SHAG MONSTER

"People, people who need people!" Sang Mal in a
gruff Streisand drawl.
"Shut up Mal!" I kicked him softly in the groin (not
the first time) and no he's never got an erection (with
me anyway).
"I think it's precious! You've turned your beautiful
man into a bigtime pervert!" He clapped his hands
together in joy.
"I haven't have I?" I winced, I'd really enjoyed our
time in public but really it was not everything. To me
anyway.
Alan had a different take on it.
Since that day , we had shagged in a bus shelter, a car,
a park, the garden. Almost anywhere that we might get
caught. I had created a monster!
"You wanted him more adventurous and by hell he is!
He's sexier now too, even I've noticed and skinny tall
mopey men have never been my type!"
"Thanks I'll pass that on to Al, in his present state of
mind I'm sure he'll be delighted."
"Y'think? I think you should be too! But Mickey Straw!
What a man to let go! Oh I'd love to unwrap his piece!"
Mal rolled his eyes.
"Don't be crude! Mickey wasn't mine to let go, I'm glad
it's over, sod him I say!" Did I mean it? Yes I did. Ish.
Sister-thing Raine was different.
Shocked horrified and disgusted were words that sprang
to mind.
"In front of those men?" Her eyes were wide and her
mouth had that kind of chucking up edge to it.
"Yeah, but I would have done it in front of girls, I'm not
sexist." I smirked, bad move, Raine glared at me.
"It's not funny! It's sick, sure we've all had it outside
at some point." She reasoned.
"You? You've had sex? Never!" I feigned astonishment.
"Fuck off! Nobody else grandstands it the way you
do! What were you thinking? Were you thinking? In
the old days you would have been tied to a horse's
tail and dragged through the streets!"
"That would have been cool! What was it like back
then?" I teased, she was only a couple years older, but
I could really make those years count!
"It just makes me uncomfortable, I'm used to Ma and her
men, you and yours, but this is a different level, no good
can come of this. It is bad."
"Don't be that way!" I fluffed her fluffy hair, I hated it
when we fell out.
"I'm not judging you." She said.
"You so are!" I laughed.
"Well maybe a little bit, but it's only because I'm worried
for you. I'd hoped Alan would be a stabilizing influence."
She frowned, I rubbed the crease on her forehead.
"You need botox, look Alan is good really, it's just a faze,
really innocent and silly. Like being kids."
"But you are not kids." Raine said firmly.
It was just fun wasn't it?
Alan was waiting for me when I got back home.
He passed me an envelope. I smiled and opened it.
Inside was two tickets for the Tube.
I looked at him.
He grinned boyishly.
"I thought we might check out the Central Line."
Oh dear.

Becka M
p.s do not say I'm a prude-Rainex

YOU ME AND THEM

"Go down on me, give them a heart attack!" I was
really getting into this.
Alan frowned looked at the heckling, but encouraging
fools in the window and gave them a deep bow. He
stayed down.
Deep down.
It was magic.
"Go for it!" Shouted a muffled voice.
So he did.
With precision licks and nibbles, Al made a weak
woman of me, I was howling and yanking great clumps
of his hair. I was having sex naked in front of strangers!
What the fuck?
But it was good, in a goofy, nutty, crazy 'ho kind of way.
I massaged my own titties to tease my audience, one of
them saluted with his glass and another unzipped his
dick and shook it at me. I winced, not a pretty todger.
Alan abruptly stood up bent me over and rammed me
hard, brutally, deliciously against the window.
The glass was between us but a man still tried to mouth
my nipples. They were baying like dogs. Brutal, male,
sexy, dangerous.
What a racket they were making.
"Stick it to the bitch!" Shouted one.
"Crank it up man!" Said another.
Mmm, not sex talk, this was war.
War against my cunt.
Whose side was Alan on anyway?
He was grinning. I turned around and bit his cheek.
"They are starting to turn me off." I whispered.
"Not yet! This is too good!" Alan relished every thrust.
"What a slapper! Give her some more! Twist those
tits!"
Twist those tits? Aw fuck off! I stuck out my tongue
and being deft of hip swivelled so rapidly and
abruptly Alan roared as he came. I can get a guy up
but I'm also good at getting them down when I want.
And I did.
"Shows over guys!" I said.
"Doesn't have to be!" Said one of the men: "Let's bring
in the troops!"
Alan and I looked at eachother-shit they were leaving
the window, they were moving out. We could hear them
plundering through the house. They were coming.
For me.
Maybe even for Alan.
Like scared but naughty kids we legged it as we
were, Alan trousers undone, me naked in high heels.
I scooped my dress up on the way out.
I didn't stop running inspite of a few stares from people
and someone taking my photo saying:"I love London!"
In a Polish accent. At last I could slip my dress over my
sweaty skin. Home and dry.
Well maybe not dry.
Or home.
But safe. I kissed Alan.
"You really liked that didn't you?" I said.
He pulled a face :"I did. I'm as fucked as you now."
"Never." I said and hailed a black cab.

Becka M

LICKINGWINDOWS

"Marry me straight away if you like!" I said and
bodily pushed and shoved Alan into a convenient
back garden. Very Quadraphenia, very daring!
Though this was no back alley! This was Wimpole
street! Wimp-Hole, mmm, couldn't I just?
"What are you doing?" He said in a theatrical whisper:
"We will get arrested for breaking and entry!"
"Nothing is broken, I'll focus on the entry though!"
I pulled up my skirt and lowered my peach coloured
frenchies. Alan looked defeated.
"We can't, look lets get back, we can talk, we can fuck,
not here, it's so crude, so very......." His voice trailed
off as I opened my pussy with my fingers.
"Come to Momma!" I said and my inner lips mimed the
words.
Alan looked around, the garden was very pretty, Alan
Titchmarsh and Monty Don we salute you as someone
had obviously taken your words to heart. Flowers,
water features, decking (though that is passe now)
and a beautiful willow tree.
"No, my flesh is weak:" (Not from where I was standing
it wasn't!) "I simply can't do this in a back garden! It's
seedy, it's so nasty!" He winced but his bulge was showing
bigtime! Where there is a willy there is a way. The Becka
way. Come As You Are the Nirvana song could have been
written about me, if Curt had known me he would still be
here today, still be fucked up though. I would have seen to
that!
I stood with my back against the big tree, I undid my dress
and let it fall to the ground. It was humid but my nipples
stood to attention. I tweaked them.
"Becka it's not even 4 'o'clock!" Alan wailed:" We could
get seen!" But he gravitated towards me, linked and beloved,
magnetic energy between dick and hoo-ha.
"Well you had better be quick then!" I nagged.
He groaned:"You guttersnipe! Love it rough don't you?"
He entered me smoothly.
"Hey less of the guttersnipe! I'll have you know my father
is titled!" I bit his cheek and felt the bark of the tree warm
and ticklish against my bottom. I wrapped my legs around
his back and felt him lift me practically by his dick alone,
so hard was it.
Then we heard cheering-turning we saw at least six men
laughing and encouraging us from the one of the windows!
"Shit!" Said Alan, I must admit it turned me on bigtime.
"Let's really give them something to look at." I purred
into his ear.
"My god madam, what do you have in mind?"
At last he was getting it and so was I!

Becka M

READ MY LIPS

Patrick and I made it out of the club (being briefly
stopped by Ironknickers to pay the wine bill and a
fine for smoking). Next second Mickey came running
out and grabbed me tightly.
"I'll not let you fuck up our lives girl! This is our
time now!" His eyes were flashing like fireworks
and he seemed genuine. I bit my lip and thought
of Ruthie, Alan, everything. Mickey began to try
to erase everything with passion. He kissed my face,
hair and neck frantically, for a millisecond I responded.
"Quite demonstrative isn't he?" Said Patrick
sanguinely, I rolled my eyes and snapped out of it.
"No Mick, it's over, gone, finshed!" I tried to wriggle
free but his arms were now clamped around my waist
holding me captive.
"I love you I love you I love you." He said over and
over, making me feel terrible, but what could I do?
Alan was right, Mick had had many chances with
me and he chose Sharon.
Next Alan came out, his long coat flapped like
feathers of a sad bird, he caught sight of me
being tightly held by Mickey boy and flinched.
"Wait!" I said and tore myself free from the
past. But Alan didn't wait, he kept on moving,
head down, hair hanging, if he'd been 25yrs
years younger he'd have been a Goth.
"Becka!" Shouted Mickey, I ignored him and
he didn't pursue me. Patrick waved and grinned
like a fox. The old git! Mickey shook his head
and I swear I saw tears, but it might have been
a reflection or something. Tough guys don't cry-
especially hardnosed (and arsed) cops. Not my
problem, he was over and out, but my future
was running away from me.
"Will you just wait!" I panted, Alan had even longer
legs then me, he could cover some ground! I could
hardly keep up. This went on for about 10 minutes-
at one point some Japanese tourists started to follow
us as they thought we were actually going somewhere!
They took a picture of Al though, worryingly they
ignored me. Maybe they really did think he was
Professor Snape. Or Alan Rickman, that was worrying
too as Al was more then 10 years younger.
Alan began to mutter something I could not quite catch.
"Sorry?" I said.
"No point." He said tightly:"This is going to go on and
on, this mess, all of it! Had enough Becka, can't
share you anymore, let's just finish it eh? Cleanly,
lovingly." Abruptly he stopped walking and looked into
my sweaty and red face. I was not prepare and did
not look the part for grand romantic gestures. So I
did my best. Mal would have been proud of me and
Ruthie would have chucked up.
My turn. I grabbed his ratty old coat and pulled
him to me. I could make this work, it was what I wanted.
"Read my lips, I LOVE YOU, YOU BASTARD." And
kissed him soundly. His eyebrows shot up about a
foot and I felt his mouth trying to smile under mine.
A lovely thing. But I still had work to do.

To be continued................

Becka M

TIME AND SPACE (Part Twat)

I gulped and looked at Patrick for help, he shrugged,
oh great another shrugger!
I looked at Mickey Straw so damned sure he had me
by the short and curlies the cockney bastard!
I looked at Alan, his white face set and brooding.
"It is true Mickey wants me back." I said slowly.
Alan shut his eyes like he couldn't stand the pain.
"I see." He said.
"No you don't."I reached across and stroked his face,
so thin and tight like stretched leather.
"You are the one that I want." I said then realized
what I'd said! Oh shit! In my head Travolta and Newton-
John sang away, oooh oooh oooh. I blushed. Could I fuck
it up further? What cheese could I add to this spread?
Anyone for Edam?
"Sod off!" This was Mick:"He's cheated on you with
your best friend, I would never do that!"
It was true, Alan had in a moment of complete insanity
and because she was blackmailing him, shagged Ruth.
"You have cheated with me, what about your wife!
So shut up!" I snapped. Patrick lit his cigar at the table
and grinned wolfishly:"Your turn." He said to Alan.
"My turn? Oh thank you." He said his voice dripping
with sarcasm. Patrick actually laughed. "Becka this
crazy life of yours is sending me mad! Marry me or
leave me, no more in between, I've had enough of it!
You should be ashamed!" (This was to Mickey)"Call
yourself a Copper! Hardly a pillar of the community,
more like a pimp!"
Mickey's face darkened and his eyes bulged:"You have
called me Copper one too many times son!" Next minute
his fist flew across the table and connected with Alan's
jaw with a snap!"
I shrieked and grabbed Alan to stop him from falling to
the floor. Patrick was on his feet and barred the way
so that Mickey could not get near us.
"Alan!" I cried and held his head in my hands.
"Wow that hurt!" He muttered.
A woman screamed:"Call the police!"
Mickey smiled:"I am the police ma'am, nothing to see
here."
But there was, Alan started laughing as he always does
when he gets stressed.
"Detective Straw this is quite unseemly can you desist?"
Said Patrick calmly in his politician's voice.
"Let's take it outside shall we?" Said Alan and pulled
himself up. "This is what you wanted eh Becks? Two
men fighting over you. Well you got it!"
My turn to get angry.
"You silly twat! I've never wanted that! And don't
flatter me so, I know you are fighting Mick because
you hate him, so just leave me out eh? You two hate
eachother so much there must be some sort of
primal attraction!"
"Oh explain?" Said Mickey.
"Maybe you should date eachother instead! Bum
eachother and stop fucking with my head!" I stood
up and took Patrick's arm.
"I love you Alan and I will marry you, but if you think
I'm going to watch two great oafs hit eachother then you
have another thing coming! Patrick lets leave."
"Oh!" Said Patrick:"Don't spoil my fun!"
"You sound like a vampire, leave it!" I scolded.
"I don't fancy Straw, he's bloody simian!" Muttered
Alan. Mickey kissed his teeth like a Jamaican.
"You stupid cunt! Think you are so superior." His
eyes looked like fireworks reflected in a meth's
bottle. I exhaled and started to leave.
"You walk away from me girl and that's it!" Warned
Mickey, he leaned forward:"Are you forgetting your
dear darling dada? I still haven't told you everything."
"Or anything!" I whispered back.
"What are they saying?" Demanded Alan to Patrick.
"Sex stuff I should think." Said Patrick with a nod
and tapped the side of his nose.
"Mickey, screw you. Alan when you've finished acting
like an arse I'll be at your house."
We walked through the tables like people on a red
carpet, namely everyone was staring at us.
"Don't look back." Said Patrick.
"Oh god are they still fighting?" I said and winced.
"No, they are kissing." Said Patrick, I looked at him
and we both cracked up laughing. What a life!


Becka M

TIME AND SPACE (Part Duh!)

"I see." Said Patrick and shot me a look:"So you
don't want to me to ask him to join us?"
Patrick had a mischievous sparkle in his eye, I
glared at him.
Alan jolted like he'd had an electric shot:"Go on then!
Ask the big Copper over, I'm sure Becka will be really
pleased!" The napkin was getting it now, twisted into
what looked like a noose-oh dear!
"Please don't!" I said and took a huge gulp of red wine.
But Mickey had been watching us, he swaggered
over like a wide-boy on a saturday night. He smiled at
Patrick, smirked at Alan and leered at me!
"Join us Michael." Said Patrick, this was the first time
since meeting my father that I was less then delighted,
he was acting like an arse!
"Don't mind if I do!" Mickey sat legs open wide,
absolutely the most alive and vigorous person in
the room. I felt Alan tense like a spring next to me, I
touched his hand, he was so into eyeballing Mickey
my touch made his hand jump and knock the
carafe of red wine everywhere! We looked as the red
seeped across the pristine linen, Patrick and Mickey
laughed, Alan was mortified, I was pissed off.
"Calm down!" I whispered into Alan's ear.
"Yeah! Hey presto I'm calm, look I'm sitting with
your Truncheon buddy and everything is cool!"
Alan hissed back.
A waiter quickly changed the cloth, Patrick scanned
the menu and Mickey was still giggling into his
sleeve. He pretended to cough: "Nnnnerrrd!"
It sounded like! Alan did not miss it though.
"Becka I'm sorry but really-how could you sleep
with this big ape?"
"Oh!" I said, why did I have to be dragged into this
shit? Ok ok it's all my fault-but even so!
"She said that often!" Said Mickey.
"Mick!" I said aghast.
"Too much information." Said Patrick:"I'm going
for a smoke, Rebecca if they start to fight, call
for me, I'd hate to miss anything interesting!"
"Oh like I'd fight Professor Snape here!" Laughed
Mickey cruelly and it was wrong, Alan deserved
better then that.
"You are acting like a wanker Mick! Alan go with
Patrick and have a cigarette."
"So you want to be alone with Bodie, now I
understand!"
"I just want you to calm down that's all!" I pleaded.
Patrick still hovered, really he was acting up!
"Just answer me this Detective Straw, if you care
so bloody much for Becka why did you marry
Sharon? You could have been with Becka from
school, but she's never been quite good enough
for you has she?" Alan was shaking.
Mickey stood and for once his grin was gone, his
eyes like ice.
"I'm not perfect, mistakes were made. But I
want Becka back properly, marriage even! Oh she
didn't tell you?" The grin rose triumphantly.
Alan turned to look at me.
"Say it isn't so!"
Patrick rubbed his hands together with glee.
"It's true, he does want me back." I said tightly.
"That's my girl!" Said Mickey.
Alan's mouth fell open-what happened next
oooh soon!

Becka M

TIME AND SPACE (Part uh!)

That was what I needed, time to sort out my
stupid head, space to figure out if a marriage
proposal was what I wanted. So I stalled.
"I want you to meet my father properly." I
said;"You might not want to be related to him."
Poor Patrick! So maligned because I could never
say yes to anything other then a shag!
"Oh God! You want me to ask him for your
hand don't you?" Said Alan aghast.
"No." I shook my head:"Just meet him, it's
important for me to know that you will get
along. Then I will give you my answer."
"Say we don't? Say we hate eachother's
cologne or something?" Alan's dark eyes
drove into me, he knew I was stalling.
"You both smell good, it won't be a problem."
I assured him.
"You are a cow." He said sadly, but yes I'd
talked him around and he would lunch with
Patrick and it would be all jolly good fun!
But it wasn't, it was shit!
We met in a swish private club, Tory of course,
where the receptionist was a woman with steely
eyes and hair and a bad case of pomposity.
"Yahs?" She said like a Sloane victim.
"We are here to lunch with Sir Patrick Beamish."
I said in my best pretend voice. She looked at
me doubtfully and pityingly at Alan.
"Rebecca Martin and guest?" She said looking
at my Primark dress and Alan's usual black/black
garb.
"That's us." I confirmed, I felt my head start to
sweat.
"If you would like to follow me through?" She
beckoned to us, I had an irrestistable urge to
run away, but that was childish so I resisted it!
We were led through the dark panelling and
dark leather, very old school, though with a bit
of swooshing it could have doubled as an S&M
club. Probably did.
The restaurant area was almost entirely made up
of elderly men, though some had young hot girls
with them, probably called Millie, or Flora.
Daughters I guessed, or socialite girls who didn't
mind a few wrinkles as long as the pound signs
kept rolling.
"What a fucking awful place!" Hissed Alan into my
ear. I shushed him.
Patrick sat alone looking wonderful, Peter Cushing,
Van Helsing even, more alive then any of these
stiffs.
"Sir Beamish, your guests." Said Iron Knickers.
"Thank you Emily." He said and winked, the old
crow actually blushed and ducked her head.
"May be she doubles as Money Penny to his
elderly Bond?" Offered Alan.
"Bastard." I hissed to him, he was on form I'll give
him that.
"Patrick I'd like you to meet Alan, Alan Sir Patrick
Beamish." I said without saying the Dad word.
The men shook hands. This would be good.
Then I clocked Mickey Straw staring at me from
the bar, he winked.
"What's that Copper doing here?" Said Alan.
"He's my bodyguard, why?" Said Patrick.
"Nice choice." Said Alan bitterly.
"Rebecca seems to know him ." Said Patrick keenly.
"Oh you could say that, couldn't he Becks?"
I grinned horribly.
"An old friend." I said to Patrick, he smiled
his knowing smile. Damn that Straw.
"But he was at that awful wedding the other
time and you said nothing." Said Patrick.
I squirmed on my seat this was intense.
"It's complicated." Said Alan and began to
idly pick a rose apart that dressed the
table. I looked transfixed as he wrent
the petals. Poor rose.
"Shall I ask him to wait outside if he's
making you uncomfortable?" Said Patrick
also watching those leaves fall.
"Can you make him stand in front of a
bus please?" Said Alan and turned to
stare at Mickey much as a Pitbull would
stare at a rottweiller.

Believe me it got worse.
Ciao
Becka M

THE MMM WORD

I saw the prints.
"Oh god no!" I said and looked again just incase my brain
hadn't taken in the information correctly. It had.
"Bloody hell, I look like the Child Catcher!" I wailed.
"I think you look sweet." Cooed Mal :"Like a young
Heddy Lamar, after she's had a few jars!"
Alan laughed:"I think they make you look quite
intelligent, like Barbra Streisand when she's wearing
glasses."
"But I aint wearing glasses!" I said tightly, watching the
men smirk and laugh at me. The fools.
"Well then?" Said Mal and looked at his feet.
"Indeed." Said Alan. Then they creased up. Hmm,
they were getting much too pally, I didn't think
they had any common ground. But they did have-me.
The butt of every joke and innuendo, pigs!
I'd have to have words with those twins though!
I flounced out carrying my shot-horrors.
I phoned Patrick.
"Miss you." I said.
"Shall we lunch tomorrow? Bring that man of
yours, the gloomy one."
"I'll do that, but he might put you off the food."
"I'll take the risk, need to shed a few pounds
after all." He laughed his dirty, fruity laugh.
"Not going for it are you? The PM job?"
"No! I'm much too lazy for that and I fear too
old. But never mind I've my sights set on other
pastures now." He said conspiratorially. Hmm.
I wondered just what trouble he was in, the
trouble that Mickey Straw had hinted at.
Later after Mal had left Alan sat watching
Pulp Fiction while I tried to read The Portrait
of Dorian Gray. Very apt after my photos! (Except
I was already fucked up!)
"Bruce Willis looks like your Copper friend
in this film." Said Alan. I felt my cheeks
redden, we had reached the bit when he was in
the shower.
"Oh really?" I feined disinterest.
"You know he does!" Said Alan and hit me on
the back of the head with the banana skin
he had in his hand.
"Do you mind? I'll get all that gunk in my hair!"
This seemed to be a secret signal for him to
go beserk!
He pinned me on the floor and dangled the
already minging peel onto my face.
"Yuck! Stop it!" I spluttered.
Next minute I'd grabbed the front of his shirt
and not realising my own strength had torn
it open, pfhth, went the buttons.
"Sorry." I said cheesily.
"That was a Saville Row! Come here!" Alan
tore off my brand spanking new Juicy Courture
T Shirt right down the middle!
"I'll give you bananas!" Said Alan and reached
for a fresh one. The glint in his eye was wicked.
"Don't peel it!" I warned:"Ruth had one break
inside of her once."
"Lovely, now open wide for the dentist man!"
He eased the fruit gently inside of me, the skin
felt very cold, that alone was a huge turn on.
With one hand he worked the banana gently,
this was not rape by fruit but seduction, he
gently parted my hoo-ha with his other hand
and caress the sodden folds.
"Ahhh." I'm too easy, wish I could hold back
more, his tongue lapped at my edges like
a cat drinking milk:"Mmm, nice." I murmured.
"Manage two?" He said and for a horrible moment
I though he was going to shove one up my arse!
But no, he meant his own, personal banana.
This fitted very well into my ready lips.
"I fucking love you!" He said in a mock chav voice.
When he came it hit the back of my throat almost
choking me, he pulled me up and swiftly removed
the banana. Alan held me against his warm lovely
chest.
"Marry me?" He said.
I said:"!!!!!!!"

Becka M