CARRY ON TWINS

Spent the last couple of days with a stupid grin on my face-
that and playing Monopoly with my nephew Aidan which is
enough to turn your brain to gloop.
I had better fill you in on what went on the other night, well
after catching a cab (probably the thickest cabbie in London)
we arrived at The Twisted Gut.
I felt like a movie star with such handsome young men,
everyone stared (that would be the man with the dog on the
string and Big Shirl who tutted away like a barn owl).
I did not care one jot, the boys were obviously trying to get me
drunk to have their wicked way with me which was not
working but I was getting plenty of free booze out of it.
Then Ruth came in dressed up to the nines in a dress that
screamed 'Fuck me now!' she marched up to and jabbed a
finger in my chest.
"I thought you were dead."
"No-just in Cornwall."
"I hop you brought me back some fudge." She flicked her
fringe to get a better look at the boys.
"I did, but I ate it, it was far too good for you." I said and
sipped my brandy and coke.
"Bitch! Who are the hotties?"
"They are the twins, Quinn and Jude, hey boys this is Ruthie,
your'd better watch her."
"We are." Said Quinn and pulled Ruth into a sitting position
onto his lap.
"Cheeky!" She yelped but stayed put, somehow I ended up
perched like a budgie on Jude's lap. I think he was the sexiest
of the pair, his eyes had a devil's glint in them.
Spent an enjoyable hour wriggling around on Jude and listening
to Quinn and Ruthie bitch at eachother like an old married
couple. I was suddenly aware I was being watched, Alan stood in
the door way like a prophecy of doom. Freaked, I stood up.
"What the hell do you think you are doing you little shit?"
He snarled, I was so drunk I thought he was talking to me
(Jude actually) but I rose to the occasion (like Jude had been
doing).
"Shut up Alan! Go and talk to your middle-aged Vampire,
I've wasted far too much time with you!" Which I had.
"That's it!" Alan grabbed me up by the front of my top and
yanked me upright. "Your coming home!"
Jude and Quinn protested, Ruthie giggle and screamed like a
harpie.
"You can all go to hell, she's going home now!" Roared Alan,
boy was he pissed off. Outside was his car which he pushed
me into roughly. I Kept falling asleep on the way home, but was
all the time aware that he was seething.
When we got back to his place, he helped me in and pushed
me again roughly to the sofa. He was really acting out of
character. I liked it truth be told, it was turning me on bigtime.
"Hard man!" I giggled and stuck out my tongue, he lightly
slapped my face.
"Yeah? Like it rough do you?"
"I do." I nodded, he pulled my head back by my hair.
Next moment he was tearing and I do mean tearing my clothes
off, all my rape fantasies were coming true. He frog marched me
to his room and pushed me down to his bed, grabbing the remnants
of my top he ties my hands together. His fingers began to squirm
roughly in my panties, I could feel the elastic going, then gone.
He was quite brutal, he drove his fingers deeper, brutally stabbing
into my soft flesh. He bit my breasts with vicious little nips
devouring them. Then he turned me over and entered from behind,
I really though he was going to bugger me, luckily he didn't.
It did not last long, that much excitment never does, I felt his
back arch with passion as he came ectastically.
"I love you." I murmured, my face wet with tears and sweat.
"Then marry me and stop this foolishness."
"Was that a proposal?" I gasped.
"Might have been." He unbound my hands and stroked my
face.
"If you can make love to me like that more often, then the
answer is yes!" I kissed his long nose.
"I'll see what I can do." Then it started all over again but this
time gently, cherishing every moment.
We curled up together and slept contentedly. Sated and full.
Next day I phoned Ruth to see how her night had gone as the
twins had not come home.
"I can hardly walk for all the right reasons! What a pair-
un-fucking-believable! We did it everywhere and everywhich
way. Even a spit roast!" Ruth is so rude, that's why I like her.
"Could you tell them apart without their clothes on?"
"Yeah, Jude's dick bends to the left and Quinn's to the right!
I think I'm in love!"
"With both of them?" I gasped.
"Shame to split up such a pretty pair."
So stay tuned for the latest installment.
Becka

I HATE THAT WOMAN

Bloody Pru! Just hearing her name make's me feel
sick-Alan came back looking ruffled and flustered and
I'm not altogether sure that something might be going
on.
"What did the bitch want? You again I suppose?" I snarled
like a rottweiler. Very attractive, lots of teeth and spit
involved.
"As a matter of fact she did." He smiled at me and the very
hint of a self-satisfied smirk touched his lips sending me
over the edge.
"You told her you were with me right?" I demanded.
"I did." he said not offering anything else in return.
"You git." I muttered and grabbed my denim jacket (Diesel,
very nice) :"I'm going up the pub." You know me, always
the runaway.
"Becka, please calm down, the twins are looking at you!"
He whispered imploringly.
"Sod the twins! Sod you too, I'm off to The Twisted Gut
to see real people!" I don't know why I said that, it sounded
a bit sad, still, it was said.
I stormed off, then remembered that I would have to get a
cab, shit, I forgot that I didn't life within spitting distance
anymore.
"Hey wait up!" Said a male voice. Jude was running to catch
up with me, followed closely by Quinn.
"We thought you might like some company." (This was Jude).
The both linked arms with me, it was like being in a twin
sandwich. Kind of yummy and definitely not low fat.
"Poor Alan, I should go back, say sorry. I was totally out of
order."
"Nah, let him stew, drink with us." (This was Quinn).
So I did.
Becka

RETURN OF THE QUEEN

Mega sulking does not become me (along with haunted hair
extensions) and an unerring way of pissing Alan off. We've
only been back together for like, 2 minutes when Pru, queen-
bitch of the has-beens phones up again!
"Tell her to fuck off!" I growled, unfortunately this was in the
presence of the sexy twins. They laughed at me!
"Ssh Becka!" Said Alan:" Sorry Pru, continue, oh yes, Becka
is back." She was talking about me!
"Damn right!" I said loudly, Alan waved his hands in a theatrical
way, I ignored him. The twins tittered loudly, he glared at them.
"Do you think that's wise? I can't talk you out of it?" Alan
frowned: "Alright then, I'll meet you at The Melba in 30
minutes. Yes I understand!" He hung up and looked at me.
"I don't!" I squeaked.
"You don't what?" Said Alan, I could see the other two were
watching intently, a little drama unfolding before their eyes.
"I don't understand! Why are you seeing the horrible cow
anyway?" I sounded like a spoilt child, I did not give a toss.
"Because she wants me to! I won't be long and I'm sure the
boys will keep you amused , won't you?"
Both men affirmed this, but there was a slight redness to
Quinn's face and a twinkle in Jude's eye.
"Alan that woman is trouble." I warned.
"I know that!" He snapped and ran a hand through his hair:
"You have nothing to worry about-really."
"Everytime someone says that my life gets worse." I groaned.
"Don't be a big girl." Said Alan slamming the door as he left.
"Ah poor baby!" Said Jude and placed his arms around me,
which was not unpleasant, just unexpected. I wriggled free.
"Ah thanks boys, I'll just have a lie down."
"Fancy any company?" Said Quinn and Jude nudged him
reprovingly. I just fled.
Twins, beautiful, sexy and dead odd-these ones were at any
rate!
Becka

JUSTINE (CASE)

Apart from my hair singing 'Cotton eye Joe' all night long,
it's been a totally fucked couple of days. Firstly mending my
sore arm then having to bite the bullet and return to work.
What a nightmare! Angela had found a replacement in my
absence in the form of a putrid Justine. I felt shocked what
little snakey bitch! Would she jump in my grave so quickly.
We looked eachother up and down in horror and distaste,
much like two dogs circling eachother. She was good I must say,
in a French navy coloured suit and her fluffy hair tamed and tied
back. Totally different from her bubble-gum persona.
"Oh it's you." She said.
"And it's you. What the fuck are you doing in Angela's office?"
I'm not stupid, but I wanted to hear it from her own poison lips.
"After you went gallivanting with your fancy man, Angela
decided that I could assist her. We've been getting on famously."
Her smug face was just about fist sized.
"Does she call you 'Spiky love-muffin?' Or perhaps Tigergirl? No,
in your case it would probably be 'Zombie-baby' or Necro-woman."
I grinned at my own wit. I wished I hadn't, Angela Grade stood
glowering in the doorway like the world's scariest continental quilt.
"Becka! That is no way to talk to my personal assistant you should
apologise immediately if you value your job." I saw her for what she
was a fat, unhappy, powercrazed bitch. But I did feel regretful.
"I do value my job, however putting Justine in my place is plain
mean, you know we don't get on. I find that rather spiteful."
"She's been doing an excellent job. Very good indeed." Boasted
Angela. Justine grinned and blushed and I kind of knew then, that
it had gone beyond a professional relationship. Justine was straight
though-just very ambitious, exactly what I'm not.
"I see." I emptied my drawer into my handbag, not much really,
a calculator from the Pound shop and a half eaten Mars bar. Oh and a
spare tampon (because you never know).
"Do you want to go back to your counter?" Said Justine, gosh she was
hitting me where it hurt. As I would with her if I had the chance.
"I'd rather suck eggs through a straw from a donkey's backside."
"I'll take that as a 'no' then?" Justine grinned and standing behind
Angela she winked lewdly at me. I had no illusions, there was very
little difference between Justine and myself other then total laziness
on my part.
"I'm sorry you are leaving." Said Angela, I think she meant it, but I
was hurt.
"Yeah right!" I left them standing together, the most unlikely couple
ever! I felt hurt and humiliated (not in a nice sexy way) more of a
crushing sense of being let down. It was Angela who had pulled me
from the shop floor and pursued me. She had done all the running.
"I hope you two are really happy together. In Hell!" I threw a chair
through the window smashing the glass and left with my head held,
well quite low really.
I rode home slowly on my Vespa, home to Alan who would feed me
chocolate ice cream and rub my belly for me.
I noticed a rather grand Range Rover parked outside.
I entered and could hear raucous male voices.
"Becka! " Said Alan in surprise and kissed me on the forehead:
"What are you doing home?"
I noticed two extremely and I mean extremely handsome young
men sitting on the couch. Identical in everyway. Twins.
"Um, I'll tell you later, are you going to introduce me to your friends?"
"Friends?" Alan laughed and the young men sniggered.
"No Becks, these are not friends! My cousins, Jude and Quinn."
"Ah, I see." I smiled and blushed, shaking their hands.
"They will be staying a few days, hope you don't mind?"
"No of course not."
It would be nice to have them around the operative word being
'Have'. (Only kidding!)
Becka

I FELL ON MY BUM......

Well I did and very hard too, from the top of the stairs
to the bottom. Chipped my elbow and dented my pride, Alan
thought it was quite funny though. Spookily enough I've been
feeling very down ever since....it's that feeling that life can
change at any moment and I wasn't even pissed (which was a
first). Maybe I just miss being in Boscastle.
Hey! Have you seen the news about Cornwall and the flooding?
Bloody hell, we were there, we only missed it by a couple of days!
Oh I didn't tell you much about Gus did I? Very blond very buff as
in (buffoon). Tried it on with me in the sand dunes, very
suggestive he was too. Alan had been sent off to buy ice cream
and ciggies, lovely having a slave and here I was sitting on the sands
with this bronzed god of a man. He spoilt it though when he opened
his mouth, you would have to gag him for sure if you had a
relationship with him. He was way too thick even by my standards.
So there I was in my almost see-thru string bikini (with my troll's
hair standing out wildly) and my blue sunglasses. Gus sits down
(on top of me-as they do) I resisted, honestly I did!
"Get off you big perve!" I shrieked, thoughrily delighted by the
attention though, I could feel him working down my briefs and
the sand scratching my arse.
"You love it you little slag." He laughed, I punched him as hard
as I could in the balls. He sat there grunting and swearing until
Alan arrived with dripping ice-cream and more importantly my
menthol ciggies. He peered at his friend.
"Gus are you alright? You've gone quite red, perhaps you've
had too much sun?"
Gus nodded and shot me a look from hell, I would pay for that
ball bashing no doubt.
I licked the running cornet still cluctched in Alan's hand, I did
suggestive things with my tongue, aware that both men were
watching me. It was a good holiday.
Oh and the hair belongs to a Russian bird called Olga, I know
this because she is haunting me. She thinks I'm a slut.
As if...
Becka

BABUSHKA YA YA

Well I'm back and nobody missed me in blogosphere! Had a
brilliant holiday though in Cornwall, although my hair is still
freaking me out.
1./ Because it's haunted and belongs to a Russian peasant woman
2./ Because it's not quite real hair and I've looked more troll then
human of late with my big old hair and severe sunburn. Who knew
the West Country would be so hot?
3./ I'm still not used to the new length and have nearly strangled
myself in my sleep.
The cottage we stayed at was more like a stately home. How could
they call this crumbling palace a cottage? Rich people huh!
It was owned by Alan's friend who was very Brideshead revisited
i.e English , handsome and impossibly gay. (I was wrong about the
gayness part though-tell you later) Best holiday in years though
apart from a plague of wasps scared me half to death, I fell down the
stairs on numerous occasions, drank my weight in brandy oh yeah-and
I shagged Alan!
Will write more tomorrow-you have been warned!
Becka (naughty girl)Martin

HOLI-DAZE

Woke up this morning to find Alan sitting on the end
of my bed smiling and holding a tray of coffee and peanut
butter toast (smooth-I hate that crunchy shit).
"Still love the hair." He said with a smile, I had to stop
myself dragging him into bed with me, although god, I
wanted to! Talking of hair-do you think hair can be haunted?
This was off a real person, who was to say that they could be
dead? Anyway it's spooking me out-I have ghost hair!
"Listen, I have a surprise for you."
"Yeah? That's great I love surprises." I remembered the
Vespa he had bought for me.
"I've been speaking to your Boss Angela. Don't look so
worried! She's agreed to give you some time off. I'm taking you
on holiday, I need one and you deserve one for putting up with
me." He kissed my hand, hey I never knew the nerves there
contacted to my hoo-ha before! Master Skinner was becoming a
memory (a niggly one though-I had destroyed his card, but still
remembered his phone number) Alan was my destiny.
"Where are we going?" I hoped that it would be somewhere
involving long flight delays.
"Cornwall." he said firmly.
"Cornwall?" I tried to smile but my mouth wouldn't let me.
"Yes it's a cottage in Tintagel owned by my friend Gus, your'll
love it-the place of myths and legends, King Arthur, the Knights
of the round table." His eyes shone, but he won me over.
"Has it got shops?"
He patted my head like you would do to a young child-or an
idiot.
"So your friend owns this place, tell me are all your friends
rich?"
"Yes-pretty much." He admitted.
"Except me." I said proudly.
"My little Gutter Rose." He smirked and then went off to pack.
So I won't be writing for awhile off to fester in the West Country!
Do try to cope without me (yeah like anyone reads this much!)
I will miss you and Raine will be glad to recover her computer
for awhile. My hair is still freaking me out.
Becka