WHEN SHAGS COLLIDE

Strange days indeed, being intimate with Ruth, having
fun with Mickey. What am I going to do with that man?
(That I haven't done already!)
I finally told Alex (as she is going back to Sean)all that had happened. She could not believe the stalking part. Who could-I hadn't got my head around it!
"What's wrong with that girl's head? I'll smack her in
the mouth!" Said my hero.
"No Ruth's got problems, but we're working them out." I
then told her about the sex.
"Fuck off! No really?" Alex's eyes were like gobstoppers.
"Yeah-I have a feeling that it was probably a bad move.
Never shag your friends, but it happened." I felt all shy
and silly.
"You do complicate things! Bloody hell, it's like incest!
You don't fancy me do you? Don't be getting any ideas!"
She warned me.
"No Alex, your not my type." I admitted.
"Oh yeah? What's wrong with me then?" She demanded.
"Nothing! Your lovely, but I don't fancy you."
"I'm better looking then Ruth, I'm a model after all,
what's not to like?" She grumbled away.
"Anyone would think you wanted me to like you! Do
you?" I scanned her face.
"No I don't, cheeky cow! But all I'm saying is, I'm
a looker, if your going to be gay now, then surely I would
be your first choice?"
How do I get out of this one?
"Darling I am not gay! Not even a little bit, it's just
sex, really nothing at all. I don't want Angela, Ruth,
Jeff, Mickey or Max. Just Alan and when I get him back
he is going to be my only one."
"That's not going to happen! I think you've scared
Alan off for good. Sean says that he's really happy now
with Pru."
"Did you have to tell me that?" I snapped:"Anyway I'm
going to do my best to get him back, I'm sure he loves
me really. He did buy me a Vespa." I imagined Alan
curled up reading sloppy love poetry to Pru and my
stomach lurched. "I feel quite ill, he can't love her,
he just can't!" Not when he had me!
"Easy babe! Anything is possible, look it's my last night,
let's go and see Shirl at The Twisted Gut and maybe
take on LilacLace, wind up old Grady-chops!" She smirked
and looked at her wedding ring:"I'd like to shove this up
his arse!"
"Well put like that how can I refuse?"
We glammed up in Stella MCartney rip-offs, looking
sharp and lovely as ever. (Ok maybe Alex did look the
best but I can dream can I not?)
In The Twisted Gut, aptly named as my stomach was
buckling under the strain, I could see Max sitting all
alone in the corner and Ruth laughing and joking with
Shirl at the bar. Two shags in the same bar, not a good
idea at all.
"Oh shit! Alex, look Ruth and Max! What shall I do?"
"Be cool, buy me a drink you cheapskate and a fucking
bag of crisps!" Trust Alex to get her priororities
right!
Ruth's face split into a sunny smile when she saw us,
especially Alex and hugged her tightly. Perhaps she
was already pissed as she did not seem to notice how
cold Alex's reception was.
"My best girls! Lets drink to The Fuckwits!" And
ordered us some brandies with Babycham.
Max shuffled over in his goth-turn-the-lights-out
way. I smiled at him. I regretted sleeping with him, but
he was a pretty little thing.
"Hello Max." I said lightly.
"My Mother? How could you! I hate you!"
He picked up a drink from the bar and promptly poured it over my head! I licked my top lip, everyone seemed transfixed. Shirley roared first:"Max you little
wanker! Get the fuck out of my pub!" He legged it (as you would if a Goddess came at you with her hooves).
"What the fuck was all that about?" Asked Ruth and
patted my hair dry with a teatowel.
"Oh that's Max, Becka's toyboy, she's also shagging
his mother." Said Alex most unhelpfully, Shirley
glared at me. Oh dear.
"I warned you to stay away from that kid! You pervert!"
"He is 20! I'm not a prevert, really." I wailed.
"I don't want to do this Becka, but you are barred! I
told you to steer clear and you went and did it anyway.
Now out!" Shirley's nose practically had plumes of
smoke coming from her nostrils.
"You slept with him and his mother at the same time?"
Squeaked Ruth. She was backing away from me with a
horrified look on her face.
"No! Separately, I didn't know they were related!"
(Unlike Ruth who had taken on a whole family, although
she was so discreet, nobody ever knew).
"You are a monster!" Said Ruth quietly. "God know's
what I've caught from you!"
"Who the fuck are you calling 'monster'? At least she's
not some crazy postie bitch!" Snapped Alex. Happy days
indeed.
"You told her?" Ruth looked hurt and shock.
"Well maybe a little." I admitted.
"Becka?" Said Shirl.
"Hmm?"
"Your still here! Now move it!"
Needless to say it was just Alex and myself who went
on to LilacLace. Ruth left in tears. So much for a
rekindled friendship. Ruddy Max! I'm sure he's ruined
my jacket. I'm getting far too old for this shit.
Becka
p.s Hello cheeky girls.