WAKE UP AND SMELL THE HOO-HA

"Where to hot Mama?" Said Alan in a faux
Hispanic accent (just why he said it quite like
that was beyond me). Mind you I could have
been hallucinating again, don't call me mad for
nothing you know!
"I don't know, I'm just so pleased we got out
of there! What do you think Catherine?"
"I think my husband is waking up." She stroked
his cheek and yes Patrick's eyelids were fluttering
like butterflies.
"Patrick!" I bellowed into his ear.
"He is not deaf you know!" Hissed Catherine.
"I am now." Mumbled Patrick.
Alan nearly crashed the car, we swerved perilously
like the fugitives we were.
"Alan! Chill pill!" I snapped.
"Fuck off!" He shouted back cheerily, love this man's
bones I do.
"What is going on? I'm not dead yet am I?" Said Patrick.
"No, you are in hell with me and your lunatic bastard
daughter, she duffed up that Copper you know, Straw."
When she said Straw I'm sure I could see her eyes
glisten, dirty old cow.
"Did she?! Well done, don't worry I was on to him
all the while." Patrick yawned and I was impressed
to see that he had nearly all his own teeth, rich bastards
good teeth, no morals.
"I love you Pa, I really thought you would die and you
are in sooo much trouble." I realized I was crying
when tears dripped onto Patrick's pale face, Catherine
watched us like a sphinx (only she was smaller and
not Egyptian).
"Sorry to break up the hearts and flowers!
This is not going to last long if we don't have a plan,
tell me where I'm going! Mickey Straw will wake
soon, shit will hit the fan and the Cops will be crawling,
not to mention the Press." Said Alan in his usual
dramatic way.
"Take me home." Said Patrick.
"Home? Are you crazy, that's the first place the Police
will look!" Hissed Witch Wife from hell.
"I mean South Africa." Said Patrick and you could see
he was already there, glass in hand looking like the
Man from Delmonte and smuggling something
naughty down his trousers.
"I don't have enough petrol for that!" Laughed Alan.
But Patrick was serious.
This was not going to be easy!
Becka M