REMIND ME WHAT?

"What did you tell him?" I fumed after I had Ruth
to myself whilst laughing boy went to powder something.

"Everything, honest is the best policy in relationships."
Stated Ruth.

"Somethings are better left unsaid or at least to the
imagination! Jeez Ruth he thinks I Queen Dyke from
Lickety Split street for fuck sake!" I was fuming! Really
what a dozy bitch!

"Yeah, uh about that, I kinda changed it around a little,
I said that you were the instigator." She smiled cheesily
like a child overdosing on Babybels.

"Fuck you Ruth! So much for honesty! He gave me some Rules
to abide by if I want to remain your friend. The cheek of it!
I've known you like, forever and he's laying down the rules like
some tinpot dictator." I swigged my drink and glared.

"What did he say?" She asked.

" He said:

RULE ONE

No contact without consulting him. (I will die)

RULE TWO

We cannot be alone together (just in case I cannot
control myself around you!)

RULE THREE

Any inappropriate behaviour will lead to loss of
visiting privilege's (Like you are our child in a fucked
out custody battle)

RULE FOUR

No physical contact at all (which includes hugs kisses
the usual (so a shags out of the question)

"You don't do that anymore anyways." Said Ruth pointedly.

"That's besides the point! Let me finish.

RULE FIVE

Anything that breaches rules 1-4 could result in total
alienation.

"What does that mean?" Asked Ruth.

"That baby means we are royally screwed." How very dare he!

"Oh." Ruth smiled:"I think he's sweet." She smiled that knowing
look of the doomed.

"Sweet? S-smarmy W-wanker E-eejit E-ego T-twat! No?"

Best Becka