LEFT OUT OF THE LOOP

Excuse my french, but I'm well pissed off-how could
they do this to me? Bitches from hell! No I'm not talking
about Angela and Justine, no this is my own useless
friends, Alex and Ruth-cows.
Ruth phoned me:
"Hi Becks, listen New York was great, Alex is much
better so I don't want you to worry."
"I won't-now what the fuck are you talking about?"
"Don't you ever listen to your voice-mail?"
"That would be, no, never!" I had a horrible sinking
feeling.
"Well you should! A few days back Alex had an almighty
row with Sean and they've split up! Turns out he's batting
for the other side. Had to happen, handsome, gorgeous,
kind and well dressed, did I mention he smelled nice? Well
that too, so it was only a matter of time before he realized
he was gay." Ruth sounded thoughrily excited.
"Poor Alex-how is she?" How could Sean do that to her?
"Fine now, she was in a right state though. She really tried
to get you as you are her favourite, but I managed to
meet up with her in New York of all places. We got very
pissed and shopped a lot but I think she will be ok-anyway
I've brought her back and she's crashing round mine
so you can see her tomorrow."
"I would have loved to have come to New York, shit!
Meet any nice guys?" I whined.
"I did-Alex is not ready for any of that yet. We went to an
Irish pub called The Blaggards Pub and I met a very
cute barman called Emmett!" She sounded very fluttery,
daft cow!
"Emmett? That's an odd name." I laughed.
"Yes, it's medieval." Ruth explained.
"Like Baldrick? Did you shag him?" I had to ask it.
"No, but I got very pissed and was later sick down an alley."
"That's my girl! Well I'll be seeing both you guys tomorrow-oh
what about the twins?" As she was currently shagging both
of them."I've finished with them, so they will probably come back
to stay with you and Alan. How is he by the way?"
"Apart from being disgusted with me-fine! I asked him to drip
hot wax on my naked body. He was less then impressed. He looked
at me as if I was straight from the funny farm!"
"He has a point, I think he's far too vanilla for you anyway!
Look, catch you soon!" Of she twittered, the twit!
So now I am riddled with jealousy that they got to go to NY and
also sad about Alex and Sean. He was so pretty! Why can't Alan
do the wax thingy?

Becka Martin
http://blaggardspub.com