CHRISTMAS SLOPPING

'Here's the season to be jolly, tra-la-la-la whateva!'
You know I think if Scrooge was a current fella,
I'd date him, he wasn't half as bad as Dickens
said. I mean it's like Christmas! You must be happy,
it's the law! What's that? Have a mince pie, no room
for sadness, ill health or bereavement at Christmas.
But then I'm a misery after all.
Guilt issues aside (Sharon)I would feel happier.
But Christmas is not geared to single lonely folk,
involved in complicated murder cases.
Never see Alex now, she seems to have moved in
permanently with Grady-chops, a man singularly
suited to swimming the Channel. Lard would not be
an issue. Ruthie is walking around with a twinkle in
her eye, so I guess she's up to something. Not that
I care, silly cow.
Mother phoned the other day, I thought it was a
man at first. Nearly right.
Anyway, she is coming around to see us soon-
Raine is not happy, she's thinking of going
to a Kibbutz or something.
Saw Alan today and it was painful.
I was chatting to Zoey, who was very sad that snow
had to be white. When Alan walked past the counter,
he hadn't noticed me but: "Hey!" I said. He turned
sharply and seeing it was me, smiled.
"Becka. And how are you?"
I must admit he looked rough, hair unkept, a wispy
stubbly growth covering his chin and top lip.
But he was still my Boo and my Baby-boy.
"I'm great! What are you doing here?" I could feel
my bottom lip trembling.
He smiled and raised a couple of carrier bags.
"That time of year right? Got to do it."
"I haven't even started yet!" I laughed nervously.
"That's just like you." His eyes sparkled:"Anyway,
I must get on. Lots more to do."
My heart was doing a pitter-pat thing.
"Maybe we could have a drink or something?
Hasn't got to be today!" I said hastily.
Alan smiled sadly:"No, I don't think that would be
a good idea-do you?" He had such need in his voice,
but he was passing me the responsibility. You know
me.
"Maybe not." I said ruefully:"Then I kissed his
rough cheek which felt thinner then ever. "Take
good care of yourself and have a really good
Christmas if I don't see you before. Tell the twins
to cook for you , your getting skinny!"
He kissed me firmly on the lips:"Will do. I hope
you get everything you want, this Christmas
and forever, I mean that Becks, I've only ever
wanted the best for you."
"I know that!" I clutched the front of his frankly
dreadful old tweed coat and felt wretched. If
I wasn't such a slut, if he hadn't slept with Pru.
It was there, the love, really there, everything I had
ever wanted. Yet it was out of reach-pushed away
by other people, was it really too difficult to pull
it back? It was for now-perhaps later, I could make
it all stop but: "Love you." I said and
let him move away from me.
"Look after your little self." He said, his shoulders
seemed to sag, then he was lost in a tide of shoppers.
'Little self', who else but Alan would call a geezer bird
like me that? Who else would I let call me it?
"Fucking hell." Said Zoey, who was listening with tears
shining in her eyes. I couldn't deal with her as well.
"Coffee" I said and slouched off to Starbucks,
I would need a latte the size of my head to make
this feel better, oh and a really nice doughnut for
Justine-still hadn't given up on her entirely.
She was worse today, for all my Zombie jokes
aside, she looked like shit. And she smelt terrible-
like mildew. Justine looked like I felt- bah humbug!
Becka Martin

p.s Mickey Straw phoned.
"Oh sweetness and light? Your'd better get you
arse over to the Station. Wait to you
see this picture, it will turn you over!" He chuckled.
So something to look forward too.