WOOD-WET, DRY, ETC CONT...(U)

"Mal are you sure your gay?"
For he was doing a pretty fine impression of a
heterosexual and a darned alpha one at that!
"No, give it up." He said and began to slam me ragged
against the side of his sofa. Anal was fun, not my fav,
but pretty cool as far as fucks go.
"We had better be quick, Alan could come back at
any second." I warned. How would I explain that one?
"Bloody hell!" Said Mal and came spontaneously,
bastard.
"I didn't mean that quickly!" I said through gritted
teeth, I was nowhere near coming and left high and
dry!
"It's just Alan, when Aye think of him Aye get
goosebumps." He grinned;"You must have noticed,
he's smashing."
I was the one shivering now.
"What? You like Alan? My Alan?" I must have looked
as thick as Jade Goody, my mouth was hanging open.
Mal grinned.
"Ye are not the only fishee in the sea!"
"But!" I exploded:"Alan is straight and he's mine, you
ginger bastard, hands off!"
As if on cue Alan shuffled in, covered in flecks of snow
and a shit kicking grin on his face.
"You never will believe me but I think I saw something
move in the Loch!" He smiled like a school boy.
"Isn't he adorable?" Whispered Mal.
"Yeah and nuts, hey Al, ever take it up the arse?" I said
nastily.
Alan's eyebrow did a Spock rise.
"What a thing to ask!"
"Oh of course he did, he went to public school." Said Mal
knowingly.
Alan shuffled again.
"Well that's not strictly true Mal, but some people
experimented."
"And you?" I asked, big hypocrite queen that I am!
A further shuffle:"Any one for tea?"
Mal exploded with laughter.

Becka M

WOOD-WET AND DRY PART ONE

Have you ever driven to Scotland with a Drag Queen,
a Witch, a Cadaver and a pissed off boyfriend? No,
neither had I until recently.
I'd call it brisk.
Yes definitely brisk.
Like cold water chucked in your face.
Alan was certifiable by the time we had reached Mal's
lodge in Inverness.
He fell out of that car and crawled pathetically along
the rough shale path.
"Get up!" I shouted.
"I'll have you know that I'll never be able to do the
Rumba again!" He groaned bitterly.
"I'd love to see you Rumba." Purred Mal and helped
Alan to his feet. He had car-legs, you know when
they don't work properly after a long drive.
Cars, don't make them for long legged folk, I guess
they think we can walk everywhere. Short arses,
hate them. Oh sorry Raine!
I helped Catherine get Patrick into his wheelchair,
he still wasn't quite back yet, his mouth was open
but he seemed to be breathing better.
"We look like a careparty!" Laughed Mal, he had a
point, Alan held onto his arm glaring like a male
Medusa with his unruly hair blowing every which
way.
Very heroic.
Unruly hair, should be in a Harlequin book really.
Alan would fit.
Mal wouldn't, mind you Mal wouldn't fit in Sex and
the City, the dirty boy!
I could still feel him inside me, wooden and slick,
my own personal Maypole.
"C'mon pur-leaze! Let's see what the Auld shed is
like now! Hopefully it is still dry."
Shed was not the word, it was lush, thick sheepskins
on the floor, leather sofas, spotlights, a stainless steel
kitchen and an outdoor hot tub!
"It'll do." Conceded Catherine.
"Oh Aye am pleased!" Said Mal with deep sarcasm.
I think we were all happy that it was in such good
condition, it was more then I had hoped for.
Trouble was there was only one bedroom which
Catherine and Patrick bedded themselves down in
faster then the speed of light.
We would have to sleep in the lounge-cum-diner
as luckily the sofa could turn into a bed.
I'm going to have a look at the water." Said Alan and
strode off with the torch towards the loch. I just
nodded foolishly, truth was I could hardly look at him,
he was the best, my main man, my boo and my honey,
but I still needed more.
He was not enough.
For me.
I was alone with Mal for the first time since
our encounter. He beamed like a naughty schoolboy.
"Mal, you know what we did was bad, you are
gay, well at least I thought you were!"
"Aye am gay! Did you think your slick little
pussy, silky breasts and firm arse would
change the direction of my cock?" He looked at
me challengingly. I gulped, what could I say.
"Well, yeah ."
Mal threw back his head and laughed.
"Oh Becka what are we going to do with you
hinny?" His warm hands reached for me and
were soon inside my jacket.
"What do you want to do with me?"
"Turn around." He commanded.
I was about to take it like a man.

Becka M

WHO ATE ALL THE PIES? WHO ATE ALL THE
PIES? YOU FAT BASTARD, YOU FAT BASTARD
YOU ATE ALL THE PIES!

"I am never going to eat a pie again even if it's cooked
by Gordon fucking Ramsey." Groaned Alan as he hunched
over the steering wheel like someone on the brink of
dysentery (which he was!)
"Well aye thought it was mildly pleasant." Said Mal.
"You are Scottish, you eat deep fried Mars bars and
sheep stomachs!" I retorted as I felt like I had some
hot curry sauce of my own going on in the boiler!
"Well Mr Ramsey himself is a Scot!"
"Have you heard the fucker speak? I've never heard a
Scot speak like that!" Said Alan.
"Stop ganging up on me!" Mal squeezed tighter between
Catherine who was asleep with her mouth open (good
teeth, no fillings!) and Patrick who looked ever closer
to easing himself out of his mortal coil!
I was dressed like Madonna (I kid you not) in tights,
a fucked out leotard and a bomber jacket that made
me look like Huggy Bear with tits. Red and pink and
even, gulp, leg warmers (drag queens always have
to tinker with a look).
"Mal!" I screamed when I saw what he had packed for
me:"You Goddamned fucking freak! Don't you realize
real women like to wear proper clothes, not drag!"
"If it's good enough for Maddy......."He laughed,
But he wasn't the one getting the evils from, like,
everyone! We stopped at a petrol station as not only
did I need to take a dump, but we did need petrol!
I stagger across the tarmac like some 70's nightmare,
Madge is Madge, but I'm Becks, I'm meant to
be skinny and slinky and dressed beautifully.
I cannot always do high fashion. I'm as thin as a model
but it hangs wrong. I look, well, soppy.
"Hey look at that! She forgot her trews!" Laughed some
toothless fucker standing next to a hairy goon
with a baseball cap that said NEW COCK CITY.
"Oi love do ya think I'm sexy? Do ya want to touch
me? Come on sugar let me know!" Screamed the
idiot with the hair.
I let him know alright:"Kiss my arse!"
"See? She does fancy me!"
"Yeah and you can see most of it anyway!" Laughed
Toothless.
I hate my life.
I returned to the car to see Mal and Alan laughing
together (at me who else?) like a couple of fairies.
"Cunts!" I hissed.
"Aye am so jealous! What truly lovely men, Becks
you always pull the best." Twinkled Mal.
I looked at him coolly:"No always." I said like an
ice chip, his mouth looked hurt, good, lucky I
hadn't punched him in it.
So we were set now heading towards Inverness
and more mayhem.
But all I could think about was Mal's huge dick
slipping in like that, oh dear maybe I need a
pussy lift or something?
The guilt certainly gives me an edge, oh and
not smoking, the car is too packed to smoke and
Alan drives like a nut so we should soon be there.
Then I will smoke 101 menthols in a row and
breathe like a dragon.

Becka M

MAD WET AND BLOODY LUCKY!

It was silly but such fun! Me and Mal
splashed eachother in the tub like children,
although we were very aware of our bodies
so close and intimate.
He was beautiful, truly lovely, like a stone
Adonis brought to life, but put it this way a
fig leaf would have been far too small!
Mal's dick was like a rolling pin against my
back and his hands delved every now and
then into my pubic hair much as a child would
raid a sweet jar, furtive and cute.
We soaped eachother all over and suddenly found
that we had grown silent, this was serious.
I was very aware of his breath warm against
my cooling skin.
"Mal." I whispered confused.
"Sssh." He gently turned me so that his dick rested
between my buttocks.
"We are not going to do this." I said as much to
convince myself.
"Aye have never be'en with a hin as beautiful as
you."
"Can't do it." I shook my head violently:"You heard
Al, not good, friend's and all."
"Let me just rest inside you a moment."
Like silk he slid into me, filling me up and rising me
in the water like a mermaid! Everything with Mal
was big and dramatic, why not the sex?
For a second I shivered against him, feeling his back
arch lovingly and my pussy swell and ache with
him. So full, pizza, gateau and beer full.
I grinned like Noodle in Gorillaz.
Then I heard the swipe card in the door and Alan
walked in. We had been so turned on that we had
not notice time ticking a whole 20 minutes had past!
Time froze now. Mal stopped breathing and I felt
myself hovering on the edge of orgasm, I longed
to move.
Anything could happen in this stretched out
reality.
Alan shook his head:"I knew you two would be in the
bath, hurry up and get out, I've got some of those
God awful pies from a service station. They must
taste better hot then cold although that is not
saying much. Oh that Catherine is a bitch by the
way, she didn't even say thank you for the vodka!
Patrick seems a bit more awake, I'd go and see
him if I was you." He shook his head again. "You guys!"
He bustled off as only Alan can bustle.
He hadn't noticed at all.
I clamped my hand over my mouth and came hard
against my lovely Mal, whose eyes were shining
proudly.
He withdrew still erect and unspent.
"Am Aye not the butch one?"
I laughed shook up and flame legged, one day Alan
would boot me from his life for my shenanigans.
But not tonight.

Becka M

SEX ON A SHTICK


I walked across to Mal, naked, unashamed and
horny as hell, I sat firmly on his lap and pulled
his knee between my thighs and squeezed
tightly.
"What are you doing?" Asked Mal.
Alan groaned.
"Becka I am tired." He said flatly.
"C'mon here then." I held my arm out invitingly.
Mal shifted uncomfortably.
"No I'm tired of all this bullshit."
How many times had I heard that from him?
Countless and he always came back for more.
Always would.
"Don't be that way! Come here I want to taste
you."
But Alan for once wasn't having any.
"No I shall attempt to find a shop to buy that
old harriden some booze, if I don't come back
it means that I have finally realized all of this
is senseless." He reached over and kissed my
cheek.
"You will come back though?" I was worried.
Alan shrugged:"Yeah of course. Look, don't
fuck Mal eh? There's a love, he's our friend,
it's stupid."
"Aye agree!" Said Mal, though his hands were
stroking my arse lovingly.
"Spoilsports!" I stuck my bottom lip out childishly.
Once Alan had gone Mal suddenly stood up and
pulled me to him.
"You are gorgeous! Let's bathe together!" He
carried me effortlessly into the bathroom and began
to top up the bath water I had left.
He was soon naked and he had the biggest cock I had
ever seen in my life!
"Bloody hell!" I squealed delightedly.
"Hands off Missus! This is for the boys!"
Whilst the bath filled I did my best to contain my
excitement .
It was already dribbling between my legs!
In the bath I sat with my back against his
chest, I could feel his dick hard and long bobbing
lusciously against me.
"Oooh Mal!" I laughed.
"Who would have thought it?" He mused.
Not me, but I was feeling it now and it was dead
firm and sexy.
Pity he was gay.

Beck MMMMMMMMMMM

TWITCH TO YOU

The receptionist looked at us wearily, in a Travel Inn
with a high turn over of clients, she must have seen
everything in her time.
We looked good though, me in filthy green scrubs, Alan,
well Alan always looks odd in his all black clothes.
Mal supa-dupa bling-chav fairy , Pa comatose in
a wheelchair, Catherine dried out corpse fairy.
We probably made her night.
Mal paid and we were given swipe cards for our rooms.
Pa and Catherine had a disabled room, but me and the
guys had to share a family room as that was all they had
left. I looked at Alan ouch!
"Great." Muttered Alan in a distinctly un-great way.
"Young Lady can you direct me to the nearest bar."
Said Catherine The Geek in her rude superior way.
"Sorry, the bar is closed." The girl smiled slightly, like
someone who had come to the end of their shift and
did not give a shit. I liked her.
"Well that's just not good enough!" Shrilled Catherine.
"Easy Tiger." I said and patted her arm:"I'll get washed
up and then I'm sure I can find an all night garage or
shop." Truth was I could do with a drink myself.
Catherine looked tired and reluctantly agreed to go
and wait for her booze.
After tucking the oldies into their room, we began to
make ourselves at home in ours.
I ran a bath quickly and stripped off, it had a shower
but all that driving had made my back ache like a
motherfucker. Only a bath would do for that deep
down clean.
I had left the door open and Alan stared in at me,
disapprovingly of course!
"Shut the ruddy door!" He commanded.
Mal peered at me and his eyes widened.
"You have a nice set of tittie hin."
He really stared, Alan shut the door irritably,
I just heard Mal say:"Aye must be coming down
with something, Aye could swear , my dick
just twitched!"
"For fucksake!" Shouted Alan:"Now even the
gayest bastards want you! What are you-
The Second Coming?"
I laughed in my bathtub:"Second? What about third
or fourth?"
"Bitch!" Scowled Alan.
Sadly I was turned on to think Mal of all people would
find me attractive.
I rubbed myself pathetically under the water, gosh
wouldn't it be nice to masturbate in front of Mal?
Or to get caught doing it! Jeez I was sixteen all over
again!
"Alan hon, I need you, now." I said in a weedy whiny
voice.
"No." Said Alan. "We have a guest with us, have some
manners."
I felt pissed off, the cunt! Why he had had me shagging
in public plenty of times, I wasn't going to do it in
front of Mal, I just needed it now!
"Manners!" I roared and jumping out of the tub walked
stark naked into the bedroom. "You should treat
me with some respect-I asked for you, you should
bloody come!"
Mal started to laugh.
"This is like Dynasty, only nastier!" He clapped his
hands together with joy.
Alan looked shocked that I would do this.
"Becka have you lost all of senses? You are acting like
a slut."
Slut? Boy he hadn't been born!

Becka 'Messiah' M