PIGZ OR ALL THINGS BACON


"Yea'aah!" Says Missy Elliott in my head:"This is a
one time Missy Elliott exclusive!"
But it wasn't, it was just Angela tapping me lightly with
a plastic penis to get my attention.
"I think that champagne challenge might have been ill
advised, look the pigs are coming over."
I looked and like a scene from Dawn of the Dead, Skinner,
Grady and Neck ambled towards me.
"Brains!" I shouted loudly.
"What are you like?" Said Angela but she laughed.
"What's so funny ladies?" Said Grady, he made ladies
sound like bum fluff or maybe used toilet tissues.
"Funny?" Says Angela: "Maybe the prices of these
cocktails, they are extortionate!"
Grady smiled charmingly at her:"I did not mean you
Miss, you I meant". He nudged me with his foot.
"Cat got your tongue?" Lisped Skinner, his eyes glittering
manically.
"Maybe it has, Grady's got yours, it's up his arse you
fuckwit!" I turned away and saw Neck restrain
Skinner.
"I asked you a question, what were you laughing at?"
Grady had that false Jamaican accent that he used to
intimidate lesser mortals.
Like me.
I grinned (the one he hated) and winked ruefully.
"I was just thinking what a fool Alex was to let
you go, I mean a man like you!
What was she thinking to throw it all away for a
super sexy actor rising up on the fast elevator of
success. When she could be hanging here with the
homies watching people who really shouldn't squeeze
into man-made fabrics. Strange huh?"
Angela bit a small paper parasol in half in a desperate
attempt to stop herself laughing.
I looked at Grady.
And froze.
The man was red and sweaty like a rack of bacon,
something was cooking.
Pressure cooking.
Gonna blow.

Becka M