FIRE AND ICE

I felt brilliant it's funny how little things can make
your heart soar. Alan phoned back, I had to take the call
in the toilet away from Mother's prying ears.
"How are you then?" He said and his voice was pure magic,
working it's wonders on my intestine's down to my pubic
bone. What could I say? I'm so lonely-I'm indulging in the
oddest fuck-fest this side of Pervert City. No I said:
"I'm fine! How's Pru?" As if I gave a shit about the evil skanking bitch!
"Yeah, she's ok. Hmm, been missing you." His voice was
so quiet.
"Excuse me can you repeat that?"
"I've been missing you." He said.
"Wait a moment let me get this clear, whom exactly have
you been missing?"
"You! You daft bitch!" He laughed aloud, such a happy
sound.
"Well that's alright then!" I was thrilled, really I was.
"Have you missed me?" He asked hopefully.
No-I've only thought about you every moment of everyday.
"A bit." Playing it coy, see?
"I'll bet you've not exactly been a nun though have you?"
Alan asked.
"Not exactly. Mind you it depends on what kind of nun
you are thinking about." Lesbo rampant nun? Fuck
the priest nun etc.
"Hmm, well I didn't expect you to remain celibate."
His voice sounded warm though, he did not seem at all
angry with me.
"Well you have been with Pru-I mean are you getting
back together properly?" I bit my lip, very Ruth like-
but apt in this circumstance. I just waited for the body
blow.
"No, she's lovely, far too good for me. But I keep thinking
of you."
How am I supposed to take this? Pru was too good for him
so what did that make me?
"That's not a bouquet Alan-you make me feel like second
best." My lip was in danger of being chewed off.
"Never. You will always be my number one."
"So what are we going to do about it?" I asked.
"Well I think I should come over, don't you?"
"I think that would be a good idea." My heart was soaring,
I did a little dance, then was amazed to find I was floating
from the floor up to the ceiling.
"Alan! I'm flying!" I trilled.
"That's because your dreaming, you big moose." He said
most ungallantly.
"Alan?"
"No."
"Alan?"
"NO! Wake the fuck up Becka!"
It was a dream, it was a shitty, bloody dream! Angela
stood glaring at me.
"You are on very thin ice lady." She warned.
Blast.
But Alan did phone up later, although the content was
not the same at all.
"Becks it's Alan, have you a moment to talk?" He asked.
Once again to escape Mother, I took the phone to the loo.
It was like an action replay, I was so excited.
"How have you been?" I asked quickly.
"Fine, I hope you've been looking after yourself,
eating a few vegetables maybe?" His voice was pleasant,
but not intimate.
"A few." I felt the balloon in my chest slowly deflate.
"Look I'm phoning because I want you to hear this from me,
nobody else. Becka, I'm getting married to Pru-soon."
I sat down on the toilet seat.
"No!" I said loudly.
"Excuse me?" He asked.
"I said 'Oh'. If that's what you want, are you happy
Alan?"
"Very happy, look I must go, but I just want you to
know I enjoyed being with you for the short time we
had together." I would never be 'together' again.
"Me too." I murmured. So that was that.
Becka