ANOTHER FINE MESS

I am in a toilet cubicle and I am sucking a particularly
fine dick. How did this startling event come about?
And whose dick was I licking? All shall be revealed in
the fullness of time.
So there we are, me resplendent in Ruthie-stylie black
and Rhonda Redbuns dressed up like the green giant.
(But not so jolly.)
Where did we go? To LilacLace of course! I hadn't even
entered the building since all the unpleasantness, but
Rhon thought it would be good saturation therapy.
A distinct character change as a female, perhaps not for
the best- she came across like a bossy mad aunt.
Neck on the doors eyes widened when he saw me. (They
nearly fell out when they saw Rhon!)
"Fuck." He said, I winked at him and linked arms with
my amazing pal and waltzed passed him with my nose
in the air. What I didn't expect to find was Grady standing
there like an egg-shaped epi-centre of evil (how many
e's did I use then?)
"You've a nerve!" He said and his fat shook in angry
little riverlets, for some reason his flesh looked
succulent, like roast pork with crackling or maybe it
had been a long time since I had eaten.
"I've many, so many I've got a bloody nervous system!
Can't believe you're here Grady, I expected you to be
playing pass the soap with the rest of the Brixton
custodial!"
Grady's face grew red and sweaty like a tomato put
in a microwave. Ouch.
"You dirty ho!" He said and clearing his throat spat
directly into my surprised face. Before I had time
to react Rhonda grabbed Grady by the throat and gave
him a Glasgow kiss. Grady slipped to the floor, weebles
wobble but they don't fall down, oh yeah?
"Fucking hell!" I said.
Rhonda looked around panicking that someone might
have seen it happen.
"Ah shit Becks! I'm on probation I simply canna get
arrested!"
"Why did you headbutt the tosser for?" I shrieked.
"I'll not be havin' anyone spit on , ma friend!" He
looked so shy and vunerable, I gave him a quick
hug. Auntie Becks could make it better.
"I'd say let's scarper but it's not that simple, it's
probably on that CCTV camera up there." I lit a
ciggie:"I've a plan."
After Rhonda pushed and pulled Grady under a table,
we set our plan in action. First of all we needed to
get a diversion going.
"I'll do it-it was my fault." Breathed Rhon.
I flinched:"Hon I think this is my call, you go wait
for me outside."
"The fuck I will!" The voice was entirely male and
stubborn. Men!
"Ok! Look see that very handsome barman there?
Yeah the one with the thin moustache? Go and tell
him you've found Grady under the table and that
it looks like he's had a heart attack. I'll get that tape!"
Although I am no prude, sometimes my decisions
are not technically or ethically sound. If I actually
thought about my actions I really wouldn't get out
of bed in the morning! I had to do something low,
something base, but I had a friend in need to spur
me on. I was going to have to blow the security guard.


Becka M