
eyes watering and his skin a livid, mottled red.
"I did not! Becka was uncovered, I merely replaced her
quilt, then she attacked me!" He glared at me.
"That's rubbish you dirty old tosser! Tell the truth!"
I snapped. The Ma swiftly slapped me twice across the
face.
"Rebecca you are lying! You can't get a man of your
own, so you make trouble for mine, I've had enough of
you-pack your bags and get out!"
"But...whatever you say, why would I want to stay anyway?"
Jasper grinned at me triumphantly from behind my viper
Mother. "Your'll get yours!" I hissed.
I grabbed a bag and began to bundle up some clothes,
I was crying, how could I still cry at 34? I called a
cab and headed for Sister-Thing Raine's.
She opened the door with her eyes shut and her hair
fuzzing out like a halo. I told her what had happened.
"It figures." She said wearily and gave me a sleeping
bag. So I have moved to another couch-deep joy.
Ruth? Well that didn't go too badly, although I don't
think we will ever get back our old 'pre-shag'
relationship. She said I was a scumbag and a cheat but
she would rather have me as I was then not at all.
"I have to work on my jealousy issues." She admitted.
"I have to stop shagging all and sundry." I said.
"Mmm, we'll see, so 'The Shit' got married, wonder if
Estelle will have any little skidmarks?" Ruth grinned
evilly.
"It does not bare thinking about." I shuddered, all that
time with Jeff and now he mates with a fluff-brained
moron. Men. He would make a good dad though.
"So what are you going to do about Alan? Bless your heart?"
Ruth smiled at me and I knew that perhaps it was going to
be alright after all. In time.
"Alan? When I think about him my heart goes all whoozy
and my head hurts."
"Sounds like love." She said.
"Sounds too late."
Becka (homeless) Martin.