OFF

"Come on please Becka, take it off it will look
soooo much better!" coerced Quinn.
"Leave her alone, let her do what she feels
comfortable with." Snapped Alan.
I was sitting under Alan's tree being photographed
by the sex-twins, talk about putting you on
the spot!
"I want it off, so much more natural." Said Jude.
"Go on Becks, take it off, we won't laugh honestly."
Wheedled Quinn.
"I personally thinks she looks very nice wearing
one, like a lady." Said Alan (my hero).
"She's a laydeee!" Said Quinn in a Little Britain
voice.
"It will look wilder without one, freer, more
you Becks." Said Jude.
"For Chrissake take it off ! If anything just to shut
these two up!" Groaned Alan. He had on a panama
hat, that would have to go.
I sighed, I had to give them what they wanted,
with a pause I watched the three men looking
at me intensely, then I took it off, slowly,
deliberately I let it fal to the ground. All eyes
were on me. Cool just the way I like it.
Or rather I should say out, the small butterfly
clip that held my fringe back. My hair flopped
messily to my cheekbones-a restyle was long
overdue.
"That's better." Said Quinn.
"What a star!" Said Jude.
I shook my hair and laughed as Alan rolled
his eyes in exasperation.

Becka M

LETS HEAR IT FOR THE BOYZ

I'm still staying here at Alan's, he won't let me
leave he says, until I have somewhere half decent
to go to. Mmm, part of me says, yay he loves me,
part of me thinks, he doesn't love me enough or he'd
ask me to stay permanently. Anyway I'm here and
loving every minute of being a proper girlfriend!
I had a close call this morning.
The too close bit was when I awoke still sleep rumpled
and drowsy to find the sexy twins Jude and Quinn
sitting on the end of my bed looking for all the world
like the very worse kind of temptation.
"Hello Becka!" Said Jude and leered.
"Gorgeous." Said Quinn with his usual warmth.
I was naked, if I had a dick it would have been hard.
"Uh hi guys." I mumbled suddenly shy (funny that)
and pulled the duvet tighter around me.
"What are you two doing in here?" Says Alan:"Out!
Come on, in the kitchen." He looked at me with
exasperation, I hadn't done anything! Except in my
head! Trust Alan to think of me in that Mrs Robinson
way!
We breakfasted together, almost like a family and
the twins enthused about going to Australia, this
was it they said, they were moving on with their
lives and starting their own business as photographers.
"Lots of sexy people to take photos of on Bondi beach."
I said through a mouthful of streudl, Alan feeds me the
weirdest stuff honestly.
"No." Said Jude:"We are going to work solely in black
and white and take photos of the lost souls. You know
winos, prostitutes, street kids."
"Sounds cheery." Said Alan.
"Can we snap you Becka darling?" Said Quinn and
under the table squeezed my knee. I choked on a
piece of apple.
"Because she looks like a prostitute?" Said Alan and
there was a warning edge to his voice.
"No, it's your broken nose, it's gorgeous, so odd in your
lovely face, it's disfiguring but beautiful." Said Jude.
"That is what we want, marred beauty." Said Quinn.
"Well thanks a fucking bunch!" I snapped and rubbed my
nose:"Maybe you would like to pay for a nosejob for me
when you've hit the bigtime?" I rose from the table with
my cheeks flaming, bastards!
"Don't be like that Becks!" Said Quinn:"We wouldn't hurt
you for the world! And of course when we could afford
it you can have anything!"
I sat down again.
"Continue." I said.
"Oh you sad mercenary bitch." Said Alan and began
to read the times.

Becka M

SOAPY NICE

Alan doesn't have so much as a six pack as a
rack of ribs, so skinny is he. Still I traced each
rib with my tongue and paying attention to his
nipples, I chewed hard. Alan like most men is
take it or leave it with nipple play, why, he says,
play with them when you have a nice hard cock
to hand? Because I want to that's why! I had him
yelping, hopefully in pleasure! He rubbed soap
into my breasts with his silly, school-boyish
enthusiasm, I decided that he needed to be
taught a few lessons.
I began to work my way down to his already
twitching dong, our first attempt had been brutal
and sweet but he was far too excited and came
only after about 3 minutes. This time I was in the
driving seat and hell was this mother going to ride!
"What do you want from me?" He said teasingly.
"In the bedroom now!" I shouted.
"Get you." He said and carried me from the bathroom
to the bedroom, leaving large wet footprints (those
very same footprints that I would slip on in a
couple of hours and hit my head off the coffee table.
But that was 2 hours away!) All the time I licked
and bit (like a scrabbling puppy really) any flesh
I could reach.
"You are insatiable! I'm never going to be enough
for you am I?" He said ruefully and plunged me
onto his chocolate coloured quilt.
"You are enough, just do as I say Mr!" I put on
my stern dominatrix face.
"Oh please, you are not with Skinner you know!
Can't we have straight sex without all your
antics?"
"Nope! Lay back!" I ordered, he rolled his eyes
like the long suffering sap that he was.
"Take that face off!" I snapped.
"It's the only one I've got!" He laughed.
"Enough of your cheek! Talking of which, turn over!"
"Fuck off, if there is one thing I hate, then it's
my arse being manipulated."
"Not you're choice! Now spread them soldier!"
I sat on his warm back, still slightly wet and
smelling delicious.
"You are not serious! Hello, my prick is on the other
side!" He laughed.
"Yeah? What about this then?" I inserted a finger
into his rectum.
"Becka!" He growled, I bared down and pushed
my weight onto him. "I could rape you if I wanted."
"That's it!" He roared and suddenly I was rolled
over and he was on top.
"Like it rough? Rough it is!" Snarling to reveal his
mad teeth he began to thrust into me as hard
as he could.
"That's nothing!" I laughed, he pulled me up so we
were sitting face to face and he began to yank
at my hair, my breasts, everything really! I
shuddered on him and sank my teeth into his earlobe.
"Ouch! So she's not over yet then? We'll see about
that!" He stuck out an arm and knocked his phone,
water, books and glasses flying to the floor from
his bedside cabinet. I was plonked unceremoniously
on it.
"Gee Alan, there is no need to put me on a pedestal
really you know!" I giggled, he smiled for 1 second
and began to use the cabinet as leverage for his
thrusts, bloody hell it made a racket and a half!
Worked though, I was soon riding high on another
great orgasm, this time he joined me.
We crashed to the floor and laid there panting.
Later that night he would ask me to stay (to
clean up the mess!)

Becka M

TOUCHING

"Oh no, what do you want?" Said Alan, only
partially joking as he opened the door to his
house. He looked very put out and rumpled,
his black and grey streaked hair flopped onto his
face and he was dressed in a grey t-shirt and
and black joggers, bare feet.
"Nice way to talk to me!" I kissed his cheek as I
pushed past him.
"Do you know I get a headache everytime I see
you, talk to you or even think about you. Why
do you think that is?" He asked and led me through
to his dark and stylish kitchen.
"I have that effect on some people, could be worse,
could be a tumour." I grinned at him and opened
his fridge. Mmm chardonnay yum, I began to look
for the cork screw.
"Oh that's a lovely thing to say and why, may I ask,
have you brought all your stuff with you?" He looked
scared bless him.
"I just want to stay tonight, if you don't mind, tomorrow
I'm looking at some rented flats and bedsits." The cork
came out with a pop I sniffed it, Alan watched me
intensely.
I poured two tall glasses of wine and passed him one.
"Thanks." He said:"I was actually saving this wine
for a dinner party next week, but ok we'll drink it now."
(That was his way of telling me off for being a cheeky
cow and not asking him first before I opened the bottle).
"What party? Who are you taking?" I asked with interest.
"I'm there to make up the table as they have a spare
female, don't worry about it, I'm not." He sipped his drink
and looked away.
I frowned, now I was getting a headache! I hated the bitch
already.
"Well tell her hands off! You have me remember?" I pouted,
in my head she was a young glamorous blonde of about 24,
perfect teeth and tits like watermelons.
Alan smiled tightly:" I have you? I don't think so, I know
you cheat on me Becks. I must be crazy being in love
with you." His mouth looked very bitter, I had to
cheer him up.
I gulped my wine and decided to ignore his remark.
Instead I took off my clothes and stood there naked.
"Fucking hell." He said thickly.
"I'm just having a shower." I said (some people seem to
think I have a hygiene problem, can't think why Lindy!!)
"You are welcome to join me if you want."
I walked past without looking back, inside the cubicle,
he had one of those fantastic power showers, I set it
to massage. I began to soap up and for one horrible
second I thought that he would not be joining me.
The screen pulled back and there Alan stood, still
dressed, wine glass in hand, head on the side looking
at me approvingly.
I splashed the spray at him. "Come in, I said and
tweaked my nipples, ah this was great, it was washing
away the stain of Jasper and all the other shit.
So Alan climbed in, still dressed, wine glass and all.
"You daft bugger!" I laughed.
"Daft about you!" He set down the glass and began to
peel off his soaking clothes. His body so thin and
muscular, never and I don't care about Jeff or Mickey,
have I been so turned on by a body.
I knelt down and began to to roll my tongue around
his dick, not quite a blow, more of a swirl. He pulled
me up urgently, turning me around he stuck his
dick deeply in from behind. I sighed. This was what it
was all about. His hands held my breasts tightly,
quite painfully, I could feel his back arching, his legs
trembling with the strain and pleasure.
This was what it was all about!

Becka M

ALL MARBLES AND BALLS

I came back to Ma's flat clutching a bunch of
carrier bags and a little worse for wear because
of the Hardluck pie. Wonder why he called it a
pie when it was a cakey concoction? That's the
Scots for you, they call a skirt a kilt after all.
I had made a decision, I was going to have to pay
Jasper back, not in a vindictive sense (though that
would be nice) but in hard cash. I'm not a whore.
I changed out of my incredibly smelly clothes
into a neat black Next T-shirt and a pair of Diesel
jeans, also clean knickers, very nice indeed!
Ma was out (good) but Jasper returned just as
I was sorting out my items and trying to work
out how I was going to pay the old stiff back.
He grinned like the Lizard he was.
"Very lovely." He purred:"I likes a girl who
takes care of herself." He picked up my dirty
knickers and sniffed them. I tried not to let
it faze me.
"Do you mind?" I said smoothly retrieving them
from his hot little hand.
"Listen thanks for that loan I'll be working soon
so I'll pay you back Jasper."
"What? No love I thought we had an understanding."
I was suddenly aware that although he was shorter
then me and had more years then a tortoise, he was
a man and a strong one at that.
"I thought it was sweet of you to help me out, but I'm
going to be ok now and I won't be needing anymore
money from you." I smiled, hopefully it looked innocent
and sunny, but you never know with my face, perhaps
I was scowling. He looked confused.
"Wait, what about the sex?" He said his eyes darted
in reptilian fashion.
"Oh that! Sorry about that, I must have been pissed,
nevermind it's all over now, we mustn't tell Ma though
right?"
Jasper smiled:"She would be so angry, she would kick
you out on the street."
My turn to smile:"Oh no, my Ma might be stupid but
she is shrewd, it would be you that would go, love,
I'm going now anyway."
"What do you mean?"
"Which part do you not understand? I'm going now
as in going , which means that you are staying, but if
Ma finds out it's you in the gutter Sunny Jim (I'd
always wanted to call someone that!)
He paled.
"You little bitch!" He snarled.
"You old dog!" I returned. We faced eachother until
all the staring was done. Then he put the kettle on
and I walked from that flat with my head held
high, now if I could only find the money to pay
him back, a place to live, a decent man, a job,
a life. Anyone of those would be a start I suppose.
I sniffed the air and smelt the coffee, something
had been lifted and I felt good! Just needed James
Brown to sing it out and everything would be
dandy.
Becka M

p.s this post is dedicated to Gdayscott, will
miss your blog honey!

TALK TALK

"What's that film with Demi Moore and
Robert Redford?" Said Mal leaning with his
back against mine as we sat on the grass watching
the red arsed Baboons.
"Indecent Proposal?"
"That'll be it, that's you that is, 'cept she got 1K
and you got a few bob!" He laughed shaking against
me like some giant Scottish nit.
"Up yours!" I nibbled on Hardluck cake and enjoyed
the warmth it gave me and the funny eye burn.
"This hasn't got anything illegal in it has it Mal?" I
said dubiously when he'd unwrapped the large
cake.
"No, it's just fruit cake, everyday you just drizzle
on somemore whiskey until it's drenched. This
one has had about 2 bottles of Johnny Walker!"
It really was potent, gorgeous and syrupy.
"Just don't drive, operative machinery or look
after small children." Mal warned.
"Drive? That would be a fine thing!" I told him all
about Aunt Pat's Vespa watery end.
"It's sad, but maybe it's time to put away such a
teenage thing, maybe get a car even? You can
drive me, I hate driving, scares the shit out of me."
We sipped some wine, oh dear grape and grain,
headache city.
"Maybe I will get a car, but for that I need a job,
I need somewhere to live and I need Alan to stop
being such a twat! I'm sure he's gone off me."
"Poor Alan, it's you hen, you are the one who
can't commit. Maybe you need some counselling,
or bromide!"
"I thought you would be on my side! And then there
is Mickey of course, he now loves me madly even
though he's married with trillions of kids." I bit into
the cake, things were looking decidedly blurry
and fuzzy around the edges.
"Mickey? Are you crazy woman! He's to die for!
Alan is a sweetie but Mickey my god! I get hard
just looking at him!" Mal passed me the wine bottle.
"You get hard looking at Jack Dee for fucksake!"
I elbowed him.
"Well he is funny, oh fuck, look, that's us!"
Mal pointed to a bench under a tree, sitting there
was a man and a woman, their ages were hard
to tell as they were weathered and dirty. The
man was drinking a bottle of Night Train Express
and the woman was trying to read The Star upside
down, she also had a carrier bag on her head.
Superstyling.
"Shut up! Many a true word spoken in jest!" I
warned.
Then the man stood up, stretched to reveal a
dirty checked shirt under his holey tweed
jacket. But the clincher was when he said to
the woman: "Are you coming now hen?" In
a broad Glaswegian accent.
"No fucking way!" Said Mal.
"Yes that is us." I said sadly:"Or it might be."
"Fucking hell, maybe we should leave."
We looked at eachother in horror, the poor guys
and they really could have been us once.
"Let them leave first." I said.
The pair shuffled past us, the woman caught
my eye, her eyes were very blue and red rimmed.
Then she farted loudly.
"Yes definitely you Becks." Whispered Mal.
Once they had past we dissolved into uncontrollable
laughter.
"I love you Becka." Said Mal and kissed my head.
"Aww shucks!" I did a goofy face.
"No I mean it, I really love you, I had been so lonely
and you are so funny and nice." He squeezed my
arm. I looked away he had tears in his eyes.
"Time to go Mal, when the 'I love you's' start,
always time to go." I kissed his hand: "Will you still
love me if I fart loudly in public?"
"Wouldn't be the first time."
"And I dressed crazily?"
"No change there then."
"And I wore a carrier bag on my head?"
"Depends on the label, now get up and lets
sober up and start sorting out our lives. I want
a boyfriend and you need well, everything."
"We sound like a really cheap and nasty Will
and Grace."
"No I'm much better looking then him."
"And me? Am I prettier then Debra Messing?"
I fluttered my eyelashes.
"Hell no! She's quite a looker, but I'll tell you
truthfully hen, you are prettier then that
Baboon!"
A particularly hairy ape grinned and slapped
it's arse at us.
"Well." I said philosophicaly:"At least she's a redhead."

Becka M

HARDLUCK PIE

I was meeting Mal outside London Zoo, I had
phoned him and told him everything. For that,
he said, he'd close his shop as he was just waiting
to hear the juicy details.
"It's alright for you!" I scoffed:"You haven't been
finger fucked by a cadaver!"
"It sounds disgustin' did he have old men's scraggy
balls? Did his arse hang down?" Mal was obvious
enjoying my demise. He was getting quite shrill and
squeaky.
"You shut up! Bring something for us to eat and
some fags." I hadn't eaten for a few days and my teeth
were tinged with nicotine.
"Yeah, ok, I'll bring some hardluck pie!"
"Hardluck pie? What's that when it's at home?"
Was he trying to take the piss here?
"Ahh you will see, be right up your street! You
can bring something to drink, oh and change your
knickers you dirty bitch!" He laughed at his own
humour.
"I wouldn't laugh very much if I had hair like you."
I said quietly.
Mal bit it. Had to the vain git.
"What's wrong with my hair?" He said irately.
"Not much, just colour, texture, length, smell,
everything really!" I giggled.
"Fuck you!" The phone was slammed down,
in my mind's eye he was already looking in the
mirror. Sod him. He once told me that he thought
his hair looked like a young Robert Plant's. Big
mistake, the teasing was relentless and I sang
Whole lotta love about 50 thousand times
and I still think it's pretty funny!
Still haven't been shopping, gasp of horror, I
think I might have to borrow a pair of Ma's
knickers! Will shop on the way back from lunch,
Mal can advise me. What am I reduced to?
I wished Ma and Jasper would just fuck off. I used to
be happy once in this little flat. It was mine
and I loved it. Waiting for my pie.
Becka M

CRAPOLA!

Ok I once did a psychology course, you can infact
use your mind to do many great and wonderful things.
I used it in this instant to blot out the strange, nasty
old cunt and focus instead on the very lovely Johnny
Depp. You do this by keeping your eyes SHUT!
So it was Johnny who gently slid my knickers down
(the ones with the see-thru heart), it was Johnny who
placed a finger on the sharp bone above my clit
and pressed down firmly.
I began to feel myself moisten and ooze, I felt that
weird, prickly feeling that meant I was very close
to coming.
"You are lovely." Said Johnny, how I wished he was
dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow! So he was, complete
with gold teeth and eyeliner.
I was throbbing but still he touched nothing vital, instead
he teased me by tracing the shape of my landing strip
hairs and stroking high between my thighs.
I moaned with desire, my nipples poked through the
ridiculous tart's nightie like walnuts on a whip.
He reached down and began to lick the edges of my
pussy.
"Please!" I mumbled, I needed something substantial,
a finger, a dick, anything to fill the aching hole with
something hard and unyielding.
He didn't have to touch me, I felt his breath warm
on my labia and I had the most stunning orgasm
ever! I wrapped my legs tightly around Johnnie's
neck!
Then I fell back into my sumptuous, sex torn bed
on the sofa.
Then something banged against my lips.
My eyes snapped open.
Old hanging dry balls and a dick that looked like
it had been pickled slapped against my face.
Jeez!
"Get the fuck Off me!" I roared and pushed him
away. He laughed.
"Always another time Rebecca." Jasper said
fondly.
"Have a coronary why don't you?" I hid under the
pillow. After awhile he left me to it.
I counted the roll of twenties, £200! Well that would
start my wardrobe off again.
But I felt bad, like a whore or something, Jasper!
I did not want to think about it!
Later that night I began to dream that I was on a
cruise with Alan and Patrick, both had white suits and
stripy Breton style tops. They smiled and raised
glasses of wine to me. Alan waved a roll of money
which seemed odd and Patrick seemed to find
this funny, I shrugged and looked away. Then I
could see Ruthie and Alex sunbathing and I felt the
sun warm my skin. I smiled, then I realized I still had
on the nightie, I looked around for something to change
into.
Then Captain Jack Sparrow was capering along,
I laughed and he pulled down his trousers
and showed me his dick. It was Jasper's old tool!
He was saying:"Take it in your mouth dear."
I woke shaking and sweating. I cried into my pillow,
what had I done?
Becka M

RESPECT MOTHERF***KER!

Inevitably, I heard the door of the lounge begin
to open. Remember TOMMY? Jasper really was
Keith Moon's Wicked Uncle Ernie personified. He
shuffled across the room like some side scuttling
spider, all arms and legs and bulbous body. If I
saw his dick I would be sick, I knew it.
"Look Becka it's like this." He said and sat at the
end of the sofa, I automactically straightened my
nightie to make sure straw nipples were not peaking.
"I'm an old guy, getting older by the second, I love
ya Mother dearly, but I've got needs that she doesn't
care for anymore."
"You are talking about My Ma right? The woman with
more lovers then her kids have had hot dinners?"
Men all the same, blame the woman.
"It's true, maybe it's her age, whatever, I'm not getting
any and I've got you dancing through my head every
night." He reached out to stroke my hair, I recoiled
as though he had scalded me.
"Get off you!" I hissed, trying hard to keep the stupid
nightie on was becoming a real struggle. "You are
a dirty old man! What make's you think I'd ever look
at you!" I looked at his with deep revulsion, get the
point wrinkly, it aint ever going to happen!
"I know you don't fancy me, I'm old, finished, but then
again have you wondered what it would be like to be
a rich man's plaything?"
"You are not that rich." I said with some scorn. His
fingers were beginning to pull the edge of the duvet,
I felt so vunerable and also something else. Powerful.
He wanted me, desired me and I could say no to this
one, if I wanted to, which I did of course, but.......
"Just let me touch you between the legs Rebecca,
just let me stroke your little pussy. I've cut my nails
and I'll be dead gentle." Spittle wetted his bottom lip,
ugh like some drooling dog after a bone.
"Fuck off!" I said.
Then he put his hand in his pocket, oh shit would it
be a knife or a gun? Would he force me to do it?
I began to pant quite loudly.
"Shit." I said, he smiled.
"This is for you." He played a very nice, neat roll
of £20 notes under my pillow. "No strings, just let
me touch you there."

Becka MMM

GRIMM TIMES

Today was the kind of day that The Brothers Grimm
would have approved of. Dark, moonstruck people
(not Cher too hairy) scary old ladies and wolves.
Moonstruck would have been me-this was because
Ruth decided, hey let's make Becka homeless again
and also break every Motorhead CD she possesses
into smithereens (what a cool word). How they shone
in the gutter. Oh and my clothes, what clothes? Ruth
had gone into frenzy mode and hacked them up with
her hairdressing scissors.
"Sorry." She said and smirked:"I still want you out,
but I went too far with the clothes." She admitted.
"So you are going to replace them?" I said as I retrieved
my toothbrush from a bar of Imperial Leather.
"No."
"Just great Ruth!" I snapped, I began to look for
the keys for my Vespa. "Keys Ruth." I said through
gritted teeth.
"Oh your keys are down the drain outside Geoffrey
Chaucer School. The bike is in the Ching!" She
laughed.
Aunt Pat's Vespa!
"I'll kill you!" I screeched and wrestled her to the floor.
2 minutes later she was on my back with my arm
being broken slowly. I could taste the carpet.
"Whose the daddy?" She said madly.
She was of course. I had nothing!
Before I left she gave me a letter. It was a letter of
dismissal from Angela and my severance pay.
Shit. No job, no place to live. No clothes, no bike and a
soapy toothbrush, could the day get better? Well at
least Mr Howard resigned.
I phoned Patrick.
"Hard luck." I said like the hypocrite I am.
"Hmm." He said aware that I couldn't give a toss.
"Mr Howard is a bit of a Big Girl bad loser isn't
he?" Had to be said, rude not to.
"It's just our way, but I suppose it was rather
dramatic. How are you?" I could tell he was peeved!
I told him (some of it) and tried to laugh. Didn't work,
hopeless blub bubbles came out instead.
"Where will you go?" He said with some concern.
"To Ma's I think, I'll be fine."
"Do you need any money?"
"No." I said firmly, he was too new in my life for
that.
"If you need anything...." He trailed off, I heard a
woman laugh in the background."Phone me."
He finished.
So I went to see Ma, why you say did I not go
to Sister-thing Raine's? Because D had a toothache
and men like D who say nothing are the worst
when poorly. Alex and Sean were still shagging
like rabbits and Mal was also too new in my life
to impose. So Ma's it was.
Here's where the scary old ladies come in, seen
Ma? Then you will know. Makes Joan Crawford
look dead cuddly.
"Wotcha want?" She said with all the love of a
mother crocodile.
"I want to stay." I said:"I've nowhere else to go."
"What about that poncy boyfriend of yours, Eric."
"Alan. No." The last thing I wanted was to show
up at his bare arsed and desperate.
"Come in then."
Jasper, perverama himself sat like some kind
of perma tanned Michael Winner, he grinned
showing his gold eye teeth.
"Missed you Becks." So there was the wolf.
"I haven't got anything to wear in bed." I
admitted to Ma later.
"Here you can have this." She said and gave
me the kind of nightie that would make a
porn star blush. Short, red, far too big in the
breasticle department for me.
"Lovely." I said weakly.
"Very lovely." Said Jasper and licked his top
lip.
Do you think if I scatter breadcrumbs I
might find my way home?

Becka M

PIMP 'HO PARK

I am almost a dole-bunny, almost. Still haven't
been to work. Right, I managed to hook-up (if
that's the right expression) Ruthie and Pa, for
a picnic in the park. Very Butterflies, just needed
Wendy Craig crying and looking miserable and
we would have been there.
Patrick arrived first and looked gorgeous in his
grey linen suit, like the Man from Delmonte
'cept I wanted him to say no.
He kissed me on the forehead and rubbed my
nose.
"Still swimming in the ugly pond Rebecca? Where
is your friend?"
"Probably on her way, sit down, talk." I patted
the bench next to me, he sat we talked.
"Do you think this is appropriate?" I said.
"Today sitting in St James Park waiting to
meet some young hottie when I should be
doing boring stuff like helping my party win
the Election. Hell no Rebecca, what are you
thinking about?"
I laughed.
"Politics huh?" I said and shrugged.
"Life is political, everything you do, everything
you say is an act of conscience." He took out a
small cafe au lait cigar and lit it.
"You sound like a Newager!" I laughed.
"Hardly." He said and blew the smoke through
his nose. I loved him very much.
"Go home, run." I said suddenly and pulled him
to his feet.
"Why? I was all excited about meeting Ruth!"
He said in mock protest.
"Bad idea, bad girl, bad Becks. I'll phone you,
meet you for lunch sometime?"
I really felt relieved, fuck Ruthie.
"Have to be after the Election now, you will
vote for my party of course?" His vivid blue
eyes exactly like mine twinkled.
"Hardly!" I said teasing him:"Now go before
we get caught!"
I waved him off and turning I was confronted
by a livid Ruth.
"Where the fuck is he going?" She screamed
into my face. She was quite scary really.
"Away. From you, bad move Ruthie starting
on my Dad." I allowed my self the luxury of
sneering.
"I won't forget this." She said and began to stride
off."And you can swing for the nosejob you bitch!"

Not exactly a walk in the park was it? I followed
at a distance.

Becka M

CRINGE-WORTHY

I am a good friend to Ruth, too good, she doesn't
deserve me, or I her. Yes Becks fixed it for her,
total humiliation hook-up with Pater-lovely!
Arse.
It was the first time I had spoken to dear Patrick
since the wedding from the Black Lagoon.
"Hey." I said unsure and embarrassed.
"Oh I wondered if you would phone, such bad
behaviour!" Then he laughed and I knew that
it was going to be ok.
"Sorry, I can't handle my drink."
"Funny I have a wife like that!" Oh so Catherine
drinks. "Still it was entertaining, you were a big
hit with that bald policeman."
"Oh?" I said my face flushing, damn that Straw!
"Yes, he said that you were his kind of woman,
whatever that may mean. Probably not your
type though, judging from the man you arrived
with."
Alan.
"Oh that was Alan, he's my boyfriend. He's
great, but not very happy with me at this
time."
"Hmm, he seems a bit too mature for you on
many levels. Still he seems a gentleman, a
lesser man might have abandoned you for
that girl without the knickers after your
little speech." He laughed again.
"No Alan hates Ruthie, talking of which."
I explained that Ruthie was a big fan of
the Conservative party (ha ha) and that
she had a special interest in politics and
wanted to have his autograph so that she
could show her fellow ladies at the WI.
I could practically see his eyebrows rise.
"Hardly-you are telling porkies aren't you?
What a lousy liar you are especially being the
daughter of a politician! Now tell me what you
want and no more embellishments. WI please!"
I groaned.
"Ruth has the hots for you, could you
meet us for a drink or something?"
I felt like a pimp and a really bad one at
that! My own Father and he was a stranger
I felt like the lowest heel ever. Practically
an espadrille.
Total silence.
"Are you there?" I asked gritting my teeth
in agony, say I lost him now because of Bitch-
face Ruth?
"Yes I was just shaking my head as I seem
to have developed galloping senile dymensia.
I could have sworn that you wanted to set
me up with that little blonde strumpet."
"I do." I whimpered.
"I don't know what to say."
"Just a drink I promise, if you like her
then you can make your own arrangements."
"My, you sound like your Mother!" He laughed:
"Oh what the hell, why not? You set it up and I
will be there. Better get some Viagra."
"Oh don't!" That was too gross.
"I'm an old guy, what is this Ruth expecting?
I'm not the most romantic of fellows."
He sounded sad.
"It will be ok, call me when you want to
go out."
So that was how we ended it.
How cringe-worthy!
Becka M